Are you a positive person?

ManiacalLaugh

I'm completely for meeting a person where they are in the journey, offering well wishes, and letting them know they're not alone.

I don't think it's fair though, to call constructive criticism "negativity." If someone is doing something that isn't working (e.g. taking "miracle" fat burners), then why shouldn't we give them that information straight? If someone thinks they're going to lose weight without eating on a deficit, they should probably know that this isn't going to work.

This is coming from someone who has been trying to lose weight since waaaaaay before MFP existed. I've been fed almost every piece of misinformation that has ever been advertised as a "diet strategy". I would have loved to have saved just a little of the amount of time I've wasted on the ideas like "fat makes you fat," "carbs make you fat," "calorie counting is for losers," or "drink this shake and solve all of your problems." Getting this information a little earlier would've saved me so much pain.

I don't necessarily care about the form of package this information comes in as long as it isn't personally insulting, such as, "You wanker, you're an idiot for weighing in ounces and not in grams," or similar language. I left MFP once because I did run into that sort of attitude - and trust me, the average poster on here right now, tough or not, does not exude anything close to that level of negativity.

jennifer_417

See...here's the thing: It's not usually someone who IS "accomplishing their goals in a different way." It's more like someone who wants to launch into some foolish or ineffective method that at best unnecessary or at worst harmful, or has already implemented said method and can't figure out why it isn't working.

ManiacalLaugh

jennifer_417 wrote: »

See...here's the thing: It's not usually someone who IS "accomplishing their goals in a different way." It's more like someone who wants to launch into some foolish or ineffective method that at best unnecessary or at worst harmful, or has already implemented said method and can't figure out why it isn't working.

Agreed. The last poster I was "tough" on was someone who takes Phentermine with Red Bull (heart attack waiting to happen), goes days without eating, and when she does, she eats gas station food. She wants to find another "magic" fat/carb blocker and has no interest in logging correctly or eating a balanced diet. This is a moribidly obese person who needs to get healthier now. When the advice started pouring in (some with perfectly pleasant language), she ignored it and argued. She doesn't need positivity. She needs to have her eyes opened.

Alyssa_Is_LosingIt

diannethegeek wrote: »

This thread comes up so regularly that I have a standard copy/paste answer for it. Would you like to read it? I really don't care; I'm posting it anyway:

It's been my experience that every helpful poster on these forums, every single one, will be called rude, mean, negative, troll, bully, etc. at some point or another no matter how carefully they phrase their advice. Posts like this tend not to be very helpful. When every helpful poster is called out as mean at some point or another, then making a post like this without examples or qualifications just ends up pointing fingers at everyone.

There is some actual rudeness that goes above and beyond what should be acceptable here. Report it (use the actual report function not the flags) and let the mods deal with it. But posts like this just add to the negative atmosphere that you're trying to combat instead of solving anything.

Honestly, I have a copy/paste set-up for a lot of the advice that I give on these forums. Because after the 13th time PER DAY that I've been shouted at by someone who didn't really want advice or obliquely insulted by threads like this one, no, I'm not able to stay very positive. And I've been called negative/mean/bully/troll for using copy/paste advice. So, there really is no winning for anyone who's active on this site.

If that wasn't positive enough for you, well, you're welcome to block me. Just as soon as the ignore function comes back. We've been waiting for it's return for about 9 months now.

This, so much.

This is a public forum. If you don't want advice, don't ask for it.

It's also impossible to infer tone from text alone. Most likely, the negative "tone" you hear is yourself projecting your own issues and insecurities into whatever you're reading. Just because the advice is not what you want to hear, doesn't mean that it's negative or that it's condescending or mean.

Serah87

OP only wants unicorns and rainbows. Got it!!!

Sued0nim

diannethegeek wrote: »

This thread comes up so regularly that I have a standard copy/paste answer for it. Would you like to read it? I really don't care; I'm posting it anyway:

It's been my experience that every helpful poster on these forums, every single one, will be called rude, mean, negative, troll, bully, etc. at some point or another no matter how carefully they phrase their advice. Posts like this tend not to be very helpful. When every helpful poster is called out as mean at some point or another, then making a post like this without examples or qualifications just ends up pointing fingers at everyone.

