Anyone have discouraging friends/family members during your weight loss journey?

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bekah818
bekah818 Posts: 179 Member
in Getting Started
Anyone else come across some family members or even friends that are not too encouraging when it comes to your weight loss journey? Over the past years I have lost a lot of weight and put some back on-- and now I'm starting up again, and the first thing I hear is "oh don't get too skinny like last time" or "you look better with weight on". Or, "Your head looks big when you get small'..First of all I must say I've never been skinny, I'm 5'6 and at my smallest I was a size 7/8 (that's a small-medium) ..to me that's always been a perfect size for my height, I'm not skinny but I'm no where near plus size either.. For the most part I've always been a size 12, that seems to be the size I always go up to whenever I fall off the wagon (for those who don't know women sizes, a size 12 is just one size away from being considered 'plus sized'. At a size 12 you're considered to be a Medium-large, plus size is Large to extra large) Anyway I hate the way I look when I'm size 12, yet I feel like because people are so use to me at that size they just want me to stay there and they always have something to say...It's annoying! Anyone else get discouragement from family members, friends, loved ones? I know they care but sometimes the ones who have the most to say could also stand to lose some weight too, so why are they talking so much? Smh! lol. Thoughts? :/

Replies

  • cathipa
    cathipa Posts: 2,991 Member
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    Been in your shoes. I have your same stats and was also a size 12 since having my kids (who are 6&7) and when I decided to lose weight for good I did get the same response. I think they just are not used to seeing some one lose weight and want to make sure you are doing it in a healthy way and not starving yourself. Funny enough my mother would say I need to watch my weight, but now that I've lost weight she will sometimes say I don't need to lose any more (I'm now a size 4/6 and maintaining at 142). People at work also say the same things and they are always on a "diet", but none seem to lose. I don't know if it is worry or jealousy most of the time, but as long as you are doing it in a healthy way (i.e. not going under 1200 calories, doing ridiculous amounts of exercise just to eat, avoiding food, taking pills/powders for weight loss etc.) then don't worry about it.
  • thepetiterunner
    thepetiterunner Posts: 1,238 Member
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    People are bad with change. They are also bad with the idea that because you are changing, their own size is reflected differently in comparison. It forces them to re-evaluate themselves and sometimes they're not ready to do that.

    They're also not on this journey, you are. Just stay the course and if anyone says anything, just tell them "I'm doing what makes me happy", smile, and go about your business. In the end, their opinion doesn't matter, right? You're the one living with the consequences of your decisions, not them.
  • bekah818
    bekah818 Posts: 179 Member
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    thepetiterunner wrote: »
    People are bad with change. They are also bad with the idea that because you are changing, their own size is reflected differently in comparison. It forces them to re-evaluate themselves and sometimes they're not ready to do that.

    They're also not on this journey, you are. Just stay the course and if anyone says anything, just tell them "I'm doing what makes me happy", smile, and go about your business. In the end, their opinion doesn't matter, right? You're the one living with the consequences of your decisions, not them.

    Thanks! Doing what makes me happy and that's all that matters
  • cyntm713
    cyntm713 Posts: 4 Member
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    I have also been in your shoes. But no matter what they say just keep doing what makes you feel good! I feel that has been my problem more or less a people pleaser and when they started making those comments I would fall off of the wagon and go right back up to where I was. Also, yes I do know women sizes and 12 is not the next size away from plus size, 14 is. Then you go from 14W on up….been a plus size most of my life with the exception of when I lost weight after my first child and went down to a 9/10, 11/12.
  • farfromthetree
    farfromthetree Posts: 982 Member
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    7/8 sounds very reasonable! Follow your heart and how your body feels and maybe kindly tell them that you are aware of what is best for you, they need not worry. :)
  • cathipa
    cathipa Posts: 2,991 Member
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    KisforKrista wrote: »
    People instantly made comments about me getting "sick" from not eating.
    Concerned about my health, and i wondered where those people were while i was binge eating my way to 250lbs and eating nothing but garbage? Why didn't they tell me they were concerned for my health then?

