Body image issues after weight loss?

Kara_Uhles

I am writing on here for some support. I feel selfish that I hate my body so much, but I do.

I've broke down this week twice after looking in the mirror at my loose, saggy, stretch marked covered stomach. There are many other issues I'm dealing with, but my stomach is what hurts me the most.

I am only 19 years old, and have been severely overweight for most of my life. I have managed to lose 100 pounds over the last 15 months by working with a trainer.

There are times where I feel like my body is ruined beyond repair. I have things that have happened from massive weight loss and weight gain that will never go back to normal.

I don't understand how some people who have gone through this have learned to accept and be happy with their body, I can't seem to get in that mind set?

I don't expect or even want myself to look like a celebrity, but I at least want to be happy and comfortable within my own body.

I often get upset and try to confide in my parents and my sister, and they think I'm just being crazy/emotional and that I should start seeing a therapist.....I guess they don't understand because they aren't going through it. So I thought the people in this community may be able to relate to me and can give me some advice, I could really use it. Thank you.

Raynne413

I understand. I have the same problem. I am 150 lbs lighter than when I started, and I still am not happy with my body. But you know what? I wasn't happy with my body when I was 190 lbs lighter, and only 100 lbs. It's not the weight, or our bodies, that are making us unhappy. It's something deeper than that. I could have the surgery to remove every bit of excess skin I have and I would probably STILL dislike my body at times. Seeing a therapist might really help you find out what is truly making you so unhappy.

The thing to focus on is how much better you feel physically. Be thankful for your body and all it does for you. Be grateful that you can walk when others no longer have that option. Pick small things every day that you like or that you are grateful for. Be sure to note them. And slowly but surely, you will start to feel better.

agreenid

First of all: You are not crazy. And you are not alone.

However. I don't think that seeing a therapist would be a bad idea. A large part is mental and losing that much weight is a big deal. It could really help to talk through things with someone who is impartial and who can help you feel better about yourself mentally.

Second, you have options. 15 months is not a long time, really, to make such a big change to your body. It sounds crazy but your skin will tighten, you have your youth working for you there. It's not going to be quick but it will start to happen. If it never gets to a point you're happy with surgery is an option as well.

You're working with a trainer so that's good too--(s)he can help you get stronger/tighten up what can be tightened with exercise and muscle toning.

You have done an incredible thing and done it at a young age so that you can live the rest of your life in a healthy, active way. The hard days are going to be hard but don't be afraid to ask for some extra help (therapy) and know that you are still a work in progress.

ManiacalLaugh

Kara_Uhles wrote: »

I am writing on here for some support. I feel selfish that I hate my body so much, but I do.

I've broke down this week twice after looking in the mirror at my loose, saggy, stretch marked covered stomach. There are many other issues I'm dealing with, but my stomach is what hurts me the most.

I am only 19 years old, and have been severely overweight for most of my life. I have managed to lose 100 pounds over the last 15 months by working with a trainer.

There are times where I feel like my body is ruined beyond repair. I have things that have happened from massive weight loss and weight gain that will never go back to normal.

I don't understand how some people who have gone through this have learned to accept and be happy with their body, I can't seem to get in that mind set?

I don't expect or even want myself to look like a celebrity, but I at least want to be happy and comfortable within my own body.

I often get upset and try to confide in my parents and my sister, and they think I'm just being crazy/emotional and that I should start seeing a therapist.....I guess they don't understand because they aren't going through it. So I thought the people in this community may be able to relate to me and can give me some advice, I could really use it. Thank you.

Actually - I would agree that a therapist is a good idea, but that's not because there's anything wrong with you at all. It's because losing a lot of weight (or even having it to lose) can be a major mindgame. Your self-perception goes all wonky when you begin to change shape. Heck, there's even another thread in a different forum room on MFP that also brought up the body image thing and there have been a large helping of replies. Therapy was suggested there too, because so many of us have a difficult time changing the mind to reflect the change in our bodies.

I've lost 85 lbs. I still think of myself as the very large person I used to be. It's almost worse because I've lost weight so evenly that all of my proportions are the same as they used to be. I have to remind myself when I look at pictures of how I was in the past that I am not that person anymore. What was once a size 22/24 is now a size 10 and is ever decreasing, even now. But after three years of being lighter, fitter, and slimmer, this is something I still struggle with on a daily basis. Sometimes, I'm very comfortable in my own skin, and sometimes I want to put on a giant night gown and go hide.

