Husband wants a divorce completely blindsided

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  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,598 Member
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    jgnatca wrote: »
    This may or may not reflect what happened to you, but I see a lot of demeaning comments from your ex. Healthy people want others to be healthy, too. He wanted you....what? Fat and miserable?

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    I went through this experience, and it lasted ten years for me too. I'm sorry you are having to suffer through this. But when he's gone you can recover and be strong without all those uncalled for insults and demeaning behaviors, and you will be free to find someone who respects you, if you desire to find another person.
  • esmielala76
    esmielala76 Posts: 2 Member
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    SO SORRY TO HEAR THAT... Maybe he just can't stand that you look soooooo good and he's jealous and can't deal with his own insecurities... And that's how he's dealing with it .. No excuse either ...big hugs!
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,598 Member
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    The more I see from what OP said the more I do think the guy is a complete abuser and possibly a sociopath as well. These behaviors are SO familiar. ewww, if he doesn't leave, then I suggest you pack up and get away from him! All he's doing is dragging you down and being a source of stress every day! When I left mine, it felt like a jailbreak! Those false accusations of which you speak? Gaslighting. It's a dead giveaway that he's deliberately abusing you. They often are the ones doing the cheating, too. You are not "too old" lol. That shows he doesn't even have any legit complaints and has to use something bogus like that to rag on. oh and HE wants compliments from you? I'm so sure.... laugh next time he does that! XD
  • cbrook29
    cbrook29 Posts: 57 Member
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    Get some support from family, friends and counseling. I have am divorced and trust me you will be much happier on the other side although I'm sure things look bleak. Don't let this person's perception of you become your reality. Take care.
  • SherryTeach
    SherryTeach Posts: 2,836 Member
    edited July 2015
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    In addition to all of the above, get a lawyer and proceed with figuring how who is going to live where and how the finances will work. You cannot begin to grieve properly, focus on yourself, and move on, until you are out of the firing zone. Definitely find a counselor right now.

    Actually, when I was going through this, I did NOT find it helpful for my friends and family to comment about what an *kitten* my soon-to-be former husband was or how I would be better off, etc. etc. It just made me ashamed that I married him in the first place. It made me doubt my judgment. I banned other people talking to me that way. You have to find your own way through this. It's going to take a long time and you will have to work very hard.

    The good news is that you already know how to work hard on yourself. Put those skills to work on taking care of your emotional health now: read a book, go to a movie, sign up for massage, meet a friend for dinner. But all of that after you book appointments with the lawyer and therapist.

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