How to train your husband (or partner/spouse/whatever)

wrrly

Let me begin by saying I love my husband. Dearly. I'm fortunate to have such a caring and supportive person in my life.

He is fully supportive of the changes I've made and the challenges I'm taking on. I've shared with him what I've been reading, even loaded the MFP app on his iPhone to play with. In general we're both eating better, he's even working out on my newly purchased treadmill.

Okay, because of our schedules he is the primary cook in the household (it's just the two of us). We both love food and he is a great cook. He also likes to try out new local restaurants. Food is something that he indulges in, sometimes with abandon. However that abandon is getting to me. He has never counted calories in his life, doesn't measure out portions.

Those of you who have spouses/partners/whatevers, how did you train or teach them about what we all are here doing?
I hate to use the word "train" as I don't mean to sound derogatory. And I hate to sound like I'm griping, I'm not really. But I want to see if any of you have ideas on how to get your loved ones on board with your change of lifestyle when it comes to food.

WBB55

Ask him to write down his recipes (and preferably weigh the ingredients...), so you can log them properly for yourself. Just be an example and give him unconditional love.

But you can't force him to log or count calories if he doesn't want to.

sherbear702

I cook so my husband doesn't really get a choice about it. He never complains either, as long as he gets fed, he's happy.

Liftng4Lis

You can only lead by example, (you know lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink). You can however request of him to help YOU, but letting you know what is in the food he's cooking and put the food scale there with a piece of paper. Let him know how important YOUR accuracy is.
I never said a word to my daughter (15 years old), but she watched me log for about 4 months and one day she fixed me lunch. It had a piece of paper attached with all the ingredients and weights next to them so I could log it. I'd say that was a fine example

slaite1

Liftng4Lis wrote: »

You can only lead by example, (you know lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink). You can however request of him to help YOU, but letting you know what is in the food he's cooking and put the food scale there with a piece of paper. Let him know how important YOUR accuracy is.
I never said a word to my daughter (15 years old), but she watched me log for about 4 months and one day she fixed me lunch. It had a piece of paper attached with all the ingredients and weights next to them so I could log it. I'd say that was a fine example

That is adorable

dubird

I don't. My husband can eat what he wants, and if he wants to cook, I'll eat what he makes. Now, he does adjust what he cooks so I can eat too, though that's mostly because I have wimpy tastebuds and can't handle spicy! But when he does cook, I measure out my portion and go from there. If I need to, I enter the recipe in MFP and use that calculation. For teaching him about counting calories, I just started it on my own. I told him what I was going to do, and just did it. I didn't try to change his eating habits, and I'm not going to insist he joins in. He's welcome to join in, and because of health reasons he is watching his intake a lot more now, but getting him onboard with my change doesn't mean he has to do it to.

What I would do in your case is tell him straight out, here's what I'm doing and why. Let him know he doesn't have to change his eating habits, but you need to change yours to be more healthy. Chances are, he'll support you. He may not want to join you, but if he at least is willing to help you make adjustments for yourself, even if it's only that he doesn't comment on you adjusting the amount you eat, then that's really all you can reasonably ask for.

wrrly

WBB55 wrote: »

Ask him to write down his recipes (and preferably weigh the ingredients...), so you can log them properly for yourself. Just be an example and give him unconditional love.

Most of the things he makes he does without a recipe. And the unconditional love he gets regardless.

I suppose what I'm dealing with is this is the first time I've attempted this weight loss journey with someone else in my life. In the past I've always been solo. So I'm trying to wrap my head around how to do this. Or maybe I'm just overthinking things.

Liftng4Lis

slaite1 wrote: »

Liftng4Lis wrote: »

You can only lead by example, (you know lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink). You can however request of him to help YOU, but letting you know what is in the food he's cooking and put the food scale there with a piece of paper. Let him know how important YOUR accuracy is.
I never said a word to my daughter (15 years old), but she watched me log for about 4 months and one day she fixed me lunch. It had a piece of paper attached with all the ingredients and weights next to them so I could log it. I'd say that was a fine example

That is adorable

Right! Most of the time you want to wring their necks, then the dang things go and do something like this.

jemhh

I would either ask him for his recipes or would watch him make the food so I could figure it out myself. We don't really eat any different foods compared to before. I just eat smaller portions.

