Am I the only one?

Ophidion

I read a lot of post's in the forums along the lines of...
Cheaters, Bullies, I can't believe they would say that, My SO is so mean etc etc

Mostly the replies to these post's are very supportive and positive but there seems to be a commonality of responses akin to "Dump him/her" "How dare they" "I can't believe that" etc etc

So I was wondering am I the only one that seems to have been at fault in my life, I will give you some examples:

When I was younger (very early teen years) I tormented one kid in my high-school so much that I actually caused him to have a epileptic fit and wet himself.( I want to find this guy and apologize, if only I knew he's name. I keep picturing the scene from Billy Madison where Steve Buscemi crosses Adam Sandlers name off the list of people to kill)

Before my current relationship (13yrs) I had cheated practically on every women I had been with.(douche-bag)

I have said things that were damn right mean and insulting in the heat of the moment.(who hasn't)

Had beaten a guy half to death because I had been told that he had raped one of my friends...I made practically no effort to find out the facts before acting upon my anger. (Anger is a dangerous thing)

Have been guilty of stereotyping and handing out blanket-statements.(stoopid)

Now these actions that I have been guilty of in the past haunt me and quite ashamed of my behavior, the unnecessary pain that I have caused others, the myopic views, the selfishness of my actions. The movie Flatliners is a pretty good example of being haunted by past transgressions on peoples happiness or just plain right to exist in peace.

No I am not using the forums as some sort of confessional to ease the burden of my guilt for it is mine to deal with.
Just would seem that people are so ready to condemn so quickly with out all the facts or more specifically very little facts.

Guess I'm curious is anybody willing to admit some fault that they wish with their whole being they could turn back the clock and do it differently...Obviously regret does not change the past, it is ourselves we have to ultimately change!

Now I hung myself out to dry I think I will need one of these...

mizgiet

I admit some fault in my failed marriage. I wish I could turn back time and lose weight so that my ex-husband wouldn't leave me for another woman. Guys are visual, and I should have remembered that.

amandapye78

I actually know what you mean, I have done a lot of things i regret and sadly some things I should regret and dont, but I am too chicken **** to admit them all here

BenchPressingCats

I agree with you. I've done a lot of stupid *kitten* and others have done a lot of stupid *kitten* to me. We're human, it happens.

mockchoc

We have all done wrong because we are human and humans stuff up. Hopefully we learn from it but we don't always.

Cp731

Dude, I think your pms-ing.

haha

betterthanbefpre

Totally find that guy and talk to him. I totally have a flashback of Billy Madison now too!

I am so not perfect either.

Ophidion

Dude, I think your pms-ing.

haha

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

jenilla1

I admit some fault in my failed marriage. I wish I could turn back time and lose weight so that my ex-husband wouldn't leave me for another woman. Guys are visual, and I should have remembered that.

:huh:

Ophidion

Just wanted to add I don't dwell on this stuff as it would be unproductive. Just seems like almost everyone who reply's to cheating threads have never cheated...seems a little strange to me.

tehboxingkitteh

I agree with you. I've done a lot of stupid *kitten* and others have done a lot of stupid *kitten* to me. We're human, it happens.

I'm secretly an Alien Life Form disguised as a kitty :laugh:

I'd admit to what I'd like to have done differently, but my attorney advised me against such behavior.

txchik

We are all humans and humans make mistakes. I can truthfully say that I've done stupid things and sometimes can be a little mean, but I've never deliberately done anything cruel. As long as we learn from it and don't repeat it I feel the person has progressed.

jenilla1

Just wanted to add I don't dwell on this stuff as it would be unproductive. Just seems like almost everyone who reply's to cheating threads have never cheated...seems a little strange to me.

Maybe the cheating perpetrators are keeping their mouths shut so they don't get flamed on a cheater thread. Of course all the non-cheaters and the cheating victims are going to be supportive on those threads...makes total sense to me.

Ophidion

Just wanted to add I don't dwell on this stuff as it would be unproductive. Just seems like almost everyone who reply's to cheating threads have never cheated...seems a little strange to me.

Maybe the cheating perpetrators are keeping their mouths shut so they don't get flamed on a cheater thread. Of course all the non-cheaters and the cheating victims are going to be supportive on those threads...makes total sense to me.

