Dating after significant weight loss

kathymay1013

You were beautiful and worthy at 205 and you still are at 148. Believe that, and you'll know how to address the topic when/if it comes up.

mmnv79

vadimknobel wrote: »

Talking as a guy, I would not care much if you lost 50 pounds before. There's nothing negative in that. it shows you are health conscious and motivated.

Agree. I think that knowing what you went through probably helps him feel like he knows you better, etc.

AbsoluteTara79

If something like that matters, he shouldn't matter! It would be a good test of character - tell him!

Tedebearduff

Try losing 172lbs and having lose skin .... give me a call when that happens.

Honestly, not 1 girl I dated after my weight loss cared at all, my fiance doesn't care either. It's not an issue when you love someone and I guess when you're dating also...

Funny thing is almost everyone I dated had lost weight also, (1 girl over 100lbs lost) I met them through friends, online etc... it was as if people who have lost weight are drawn to each other in some weird way.

Just tell him, if he cares he can *kitten* off then.

tomatoey

steeheart wrote: »

Update! So I still haven't mentioned my weight loss. But HE told me that HE used to be "heavy" years ago, and would eat a bunch of icecream every night. Haha! Not sure how overweight he was before, but makes me feel more comfortable for when it does come up.

Oh, that's good. That would have been a good time to mention it, actually ( like, "oh, me too, I've also lost weight"). But it doesn't have to be a big deal. It's just a fact about your life & you can talk about it if you want to, or not if you don't. You also went to high school and probably did some other things, you're not going to talk about those, necessarily, right? If he sees a pic, you can just go, "oh yeah, I was heavier back then". Again, doesn't have to be a big deal.

Monna2

I actually never thought about that. I would go to the moon to reach my goal weight, but if someone is interested in me now or ever, he'd better accept the whole package. I was engaged a few years ago, and a few months after our engagement, he politely asked me to lose weight. That was a shock that made very sensitive about that issue until now, even though I'm now 30 kg heavier !!! But whoever decides to be with me has to fully accept that I struggled or still struggle with weightloss.
Keep your head up , girl. You're a role model for thousands of people. Your perfect match exists . It could be him. Liberate yourself from any shame. You are an achiever. Period.

mcpostelle

Bump! This has been a worry for me. How do you exactly tell somebody that you used to be xxx amount of weight? All good suggestions though and something to keep in mind when I get to that point with a guy.

mcpostelle

You're a hottie now though!

izorasmom

I lost 160 pounds eight years ago. I too was nervous about my husband finding out when we first met. I had told them that i had lost weight but I never put a number or a picture with it. One day when he was at my house looking for a movie for us to watch he stumbled across an old photo. He asked me who it was and i hesitated before admitting it was me. He didn't make a big deal about it and i quickly put the photo away. Later on when i had enough courage i asked him what he thought of the photo. He told me i was as beautiful in the old photo as i was on that day. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that even after significant weight loss we often still view ourselves of less, or more deserving of criticism, the people who care about us never see us as what we thought we were. Good luck on your journey. Nothing is impossible. 160 pounds lost eight years ago and all but about 20 pounds from my

jennifer_417

I'm p[retty upfront about it. I even have some of my old fat pics on FB. I think it's easier that way. There are enough things in my life that make dating difficult, if that's gonna drive someone off, it's better to get it out of the way early on.

Xiaolongbao

jennifer_417 wrote: »

I'm p[retty upfront about it. I even have some of my old fat pics on FB. I think it's easier that way. There are enough things in my life that make dating difficult, if that's gonna drive someone off, it's better to get it out of the way early on.

Me too. I also wanted him to know so that when I made remarks about worrying about gaining weight etc he'd have more of an understanding about it being a real concern rather than just a throw away remark. Now I've been with the same wonderful guy for 18 months I'm really glad he knew from the start rather than me having to worry about how he'd react down the track.

kallemann67

vadimknobel wrote: »

Talking as a guy, I would not care much if you lost 50 pounds before. There's nothing negative in that. it shows you are health conscious and motivated.

Completely agree.

kellellie

1. Own your story
2. Don't mind read other people, it's usually your own insecurities reflected back
3. Trust the person you're with to honor your life story
4. You didn't go from "unworthy" to "worthy" by losing weight. You made a change. Tell that feeling of embarrassment to eff off and be proud of yourself. Others will be proud of you too.

danidanibobani

AbsoluteTara79 wrote: »

If something like that matters, he shouldn't matter! It would be a good test of character - tell him!