Josalinn

I keep a food scale at my boyfriends so when I visit I can weigh the foods. Otherwise I agree with asking him to write down the recipes. And if his food is really rich, just make sure you have a lot of veg and a smaller amount of the main course.

wrrly

Liftng4Lis wrote: »

I never said a word to my daughter (15 years old), but she watched me log for about 4 months and one day she fixed me lunch. It had a piece of paper attached with all the ingredients and weights next to them so I could log it. I'd say that was a fine example

That is totally adorable. And she is learning good habits through you as well.

dubird

wrrly wrote: »

WBB55 wrote: »

Ask him to write down his recipes (and preferably weigh the ingredients...), so you can log them properly for yourself. Just be an example and give him unconditional love.

Most of the things he makes he does without a recipe. And the unconditional love he gets regardless.

I suppose what I'm dealing with is this is the first time I've attempted this weight loss journey with someone else in my life. In the past I've always been solo. So I'm trying to wrap my head around how to do this. Or maybe I'm just overthinking things.

It's not really any different from doing it solo. You'll want to tell him what you're doing and why so that when you start limiting portions he doesn't think it's because of his cooking! But you have to do your own counting and keep yourself accountable anyways, so whether or not he joins in shouldn't impact what you do. Am I making sense? I can't always tell!

jaqcan

Have you TOLD him what you need from him? Have you had a heart to heart conversation with him stating in no uncertain terms what you are trying to accomplish?
Men aren't mind readers. They don't pick up on clues. He sees you eating better, good for you. He doesn't take it internally that HE needs to do anything different.
Maybe your tracking won't be 100% accurate, but you can eat smaller portions of what he is fixing. If after a few weeks of trial, and you aren't meeting the goals, you'll need to reduce portions further. And just because he's ordering with abandon at a restaurant, doesn't mean you have to.

wrrly

dubird wrote: »

wrrly wrote: »

WBB55 wrote: »

Ask him to write down his recipes (and preferably weigh the ingredients...), so you can log them properly for yourself. Just be an example and give him unconditional love.

Most of the things he makes he does without a recipe. And the unconditional love he gets regardless.

I suppose what I'm dealing with is this is the first time I've attempted this weight loss journey with someone else in my life. In the past I've always been solo. So I'm trying to wrap my head around how to do this. Or maybe I'm just overthinking things.

It's not really any different from doing it solo. You'll want to tell him what you're doing and why so that when you start limiting portions he doesn't think it's because of his cooking! But you have to do your own counting and keep yourself accountable anyways, so whether or not he joins in shouldn't impact what you do. Am I making sense? I can't always tell!

You're totally making sense. And "lead by example" is perhaps the best approach. Once he keeps seeing me measure and weigh food, he'll see what I'm doing. Thanks!

mbaker566

I usually just say, yes, I can eat it but no I can't have that huge pile of delicious food you put on my plate. we often share cooking. if we go out, i'll often eat a baked or grilled fish or chicken with a vegetable side.

and maybe I go for an extra walk that day. just to feel a little more active

amusedmonkey

"Training" a family member is hard, and may even come off as pushy even if they don't complain out loud. Just do what you've done when you were alone and he will get to decide when or if to make the commitment.

I remember when I first started and kept "encouraging" my sister to do more than what she was doing she did not complain, and even joined in on a few things I wanted her to do, but then out of the blue she sent me this:



We laughed it off and she explained I was pushing her and it was making her lose interest in the whole process. She joins in on a lower calorie meal every now and then when she feels like it, but I've left her to her own choices since.

callsitlikeiseeit

jemhh wrote: »

I would either ask him for his recipes or would watch him make the food so I could figure it out myself. We don't really eat any different foods compared to before. I just eat smaller portions.

that. im married to a (former) chef. granted, i do most of the cooking now, but recipes he makes reasonably often, I have created in the database and just weigh my portion. While its not 100% accurate, its close enough for me.

alternatively, you could find a similar item in the database and use one of those (like with a restaurant, aim for the higher counts). we had vegetable curry last week and the database entry for it here was NO WAY close to what it would be. so i logged 3 servings of it and figured that probably made it slightly more accurate LOLOLOL

999tigger

Maybe just get on with your own weight loss and leave him alone. If he sees you get results and hes interested then he can ask, but focus on yourself otherwise. As for using the word train.....

wrrly

jaqcan wrote: »

Have you TOLD him what you need from him? Have you had a heart to heart conversation with him stating in no uncertain terms what you are trying to accomplish?
Men aren't mind readers. They don't pick up on clues. He sees you eating better, good for you. He doesn't take it internally that HE needs to do anything different.
Maybe your tracking won't be 100% accurate, but you can eat smaller portions of what he is fixing. If after a few weeks of trial, and you aren't meeting the goals, you'll need to reduce portions further. And just because he's ordering with abandon at a restaurant, doesn't mean you have to.

