How do I fix the inside while I lose weight?

Love_Is_My_Fuel

It's been a few months since my husband and I made the decision to change our lifestyle. He's already at his goal and is now toning up. I am so far from my goal and my self esteem just seems to be getting lower and lower as I lose weight. I am very hard on myself and put myself down a lot. It makes him mad that I am always commenting on how slow this weight loss is for me and he lost his weight so fast and it was easy because I was doing everything for him. He ate exactly what I eat to lose his weight and didn't work out at all until recently when he wanted to tone up. I don't feel attractive or notice big changes in my body, when I look in the mirror I see no changes. Everyone else is commenting on the weight loss but why can't I see it? Why can't I be happy for myself??

operation_cute

Have you taken progress pictures? I've seen a difference in my progress pics after just 10 lbs But I don't see it in the mirror, the progress is so gradual its hard to see in real time, but seeing it up against a before helps so much!!

btw 29 lbs is awesome! Keep working towards your goal, and don't compare your progess to anyone's but your own Men naturally have an easier time losing weight anyways, my boyfriend doesn't even have to try and he loses Men!

butterflyluv1218

We are our own worst critics. I'm sure it's frustrating for you that your husband met his goal so much faster. Nature of the beast unfortunately. I see you've lost almost 30 lbs. That's definitely something to be proud of. When you eat right be proud. When you bust your *kitten* exercising be proud. You will one day get to where you need to be for you. You just have to learn to love you. Don't compare your progress to your husbands. Compare it to the old you.

Sparlingo

I'm a big fan of measurements and progress pictures. They tell a more complete story than just the scale .

That said, you need to recognize the small victories and celebrate the heck out of them. Eating well consistently for longer than ever before in your life? Way to go!!! Down a size? Awesome!! Can lift heavier things or run just a bit further or faster? Yay!!

I'm serious . Love yourself, give yourself permission to have this change take as long as it takes (it's worth every day, and you plan to keep it up for life anyway).

Accept the compliments from friends and your husband without question or qualification.

And congrats on your success so far, because you ARE a success!

GormanGhaste

Looks like we're in a similar situation, you are just further along than we are. My other half is going to get to goal before me, and I will take a *long* time to get to mine. For me, there's a bit of a disconnect, because once I started making changes, I immediately *felt* so much better, but I know I'll probably have to drop another 30 lb before I *look* noticeably better. Sending you a FR.

Love_Is_My_Fuel

I regret not taking a before picture at the beginning...only one I have at my biggest weight was when I was pregnant with my son. I have a picture from a couple weeks ago in my sports bra at all angles so I have my kinda before pictures to hopefully see some progress in the next one's I take in a couple weeks from now.

bregalad5

You just have to learn to love you. Don't compare your progress to your husbands. Compare it to the old you.

Definitely this. It's something I'm really working hard on right now as well, especially because a) I don't see it and b) no one else seems to see it (when I get excited that I lost another few pounds, people just say, "oh").

Look at how far you've come, instead of how far you have to go.

uortian

Hi Christina. I read your post and feel for you. First of all, I think it's great that you lost 28 pounds so far! (And you look fabulous in your pic, btw.) Secondly, I wish I could tell you I've been there and what not, but truth be told, I haven't. I have never ever dieted before...and it is starting to show the older I get. I was a competitive swimmer as a kid up into my teens, so I always was able to eat whatever I wanted to. In my 20's, I was still able to maintain a good shape because I held my weight well. Now, in my 30's, I'm suddenly like, "Holy crap! What happened?!?" I look in the mirror and see that I am, in fact, chunky. I used to be able to kind of play it off with little fashion tricks, but when I broke my leg, that all went out the window. (I used to wear wedge heels and jeans to elongate myself...goodbye heels.) Oh yeah, and I gained a good 20 pounds or so. Not good.

The only thing I can tell you is that in spite of feeling like I am not looking my best, I still look at my husband and know that he loves me no matter what. I also know that if I push myself, I can do anything. I am barely starting this MFP thing, so I am telling myself that the results will not come overnight. My physically fit friends are also reminding me, "What matters is that you start exercising and feeling more energized and healthy. It's not about the jean size."

So my advice would be to not compare yourself to your hubby. My husband was getting on the elliptical after me every night and I immediately heard everyone telling him, "You're losing weight!" Uh, yeah...no one looked at me and said, "Good job!" If anything, I let it motivate me to keep going. I truly don't own a scale, but may need to buy one just to check if I'm losing anything, but I won't be standing on it every day. I've gone years without owning one and am okay with that.

My other advice would be just like I mentioned before, remind yourself that it is not about the jean size. It's about being healthy. I mean, wow! You've lost almost 30 pounds! I just want to lose 5 pounds to start with. So long as I start to feel it in my clothes, it's all good. Take it one day at a time. Fixing the inside won't happen overnight either. If anything, just know that reading your post gave me more motivation to keep going, as well. I mean, you've accomplished quite a feat in what you've done so far. Give yourself props for that!

