issues u face being obese ??

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  • cleggpatricia
    cleggpatricia Posts: 1 Member
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    I agree, parents can be obtuse. However, the individual makes the choice to eat the calories (food) that it takes to weigh 20, 40, 60, and even 100s of pound over their optimal weight. For Example drinking calories causes sneaky weight gain. A single 20oz pepsi (100cals per 8oz) every day for 30 days totals 7,500 calories. Every 3,500 calories is the equivalent of a pound. So, I think absentmindedly drinking or eating calories is the root cause of obesity. We need to take charge of lives and now what we are eating and how it affects our bodies.
  • MorganMoreaux
    MorganMoreaux Posts: 691 Member
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    jasminerz2015 wrote: »
    Like for me.. my mum is the best critic for me .. thou I don't think I m that fat but she always ask me to control my diet and eat less or else I will ruin my looks .. might look older and then who z going to marry me :D

    You're Mom just wants the best for you. She probably doesn't want you to be limited in your choice of husband. I'm located in the United States so it may be different in your culture, but here you don't often see highly successful men with very obese women. She probably doesn't want you to have to settle for a husband because that is the only man who you feel at the time will accept you. I think she means well and is doing her best to try to guide you, even if it is annoying or hurts your feelings. I have seen so many women settle with men they only tolerate because they feel that no one else will have them and they aren't happy, they are then stuck in a sad situation. I recommend going easier on your Mom and looking at it from where her hearts is - she loves you and wants the best for you.

    Please note, I am not calling you obese or overweight- you look beautiful in your photo.
  • daniwilford
    daniwilford Posts: 1,030 Member
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    Being obese even overweight makes me invisible. I like that. I hope that I can handle it, if I ever catch a man giving me a once over. Maybe my age will help me. I am sad that finding a husband is the main concern of your mother. I hope for health and happiness for my daughter with or without a husband.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,996 Member
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    professionalHobbyist wrote: »
    Women often say they want to be loved as they are, and that is often said by women a bit heavy.

    But....

    Most women won't talk to fat guys

    Reality

    It is a different world after losing 125 lbs. I quietly note and observe it. Never say anything, but it is a huge difference.

    Nobody wants a fat person it seems. Harsh but aside of talking with another fat person it feels like being a social outcast.

    It has made me more thankful for the couple of people at the gym that helped me when I got started on this long road. I try and encourage new people at the gym now.

    I lost weight for me. And that was enough. The other social interaction changes are there too. Sometimes that feels nice although I know how superficial it is.

    I'm just curious if you relate to women differently at all after losing 125 lbs? (Congrats, BTW!)

    I know that when I was at a high weight and just getting back into the dating scene I had less confidence than I did a few years later.

  • 85Cardinals
    85Cardinals Posts: 733 Member
    edited July 2015
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    I've been thin most of my life. I was never that social to begin with, so the social cost of gaining some weight as I've aged is pretty negligible to me. Plus everybody ignores old people anyway. That's ok, I can still do my thing, baby!
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
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    jasminerz2015 wrote: »
    Like for me.. my mum is the best critic for me .. thou I don't think I m that fat but she always ask me to control my diet and eat less or else I will ruin my looks .. might look older and then who z going to marry me :D

    My mom was like that when i was young, my grandma was even worse. They would tell me that i needed to be thin in order to marry a rich man. They said a rich man wouldn't want a heavy girl. Those comments hurt so badly that i covered up the pain by eating more and more.
    Finally, i discovered my own self worth and realized that it didn't matter what they thought because it was my life. I was letting them get to me when i should've just told them to leave me alone.
    ( one day i escaped out of my window at 16yrs old and got married: ) it didnt matter what i weighed )
  • professionalHobbyist
    professionalHobbyist Posts: 1,316 Member
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    kshama2001 wrote: »
    professionalHobbyist wrote: »
    Women often say they want to be loved as they are, and that is often said by women a bit heavy.

    But....

    Most women won't talk to fat guys

    Reality

    It is a different world after losing 125 lbs. I quietly note and observe it. Never say anything, but it is a huge difference.

    Nobody wants a fat person it seems. Harsh but aside of talking with another fat person it feels like being a social outcast.

    It has made me more thankful for the couple of people at the gym that helped me when I got started on this long road. I try and encourage new people at the gym now.

