"Destination" Wedding

SignpostPsycho

My fiance and I are going to start planning our wedding soon (for either fall of 2016 or spring of 2017). I've seen posts for destination weddings, but only in the traditional sense. Normally, EVERYONE has to travel to the destination.

But here's the thing. Our home is PA, and most of our friends and family live there, but we moved to Missouri out of college. PA isn't a real "destination" for a wedding in any of the traditional senses - it will be just as expensive, just as hard to plan, and it's not where we want to be for our honeymoon, limiting our ability to actually HAVE a honeymoon.

I have an extensive list of pros and cons for each state, but we are so conflicted. Neither of our families are competent enough or available to plan the wedding with us a thousand miles away (literally). But if we have it here, there will be no end to the grief.

Advice?

CJisinShape

Ask your parents.

SignpostPsycho

CJisinShape wrote: »

Ask your parents.

My family says "It's your wedding, do what you want and be happy". His family says "We want it here."

Luke_I_am_your_spotter

just do what makes you happy both in the short and long term. personally, i hate destination weddings but thats just me. to each their own.

_incogNEATo_

If his family wants it there, they can help cover costs. Then, with the money you save by his family supplementing, you can have money to go on a honeymoon. If they refuse to help cover costs, get married in a courthouse and piss on all of em.

ilfaith

Are you paying for the wedding or are your parents? If it is you, then do as you like. If your folks are footing the bill then they certainly should have some say in where the wedding is held.

How much of a hardship will it be for your friends and family in PA to travel? Are you considering getting married in Missouri and making that the "destination" or are you thinking of a true destination wedding...somewhere you would also consider honeymooning? Keep in mind that the farther you are from where friends and family live, the fewer people who will attend. If you're dreaming of a huge gala event, then your best bet is to have it closer to where the guests already are. If you are happy with the idea of a more intimate celebration, then you can have the wedding anywhere. If you going to get married far from where you currently reside, you will benefit greatly from the services of a wedding planner local to your venue who can handle the logistics.

CJisinShape

SignpostPsycho wrote: »

CJisinShape wrote: »

Ask your parents.

My family says "It's your wedding, do what you want and be happy". His family says "We want it here."

So PA it is? How about instead of a big blowout with hundred(s) of people, you just have your immediate family and closest friends stand with you as you marry in a park and then go to a nice restaurant/banquet hall with a small private room?

The banquet hall manager could probably walk you through the whole process on the phone. Use Yelp to make sure the food and service is excellent. Music could be DIY from MP3. You can use the cash saved to honeymoon, or upgrade everything - fancier dress, nicer restaurant, elaborate table decor, whatever.

Then there is the early morning wedding and tea party afternoon reception option are very inexpensive also.

Groupon is great for cheap travel deals.

Best wishes!

CJisinShape

_incogNEATo_ wrote: »

If his family wants it there, they can help cover costs. Then, with the money you save by his family supplementing, you can have money to go on a honeymoon. If they refuse to help cover costs, get married in a courthouse and piss on all of em.

This suggestion is ridiculous. Parents have invested a lot of energy raising their kids. It is by no means a huge request that they be able to attend and have their friends attend. Weddings imo, are a gift to the families, as well as the bride and groom.

CJisinShape

Also, planning a wedding is a huge task - if you want it to be. But, it doesn't have to be. If you don't micromanage, you can basically place the order and relax. Let the pros do what they know to do.

Example:
You: Hi, I'm calling because I'd like to have my wedding reception in your establishment between this or that date. I'm not in town, so I'd like to hear if you have suggestions for the other vendors I'd need, that are inexpensive.

Them: We have an available slot on these dates. My best suggestions for DJ, florist, cake, photographer, pastor/officiant is so and so for yada yada reasons.

You: Thank you for the referrals. My family member will be calling to make an appointment to see the venue, taste the menu.

(Look up referrals, negotiate prices, get ok from fam on venue, set dates, done).

Rent a wedding dress online or in PA.

Show up, then don't stress. The big $ spent on weddings is the number of guests, and reception type/day/time. If you can bend in any of these areas, you save big bucks.

A beautiful whipped cream icing cake can be made cheaply - choose to add fondant flowers and the price skyrockets. So stick real flowers in it. Or none at all.

If you aren't picky about the small details, your wedding can be planned easily and inexpensively.

CJisinShape

Most importantly.

Pray for peace in your decision and in your family and marriage.

SignpostPsycho

CJisinShape wrote: »

Also, planning a wedding is a huge task - if you want it to be. But, it doesn't have to be. If you don't micromanage, you can basically place the order and relax. Let the pros do what they know to do.

Example:
You: Hi, I'm calling because I'd like to have my wedding reception in your establishment between this or that date. I'm not in town, so I'd like to hear if you have suggestions for the other vendors I'd need, that are inexpensive.

Them: We have an available slot on these dates. My best suggestions for DJ, florist, cake, photographer, pastor/officiant is so and so for yada yada reasons.

You: Thank you for the referrals. My family member will be calling to make an appointment to see the venue, taste the menu.

(Look up referrals, negotiate prices, get ok from fam on venue, set dates, done).

Rent a wedding dress online or in PA.

Show up, then don't stress. The big $ spent on weddings is the number of guests, and reception type/day/time. If you can bend in any of these areas, you save big bucks.

A beautiful whipped cream icing cake can be made cheaply - choose to add fondant flowers and the price skyrockets. So stick real flowers in it. Or none at all.

If you aren't picky about the small details, your wedding can be planned easily and inexpensively.

*edited for clarity* All of your comments have been helpful! The wedding won't be big (max 80 people) even if we DO have it close to all the guests.

SignpostPsycho

ilfaith wrote: »

Are you paying for the wedding or are your parents? If it is you, then do as you like. If your folks are footing the bill then they certainly should have some say in where the wedding is held.

How much of a hardship will it be for your friends and family in PA to travel? Are you considering getting married in Missouri and making that the "destination" or are you thinking of a true destination wedding...somewhere you would also consider honeymooning? Keep in mind that the farther you are from where friends and family live, the fewer people who will attend. If you're dreaming of a huge gala event, then your best bet is to have it closer to where the guests already are. If you are happy with the idea of a more intimate celebration, then you can have the wedding anywhere. If you going to get married far from where you currently reside, you will benefit greatly from the services of a wedding planner local to your venue who can handle the logistics.

We are paying for the whole thing, as far as we know. If we were to have it in PA, we would place it equidistant from both his family and mine, that way travel is equal for both sides and no one will complain. My family would never make it to a true destination wedding without much help from us in terms of money because they are all below the poverty line. Chances are we wouldn't have more than 80 people, even if everyone we wanted to attend showed up.

Thinking about your questions has certainly cleared up some of the things I was debating!