How has your relationship with your significant other changed since weight loss?

heis4u2004

I have seen some marriages fail right after weight loss. One friend was very obese and got married to a skinny man. I guess he liked overweight women. He did seem to encourage her and support her. She went and had gastric bypass. Lost a lot of weight and gained quite a bit of self confidence. Maybe too much self confidence. They split pretty quickly. Now just a few short months he is with a older and very obese woman and she is with a younger looking playboy(quite the opposite of the quiet and humble man she was with).

For me- my husband swears my weight loss has nothing to do with why we are sleeping in separate rooms, but I wonder.

janisvin

Congratulations on your weight loss!
Maybe you guys should talk to a professional? Wishing you all the best...

oh_happy_day

It hasn't changed our relationship. Well, apart from the more weight I lose, the happier I get. So there's that.

See a marriage therapist.

jessedcg

My husband is not enjoying my new found confidence. I can't imagine what it will be like 40 lbs from now

Mrj183

new beginning for me.

distinctlybeautiful

You know, when I first met my husband I weighed 175 pounds. At that time I was about fifteen pounds down from my highest weight ever, which was the result of an anomalous year of binging. Anyway maybe over the next six months or so I dropped back to my normal weight of about 145 pounds, so that's thirty pounds down in six months. I hate to say this because I'd like to commiserate with you, but nothing changed. And now we're getting serious in the gym, and I'm trying to improve my body even more. He supports me fully and is motivated by me. He's not as serious as I am about diet, but he supports me. And believe you me, I sometimes get anxious that my body is going to change in ways that will make me less attractive to him, and I voice those concerns to him. He reassures me that he'll think I'm beautiful no matter what. And of course what person in his/her right mind wouldn't say that to the person he/she loves most, but the thing is, I believe him. If I may ask, what reason does he give for sleeping in separate rooms, and have you noticed any other changes?

oh_happy_day

^^ This has been my experience. I met my DH when I was lighter, still a fair bit away from my lightest weight though. Then I gradually put on about 10kgs... He never said a single word. His attitude towards me has never changed. He still tells me that I'm the prettiest, sexiest thing walking around. (He's blinded by love but that's fine!) He just wants me to be happy so he is supportive - deals with the meals I cook (sorely lacking in potatoes, bacon and cream according to him), comes running with me when it's too dark for me to go alone, tries not to eat junk food in front of me and is just generally supportive.

Relationship/Marriage = team. It makes me feel sad to see how commonly this is talked about on MFP - people not being supported by their spouse. Why wouldn't you want your person to be happier and healthier? It makes no sense. If you're threatened by your spouse getting healthier then you need to examine your own issues.

TheRoseRoss

I've experienced it first hand, seen it happen, and read posts on here of it happening. That said, I think it's simply a catalyst of some other underlying problem. My wife was overweight. She underwent gastric bypass surgery, lost a lot of weight, and while our relationship didn't change, her relationship with her female friends and co-workers did; they stopped inviting her to outings, saving her a seat at meetings, and started distancing themselves. Another male friend of hers had his wife forbid him from spending time with my wife, suddenly worried that they wouldn't be able to keep their hands off of each other now that she had lost 100+ pounds.

On the other hand, I was always skinny. A few years ago I recommitted to exercising and I've put on a lot of mass. Now my wife is the one that's insecure, and worried that I will leave her for some "hot thing at the gym." It's not gotten to the point that we're sleeping in separate rooms, but I think it's has a lot to do with the person's own insecurities manifesting.

A friend of mine admitted that she dates unattractive, out of shape men, because those are the guys that will feel as though they are lucky to be with her, and be utterly devoted to her as a result. I asked her "why not date a guy that you're attracted to, and trust that he will be devoted to you?" Her answer was "if a guy is attractive, he knows that he can do better than me, so he'll leave me for the first hottie that comes along." I told her that was a messed up way of thinking, that also made it seem as though she had a low sense of self worth; thinking that she had to date "ugly" guys because she wasn't pretty enough to hold onto an attractive guy.

Sleeping in different rooms is rather severe. You need to decide how you're going address it, because it's only going lead to him brewing over whatever "injustice" he feels he's suffered, and the longer you wait, the worse that bomb is going to be when it finally detonates.

JustChristy79

oh_happy_day wrote: »

Relationship/Marriage = team. It makes me feel sad to see how commonly this is talked about on MFP - people not being supported by their spouse. Why wouldn't you want your person to be happier and healthier? It makes no sense. If you're threatened by your spouse getting healthier then you need to examine your own issues.

Yes! Thank you! I don't understand anyone wanting their spouse to be miserable & unhealthy just so they can feel secure. That's not love. True love is selfless.

TheVirgoddess

You're sleeping in separate rooms? Do you know why? I'm sorry

I've lost 83 pounds, and my relationship has gotten stronger, because I'm happier and more confident.

zyxst

He randomly picks me up.

ninerbuff

Hasn't changed at all. My DW lost over 30lbs last year and I've maintained the last umpteen years. We still talk alot, have sex, and are together a lot during the week doing the weekly dinner date out.
Lots of couples don't like change and many don't do well when one achieves more than the other. Unfortunately I've seen this happen lots of times with clients who succeed and their SO's don't or don't care.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Faithful_Chosen

*Sigh* I'm sorry for your situation! I hope you guys manage it.

