Hello...again.

herebequeer

I've tried to lose weight in the past. I was successful, at one point. I used this app to track what and how much I was eating. I was at a comfortable weight. Then, I ate more. Exercised less. Stopped using this app. And eventually, I gained all my weight back, and then a little more. I stand at 5'2" and I'm at 146.5 pounds. I round it off to 150 because let's face it - I look about 150 pounds.

I'm disgusted with myself. I eat CONSTANTLY. Especially at night, when I'm dealing with insomnia and all my anxiety comes rushing in. I turn to whatever I have in my fridge. Two boiled eggs. A handful of sunflower seeds. A pudding cup. A few slices of cheese. Potato chips. Some leftover ramen.

It makes sense to me at the time. I'm hungry and there's nothing to do, so I'm gonna eat. But then I pass by a mirror and I cringe. I'm rectangular in shape. My belly protrudes out more than my butt. My upper arms and thighs are massive. I can't see my collar bones or my ribs like I used to be able to.

I promised myself that during the summer I would try to lose weight again, for senior year. I would look great and all my classmates would admire me and ask just how I did it, the town would host a parade in my honor, I would get a boyfriend... the whole shebang. There's a month until school starts and I haven't lost anything. In fact, I'm pretty sure I gained weight. It's so humiliating. I told a few of my friends I wanted to do it and to come back HEAVIER than I was...I dread the day school starts.

And then everything hurts. I'm turning 17, but I feel like I'm 70. I can hardly bend done without wanting to just lay on the floor and stay there forever. Bones that I thought I couldn't make noise, pop like firecrackers if I move quicker than usual. I can't run more than a minute straight without losing my breath.

Even thought I'm writing this at 1:34 in the morning, I feel like I should start now. I want to lose weight again. More than I did last time. And I want to keep it off. I set a goal for myself: Be under 110 before June 1st, when I finally graduate. That's nearly 50 pounds I got to lose in less than a year.

Follow me if you want to watch me mess up a bunch of times. Follow me if you want to tell me to keep on going. Follow me if you want to tuck me in at night and read me a bedtime story (actually please don't, that's creepy)

Hi. I'm Erin. And I'm gonna kick my fat *kitten* into shape

barbecuesauce

Well, you're too young for MFP and should try Sparkteens. As for the bone popping thing, that's air in your sockets--I've had it since I was a superskinny 12-year-old basketball player.

I also started at an odd time of day and have lost 65 pounds since then. Just try to keep up this feeling of determination--it can be done.

I would recommend not putting a goal or an end date on it. It is quite possible that you can lose 36.5 pounds in a year, even with a modest deficit. But saying "I will lose X by X" just adds to the stress and may make you feel guilty when you're getting pizza with your friends or have unavoidable family dinners.

Good luck. But realize this site is for people aged 18 and over and you should not be using it.