feeling fat and horrible..

CassieM686

Thanks to my husband for making me feel like crap... not a day goes by that he does say something about my weight... making my self esteem drop even.more going to keep on this journey no matter what... just frustrated Ihave no support from my husband at all...

oh_happy_day

I'm sorry to hear that. Partners should build each other up, not tear each other down. It sounds like he's speaking to you in an unacceptable way. Have you considered getting some therapy (individual or couple) about healthy communication?

Don't let him stand in the way of your journey. You can do this!

BasicGreatGuy

oh_happy_day wrote: »

I'm sorry to hear that. Partners should build each other up, not tear each other down. It sounds like he's speaking to you in an unacceptable way. Have you considered getting some therapy (individual or couple) about healthy communication?

Don't let him stand in the way of your journey. You can do this!

+1

CassieM686

We have been.but.he does not.understand that his words hurt... he.keeps.doing it... and I sure won't... I am going to keep going and I will get to my goal... yes he.upsets me.but he also gives me.more drive to lose the weight and prove I can lose it..

999tigger

If hes your hunny then isnt he mean to love, support and want the best for you instead of being an isnecure bullying dick? If youve told him its hurtful and youve asked him to stop, but he ignores you then it says a lot about him. Get friends on here and dont discuss it with him. Lose the weight for yourself really.

ravengirl2014

And! If that is your picture you are beautiful and he needs his eyes checked and to stop with the mean attitude!!!

whatatime2befit

Obviously he has some issues, that do not reflect on you at all. You have the right attitude, lose the weight for yourself. Ignore his negative, hurtful comments (I know easier said at times), keep your weight loss journey to yourself, don't discuss with him. When you reach your goal, you can be proud that you did it on your own, for your own health and wellness, not because of any of him in any way.

neil11111

His lack of support is his problem not yours. You can do this on your own because weight loss is a personal journey. Start by walking 15 min after each meal. Use MFP to monitor your calories. Don't cheat when you record food because lying to yourself wastes your time and effort. Increase your walking time a bit each day. You will see results almost right away. Success is a great motivator. With the energy you gain along the way you can add biking and some more challenges along the way. You will build confidence as well. Then at some point you can decide if having a rotten spouse is really worth the heartache. You're not alone in your journey... We're all here for you.

feliciawalters

I feel bad for you. Your partner should lift you up, not tear you down. This is possible for you dispite what anyone says.

jennifer_417

Have you talked to him about it? Is there a chance he thinks he's helping, albiet misguidedly? You didn't specify exactly what he has been saying, so there's a chance he doesn't know what he's doing to you. Perhaps you are misinterpreting his comments?

rbee2015

Yes , you are a beautiful woman. Just start, don't say anything about it to him. Hopefully after you start to see some results he will quit his negative comments. Even if there is no support at home, there is a ton of it out here in cyber space. Don't be sad, this is going to work and in a few months you will be well on your way. Your food will change, you will start loving to exercise (whatever form that takes) and your clothes will never fit you very long, before you have to get something a little bit smaller. You are a babe and you can do it ‼️

clouddancer19

I've been known on occasion to send the snark right back toward my husband if he gets like that. Mine doesn't remark about my weight (he's fat, too), but he has commented on other things. I don't get feisty often, Depression has really done a number on so many things, but when I do, he gets told to stuff it. Overall, my husband is very supportive, so I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea.

hamelle2

Wish I could smack him a good one for you!

ereck44

I feel your pain.

My husband used to criticize my driving all of the time (not the same thing as what you are going through...not as personally attacking)...but I got a D in driver's training and am sensitive about it. Nit picking me about using my turn signal when changing lanes, and not slowing down if in school zones, etc. It drove me nuts. It took multiple talks/fights to get him to shut up about it.

I suspect that he wants the best for you but doesn't know how to communicate it. Ask him how he would feel if you mentioned his (insert personal weakness) all of the time. Tell him that you are working on it and to back off.
Good luck and more importantly, persevere.

shadowfax_c11

Show him divorce papers and tell him that if he keeps it up you will expect him to sign them. Life is too short to live it tied down to someone who does not truly support and encourage you and make you feel good about yourself.

Liftng4Lis

Tell him how much weight you'll lose (what's he weigh? 180-200) by kicking him to the curb! What a jerk!

nicolemstory

I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend does the same thing. He even went as far to say that all men love fit women. All it did was make me gain more weight.

LoriSOWISA

my EX husband used to do that. then i realized that his behaviour was ABUSIVE. so he's now my ex. if a person can be hurtful concerning physical appearance, what is to stop them from being hurtful in other realms? our emotional and mental health are so much more important than physical appearance. be strong and reevalute exactly what he is saying and why. its easy for us to misunderstand. i just know that being judged for physical appearance is not a healthy reason to embark upon this journey. it takes love for self and acceptance. and we need that from our support people. sh&t, its not like we dont get enough criticism from others already, right?
*hugs*

ChloeRaay

its *kitten*. But lifes for you to live, live it how you want. If youre happy with you then be that. Dont be guilted into losing weight. ( if youre overweight and its causing health issues thats a different story). Otherwise get fit for the reason you want to.
The way i see it for myself is i want my man to want to be with me and only me for the rest of forever so if i want that its gotta be mind, body & spirit.

