Question for older people who were morbidly obese for decades before losing...(this is long!)

Kalikel

I don't really know how to ask the questions, so here's my deal - did you go through this?

I started getting fat in high school and was obese in my 20s, going all the way up to near the top end of Class II obesity (5'8", 250 or more - I don't know my highest weight) in my 40s. Then I started losing. I've been at it for years (I lose slowly) and the first 40-60 pounds, I saw almost no change.

At 166, I'm starting to see it. Everywhere. My wrists and lower arms look thin and are bone-shaped. I can see bones in other places, too. My knees - can't make them bulge if I try and they feel hard when pressed together. My ribs stick out further than my abdomen. Fingers are thin and look longer. When I lie with my legs bent up, the lower 2/3 of the thighs are straight. I don't remember ever seeing them look this way. Feet, ankles, everything. Even my face, which I see every day, is looking like it's not really me.

Sometimes I feel like I look too thin, which is insane because I see the fat and know how much more I need to lose. I don't think I'm anorexic-looking or even thin, but...too thin for me. I shouldn't look like this. My arms should be round. My knees shouldn't feel hard. All these bone shapes don't belong.

Since it was hard to see for so long, it feels like this is all just happening overnight and it's a little bewildering.

Even the way I feel when I sit and walk - it's suddenly not hard to lug myself around and I feel strange. Everything is having to be adjusted.

I suspect that most people are just happy little clams in their happy sea water and aren't looking at their shinbone and thinking, "I shouldn't be able to see that, all poking through the skin." I bet most people adjusted very easily.

But if anyone else went through this, did you get used to it? How long did it take?

I have 20-40 more pounds to go and I'm starting to wonder how that's going to go, lol.

cosmichvoyager

I know what you mean... It's weird to change. I am nervous to change more but I'm so excited that I feel better and physical activity is so much easier.
If you're feeling weirded out by looking not fat, maybe practice self-acceptance by thinking about all the ways our bodies are in flux throughout life.

MrsMizart

Take up a sport or activity that makes the most of your new fitness and shape. Look at other fit people in the same age range and you'll realise that you are meant to look as you do now.

If it gets too overwhelming, see a counsellor. Do it sober rather than later so you can enjoy your body and fitness that you've worked so hard for.

RodaRose

These are two good threads about people who have lost weight. Maybe you have already seen them. I was happy to hear about people being "cold" because I did not know what was going on when I experienced that.
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10087100/what-nobody-tells-you-about-losing-weight/p1
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10052379/unexpected-results-of-weight-loss#latest

I lost 60 lbs over an eleven month period and have been in what I am calling a "stall" -- the same weight for the last three months. Something is going on in my head and I am not sure what it is.

MerinneW

Although I did not lose as much as you, I have to reply because I still feel like I get you!

I think you should know what you're feeling is perfectly normal and understandable, especially in the context of such a dramatic change from a long term weight. A lot of people are only at their biggest for a short time, and just have a little weight to lose to 'go back' to how they were, how they actually conceive of themselves. You got used to your weight over years, many of them formative years; it felt like part of you, and to be without it may make you feel a little... exposed, maybe, or vulnerable/fragile?

Although it's dated a bit, Susie Orbach's Fat is a Feminist Issue makes really interesting reading on this (whether you're a woman or not!). She comes at being overweight from a very interesting perspective -that our fat is actually doing something positive for us psychologically or physically, even though we may not realise it consciously, and that is why it is so hard to get it off - because it's hard to give up.

As we all know who've gone through it, actually losing weight can be very simple practically - eat less/differently, do more - but something in our mind won't LET us do those simple things, sometimes for a very long time. Having pushed through that, and lost the weight, it's not surprising you're freaked out, as you're no longer getting whatever it was your fat was doing for you. Whatever that was, it would be worth thinking about your anxieties/ambivalence about your new thinner body to try and work it out, and see if you can find some reassurance that that protection/comfort/message to the world about what kind of person you are inside is still available to you in some other, healthier form. But give yourself time!

Even though I've lost very little compared to you, I am a bit stop-and-start because I do get lightly freaked out now and then when I've been on a successful losing streak. I think for me, just the idea i could reach goal, and then have to actually settle at a weight - not always being 'on a diet' or 'needing to go on a diet', but just being responsible for maintaining my healthy body as it is - is quite intimidating, so every time I get close to it, I have to stop, regroup, get used to the new weight, and then move on to the next couple of pounds loss. It's not a race - maybe take some time to get used to this new you before attacking those last 20-40lbs? Be gentle with yourself - you've done so well!

pariskathryn

^ great post, thank you

Roshky

I've actually been talking to my therapist about this, so I'm going to tell you how it works for me, even though I haven't lost as much weight yet.

I've also started gaining when I was young (~12 yo), and kept gaining even until last year. I'm at 255 lbs right now, and my highest was 262 lbs. I realized that I know I can lose the weight, but I was terribly afraid to do so because of two reasons:

(1) My body image formed around the weight because I was already big during my adolescence; I simply do not know how to be anything else than fat... thus, I tend to cling to this part of myself since it is part of my identity;

(2) Being fat has given me certain benefits/perks... to name a couple: it's a good defense mechanism and a good excuse when I need one.

From what you've written, I think you have the same issues I will have regarding point nr. 1. I'm not quite there yet, because I haven't lost that much weight, but I'm already a bit scared because if I'm not "fluffy", then I don't know how else I can be. For this, I've started working with The Body Image Workbook, by Thomas Cash (along with my usual therapy, which is focused mainly on point nr. 2). I suggest you take a look at it. It has a corny title, the first time I read it I was "8-step program to like your body? Really?", but it has helped a lot. And it's not just about liking your body, it's also about getting to know your body, especially since you have a new body to get used to. I guess it takes time to adapt, but I think the exercises in that book could help the process along faster.

Kalikel

Thanks for the replies, everyone.

I suppose I will get used to this in time.