    I lost weight for me. And that was enough. The other social interaction changes are there too. Sometimes that feels nice although I know how superficial it is.

    I'm just curious if you relate to women differently at all after losing 125 lbs? (Congrats, BTW!)

    I know that when I was at a high weight and just getting back into the dating scene I had less confidence than I did a few years later.

    It is a very legit question

    I do and it is evolving.

    I know I get treated differently. I'm having fun with it.

    I still always speak to the new overweight person at the gym.

    I don't ever want to treat people different because of weight.

    But I will go back and say MOST women don't have anything to do with a fat guy, not all.
  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,446 Member
    edited July 2015
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    ljmcf wrote: »
    I think I'm my own worse critic...it affects my social life. I get invited to parties/nights out and I make excuses not to go because I have no confidence in myself (my profile photo is me when I was a good bit slimmer - it's my motivation lol)

    Aw, please go out anyway! Find some great dresses and let the show go on. I regret having let being overweight interfere with participating more fully in life. You are not your dress size; people are inviting you places because they like who you are.
  • barbecuesauce
    barbecuesauce Posts: 1,771 Member
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    professionalHobbyist wrote: »
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    professionalHobbyist wrote: »
    Women often say they want to be loved as they are, and that is often said by women a bit heavy.

    But....

    Most women won't talk to fat guys

    Reality

    It is a different world after losing 125 lbs. I quietly note and observe it. Never say anything, but it is a huge difference.

    Nobody wants a fat person it seems. Harsh but aside of talking with another fat person it feels like being a social outcast.

    It has made me more thankful for the couple of people at the gym that helped me when I got started on this long road. I try and encourage new people at the gym now.

    I lost weight for me. And that was enough. The other social interaction changes are there too. Sometimes that feels nice although I know how superficial it is.

    I'm just curious if you relate to women differently at all after losing 125 lbs? (Congrats, BTW!)

    I know that when I was at a high weight and just getting back into the dating scene I had less confidence than I did a few years later.

    It is a very legit question

    I do and it is evolving.

    I know I get treated differently. I'm having fun with it.

    I still always speak to the new overweight person at the gym.

    I don't ever want to treat people different because of weight.

    But I will go back and say MOST women don't have anything to do with a fat guy, not all.

    I wouldn't date a fat guy now that I've lost weight, because I don't want the associated behaviors (too much screen time and not enough exercise, eating too much) back in my life. BUT I do talk to everyone, and I certainly haven't dropped any friends.

    But here's the thing: some overweight men only go for the thin women and ignore the larger ones. They'll even tell you your size is why they only view you as a friend. I don't know what your situation is, but I think large guys often need to adjust their expectations. (Certainly the man I'm thinking about does!)

    I don't know if I'm being treated better but I know I'm putting myself out there more and have a more positive mindset, which could be bringing more positive energy toward me.
  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,446 Member
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    professionalHobbyist wrote: »
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    professionalHobbyist wrote: »
    Women often say they want to be loved as they are, and that is often said by women a bit heavy.

    But....

    Most women won't talk to fat guys

    Reality

    It is a different world after losing 125 lbs. I quietly note and observe it. Never say anything, but it is a huge difference.

    Nobody wants a fat person it seems. Harsh but aside of talking with another fat person it feels like being a social outcast.

    It has made me more thankful for the couple of people at the gym that helped me when I got started on this long road. I try and encourage new people at the gym now.

    I lost weight for me. And that was enough. The other social interaction changes are there too. Sometimes that feels nice although I know how superficial it is.

    I'm just curious if you relate to women differently at all after losing 125 lbs? (Congrats, BTW!)

    I know that when I was at a high weight and just getting back into the dating scene I had less confidence than I did a few years later.

    It is a very legit question

    I do and it is evolving.

    I know I get treated differently. I'm having fun with it.

    I still always speak to the new overweight person at the gym.

    I don't ever want to treat people different because of weight.

    But I will go back and say MOST women don't have anything to do with a fat guy, not all.

    I don't notice this. I know women dating or married to larger men. (I don't know what it is, but all of these men are really confident and cool and smart and usually pretty hilarious. I don't know if I'm confirming my own bias, or if they're consciously trying to live up to the "jolly fat person" stereotype as a kind of defence mechanism, or if the people I know are just pretty great. Personally, although I've never happened to date anyone who was overweight, I've definitely wanted to, it just wasn't returned in those cases :/)

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