On "ability" (especially athletic)
demoiselle2014
Posts: 474 Member
I've only been here a little while, but something that has struck a chord with me is seeing posters who feel that, because they find starting an exercising program extremely difficult, that maybe they cannot (as in, are not capable) do that exercise. They fear they can't run, or lift, or use the machines, or follow this or that program, because when they try, they are struggling and failing, or getting so sore that they have trouble moving the next day.
It seems to me that people tend to vastly over-estimate how much natural talent and athletic ability come into play with exercise, while they simultaneously underestimate how much of exercise and athleticism is based on skill-building, muscle memory, and muscular adaptation over time.
My mother always drops out of group classes within a few weeks because she personally feels humiliated when she sees other people in the class "getting it faster" than she does. To her mind, she is not very capable of learning physical tasks, so she backs away and stops learning. And she had done this all her life, having always felt less capable than her peers. I, too, have often felt that I was not gifted in terms of my physical coordination. I certainly was--for many years--a 'weakling' (97 lbs at 5'4ish", slight frame, and the amount of muscle that you'd expect from that).
But I have learned something over time which gives me a big advantage over my mother. I have come to realize that there is actually a lot of skill and knowledge involved in working out. Skills and knowledge that you can build over time. If you get involved in one kind of physical activity and stick it out, you'll get better at moving your body, learning steps, following a teacher's movement. If you stick with one kind of exercise (walking, swimming), you'll gradually build a base of fitness that will make each new physical task a little bit easier.
I have realized that I did myself a great disservice for the first 27-30 years of my life by telling myself that I was not athletic. It means that I did not build that base of skills and body knowledge. When I go into a class, I am learning things for the first time, whereas some of the other people there have encountered those moves before and have the muscle memory that allows them to execute moves with much less mental effort. I had less of a base to build on. But in the last seven or eight years, I have cycled through various kinds of activities (pilates, yoga, weight machines, kickboxing, running, dance), and to my great pleasure I have found that each new thing I start is a little easier than it was a few years ago. I have developed body awareness, I have learned how to better mimic others' movements, my muscles "remember" various kinds of movements so I don't have to stumble and think about them anymore. I have a more solid base of strength and endurance.
I want to encourage everyone here to reframe their thoughts about exercising and sports. It really isn't about raw talent. Yes, there are some people who seem a bit quicker, and some people naturally tackle physical tasks with greater ease. But for most, it is an accumulation of skill over time. This "ability" is not innate, it is cultivated. If you are lucky, perhaps you've been developing it since childhood. If you are like me, you had to wait until adulthood. But it isn't too late. I promise. You don't have to be like my mother, always convinced that she's just not good at that stuff (because she was born that way). That attitude robs you of so many opportunities!
I invite you to embrace it when exercise is challenging. When a movement feels unnatural, unfamiliar, or awkward. It means you are adding something to your skillset. You are learning a new way of moving (that, if you keep practicing, you'll never forget). You are building strength. The fact that five or ten minutes is all you can do at the start is not a condemnation of your ability. It's an achievement, something to build upon.
Give yourself time. I know it is uncomfortable to feel like you are failing, but it is through repetition and practice that you'll reach that place of ease.
Good luck.
It seems to me that people tend to vastly over-estimate how much natural talent and athletic ability come into play with exercise, while they simultaneously underestimate how much of exercise and athleticism is based on skill-building, muscle memory, and muscular adaptation over time.
My mother always drops out of group classes within a few weeks because she personally feels humiliated when she sees other people in the class "getting it faster" than she does. To her mind, she is not very capable of learning physical tasks, so she backs away and stops learning. And she had done this all her life, having always felt less capable than her peers. I, too, have often felt that I was not gifted in terms of my physical coordination. I certainly was--for many years--a 'weakling' (97 lbs at 5'4ish", slight frame, and the amount of muscle that you'd expect from that).
But I have learned something over time which gives me a big advantage over my mother. I have come to realize that there is actually a lot of skill and knowledge involved in working out. Skills and knowledge that you can build over time. If you get involved in one kind of physical activity and stick it out, you'll get better at moving your body, learning steps, following a teacher's movement. If you stick with one kind of exercise (walking, swimming), you'll gradually build a base of fitness that will make each new physical task a little bit easier.