Again...one day at a time.

amandacepstein

I noticed that when I lost weight In the past I sometimes felt worse about my body and the closer I got to goal the harder I was on myself. I still didn't look like what I wanted to. It's taken many years to be comfortable with myself at my size, however it may vary. The journey to self acceptance is worth it, and I treat myself better than ever, including making sure I keep good food in the house, stay active, lift weights, see friends, buy clothes that fit, etc. I am bigger than I ever was before, but I like myself more. And I agree with a pp, compare and despair.

cynthiadmail

Your not alone, I am the same way. But all we can do is keep on going. One day our minds will catch up to our bodies. Its so hard, you just want to feel it and see it but you dont.
Eventually thou it will happen. So just keep going day by day, just day by day. I wish you that clarity to see and feel it. I know I cant wait for that day to come myself.

MommaChocoLatte

I agree with everything that has already been said. For what it is worth... I think you are gorgeous. Your smile... is just, wow!

But I totally understand how you feel My self esteem was in the toilet.. no matter how many people told me how beautiful I was, I never really believed them because I didn't feel it. Not even from my own husband... hell ESPECIALLY coming from him. You will start to heal though... I am working on that as well. I am starting to feel better about myself. It just takes time and lots of patience.

Feel free to send me a friend request if you like.. I am always up for new friends and I am here every day.

laurynwithawhy

All good advice above. I can agree. When I lost weight the first time, a few years ago, I was so focused on some crazy goal that I couldn't appreciate how far I'd come and the great work I'd done. I had lost 40 pounds, but because it wasn't 60 it meant nothing to me. It took me gaining back half the weight to realize that I was good enough. I was able to do it, and I could do it again. I was finally able to appreciate every step of my hard work. The fact is, we start where we start and we work our way up. It's not a race, it's not a competition. It's a journey. It might take you a few years to lose the weight. But you will lose it and you will be proud of yourself. Just keep at it!

Prephred

My husband lost a 130 lbs in a little over a year. I ate the same stuff and maybe, maybe lost 10-15 lbs. He couldn't understand it. (and sometimes still doesn't). Your body is totally different than a man's hormonally. Your body fights you because it wants the extra padding for when you get pregnant. That being said, I have started losing weight. I had been starving myself for years and had messed my metabolic rate up physically. It was also messed up medically but that was a different issue.

When I came here, and started eating more like I was supposed, I started losing weight again. You are losing weight, as shown by your ticker. You are doing it. It's going to take a while. If you get to being down on yourself (I do negative self-talk for weight as well as other things) get up and go do something, anything but reach for the cabinets. Be it listening to music, walking around the block, calling a friend, lol doing house work (although I always seem to put this one off), something to focus you on something different then being down on yourself. This is hard to do. (Which is why I usually pick something out of the house, so I can't stay in bed or on the couch and mope.)

I also find that I do better if I keep a gratitude journal. I write down something when I come across something to be grateful for. Sometimes it is just the fact I was able to get the dishes done. Sometimes it staying under calorie on a day I have to be out all day and evening. Sometimes it is the fact my friend chews me out for doing stupid stuff . Sometimes it is a prayer. Just whatever you are grateful for. Some days it is little things, and some days it might be big. Then when I get down, I go read my journal and then I don't feel so bad.

Hang in there, we are pulling for you. Add me as a friend if you want.

celtbell3

Measurements are far better indicator (IMO) than the scale of the hard work you're doing. Stay as positive as possible and try to believe what others are telling you - soon you will truly believe. Good luck! 29 lbs is nothing to gawk at! :happy:

KathleenKP

"How do I fix the inside while losing weght?"

The answer involves time. My own journey has taken almost 21 months so far. I really am glad it has taken so long becuase the internal changes do not happen overnight. For me, the slower loss allows time for those internal changes, which is what I believe will be the crucial thiing for me in maintaining my loss. So don't beat yourslef up over it taking longer. Enjoy the journey and the new lifestyle you are learning how to live.

vrmqueen

I so agree with what everyone has said so far. I will add if you don't learn to embrace your beauty now, you may be shocked to find yourself not feeling as fulfilled as you thought you would be from being thinner. Don''t get me wrong being thinner (the right weight) can feel good and is healthy.

Embracing your beauty starts by accepting that God made you beautiful- just as you are. From that stand point you can address or correct your physical and any other issues.

There used to be a time that even though I was losing weight, it was just never fast enough for me. The funny thing is, I weighed less than I am now and everything felt like WORK! I wasn't enjoying any of it.

Now, 3 months unto my journey I enjoy learning more about me- through food and sometimes I journal my thoughts. When I mess up foodwise, I don't beat myself up like I used too, I have learned to be my own friend. Instead, I try to understand why? and then find out if there is something I can do about it- like put in an extra workout. I am a foodie so I get get challenged now planning low calorie delicious meals that don't look or feel like diet food. I am about 50% of my weight loss goal and I am so glad I didn't quit when I wasn't experiencing much change despite all my hard work- because I am now...and you will too!

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and Congratulations on losing 29 lbs- That is Awesome! . I think when you hit 30 lbs you should celebrate it with some low Carb Cheesecake from Cheesecake factory and scream Woo hoo and take a picture.

Love_Is_My_Fuel

Thank you everyone for your support and kind words,,,I love this site and it's so inspiring and encouraging to read your posts.