Motivation/Success for people like me?

mickeywolfie

Before I start...yes,I know people have it worse than me. I know there are people that need to lose like 100+ pounds and all of that and people that have fought through worse. I hope I don't sound too whiny.

Hi! I've been off and on this for years. I've never stuck with it longer than maybe two weeks. I've had a rough few years (abuse,messed up in college, etc) and i'm finally in a positive place where I can focus. I have a 9 month little girl that's amazing and super active. I'm also in college again but taking online classes. I just turned 22 so I'm happy I've been able to mature rather quickly and now i'm setting my life back up. After a terrible event, I was told that I have an Anxiety disorder and PTSD (not war-related, I was almost killed by my daughter's father). So it's hard for me to go out and not freak out about how I look or I just avoid everything that would have to do with people looking at me. I workout here where I live until I get my own place again and i'm not able to just go to the gym whenever but there is exercise equipment here, the basics. I also have a horrible habit of starting things and then stopping them, but then I move onto something else. When I'm having an anxiety attack, I tend to stress-eat and I feel like crap afterwards.

I was doing good for the first week I believe and I find myself starting to drift again. I keep hearing words echoing to me when I was in that unhealthy relationship about how I maybe I shouldn't work out or maybe I should just enjoy eating the junk food, who cares, if no one likes me if I get terribly overweight then whatever. Part of my issue, even though I've never been told i'm "fat" or ugly, I feel like I am. I've been called "thick" though but I look in the mirror and I just point out all the fatty parts of me. I've been exercising at least once a week though for about an hour or two. I'll do burpees,push-ups,sit-ups, get on the treadmill (i'll jog on there for about 10 minutes), yoga with my daughter or walk around the house carrying her with me (she's close to 20 pounds now). My eating habits are getting better..before, I was eating lots of junk like honeybuns, swiss rolls, lots of quick microwave meals, etc. I've noticed after tracking for a while that my issue is snacking and not having actual meals. I completely skip breakfast because I sleep in until like 10am, but i'm trying to change that so my daughter can have a good schedule and not end up like me. For snacks, I've switched to having things like Fiber One bars, Nutrigrain bars, yogurt, things like that. But I'm still having issues eating actual meals. The only times I have a real meal are when I go out with someone once a week and we eat out. I'm completely lost on even how to lose weight other than "burn more than you eat, 3500 cals=1 pound lost" but how do people even burn that much? I've even heard it doesn't matter what you eat if you want to lose weight, it's about how much you eat and how much you burn. But I want to lose weight AND eat healthily.

But I have this amazing little girl now and a family that cares and someone special who also cares, so I want to stick with it and stick through this time. I'm 210 right now. Ultimately, I want to be down to at least 150-160, though i've seen that for my height, a healthy weight should be 140 (I'm 5'3). Now, thickness runs in my family. The smallest I've been was 180 and that was after I had my baby last year. I kept losing weight during my pregnancy because I had horrible nausea and I was not eating a lot due to that so my baby girl was taking all of my nutrients and I didn't have much for myself. Then I had her and that really made me go to 180. I've been breastfeeding ever since too so that's probably why I'm not going over that 210 yet. I feel horrible realizing that I gained 30 pounds in about 8 months. Stress, that horrible event happened, and more. People are a bit shocked when I say what I weight. Because I don't look skinny, but I don't look too overweight..I can't fit the plus-size clothing at stores, they're too big. But I can't fit the super skinny stuff either. So it makes shopping a little hard to get like a medium or large shirt and like go to another section to get bottoms. I have an hourglass figure, I finally measured myself again and it is hourglass lol, I'm not sure if that's good or not.


Is there any hope for this anxiety-ridden mother? lol

gothicfires

I'm not going to even say that I know where you are coming from. I've been in a relationship that was unhealthy and had alot of verbal abuse but I vowed when I was five years old and my aunt's boyfriend put her in the hospital that no man would ever hit me. So I'm probably not someone you will add to your friends list

but

As a 42 year old physically disabled person who has experienced her share of physical and emotional pain there are times in life when you just have to make up your mind that you are going to do something regardless of how tough it is. You have a baby daughter. Until she is 18 years old she needs to factor in every choice you make. Are you going to continue to beat yourself up over this bad relationship and teach her that is how she should deal with things or are you going to be that shining example of what you can do when you care about yourself and you don't give up.

I have a motto: You only fail when you quit. Now go be that woman that you want your daughter to be when she grows up.

petstorekitty

Success can happen for you. It will be hard and dont let that part discourage you. keep in mind you're not alone in all this. Baby steps. Read as much as you can and apply whatever works for you. I found it helpful to find ppl who are similar to me that have had success. Im working with some PTSD and anxiety myself. Ive finally started therapy. Just like with my desire to lose weight i desire to get better and it's truly hard, but not impossible. Just gotta keep trying.

CSARdiver

I've worked with survivors for over 20 years - helping with awareness, self defense, legal defense, and simple hand holding. There are several great self defense courses on campus that are cheap and can be very effective depending on the instructor. There are many more people going through this than you know - reach out to a group and build up a support network.

Work out with your baby as much as possible. My youngest is 19 months now and we do calisthenics every morning.