I have realized that I did myself a great disservice for the first 27-30 years of my life by telling myself that I was not athletic. It means that I did not build that base of skills and body knowledge. When I go into a class, I am learning things for the first time, whereas some of the other people there have encountered those moves before and have the muscle memory that allows them to execute moves with much less mental effort. I had less of a base to build on. But in the last seven or eight years, I have cycled through various kinds of activities (pilates, yoga, weight machines, kickboxing, running, dance), and to my great pleasure I have found that each new thing I start is a little easier than it was a few years ago. I have developed body awareness, I have learned how to better mimic others' movements, my muscles "remember" various kinds of movements so I don't have to stumble and think about them anymore. I have a more solid base of strength and endurance.
I want to encourage everyone here to reframe their thoughts about exercising and sports. It really isn't about raw talent. Yes, there are some people who seem a bit quicker, and some people naturally tackle physical tasks with greater ease. But for most, it is an accumulation of skill over time. This "ability" is not innate, it is cultivated. If you are lucky, perhaps you've been developing it since childhood. If you are like me, you had to wait until adulthood. But it isn't too late. I promise. You don't have to be like my mother, always convinced that she's just not good at that stuff (because she was born that way). That attitude robs you of so many opportunities!
I invite you to embrace it when exercise is challenging. When a movement feels unnatural, unfamiliar, or awkward. It means you are adding something to your skillset. You are learning a new way of moving (that, if you keep practicing, you'll never forget). You are building strength. The fact that five or ten minutes is all you can do at the start is not a condemnation of your ability. It's an achievement, something to build upon.
Give yourself time. I know it is uncomfortable to feel like you are failing, but it is through repetition and practice that you'll reach that place of ease.
Good luck.
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Replies
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That was a very positive and encouraging message. Thanks.0
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twofastdogs wrote: »That was a very positive and encouraging message. Thanks.
Sweet pup!0 -
Very good post, OP. Very encouraging and a good take on things.
My husband is one of the people with a lot of natural athleticism and physical ability. However, he likes to play sports but doesn't like to exercise just for the sake of exercising. I'm the flipflop of him in that I have very little natural athleticism but love exercising for the sake of exercising/fitness. I'm willing to put a lot of time into learning and practicing the physical stuff that I enjoy. There are some things that I'm not willing to spend time on but that's because I just flat out am not interested in them. Overall, though, if an activity interests me, I'll work on it to figure it out.0 -
Wonderful post!
I was horrifically clumsy growing up, and was terrible at most things physical. (Except for dancing, although that might have been just my opinion
- but even that used to be painful for hours afterwards).
When I embraced fitness much later in life, it was a revelation. I had no idea it was possible to feel so great. It's added to my quality of life in a huge way.
(The one caution I think I might add is that sometimes, if you're clumsy and just bad at many activities, part of the reason might be that you have wonky biomechanics. If so, addressing that is important to help prevent injuries - so get instruction when you're starting out, and give form your full attention. And reading your post again, you've said that already
) 0 -
We need a like button......
While not all people respond the same way to new physical demands I look at it the same was as learning a musical instrument or second language. Practice, practice, practice.....and sticking to it.0 -
Best post of the year.0
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What a great message -- both in terms of content and delivery. It was a great read. I have been attending the same group fitness class (or type of classes) for about 8 years. About once a month someone will comment that I make it look easy, how do I do it so well, or some other variation. My response is always "you will make it look easy too, if you stick with it. On my first attempt, I fell. Literally, I tripped and landed on my caboose. You didn't so you're already one step ahead of me!"
Thanks for sharing!0 -
Excellent post.0
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Thanks for posting this. My big revelation also this year is that the body responds far more quickly than I imagined to new demands. I call what you are describing as being "body aware". And I haven't been for half a century. I am just coming to know my muscles my joints, and what they need to stay strong and flexible.
And as for your mom, yeah, I would have walked out of Zumba class a long time ago if I tried to compare. I imagined I looked a lot more graceful than I was, a sort of targeted self-denial. And I did get better over time.0 -
Great Post , Thanks. Tell your Mom , for me , that the only person she is competing with is the person she saw in the mirror when she got up this AM. just say "Can I be better than THAT person"0
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Great post! We really do need a "like" button.