This!

rjivory

I would embrace your weight loss with pride! Bring it up! Tell him about how great you feel! It's just like telling him about any huge accomplishment in your life!!!

LilannB

I checked your profile to see if you are a young person. Because I honestly can't imagine that a man would care that you once weighed more then you do now. What you've accomplished is something to be proud of not something you need to hide.

ericGold15

Just starting from the little stats we know of how often overweight people who lose weight end up gaining it back, I can certainly understand the hesitancy to bring the topic up. Is it so different than e.g. having a past that includes divorce, or drinking too much alcohol ?

In any case, those are group stats. You are an individual. An honest self-appraisal of the past and present informs the future, and that is what should be shared at a good time.

(update): Funny. Sounds like he is not going to tempt you with junk food

Sinnister78

As a guy...I agree with the other guys point of view here. Its actually another check in the "pro's" column.

Also, you look great so it wouldn't matter to him anyway.

pdwhitlock

Haven't read all the replies, but the fact that you had such great weight loss is something to be proud of! Every time I see someone over weight running or in the gym or eating healthy I want to run up and cheer them on! You are not your weight. You are beautiful in your before and after pics. Anyone worth dating should understand that. Best of luck in the dating and congrats on taking care of yourself and loving yourself!

woznube7

Thank you for sharing your story. I am having a hard time w/being single and also losing weight.. and not focusing on the losing weight to not be single anymore. It really does show that what is on the inside matters more than what is on the outside. Great work! Very inspiring, motivating, and a great reminder that I can do it! @steeheart

paulelliott7

I date a woman that I have a great relationship with that told me almost right away that they had lost a lot of weight. I've never worried about it at all. We work out together every morning now and enjoy being active together. Go for it, if he won't react favorably better to find out now than in the future! He won't mind, most people wouldn't, heck he'll probably be thinking more along the lines of how determined and strong you are!

laineybz

First of all, you look amazing!

Second, I started dating someone when I was around 6 months into my weight loss journey. I was happy within myself and it showed. He loved me as I was and when I carried on losing my weight, at a certain point he would have liked me to stop. Sadly that relationship ended but i've since found someone else who has only ever known me at this weight and loves me as i am now, even tells me to gain a little lol.

I am proud of my weight loss and honestly, i pretty much tell anyone who will listen i've lost around 90lbs lol. I'll shove my older picures in their face as proof even when they don't ask for it haha.

Shunitam

U look awesome! How did u lose the weight?

Timshel_

kathymay1013 wrote: »

You were beautiful and worthy at 205 and you still are at 148. Believe that...

*Z SNAP!* You got that right.

YOU are AMAZING.

Palmeralex

Tedebearduff wrote: »

Try losing 172lbs and having lose skin .... give me a call when that happens.

Honestly, not 1 girl I dated after my weight loss cared at all, my fiance doesn't care either. It's not an issue when you love someone and I guess when you're dating also...

Funny thing is almost everyone I dated had lost weight also, (1 girl over 100lbs lost) I met them through friends, online etc... it was as if people who have lost weight are drawn to each other in some weird way.

Just tell him, if he cares he can *kitten* off then.

Your photos are well impressive. That is a lot of weight loss.

pipwilliams101

You are my hero!!!!!

Just to add you are beautiful before and after. You are the same wonderful person, men that judge anyone differently with or without extra weight are not worth talking about. There loss!!!

I am starting out on my journey .... With similar goals and u are my inspiration. Thank you

ericGold15

pipwilliams101 wrote: »

Just to add you are beautiful before and after. You are the same wonderful person, men that judge anyone differently with or without extra weight are not worth talking about. [Their] loss!!!

Your post made we wonder how the previously obese people who frequent this forum now in relationships handle the situation of a partner who gets obese (either first time or again.)

jeremyblaylock

I think the biggest thing to remember is that EVERYBODY thinks about their body and weight, even though most people don't talk about it. I'm sure the guy will fully understand your journey and has often thought about his own body in similar ways. Share your experiences and maybe you'll gain a supportive partner who will help you progress even further in your goals.

BTW awesome progress!