QFT...great point

PGG19

We are all humans and humans make mistakes. I can truthfully say that I've done stupid things and sometimes can be a little mean, but I've never deliberately done anything cruel. As long as we learn from it and don't repeat it I feel the person has progressed.

yep, learn from mistakes, the best thing you can do. The fact that you want to find a dude and apologize for your actions is awesome and shows a lot about who you are now.

PlayerHatinDogooder

I got drunk and made out with a gerbil.

Damn spelling.

BigDnSW

From the "Old Guy" seating section (55 years young)...yes, we all have regrets in one way or another in many forms. The older one gets, hopefully we learn from them and embrace them as a part of ourselves reconciling and forgiving where and when we can. I don't live in the past, but I learn from it. I also try now to learn from others' mistakes, regrets as well. Ancient Eastern proverb, "A wise person will learn from their own mistakes, but a wiser one will learn from the mistakes of others as well."

I have appreciated your candor and honesty on several posts.

Yes, I have cheated. Yes, in my youth, I have been in fights. Yes, there are other things. However my greatest regrets now in life are not the things I did, but rather the things I did not do and now cannot, the people that I could have had meaningful relationships with but was too insecure.

I applaud your post as it is appealing and needed here on the forums which are often destructively sarcastic, sardonic, and ruthlessly critical.

Peace and Long Life.

grimendale

The one thing I feel bad about was during junior year of high school. I was a huge nerd, and had recently been asked out as a practical joke, which had soured me on relationships. There was a very sweet girl who was a friend who, in my yearbook, left a long and heartfelt note asking me out. I took it as a poor joke and did not respond. It wasn't until the drama teacher commented on argument the two of us were having a week later that it occured to me that she was serious. We went to a private place and discussed it, and I had to turn her down as I just didn't feel that way. I felt terrible about that. I explained and apologized at the time, but still. I foound out years later that I have Asperger's, which helps explain how I could so completely misread a situation. I didn't do it on purpose, so I don't feel guilty, but I do still feel bad about it.

Ophidion

I got drunk and made out with a garble.

gar·ble
/ˈgärbəl/
Verb
Reproduce (a message, sound, or transmission) in a confused and distorted way: "I got a garbled set of directions".
Noun
A garbled account or transmission.
Synonyms
distort - pervert - twist - misrepresent - wrench
Confused but laughing my *kitten* off...that reminds me funny reply's are encouraged...thanks

Ophidion

Ancient Eastern proverb, "A wise person will learn from their own mistakes, but a wiser one will learn from the mistakes of others as well."

. However my greatest regrets now in life are not the things I did, but rather the things I did not do and now cannot, the people that I could have had meaningful relationships with but was too insecure.

Peace and Long Life.

Amen Brother

jenilla1

Just wanted to add I don't dwell on this stuff as it would be unproductive. Just seems like almost everyone who reply's to cheating threads have never cheated...seems a little strange to me.

Maybe the cheating perpetrators are keeping their mouths shut so they don't get flamed on a cheater thread. Of course all the non-cheaters and the cheating victims are going to be supportive on those threads...makes total sense to me.

QFT...great point

Just think of it this way. If you'd been the victim of any of the violations you describe in the OP, you'd be a sympathizer to other victims, right? And if you had not been a victim OR a perpetrator, you'd side with the victims, since you'd have a sense of pride in the fact that you'd never done those things. But since you feel guilty, you're naturally going to want to go into defensive mode and look for others like you, so you feel less like of an aberration - after all, I'm not that bad if everybody else is doing it, right?

It's all good, dude. You know what you've done and you've acknowledged it. There's no need for you to take on the guilt and shame of every other cheater on MFP. Don't feel bad when other cheaters are getting bashed. They have nothing to do with you and your past. :flowerforyou:

iulia_maddie

Nothing I can think of, but I'm only 24 and have a lifetime of mistakes ahead of me. Hopefully, nothing I won't be able to live with.

PhattiPhat

I feel so emo right now.

Cait_Sidhe

We're all flawed, some are just unwilling to admit it even to themselves. Perfection doesn't exist.

Cutting4life

cool story bro

Ophidion

I feel so emo right now.

Lmao

Ophidion

Just wanted to add I don't dwell on this stuff as it would be unproductive. Just seems like almost everyone who reply's to cheating threads have never cheated...seems a little strange to me.

Maybe the cheating perpetrators are keeping their mouths shut so they don't get flamed on a cheater thread. Of course all the non-cheaters and the cheating victims are going to be supportive on those threads...makes total sense to me.