I feel the same way with regards to being awkward and not necessarily knowing the right "moves". That's why I prefer to work out at home. I can go at my own pace.0 -
Thank you so much for posting this! Agreed on the like button!
I wish I could show this to all the students who struggle at my karate club. We have a lot of middle-aged parents and young kids who drop out after a few months because they "don't get it", but they just don't see the students who've been with us for 5 years who are only now getting that breakthrough.
My upperclassman has been practicing with us for probably 8 years and it's only in the last 2 that he's made drastic improvements and changes. I'm one of those "naturally talented" folks (I think it was the amount of volleyball, basketball and dance my family introduced me to as a kid) and I used to be able to beat him consistently in sparring. Now, though, he's far surpassed me and I can't out-maneuver him anymore - and he's an old man!
It's amazing what small, incremental improvements culminate into. Thank you for sharing, and for sticking with it!0 -
Thank you, everyone!
I really wish that I could have told myself at 18 that, if I just persisted at a new physical task long enough, I'd make major breakthroughs and it would snowball into many of my other physical activities.
It also feels really good to discover that some skills I thought were beyond me as a child are not beyond me as an adult. I developed coordination very late, and my fine motor skills were also slower to develop than usual. I am still someone who runs into tables and door frames. But I can dance gracefully.
Plus, back then I lacked the awareness to know when something was difficult simply because the adults or teachers couldn't figure out how to communicate something to me in a way that I could understand. As an adult, I can 1) ask questions for clarification 2) look on the internet for guidance (which is why I can now hula hoop for 40 minutes without dropping the hoop, when as a kid I couldn't figure out how to do two revolutions of the hoop).0 -
I wish I could show this to all the students who struggle at my karate club. We have a lot of middle-aged parents and young kids who drop out after a few months because they "don't get it", but they just don't see the students who've been with us for 5 years who are only now getting that breakthrough.
That is something else that is invisible for many newcomers to a class: a few people will stick to an activity for a very long time. In my first pilates class, I felt like such a wimp as the youngest person by 20+ years in the room. One woman in particular really impressed me. It was only in my third repetition of the class that I discovered she'd been taking that teacher's pilates class three times a week for five years.
My husband and I take dance classes for exercise and pleasure, and we have realized that in some dance schools, the "regulars" come nightly or almost nightly. They will walk around and look to see which class looks good, or needs more leaders or followers each night or each cycle, and just join in. So you could have someone who has been taking classes for 30 years in your beginner class. And there you are, wondering why it's so hard for you when these other people seem to be catching on so quickly!0 -
This is why I tailor my workout to the activities that I love. I want to be a better tap dancer five years from now, not a better faux kick boxer from doing aerobics classes, no offense to anyone who loves aerobics classes. For me, fitness is more fun when it's applied to art.0
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lithezebra wrote: »This is why I tailor my workout to the activities that I love. I want to be a better tap dancer five years from now, not a better faux kick boxer from doing aerobics classes, no offense to anyone who loves aerobics classes. For me, fitness is more fun when it's applied to art.
It's great that you've found that out about yourself! It can be very helpful to have a goal beyond "generic fitness" for some people. Dancing has done this for me and my husband. We love to do it together, and we have both taken up other fitness activities to enhance our more "artsy" activity.
But there can be real benefits for the aerobics style classes, too, which are difficult to appreciate. Those classes can help develop coordination, balance, body awareness, etc. It may seem silly, but I have been doing yoga at home in front of a mirror for the last two months, and by looking at what my body is doing while I am doing it I have gotten much more aware of what it feels like when I am standing or sitting with good posture, for example.
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I learned this when I joined karate classes as a teenager. The confidence I developed over time, learning how my body moves and having that mind/body connection just *click*, is something I'll never forget. It definitely keeps me from giving up on physical activities I may not be great at, just starting out.0
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shrinkingletters wrote: »I learned this when I joined karate classes as a teenager. The confidence I developed over time, learning how my body moves and having that mind/body connection just *click*, is something I'll never forget. It definitely keeps me from giving up on physical activities I may not be great at, just starting out.