Yes, I've shared all of this with him, and he's fully supportive. But hearing it and living it are two different things. Eventually it should seep in.

Eating smaller portions of what he makes is a good idea. Particularly if he's not carefully measuring things out. Thanks!

kshama2001

wrrly wrote: »

Let me begin by saying I love my husband. Dearly. I'm fortunate to have such a caring and supportive person in my life.

He is fully supportive of the changes I've made and the challenges I'm taking on. I've shared with him what I've been reading, even loaded the MFP app on his iPhone to play with. In general we're both eating better, he's even working out on my newly purchased treadmill.

Okay, because of our schedules he is the primary cook in the household (it's just the two of us). We both love food and he is a great cook. He also likes to try out new local restaurants. Food is something that he indulges in, sometimes with abandon. However that abandon is getting to me. He has never counted calories in his life, doesn't measure out portions.

Those of you who have spouses/partners/whatevers, how did you train or teach them about what we all are here doing?
I hate to use the word "train" as I don't mean to sound derogatory. And I hate to sound like I'm griping, I'm not really. But I want to see if any of you have ideas on how to get your loved ones on board with your change of lifestyle when it comes to food.

I told him I have a daily calorie budget. He gets that. Most of the time what I do doesn't affect him but we did stop going out for ice cream - I buy the 4 oz containers now. "Small" at an ice cream stand was over 8 ounces.

petitehealth

Lately I have been planning out the meal in MFP then sending the recipe (with portions) listed prior to him cooking. I have also prepped the meal (weighed out and chopped everything) the night before so when he prepares it the next night he doesn't have to weigh anything he just needs to cook..

tincanonastring

Can you imagine how you'd feel if he wanted to change something about you and, instead of discussing it with you like a partner, he asked others how to "train" you?

pita7317

When I started MFP almost 2 years ago...weighing, measuring. My husband used to roll his eyes...as if to say, yeah, like this is ever going to last..and then it clicked with him if he ate better/less he felt better.
Now we eat the same pretty much and I never said a word. 4oz portion of meats, 2 oz pasta, etc.
If your husband cooks most the meals, maybe ask him ballpark what the ingredients are and log the recipes and go from there. 100% accurate, no. But close enough. Going out ? Eat what you want, just not as much. Over a period of time your stomach will let you know when you have had enough.
Good luck. Training ? No. Will never work. But I know what you mean about it being somewhat difficult.
A neighbor asked my husband a couple days ago for us to join him and his wife at a local buffet restaurant for dinner.
He responded right away that I would never go to a buffet but thanks anyway. He gets it now.
I have lost 47 lbs.

pollypocket1021

Tell him you would like to lose weight together and ask him if he is interested. If he is, great, if not, PLEASE just leave him alone. In the summer, my husband is out all the time playing sports. I make sure we have child care figured out so he can do that because it's important to him. But if he so much as suggested I be more active I would be so done with that.

Just be glad he's supportive and focus on yourself.

Queenmunchy

I eat some of the things my husband makes, but I batch cook for a reason - my freezer is full of portioned, calorie-labeled containers and bags so that I can put together a meal in 10 minutes. You can always take up some of the cooking on your off days and meal prep/freeze for days you can't necessarily eat what he's having. Also, you can ask for some tweaks at restaurants - I always forego the starch component for extra veggies.

Lasmartchika

I'm the one who in the house, so I don't really have to worry about it. But on occasion he'll cook. When I first started with MFP, I would ask how much of each ingredient he used each time he cooked. So when he cooks, he'll tell me now how much of each ingredient... and if he forgets, I'll ask, he'll chuckle while shaking his head and then tell me. :flowerforyou:

Francl27

I pretty much started doing all the cooking since I started MFP. Let's just say that I saw what his 'oh just one teaspoon of oil' is, and I don't trust his estimations one bit.