And yes, the fears of having "ruined" the body do come into play, but there's nothing we can do about that now but to keep working. You're 19, so there's a very good chance that some of your loose skin might rebound. If it doesn't, maybe a tummy tuck is in your future once you get a little older.

I'm working with my trainer over some of these issues. She's worked in counseling and she's very good at helping me gain new insight into myself and my weight loss. I've sought help for dealing with the mental/emotional aspect of these changes and it's helping, big time. There's nothing wrong with that.

MamaBirdBoss

First of all, the GREAT news is that you're 19. That means you have the best possible chances for your skin to shrink!

Second, there will be options with surgery, RF, collagen induction therapy, etc., in time if you need it. I do recommend waiting a while--like tow years--to see how much it goes back on its own first.

Making changes to your body won't give you a more loveable body. It just won't. There's no end to the changes that ANYONE could want. Seriously. But if you DO decide to change that thing, know that it's possible, even if it isn't possible to be "perfect."

I've found that some people who start out heavy and have never been thin imagine that they will have a body to love when they get to their goal, but the fact that it has flaws is really upsets them. Or they feel like their body isn't even their own anymore because it looks so different. But love yourself first and be proud of your new strength and health.

mbaker566

MamaBirdBoss wrote: »

First of all, the GREAT news is that you're 19. That means you have the best possible chances for your skin to shrink!

Second, there will be options with surgery, RF, collagen induction therapy, etc., in time if you need it. I do recommend waiting a while--like tow years--to see how much it goes back on its own first.

Making changes to your body won't give you a more loveable body. It just won't. There's no end to the changes that ANYONE could want. Seriously. But if you DO decide to change that thing, know that it's possible, even if it isn't possible to be "perfect."

I've found that some people who start out heavy and have never been thin imagine that they will have a body to love when they get to their goal, but the fact that it has flaws is really upsets them. Or they feel like their body isn't even their own anymore because it looks so different. But love yourself first and be proud of your new strength and health.

^^good stuff

punkrockgoth

MamaBirdBoss wrote: »

First of all, the GREAT news is that you're 19. That means you have the best possible chances for your skin to shrink!

Second, there will be options with surgery, RF, collagen induction therapy, etc., in time if you need it. I do recommend waiting a while--like tow years--to see how much it goes back on its own first.

Making changes to your body won't give you a more loveable body. It just won't. There's no end to the changes that ANYONE could want. Seriously. But if you DO decide to change that thing, know that it's possible, even if it isn't possible to be "perfect."

I've found that some people who start out heavy and have never been thin imagine that they will have a body to love when they get to their goal, but the fact that it has flaws is really upsets them. Or they feel like their body isn't even their own anymore because it looks so different. But love yourself first and be proud of your new strength and health.

This.

Also, you are definitely not alone. Not by a long shot. I'm 30, 250 lbs and every time I look in the mirror, I still see 350lb 16 year old me. I haven't been that big in almost 10 years, but still, it's all I see sometimes.

lithezebra

I remember loathing my body. Therapy is wonderful. I actually do like my body, a lot more, at my ideal weight than when I'm heavy or too thin. I don't think I'm perfect, but all kinds of things about being slimmer make me happy when I look in the mirror. I love having muscle definition and thighs that don't chafe. I love being lighter for rock climbing. I love never getting nagged about my weight at the doctor. I love not being too thin either. I lost a bunch of muscle and had no butt for a while.

saggyandbaggy

I agree with most of the other replies - your age is a great bonus for you. Your skin will still be elastic and it will reduce in time, but that's the thing, you must give your body time! I have lost 128 lbs and am definitely living up to my mfp name but I am old (53) and I can't expect my skin to ping back after being over 300 lbs for years. I don't like the saggy skin much but I look much better than I did fat. It does sound as if you need to love yourself (as you are) a little more and you need to be able to feel proud of your progress and learn to accept what you can't change and change what you can. Wishing you all the best!

