people in your life not respecting your healthy choices

sldenis86

when going to family gatherings or parties people always seem to be forcing unhealthy food on me. I tell them no thank you and that im working toward a healthier life but most will say so what and continue trying to convince me to eat up. Another problem is friends wanting for me to skip workouts so they may have my time instead. "oh its just one day" they say. How do you handle it?

lovehavingkids

I have the same problem.

ThisIsRae

Consistent repetition of "No, thank you." Eventually they will get it. Just don't give in, stick to your decisions and keep saying no. The people around you are always going to try to get you to make unhealthy decisions to make themselves feel better about the fact that they are not making healthy decisions like you are. This happens to me all the time, as I am the only vegetarian in a very large family and there is not a single family member who is supportive or at least positive about my eating choices. It took a very long time before I could go to any gathering without hearing "Not even bacon?" or "What about chicken, does chicken count?" They still mock me when I sit down to the table with no meat on my plate, but that's just how it goes. Eventually you will get used to saying no and they will get tired of asking. Prioritize fitness and healthy eating first, and in the end, your family/friends will get that it's not about them, it's about you being healthy! Good luck

antoinetteg1957

I feel your pain. The hardest is holiday with so much rich food on the table. Like ThisIsRae said, stick to your guns. Keep saying no thank you and they will get it. You might even influence so one else to follow your path.

SolotoCEO

This one is tough. I just say no again - stronger if needed. I don't want to hurt feelings, but I have to make choices that are best for me. Remember you are the only one who's opinion counts on this one! You are 100% responsible for the choices. You can do it!

tibby531

I've become the "bad guest" that leaves half a burger bun in the bag, or takes all the lettuce and toppings to make a "backyard bbq" salad. they look at me weird. they poke fun. but, I'll worry about my plate, and they can worry about theirs. besides, I've got my eye on the dessert cake; gotta save room for that!

as for workouts, you have to be firm. when you have time for you, use it. they can come along, if they want, or wait until you're free for them. but YOU come first.

TavistockToad

You don't have to justify yourself, just say 'no thanks', then talk about something else. Plus I have never said to a friend 'I can't meet you, I have to work out', just say either you can't make that date or you're busy but can meet them later...

brandyosu

Tell them no and stick to your guns. I was out at a social event with a friend last night and she really wanted me to just "blow it off" and eat and drink a bunch of crap with her. I told her no, that I had already logged what I intended to put into my body and then I stuck with it. I'm sure she was really disappointed but not so much so that she left or that it ended up ruining our time together. If your friends are used to you behaving a certain way or over-indulging with them, it can come as a bit of a shock to them when you no longer want to participate in those behaviors. BUT if they are truly your friends they will have to learn to respect your choices. Family, I realize, are an entire separate can of worms but again, they need to learn to respect that you are in charge of what you eat/drink.

noel2fit

Consistency. Always offer the friend trying to hang out another option for getting together so they know they're still important to you. "Why don't you join me as a guest at the gym?" or "I'm working on my *kitten* for an hour, but we should grab coffee and/or go shopping after and catch up!"

Family gatherings are hopeless IMO. Bring a healthy dish to share and mainly eat that, but in my experience they'll still make fun of you. The I-just-ate-and-I'm-so-full tactic is also a good one, as if you just ate some huge tempting meal you couldn't pass up and spoiled your dinner accidentally. In the end just do your thing, brush them off, and keep moving forward.

TheVirgoddess

Firm no's work. You don't need to provide reasons why you're saying no - for both food and exercise.

transformedbyhim56

Anytime we make radical changes in our lives, it makes family and friends uncomfortable. They want you to stay as you always were. Maybe they are afraid if you change your life it might not include them anymore. When you've made nonnegotiable decisions with yourself to change your life for the better, you can expect opposition. It's just human nature. Keep doing what you're doing and when your family and friends see positive changes in your life, they may want to join in. But eventually they will leave you alone with trying to pressure you when they see you won't give in. Remember you are doing it for you and your health, not for them. You can find plenty of support here on MFP and at your local gym. Look at the health statistics in our country (USA); they are declining at an alarming rate. People are more overweight and unhealthy than ever before. You are on the right path.

punkrockgoth

Yep. Been there. It's frustrating. I found these two reads to be really helpful:

http://vitals.lifehacker.com/how-loved-ones-can-sabotage-your-fitness-efforts-1679165787

http://greatist.com/grow/how-deal-people-undermine-your-health

lessismoreohio

I struggle with this at times as well. I think the best approach is courteous "No thank you" and then go ahead and do what it is you want to do. At the end of the day, it's you who has to live with your good or bad choices so you have to do what is right for you.

sldenis86

Thanks everyone

ashmarie8722

Girl, This post was so how I felt today. I have been on this site for years now, I got off the bandwagon with a bad break up but came back fighting! Today was the first day, I really experienced what I felt was someone hating on my success. I have had the family member who looks at you with a judgmental look or comments on what is on your plate. But, this is the first time I really felt that anger about it. I have this "wonderful and amazing" friend, who is great and supportive, but at the same time "concerned." Her I am proud of you is followed up by, but you need to eat. I eat at least 3 times a day, and at least 1100 at the least. I simply try to keep a 1000 cal deficit on my day, because that is what works for me. In fact, some of my dinners include ice cream for desert! So i do not starve myself, and am not on some scandalous diet. However, She always invites me to go to this burger place, I always decline, as burgers are not my weakness, or what I would choose to have to work off. If she invites me for dinner she always makes so much food, and she is one of those, makes the plates people. Well today, she invited me to said burger joint, and I made a joke and told her I was having a hard enough time, with a Sandwich place that is right next to my gym.