I wish that more people had this experience when young.0 -
Wow. This could be me and my mom. She wanted to join my dance class because "look what it did for you!" She came a few times, but was so frustrated that she couldn't coordinate arms and legs. I tried to encourage her by telling her that it was 6-9 months before I felt like I really had it, and could anticipate the instructor's cuing and follow along. Her response (and my sister's as well)?? "9 months?? forget it. I'm out." I started swimming a year ago, quite terribly and inefficiently. I kept working on it, watching videos, asking questions. Now I can swim. Not long, but I can feel what my body is doing correctly or incorrectly and it's something I enjoy working on. My sister was frustrated because she "took swim lessons!!!" and still can't swim. She went to TWO LESSONS. We give our kids lessons for months or years to learn new skills. Sometimes we give ourselves a day or two to try something and then we give up.
I totally agree that learning new things has been wonderful and so helpful. I've stopped trying to convert people to the activities I learned, worked hard at, practiced and enjoy. I'm just enjoying the process (and wondering what my next "thing" will be...)
Great post, OP
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Great post
I would still not call myself athletic, but I went from least active person in my family to most active. My brother is one of those guys that can pick up any sport he wants and excell at it. That was never me, and that used to make really jaleous. However, I've been doing BodyCombat for 7 years now and am getting pretty great at it. It truly does get easier the longer you try.0 -
For most people, this is totally true. 0
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My art teacher (a very good teacher) used to say, "They don't ask if a kid has TALENT for math; they just make them do it. With practice, anyone can be competent." The same can be said for art and for athletics. Now, we aren't all going to be full-time mathematicians, but learning the basics of drawing and painting can be enjoyed for a lifetime. And now I find, for fitness too.0
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+10
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My art teacher (a very good teacher) used to say, "They don't ask if a kid has TALENT for math; they just make them do it. With practice, anyone can be competent." The same can be said for art and for athletics. Now, we aren't all going to be full-time mathematicians, but learning the basics of drawing and painting can be enjoyed for a lifetime. And now I find, for fitness too.
My art teacher (obviously a very bad teacher) told me I had no artistic talent, so I shouldn't consider a career in the arts. I really wanted to be a graphic artist, but I gave up on my dream thinking I really wouldn't be any good. That one negative comment stuck with me my entire life and I now realize she was dead wrong. I love art and am finally taking some classes to develop my skills. The creativity comes from within, but the mechanics can be learned.
The same is true for physical activity. I was never athletic as a child and never tried to develop those skills because I wasn't a "natural", I was embarrassed to try and fail. After decades of not joining in, I'm finding it can be fun to try new physical activities and you will get better with time and practice. I've been learning to play disc golf and I'm getting pretty good at it. Even older folks can learn new tricks!!0 -
I don't love "beginner's luck". And it's not a contest. Except when it is ... some classes are like that. Some teachers are like that. Either take a different class, use machines at off hours ... or accept yourself for what you are. Easier said that done!0
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Great post, it should be stickied at the top of the Forum page, permanently. I'm same way, never very athletic, especially at the "quick" sports like basketball, I'm much more of an individual-sport person and even then, I'm still a little slow on the uptick. So knowing that, I pick and choose my exercises for my own enjoyment, I can see myself improving over time, and that's what matters.
Took me about 6 months of paying a trainer to learn a proper squat! But hey, I got it down (and up!).0 -
My art teacher (a very good teacher) used to say, "They don't ask if a kid has TALENT for math; they just make them do it. With practice, anyone can be competent." The same can be said for art and for athletics. Now, we aren't all going to be full-time mathematicians, but learning the basics of drawing and painting can be enjoyed for a lifetime. And now I find, for fitness too.
Agree!
I hope selection and training of phys-ed teachers has improved since I was a kid. At least one of mine was a straight-up sadist, and others weren't much better. They seemed to think snark and bullying were great ways to support physical development
I mean really, some kids (those who are like I was) probably could do with a bit of occupational therapy to work towards improved basic movement and coordination. I'm not a parent - is that kind of thing happening now? 0 -
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