QFT...great point

Just think of it this way. If you'd been the victim of any of the violations you describe in the OP, you'd be a sympathizer to other victims, right? And if you had not been a victim OR a perpetrator, you'd side with the victims, since you'd have a sense of pride in the fact that you'd never done those things. But since you feel guilty, you're naturally going to want to go into defensive mode and look for others like you, so you feel less like of an aberration - after all, I'm not that bad if everybody else is doing it, right?

It's all good, dude. You know what you've done and you've acknowledged it. There's no need for you to take on the guilt and shame of every other cheater on MFP. Don't feel bad when other cheaters are getting bashed. They have nothing to do with you and your past. :flowerforyou:

There is definetly logic in what you have to say but personally I don't feel the need to take on the guilt and shame of every other cheater on MFP. neither do I naturally going to want to go into defensive mode and look for others like you, so you feel less like of an aberration - after all, I'm not that bad if everybody else is doing it, right?

I am more of a look at the whole picture kind of guy and people need to take responsibility for themselves I have no desire to carry anyone's guilt or come to their defense. The victims of crappy situations definitely get my sympathies.

Have a strong distaste for the I'm not that bad if everybody else is doing it, right? mentality...like to think for myself and not hide in group mentality's.

Your reasoning would hold true for some but I am not that guy.

BinaryPulsar

When I was in first grade, a boy thought I had a crush on him because I always used his coloring pencils, but I didn't have a crush on him, I just wanted to color. And that made me mad. So, I made fun of him and got everyone to make fun of him. I thought he walked funny, so I would replicate his walk for my friends and they would all laugh. But, then I stopped in third grade. Anyway, years later I felt so bad about it that I found him and apologized and he said that he didn't even remember that. So, I don't feel bad anymore. But, one of the reasons why I made fun of him was because he was nice to me and it reminded me that bad things were happening at home because he seemed caring and concerned at times.

There have been times when I had panic attacks and got triggered ptsd from my childhood trauma and I said mean things to my husband that were not about him.

No, I never cheated (except for when I was 12, and I felt really bad about it, but I don't think that counts).

I'm sure I've hurt people. I can't think of anything right now, which probably means I have healed and let things go. I actually tried to remember everything and apologize because I don't like regrets and loose ends. Everyone told me they did not remember it, but it was something I needed to do.

But, I still feel bad mostly about ways that my past made it sometimes difficult for me to fully connect with people and regrets related to my lack of confidence.

I did have one friend from high school that I had a very intense and passionate relationship with. I had a lot of regrets about fights that we had for a long time. We have finally made up and we are friends again. That was a long and important process. We both had regrets. She was mostly glad that I was so forgiving of her. I'm glad that she forgives me too. Her friendship was really important to me. I feel bad about times we were in very loud fights and disturbed the peace of others.

Sometimes I feel bad about things that happen for my kids, but it's all minor stuff that doesn't have any impact on them. Though, I'm sure they will have issues with me as they get older and may want to talk and ask for apologies (just seems that's a normal process because all parents are imperfect, with flaws and issues and make mistakes). But, at least they will not be traumatized by their childhood or feel abandoned by me.

There will always be things we wish could have happened differently. That's why people always say, "If only I could have known then, what I know now". I always heard people saying that and I wanted to never say that. But, now I know why people say that. I think it is unavoidable. It's the growing process.

coolraul07

...
So I was wondering am I the only one that seems to have been at fault in my life, I will give you some examples:
...
When I was younger (very early teen years) I tormented one kid in my high-school so much that I actually caused him to have a epileptic fit and wet himself.( I want to find this guy and apologize, if only I knew he's name.
...
I have said things that were damn right mean and insulting in the heat of the moment.(who hasn't)
...
Had beaten a guy half to death because I had been told that he had raped one of my friends...I made practically no effort to find out the facts before acting upon my anger. (Anger is a dangerous thing)
...
Have been guilty of stereotyping and handing out blanket-statements.(stoopid)
...
Now these actions that I have been guilty of in the past haunt me and quite ashamed of my behavior, the unnecessary pain that I have caused others, the myopic views, the selfishness of my actions.
...

Wasn't this the plot to "My Name Is Earl" on TV?

Ophidion

...

Wasn't this the plot to "My Name Is Earl" on TV?

Lol I wish as I would win the lottery and be friends with Crabman!!

sparkly86

cheating, i think that is just a commonality to carriers of the y chromosome.
Everyone makes mistakes, but as long as you recognize them and change, that is what counts. Nobody here is perfect.