    Funny how people are like that. No one says anything when you are overweight or they just make excuses ("big boned" - love that one). Then you lose and they say things like "don't whither away" or "you are going to look sick if you keep losing". I just let it roll off and stick to what I'm doing. I'm the one who has to worry about my health since when I was fat no one else cared enough to say something then.
  • Alidecker
    Alidecker Posts: 1,262 Member
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    My problem is a little different. I started at a size 22, got down to a size 8. I m now up to a 12 and working hard to get back down. People tell my I don't look like I gained any weight and that I shouldn't worry about it, you look fine. Well, if I don't worry now, I will be back to a size 20, and I certainly don't want that. How do people not notice I moved up 2 sizes? A couple people told me I looked too skinny at a size 8, but I was happy with it.
  • TuffChixRule
    TuffChixRule Posts: 190 Member
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    thepetiterunner wrote: »
    People are bad with change. They are also bad with the idea that because you are changing, their own size is reflected differently in comparison. It forces them to re-evaluate themselves and sometimes they're not ready to do that.

    ^^ This. Change makes people uncomfortable and they feel they have to spin it back to soothe their own feelings of perceived inadequacy. You're doing great, getting healthy and looking good! I'm looking forward to the day I can fit back into a size 12.
  • grza36
    grza36 Posts: 21 Member
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    bekah818 wrote: »
    Anyone else come across some family members or even friends that are not too encouraging when it comes to your weight loss journey? Over the past years I have lost a lot of weight and put some back on-- and now I'm starting up again, and the first thing I hear is "oh don't get too skinny like last time" or "you look better with weight on". Or, "Your head looks big when you get small'..First of all I must say I've never been skinny, I'm 5'6 and at my smallest I was a size 7/8 (that's a small-medium) ..to me that's always been a perfect size for my height, I'm not skinny but I'm no where near plus size either.. For the most part I've always been a size 12, that seems to be the size I always go up to whenever I fall off the wagon (for those who don't know women sizes, a size 12 is just one size away from being considered 'plus sized'. At a size 12 you're considered to be a Medium-large, plus size is Large to extra large) Anyway I hate the way I look when I'm size 12, yet I feel like because people are so use to me at that size they just want me to stay there and they always have something to say...It's annoying! Anyone else get discouragement from family members, friends, loved ones? I know they care but sometimes the ones who have the most to say could also stand to lose some weight too, so why are they talking so much? Smh! lol. Thoughts? :/

    When I first started, yeah, my family would give me a lot of *kitten* about it and make fun of me for trying. Now they're begging me for "the secret". Stick with it, keep doing you, and watch how people's reactions change.

    It's a fairly common sentiment, but don't let the other crabs keep you in the bucket. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality)
  • LeslieB042812
    LeslieB042812 Posts: 1,799 Member
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    grza36 wrote: »
    bekah818 wrote: »
    It's a fairly common sentiment, but don't let the other crabs keep you in the bucket. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality)

    ^^^Hilarious!!!! :smile:

    And yes, a few years ago I lost down to a size 2 (I'm only 5'2", so that's probably equivalent to about a 4 or 6 for a taller woman) and I had lots of family and friends tell me I was too skinny, even though I was still in the middle of my healthy weight range! I bounced back up to my max of 12, which everyone agrees I should lose from, and am now trying to lose back to the 2, but my mom and a few friends are all discouraging me from going that far, saying I shouldn't go below a 6. (I'm at 8 right now, so they're not telling me I shouldn't lose at all.... lol).