Instead of her normal response, today it was "I AM CONCERNED ABOUT YOU," followed by you don't eat enough and blah blah blah. I immediately got irritated with her, I eat, I just don't eat what she does. The way she cooks and the places she wants to go are usually out of my league. I was very hurt today, because i finally realized she doesn't actually respect my life style decisions. Yet, yesterday she was just complaining to me about how she needs someone to get up in walk with her in the AM before it gets hot out...

So many of the comments and conversations I have read on here, about if someone doesn't support you move on. They aren't really that great of friend if they make you feel bad about about going to the gym or eating right. I have never thought about writing off a friend because of this but today almost did it. I thought some of the worst things I have ever thought about a good friend. I thought "I fight for my health, and you got surgery", or "you say you support your husband's weight loss but with your meals he isn't gonna loose that weight he needs, because he didn't have his stomach shrunk like you did."

Bottom line, it isn't just "one day," I fight every day, to be healthier, happier and in shape. No one should minimize that.

LAT1963

Invite your friends to go to the gym with you. (Ha ha ha! see how fast they recoil from that suggestion!!!)

Be the host. Only serve healthy stuff.

& do all the stuff other folk suggested.

Capt_Apollo

sldenis86 wrote: »

when going to family gatherings or parties people always seem to be forcing unhealthy food on me. I tell them no thank you and that im working toward a healthier life but most will say so what and continue trying to convince me to eat up. Another problem is friends wanting for me to skip workouts so they may have my time instead. "oh its just one day" they say. How do you handle it?

by not being so high and mighty about it.

i get offered food at work, at home, at parties, etc etc. "thanks" and "no thanks" are the only words out of my mouth. most of the time no one pushes the fact that i just turned down something. if someone makes a comment, which is rare, i'll say something like "no, saving some room for that other thing."

and when are you working out? if it's time that you used to spend hanging out with friends, maybe they just miss you and like hanging out with you?? start working out in the morning. or go hang out with them after work. or invite the to the gym with you, and then you can go out.

judging from your post count and that you are at "0 pounds lost 66 pounds to go" i'm assuming that you are new to eating healthy and exercise. these are new changes for you and your friends and family. people don't like change. it forces them to look at themselves, and no one likes that.

you'll also have time to learn a few things. you can totally have that burger at the party with some cheese and some fixins', but instead of coleslaw or potato salad thats loaded with mayo, you have some regular salad instead. and you'll still be eating healthy.

boogiewookie

my dad is bad about it. he has a great metabolism but I got my mom's. he always brings over delicious fatty food and tries to pressure me into eating, making up justifications for everything (you can have a burger, the meat is great protein and the veggies on top make it practically a salad...you can eat whatever you want as long as you work out) and he gets offended if I turn it down. plus he seems to always show up right as I'm about to work out. he wears the same size pants he did in high school and eats several huuge meals a day. man I wish I inherited that gene!

DuckReconMajor

I'm the guy who's known for eating everything and a lot of food gets pushed my way, but a simple "nah" or "no thanks" works, or i laugh along to the "hey, i'm sure duckreconmajor will eat it" then politely decline. Surprised at how well this has worked.

Capt_Apollo

boogiewookie wrote: »

my dad is bad about it. he has a great metabolism but I got my mom's. he always brings over delicious fatty food and tries to pressure me into eating, making up justifications for everything (you can have a burger, the meat is great protein and the veggies on top make it practically a salad...you can eat whatever you want as long as you work out) and he gets offended if I turn it down. plus he seems to always show up right as I'm about to work out. he wears the same size pants he did in high school and eats several huuge meals a day. man I wish I inherited that gene!

that is practically 100% true. a good burger with veggies is a great meal. easy on things like cheese and sauces, as those calories can add up quickly (especially since they often aren't measured), and a burger can be a very well rounded meal.

i used to use sandwich thins as buns to save a few calories, but after realizing that regular sized whole wheat buns were only 30 calories more, i switched to those instead.

gravityisalie

Why not lie through your teeth?
As far as my family , friends and colleagues think i have never set foot inside a gym.
I come home late/ leave for work early because im doing overtime.
The protein shake on my desk is a milkshake from the local burger joint i stopped off at on my lunch break walk to clear my head.
Im not eating dessert / trying the cake you made because diabetes type 2 runs in my family and i dont want that for me (actually true)
No butter in my mash potato , ive gone off the taste of it.
Im only ordering a main course , the boss bought pizza for everyone at work

I find this works for me anyway