Too thin. you've got to stop remarks.

playmadcats

Firstly I'm 5 6' high and weigh 165 at the moment. Goal is 140-150 and then may tweak from there.
Am getting the too thin remarks off two or three people ( who all know each other ). One in particular is starting to become really annoying as she is ending phone calls with "you've got to stop dieting". I've tried explaining I look thinner due to working out and I'm not losing much more. However she's not listening. All her family are heavy and not sure if it's a case of her view of a healthy weight is distorted by those around her, or she's miffed as I'm succeeding at my health and fitness goals.
We do voluntary work together so I can't tell her where to get off. Any suggestions. The odd remark I don't mind. But this is becoming her main topic of conversation. Most of my other friends and colleagues have been really great and supportive.

seska422

Tell her that weight loss is a subject that you just don't want to discuss anymore.

After that, say "Hmm" or just ignore that she said anything about it.

If she asks if you are listening to her, tell her no.

playmadcats

Thanks. Not sure if she will ask if I'm listening but like the thought of saying no as she's obviously not listening to me!
I admit it was the phone calls that have really bugged me. One thing to mention it if someone is in front of you but another to phone them to pester them about it.

RodaRose

Shut down this talk. It is not her business (or the other "friend" 's either.) Keep taking care of yourself.

karlis87

She is ridiculous. I am 5'6" weigh 158 and am trying to lose weight and I'm not too thin.

ninerbuff

What can you do? It's a opinion she/they have and will have. You just have to do what you do and learn to ignore the comments.
I Iive by the mantra that if people don't like how I look, like what I wear, like my personality, etc..............that's their issue to deal with.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

pmm3437

You don't need to tell her off, to let her know its not a subject you want to discuss anymore. Go to her directly, and bluntly/convincingly tell her it is not a subject for discussion anymore, if she is going to continue to be negative. Let her know what the repercussions will be if she continues ( disassociation ), and follow thru if she does not comply.

raregem99

you can try showing her a BMI chart and just straight up tell her you want to get healthy. Tell her in a nice way that her views are distorted and make you feel uncomfortable and that it pushes you away.

barbecuesauce

playmadcats wrote: »

Firstly I'm 5 6' high and weigh 165 at the moment. Goal is 140-150 and then may tweak from there.
Am getting the too thin remarks off two or three people ( who all know each other ). One in particular is starting to become really annoying as she is ending phone calls with "you've got to stop dieting". I've tried explaining I look thinner due to working out and I'm not losing much more. However she's not listening. All her family are heavy and not sure if it's a case of her view of a healthy weight is distorted by those around her, or she's miffed as I'm succeeding at my health and fitness goals.
We do voluntary work together so I can't tell her where to get off. Any suggestions. The odd remark I don't mind. But this is becoming her main topic of conversation. Most of my other friends and colleagues have been really great and supportive.

Shut it down. Inform her you don't want to discuss it with her. Only communicate with her regarding business. Do NOT feed her by denying that you've lost weight or are working out more or whatever. None of her business.

I'm your height and I had someone like that around your weight. After several attempts to inform him I didn't want to talk about it, I told him my body goals were simply none of his business. I didn't look at it as being rude--certainly no ruder than commenting on a colleague's body. The remarks ended. I'm 136 right now and no one is telling me I'm too thin.

I am very much in favor of not discussing weight loss with people who don't have an active interest in it. I am very much in favor of telling people my body is not up for discussion. I don't see this as harsh--I am still there to talk about anything else in their life. But my weight loss is personal.

barbecuesauce

BTW, I would take this as a telling personality trait. You're still overweight and she's trying to keep you there to make herself feel better? This person is not your friend.

missh1967

Perhaps you could print out a BMI chart and show her that you're technically still overweight. Two people at the same height could very well look different at the same weight, but showing her that chart might get her to stop nagging you.

Oops. raregem99 beat me to it.

barbecuesauce

missh1967 wrote: »

Perhaps you could print out a BMI chart and show her that you're technically still overweight. Two people at the same height could very well look different at the same weight, but showing her that chart might get her to stop nagging you.

Oops. raregem99 beat me to it.

I would agree with this advice if OP had a concerned relative or partner, but it strikes me that her colleague is just catty. She sees OP and knows full well that she is overweight. Showing her a BMI chart would just allow the fact that this woman is making it her business and trying to drag others into the conversation. I interpret it as playground-level stuff.

playmadcats

Thank you all. I have had remarks off friends along the lines of, you look great but don't lose too much. That I'm fine with, they want what's best for me but want me too be careful.
The odd your getting two thin I can also deal with.
The first couple of remarks from this lady I gave an explanation but didn't think much of it. However it's the fact she brings it up all the time I find a bit annoying. Now she has started phoning about it, it just seems weird. I was giving her the benefit of the doubt thinking she was genuinely concerned. Now I'm beginning to wonder.
I will certainly shut down any more talks she starts.

playmadcats

Thanks for the bmi suggestion. However I have already pointed out that my Dr, asthma nurse and personal trainer were happy with weight just to get a " well they don't know anything" remark back.

gmallan

playmadcats wrote: »

Thanks for the bmi suggestion. However I have already pointed out that my Dr, asthma nurse and personal trainer were happy with weight just to get a " well they don't know anything" remark back.

I was going to suggest the Doctor thing but if that's the response you're getting then ignore is the best course of action.

You could try saying something like "I find your comments about my weight very unhelpful and a bit rude. Health-wise I feel the best I have in ages" or just lie and say "I'm actually not trying to lose any more weight I'm eating well and exercising for my health" and just keep plodding along with the weight loss.

It's harder to argue when someone's doing it for health reasons

gmallan

Or every time she mentions your weight just repeat "my weight is not up for discussion except between me and my Doctor". Repeat enough times and she should stop asking

spatulathumbs

The next time it happens, be direct: "Jane, I do not appreciate comments about my diet, my weight, or my body. They make me uncomfortable, it's none of your business, and I want you to stop making them."

A good friend will apologize. A questionable friend will try to rationalize, justify, etc etc. A *kitten* friend will attempt to make you the villain. The only reasonable answer is the first one.

Every subsequent instance, disengage, remind, and then, if they won't stop, end the call or literally get up and leave. You cannot control what other people say or do, you don't owe them a justification or excuse or explanation or anything at all. You can, however, control whether you maintain a friendship with them. People who continue to inflict their opinions on you when you've asked them to stop are terrible people, and you don't need that in your life.

Caitoriri

"I didn't realise you were such a health and weight loss expert."

playmadcats

Lol. Thank you all. Am feeling far less worried about the whole thing now.

gpoliver

First nice stats... I am 5'4 and currently 150, trying for about 140 but am toning up pretty nice so the weight doesn't matter too much to me now. Sometimes friends that don't support our goals can become toxic. Shedding toxic friends is really hard but sometimes very necessary to maintain a tranquil lifestyle. I hope this isn't the case, you have some really good suggestions on how to handle this (these) person (people). Just try to remember that toxic relationships can cause such havoc on us and we need to remember we have the choice to continue or terminate those relationships.