My girl hates the counting and the weight loss even if it's just a few pounds. Of all things, she is worried about my health! Honest to the Gods, I do not understand her sometimes. I assume it's part fear of losing me (not going to happen) and part jealousy because she is a little heavy and she would love to lose weight as well. I refuse to end my weight loss journey before I am done just because it would make her feel better (or something). I will be dieting for at least a month more and then I'll be logging for maintenance for at least two or three, so she had better get used to it.

arditarose

My boyfriend loves it. He let it slip that he prefers it...to before. But it didn't offend me. Who wouldn't? It's been nice feeling like I can walk around naked in the daylight in front of him too.

Plus he started lifting after he saw how strong I was getting, which has been fun because now I can talk to him a little about fitness and he understands what I am doing.

boogiewookie

my hubby and I both gained a ton of weight when I was growing our son. neither of us did anything about it for about 10 months but when I came to him and asked if we could start shopping for healthy food and keep the junk.out of the house he was all on board and has surprisingly joined me on this journey. we have always been close but this has brought us even closer together. we encourage each other and are always feeling each other's muscles and pointing out new definition. Plus (tmi).the sex has been amaaaaazing! better than ever! I'm sorry you're having issues with your husband. have you tried talking to him about what's really going on? would you be open to couples therapy?

PixelPuff

I'm forever alone. > A>; But I'd say you two need to talk to a professional if you are sleeping in separate rooms for reasons other than 'I hate literally sleeping next to you, let's get our own beds' 'hell yeah, you snoring partner!' '-highfive-'

las07s

To be honest, our relationship hasn't worsened or improved. I think maybe the difference between our situations is that my DH and I are able to make the road to a healthy lifestyle a shared journey (same height, weight, age). We are constantly working on it, making shared decisions. It's a deeply bonding experience, holding each other up through his unhealthy obsession with sugary cereal and my hormonal roller coasters. We go to Whole Food's together to pick out veggies, fish and meat for the week. He cooks more, and I let him know I appreciate it. It gives me a break. We often go to the gym together to try to match each other's determination and intensity. We troubleshoot each other's weight loss when progress stalls and always make sure to praise the positive changes we see in each other...

All of that to the side I think the main thing is that no matter what goals we have, we either find ways of pursuing them together or make sure the other one knows they have our undying support. I mean, having a man who will drag you away from the front door, pin you to the couch and sit with you for hours so that you don't run out the door for a whole pint of Ben n' Jerry's peanut butter cookie dough core ice cream is... well, it's a team building experience.

Counseling might be a good idea as well as opening up about underlying issues. Maybe even figuring out how to share your journey with him, making sure to uplift and reassure each other. Seize the opportunity to reconnect and team build.

Lazz5k

One thing that probably used to make the other half crazy, was how I counted ABSOLUTLEY ALL MY CALORIES. I was constantly scanning things, and comparing calories etc etc... until HE JOINED MFP TOO! Now hes just as obsessed & we're stronger cause we're doing it together. It's definitely nice to have that accountability. I LOVE THAT HES A MEMBER NOW!

Jennloella

I was never really overweight, I just got stronger and more fit. It hasn't changed, or maybe I don't remember because it's been so long.

csk0018

I feel my marriage has become stronger since I've lost weight -- we met when I was 40 pounds heavier than I am now and at my highest weight -- I was over 70 pounds heavier. My husband has always been in good shape and quite active but never made me feel unattractive or anything like that when I was bigger. I think the big thing was I was unable to do a lot of activities that we could've done together when I was bigger. Now -- we spend a lot of time doing things I've always stayed away from because I felt I was too big and we have a blast! He's always been so supportive of me throughout our whole relationship and I'm so thankful for him. He tells me all the time he just wants me to be happy and healthy. I think insecurities come in the way of relationships and instead of facing them head on -- we tend to hide behind them or are too embarrassed to talk about it. Communication is the key to a healthy relationship -- even if it is a tough conversation, not talking about it and keeping it inside will just make it worse.

heis4u2004

Glad to hear everyone's relationships survived/improved. Just my opinion- he and I both come from obese families and I think there are some men that feel their wife's fat is like a security blanket. I have seen my step dad sabotage my mothers efforts to lose weight with plenty of junk food but buy her a treadmill at the same time. He would not even allow her to buy nice clothes, so she wore the same thing almost everyday.

PaulaWallaDingDong

My bf's doctor told him to cut carbs to lose weight, but he wasn't doing that, so I got him to join MFP and start tracking calories with me. Seeing your man read food labels while shopping is HAWT! I'd rather go straight upstairs afterward than put groceries away.

ETA: In all seriousness, discussions should be had in your relationship. Whether it's your weight loss or something else, that's no way to live.

oh_happy_day

heis4u2004 wrote: »

Glad to hear everyone's relationships survived/improved. Just my opinion- he and I both come from obese families and I think there are some men that feel their wife's fat is like a security blanket. I have seen my step dad sabotage my mothers efforts to lose weight with plenty of junk food but buy her a treadmill at the same time. He would not even allow her to buy nice clothes, so she wore the same thing almost everyday.

Then those men need to work on their own self-esteem. And what your step dad is doing is unkind, manipulative and borderline emotional abuse.

nishatay

Overall my relationship is solid. But my dh isn't supportive which kind of frustrates me because he needs to lose more weight than I do. I try to be patient with him and lead by example with diet and exercise. But I do worry that my new healthier lifestyle may cause conflict in the future.