ManiacalLaugh

It took longer than I'd like to admit for me to find it, but here is the thread full of other people with body image and self-perception issues. It's enlightening to me to see what other people in my situation think; not sure if it will be as helpful for you, but I thought I'd forward it along.

http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10204971/warped-body-image#latest

leannems

If your family isn't giving you a good outlet (nothing you are feeling is "crazy" - it may be "emotional" but that's NOT a bad thing - most people have emotions), don't knock going to a therapist, or counselor, or someone else. Therapy can be really awesome and helpful. Don't think of it as a negative. Losing weight is just as much a mental battle as a physical one - everything you're feeling is normal, but you should find someone to talk to. We all need a sounding board, you know?

meganjcallaghan

oh i loved what i looked like when i was fat. i think i'm pretty gross looking now, though, and would never be caught dead nekked unless i can somehow manage to magically come up with the $20,000 it would take to fix the joke i've been left with.

MamaBirdBoss

If you think I'm full of nonsense about people being hard on themselves...

When I was 19, exactly your age, I thought that my thighs were too big (I was a weightlifter--they were bigger than expected for my build partly because of that) and my upper arms were too big (ditto) and I didn't like my nose with a bump or my chubby cheeks that I felt made me look cute rather than pretty. And I didn't like my smile. Plus, clothes never fit right, so that meant that clearly I was wrong.

These weren't BIG things. But I did feel them to the point. And to me that made me not worthy of particular attention from anyone.

But from the distance of age, I know now that I looked INCREDIBLE. And I didn't freaking appreciate it. I was 5'6". Sub-120lbs, but with 32DDs that soon became DDDs and a 23.5" waist and 35.5" hips. I had hair to my butt. I had no cellulite except for a teeeeeny patch on my butt that was visible only when I flexed it. My stomach did not even fold into a wrinkle when I bent over.

When I wore a swimsuit, even a one-piece, heads swiveled on the beach. Men walked into things staring at me. They started cursing under their breath. I was in NROTC and wore the most covering swimsuit I had for the swim test, which covered more than any of the other girls', and even the real officers (not student officers) acted painfully self-conscious around me for weeks after. (And a couple of the girls turned mean.) In form-fitting pants and dresses, same sort of thing.

I considered it a curse to be noticed so much. I mostly avoided figure-hugging clothes and didn't often go to the pool or beach because it was extremely embarrassing.

This is something that I don't talk about and never have where people know my name because it sounds like fake-modesty bragging. It's not. I was so far into my own head that my reality was that warped. I knew when I got dressed to go swimming that no matter what I wore, lots of people were going to stare at me. And a number would even comment. Some woman, at least one, had a good chance of just being nasty to me for no reason, out of the blue. Sometimes it would be someone I thought was a friend. It made me sick to my stomach. I dreaded it.

When I dressed even somewhat nicely and did makeup--heck, even NOW--strangers would/do come up to me out of the blue and complement my appearance. Small children tell/told me I'm beautiful. That started when I was about 13, and even middle school boys would do it into my 20s! For many years, when I saw a guy approaching me in a purposeful way, I'd get a knot in my stomach, afraid that he'd say something about my appearance...because it made me want to melt into the ground and disappear. (Until I started deliberately dressing badly, it happened all the time.) It was acutely, horrifically uncomfortable. Friends cracked jokes about hating me because I was beautiful, but it never once occurred to me that they felt the slightest bit of seriousness beneath it.

In high school, a bunch of people tried to get me on the ballot for homecoming queen. I got myself off. I thought they were either being mean or too nice--and I wasn't even sure which.

For years, I thought, "But my thighs are too big. But my arms look funny. But my knees aren't pretty. But my cheeks look fat. But my nose has a funny little bump. Why are you saying these things?"

It wasn't that I was brainwashed by media images, even. I'd think, "Why is that guy coming to me? X has better hair. Y has a better smile. Z can actually deal with guys without feeling humiliated by the attention."

It wasn't until after I had my second kid about six years ago that I was able to face down guys who blurt out compliments with grace and to be truly happy with who and what I was and not focus on who I wasn't. I'm NOT model material. But I can accept myself as worthy of the attention that some people choose to give me instead of honestly believing that a fair segment of the population seemed to be under a mass delusion when it came to my appearance. (Because that makes TOTAL sense, right?)

My thighs are even bigger, and so are my upper arms. And my cheeks have slimmed down with age, but my nose is the same. But now I'm happy to love those things--and even to accept the natural changes that have come with three babies and a number of years. Yes, I want to get fit and toned. But I want the changes because I want the best for the self that I already love, not to make my body worthy of me loving it. Because nothing, literally nothing, could.