Need some POSITIVE friends to counteract one very NEGATIVE person in my life!

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Replies

  • MelodyandBarbells
    MelodyandBarbells Posts: 7,724 Member
    edited July 2015
    besaro wrote: »
    sorry, this sounded more like a I-want-to-complain-about-my-one-and-only-friend rather than "hey fitness people! friend me!" Ask for what you want.

    Asking for two things is permitted :)


    So, what I said to a friend that I respect immensely: "worry about your own diet". It worked. If anything they thought they were being supportive and reminding me what I should be doing, but I just had different ideas than them on how to go about things. We still love to chat about each other's fitness preferences and I definitely won't turn down their delicious food. Awesomeness :)

    Even if I'm doing things the wrong way, it makes no sense to strain our relationship to the point that we can't even talk to each other about common goals, etc. You're both interested in fitness. Great. That should be a point of commonality, not a reason for weirdness. I agree with the sit down conversations where you need to explain that you're doing things your own way and she needs to quit badgering you about it already. Maybe she doesn't know how annoying or stressful she's being!

    Another reason you can discuss with her is that if you're really all wrong, when you see the light and need to try something new, then you'll actually feel comfortable coming to her. If on the other hand, diet and fitness is a point of contention between you two, you would never even want to discuss it with her when/if you're ready. Basically you both need to live and let live and appreciate your differences
  • alwayssolomon
    alwayssolomon Posts: 8 Member
    Losing weight is more about increasing your metabolism, not about counting calories.
  • Amy4President
    Amy4President Posts: 165 Member
    I definitely think that you should surround yourself with some positivity. But I also think maybe you should try to see things from her perspective: she might be trying to help. It is sometimes hard to hear a friend talk about a problem and then sit back and not say anything. A lot of people's natural instinct is to help, and that could be where your friend is coming from.

    I would tell her that you appreciate her suggestions, but gently suggest to her that you've found something that you like and could really just use some support with what you've decided to go with. If she can't respect that, then I would leave out talk about your changes in diet and exercise.

    Best of luck!
  • stoogeswoman
    stoogeswoman Posts: 25 Member
    Thought I would just post an update to this. I had breakfast with my friend as usual, and we did NOT talk about food or exercise (although I did tell her about the cute guy who tried to pick me up at the pool - hee hee!).

    She did a lot of ranting, as usual, but this time about issues relating to her job and her fears that she is going to be fired. I really feel bad for her, because I know that at her age and with her "issues", she would have a very difficult time finding another job if she lost this one.

    So I certainly am not going to "dump" her as a friend now, when she really needs one. But I will protect myself by avoiding the topics that set her off, and also by avoiding the emails in between weekly breakfasts.

    Thanks for all the suggestions and all the MFP "friend" requests! I really appreciate all the help!
  • NoIdea101NoIdea
    NoIdea101NoIdea Posts: 659 Member
    alwayssolomon wrote: »
    Losing weight is more about increasing your metabolism, not about counting calories.

    Noooooooooope.

    All you need to lose weight is a calorific deficit; i.e, count your calories to make sure you are eating less than you burn per day. Simple, not easy.

    Good luck OP-we all have those people in our lives, and it can be difficult. Sounds like you are moving in the right direction though from your update!
  • babyleonard5
    babyleonard5 Posts: 41 Member
    This reminds me of my mom.. We were at the store the other day so I was looking at labels on foods and expressing my shock at the amount of calories, carbs, etc in some stuff and she just kept rolling her eyes and going "Oh my God". Then she tried to encourage me to get some ice cream! You would think she'd be happy for me and encourage me since she knows I hate being fat and have been my entire adult life.. but no. I am also looking for positive friends. . I will add you! Anyone else, feel free to add me :)
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