There is some actual rudeness that goes above and beyond what should be acceptable here. Report it (use the actual report function not the flags) and let the mods deal with it. But posts like this just add to the negative atmosphere that you're trying to combat instead of solving anything.

Honestly, I have a copy/paste set-up for a lot of the advice that I give on these forums. Because after the 13th time PER DAY that I've been shouted at by someone who didn't really want advice or obliquely insulted by threads like this one, no, I'm not able to stay very positive. And I've been called negative/mean/bully/troll for using copy/paste advice. So, there really is no winning for anyone who's active on this site.

If that wasn't positive enough for you, well, you're welcome to block me. Just as soon as the ignore function comes back. We've been waiting for it's return for about 9 months now.

So much this

But also positivity for positivity's sake makes me throw up in my mouth a little

Jus' saying ...takes all sorts

Sued0nim

Serah87 wrote: »

OP only wants unicorns and rainbows. Got it!!!

I don't think she could handle unicorns ..they're like spikey ponies

Sued0nim

And finally

OP

I think you dropped this

999tigger

Dianne well smart aboyt the cut and paste. I much prefer good accurate information rather than misleading inaccurate rubbish.

The vast majority of the people who offer advice are positive and wnat others to succeed by losing weight in a safe healthy sustainable way.

ManiacalLaugh

UltimateRBF wrote: »

ManiacalLaugh wrote: »

jennifer_417 wrote: »

See...here's the thing: It's not usually someone who IS "accomplishing their goals in a different way." It's more like someone who wants to launch into some foolish or ineffective method that at best unnecessary or at worst harmful, or has already implemented said method and can't figure out why it isn't working.

Agreed. The last poster I was "tough" on was someone who takes Phentermine with Red Bull (heart attack waiting to happen), goes days without eating, and when she does, she eats gas station food. She wants to find another "magic" fat/carb blocker and has no interest in logging correctly or eating a balanced diet. This is a moribidly obese person who needs to get healthier now. When the advice started pouring in (some with perfectly pleasant language), she ignored it and argued. She doesn't need positivity. She needs to have her eyes opened.

*spit take*
Holy crap. People be crazy.

Update: I guess hearing that "tough" advice helped. She admits she got defensive, but now she's starting to listen to what people are saying.

Iron_Mommy

Just to be clear, I wasn't referring to me asking for advice and not liking what I was getting. I've actually never asked advice on here specific to my eating and exercise. (I save that for a local personal trainer in my town, whom I trust and know well.) I use MFP, as most people do, for logging my food and exercises and for encouragement from other people like myself.

What I WAS referring to was, someone had asked how to stay away from sweets. Everyone was offering their advice and I had commented that what works for me was to just make healthier versions of of the sweets that I enjoy. Simple as that.

But a very negative, judgmental person came in and basically said all the advice that was given wasn't good enough and that the poster should do what she does, which is eat everything she likes just in moderation. (Which is good advice I guess, but there was no need to put every else down.)

Anyway... I'm enjoying all my new friendships I've already gained from this post. I love all of the encouraging messages. I'm just going to skip away from everything else on my beautiful rainbow while I fart flowers and sunshine...tra la la...la la

sofaking6

Iron_Mommy wrote: »

But a very negative, judgmental person came in and basically said all the advice that was given wasn't good enough and that the poster should do what she does, which is eat everything she likes just in moderation. (Which is good advice I guess, but there was no need to put every else down.)

So this entire thread exists just to hate on one specific person and try to make them feel badly, and you feel that's justified because you didn't like that person's posting attitude.

Iron_Mommy

sofaking6 wrote: »

Iron_Mommy wrote: »

But a very negative, judgmental person came in and basically said all the advice that was given wasn't good enough and that the poster should do what she does, which is eat everything she likes just in moderation. (Which is good advice I guess, but there was no need to put every else down.)