    I think ultimately, it's your body and you should be whatever size that makes YOU happy (so long as it's within a healthy range). For me, I don't care if others feel I'm too skinny and less attractive at a size 2--that was the size that made me most happy with my body, so I'm going for it! :smile:
  • v1cky0115
    v1cky0115 Posts: 15 Member
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    Yes, going through this now mainly with my partner. As soon as he hears me say im trying to lose weight there's some fatty food in front of me or a glass of wine and i normally give in. Have now realised the only person i can count on is myself and the only reason he does this is his own insercurity. I dont tell him now how im doing and it seems to be going well although a bit of encourgment would be nice i know its not going to happen.
  • Faithful_Chosen
    Faithful_Chosen Posts: 401 Member
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    My girlfriend is not on board with this journey. I was always much thinner than her, but I wanted to lean out so I decided to drop about 5 kg's. That means regular exercise, restricting calories, and counting everything going into my mouth. She hates that I work out more than her because she feels she should work out more (but just doesn't), and the whole calories thing makes her think I have anorexia (?) so every time the scales comes out, I get this petrefied look of 'oh God, oh god, she is going to starve herself and die'--which is just plain wrong because I actually ate less when I started slimming and not measuring. I log and count to make sure I give my body everything it needs, but I'll never get that across to my girl, not to mention that anorexia is... not even in the ballpark of calorie counting. I know she just wishes she could (magically?) slim down as well and that change is always hard, but it's becoming really tedious to go through the whole 'are you still weighing everything? Come on, you can have those M&M's without weighing them, right?'-thing. At least I am the one that cooks in my household. I know she will get used to it, but until she does, I'm just doing what I have to do to get the body I want to have.
  • Tedebearduff
    Tedebearduff Posts: 1,155 Member
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    bekah818 wrote: »
    Anyone else come across some family members or even friends that are not too encouraging when it comes to your weight loss journey? Over the past years I have lost a lot of weight and put some back on-- and now I'm starting up again, and the first thing I hear is "oh don't get too skinny like last time" or "you look better with weight on". Or, "Your head looks big when you get small'..First of all I must say I've never been skinny, I'm 5'6 and at my smallest I was a size 7/8 (that's a small-medium) ..to me that's always been a perfect size for my height, I'm not skinny but I'm no where near plus size either.. For the most part I've always been a size 12, that seems to be the size I always go up to whenever I fall off the wagon (for those who don't know women sizes, a size 12 is just one size away from being considered 'plus sized'. At a size 12 you're considered to be a Medium-large, plus size is Large to extra large) Anyway I hate the way I look when I'm size 12, yet I feel like because people are so use to me at that size they just want me to stay there and they always have something to say...It's annoying! Anyone else get discouragement from family members, friends, loved ones? I know they care but sometimes the ones who have the most to say could also stand to lose some weight too, so why are they talking so much? Smh! lol. Thoughts? :/

    Yes but not from family, my family was amazing throughout my entire journey. My close friends were also really supportive... it was my fake friends and work people that drove me nuts with comments
    • Your heads to big for your body now
    • Your getting too skinny
    • you looked better a few months back

    Then when you stop and decied to bulk you get the opposite
    • Why'd you stop working out?
    • Fell off eh?
    • Do you even go to the gym anymore?

    For me all of these comments came from fake friends within my work building or from people at work. (I work in an office environment where there are 238 ppl) Eventually they find someone else to bug (after 2 years)... I'd get short with people and tell them there comments are rude! don't be scared to standup for yourself!!! I had to ask someone to stop asking me what I eat or comment on my food. stuff like that .. can message me if you want been dealing with this *kitten* for 3 years now!
  • ambitiousclaire
    ambitiousclaire Posts: 72 Member
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    Yes, I've been here before and I'm here now. I would get discouraged before and give up on losing weight because I didn't have the support to keep me going but I've started to notice that I was just packing on the pounds. Now I'm at my highest weight and I don't get much support from family but I had to realize that I'm not doing this for anyone but me! And they didn't get me into this situation I'm currently in, I did! So instead of waiting for motivation to come to me I'm on here, youtube and pinterest finding it. Don't worry about how anyone feels do what works for you and you only! :)
  • bekah818
    bekah818 Posts: 179 Member
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    Awesome! Thanks for your comments guys. It looks like we have all been through the same thing. The moral of the story, is doing what makes you happy. I can't wait to get back down to a size seven so I can strut my stuff again, lol ;)
  • 40andFindingFitness
    40andFindingFitness Posts: 497 Member
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    Only recently have I received a couple of off-brand remarks from a friend. She lost weight about two years ago and has admitted it is creeping back on (she's in a different state so I haven't seen her). I tried keeping the conversation light and quick but afterward I was a bit upset. However, I can't stop how people feel about me losing weight or them not losing weight so it just is what it is and I'll just stay positive about my life and hope they get it together.

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