So this entire thread exists just to hate on one specific person and try to make them feel badly, and you feel that's justified because you didn't like that person's posting attitude.

No, I wouldn't say that. I was only trying to attract some more positive friends on here. And I have, so I'm happy. I was only wanting to clarify that I will happily accept criticisms if I actually ask for them.

999tigger

err its the internet and on forums there are different people with differing opinions. Some of them are idiots and some people are blunt or rude, some are quite reasonable but may disagree with you. Maybe dont be so sensitive or stick up for yourself.

I will happily accept criticisms if I actually ask for them.

If you post stuff on a public forum then people are allowed to comment.

Iron_Mommy

999tigger wrote: »

err its the internet and on forums there are different people with differing opinions. Some of them are idiots and some people are blunt or rude, some are quite reasonable but may disagree with you. Maybe dont be so sensitive or stick up for yourself.

I will happily accept criticisms if I actually ask for them.

If you post stuff on a public forum then people are allowed to comment.

I never said you shouldn't comment But I wasn't actually asking for fitness advice, just positive, friendly supporters. Because that's what I need in my life.

PrizePopple

Iron_Mommy wrote: »

sofaking6 wrote: »

Iron_Mommy wrote: »

But a very negative, judgmental person came in and basically said all the advice that was given wasn't good enough and that the poster should do what she does, which is eat everything she likes just in moderation. (Which is good advice I guess, but there was no need to put every else down.)

So this entire thread exists just to hate on one specific person and try to make them feel badly, and you feel that's justified because you didn't like that person's posting attitude.

No, I wouldn't say that. I was only trying to attract some more positive friends on here. And I have, so I'm happy. I was only wanting to clarify that I will happily accept criticisms if I actually ask for them.

Attract friends by calling people out because you don't like their tone... Seems legit.

Vickilick

I guess if someone says something in a way that bothers you that much, then just address it directly with that person. It doesn't have to be on the forum to make a big scene, try messaging them directly. I'm sure most of the time it's not their intention to upset you or anyone else, but if they do come back and again give a ridiculous reply then just move on...
Btw I'm a positive person, but until recently I wasn't aware that some of the things I wrote were quite blunt and direct. A friend mentioned it to me and said they understood as they knew me, but it was easy to misinterpret what id written.

Iron_Mommy

PrizePopple wrote: »

Iron_Mommy wrote: »

sofaking6 wrote: »

Iron_Mommy wrote: »

But a very negative, judgmental person came in and basically said all the advice that was given wasn't good enough and that the poster should do what she does, which is eat everything she likes just in moderation. (Which is good advice I guess, but there was no need to put every else down.)

So this entire thread exists just to hate on one specific person and try to make them feel badly, and you feel that's justified because you didn't like that person's posting attitude.

No, I wouldn't say that. I was only trying to attract some more positive friends on here. And I have, so I'm happy. I was only wanting to clarify that I will happily accept criticisms if I actually ask for them.

Attract friends by calling people out because you don't like their tone... Seems legit.

I guess you are right. I'm sorry. But at least I didn't mention this person's username? I highly doubt she has read this, or she would have commented.

cth2020

I positively am a person. Don`t know about vice versa.

999tigger

Iron_Mommy wrote: »

999tigger wrote: »

err its the internet and on forums there are different people with differing opinions. Some of them are idiots and some people are blunt or rude, some are quite reasonable but may disagree with you. Maybe dont be so sensitive or stick up for yourself.

I will happily accept criticisms if I actually ask for them.

If you post stuff on a public forum then people are allowed to comment.

I never said you shouldn't comment But I wasn't actually asking for fitness advice, just positive, friendly supporters. Because that's what I need in my life.

The point was you can ask, but as people make up their own minds then not everyone is going to comply becayse thats what happens on public forums. Maybe stick to your friends list and hang out with your sort of people who can give you what you need. people disagreeing with other people happens on all public forums, these ones are very mild when compared to the rest of the net.

On another point where dietings concerned positive and friendly is nice, but imo it doesnt beat taking responsibility and really getting to grips with the fundamentals.