He understands im human we all get comfy and let go a little but i also know myself enough to notice when too much is too much and to get my *kitten* to the gym. Once ive been for 2wks (forced by myself) i start to feel less depressed,mind feels clearer and i feel strong... nothing beats that feeling.
you dont *kitten* with a strong woman because a strong woman has confidence!

I will always be sexy for him as long as he never hounds me about my weight, accepts me as i am and how i will change as a woman.
Communication is key in any relationship.
Maybe you can come to a comprimise... if you get fit hes gotta get a 6 pack and buldging biceps just like channing tatum in magic mike.
You let your man know "yeah thats right if im making changes to suit your desires you fulfill mine!" relationships arent a one way street. Hope he pulls his head in.
Youre a strong amazing woman dont let no man make you feel unworthy! Xx

ohmscheeks

What "words" are we tallking about here? And why can't he understand what does/does not upset you? Does he have a mental/social disorder?

NoIdea101NoIdea

My ex used to do that; constantly jiggling my stomach, calling me 'tubby' and the like because he KNEW it got to me. I am 5ft 3 and weighed 113lbs at the time, and this behaviour was one of the triggers that led me down the path of an eating disorder. I only realized once i ditched him how destructive it was. I wasn't fat by any stretch of the imagination, but that wasn't the point of his mean words; he was just looking for and picking on my weaknesses to try and destroy my confidence as he was a waste of space and i could have done so much better. It was his way of keeping me down and making sure i didn't realize i could do better and actually going off with someone better. After three years, even that wasn't enough to make me stay with him.

Now i have a boyfriend who loves me for me; his love and support gave me the courage to recover and gain weight. During my time with him i gained two stone (a bit too much, which is why i'm here, and successfully losing the healthy way) and if anything he loves me more and more each day, no matter how much weight i have gained or lost. And that is one of the greatest feelings in the world.

I know it is entirely different as this guy is your husband, but i feel your pain and you shouldn't have to put up with it, because there are plenty of guys out there who will love you no matter your weight. From your profile picture you look very attractive, and i think your husband needs a bit of a wake up call to appreciate just what he has, whether you are 200lbs or 100lbs. I like what @ChloeRaay said; it may sound a bit petty, but if he continue like that, i would point out to him that he could do with beefing up and getting some biceps and a six pack, as all women love men with bulging muscles (i mean, i personally don't), just to make a point as to how ridiculous his behaviour is. Whatever you decide, good luck, and don't let him get you down!

Queenmunchy

My ex husband would often ignore any of our conversations about things that bothered me. If someone is blatantly disrespecting you it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship itself.

Francl27

Show him the divorce papers. Seriously. He's an a**.

madrecon_3

Sorry that says that to you but you are in this for yourself is he really your soulmate? I am sure if he says this about you I am sure he has said other negative to or about you maybe you need to rethink your relationship and ask him does he still want this relationship. I hope all goes well we are here to support you keep us posted

meeganwr

Something my mother once told me when I was bullied in grade school has stuck with me and helped me see things in a different light....

The bully is usually insecure about themselves so they put the spotlight on you/bully you to boost themselves up and keep the spotlight OFF themselves. It doesn't excuse what they do/say, but it can help you keep in mind that they aren't any better than you and it DOESN'T make what they say TRUE just because they say it!! Remind yourself of this any time he says something and maybe it will take some of the sting out of what he may say.

That really helped me with my self esteem. I had to tell myself whenever they would say something nasty that they are just scared little children who are probably envious of me in some way so they felt they had to keep me down.

Your husband knows you are beautiful and may subconsciously want to keep you from losing the weight because he might be afraid you'd leave him or something. Who knows... the point is, we all have our hang ups, just don't give him the power to keep you down. Take it back, stand tall and move forward with what you know is best for you!

redperphexion

NoIdea101NoIdea wrote: »

My ex used to do that; constantly jiggling my stomach, calling me 'tubby' and the like because he KNEW it got to me. I am 5ft 3 and weighed 113lbs at the time, and this behaviour was one of the triggers that led me down the path of an eating disorder. I only realized once i ditched him how destructive it was. I wasn't fat by any stretch of the imagination, but that wasn't the point of his mean words; he was just looking for and picking on my weaknesses to try and destroy my confidence as he was a waste of space and i could have done so much better. It was his way of keeping me down and making sure i didn't realize i could do better and actually going off with someone better. After three years, even that wasn't enough to make me stay with him.

Now i have a boyfriend who loves me for me; his love and support gave me the courage to recover and gain weight. During my time with him i gained two stone (a bit too much, which is why i'm here, and successfully losing the healthy way) and if anything he loves me more and more each day, no matter how much weight i have gained or lost. And that is one of the greatest feelings in the world.

I know it is entirely different as this guy is your husband, but i feel your pain and you shouldn't have to put up with it, because there are plenty of guys out there who will love you no matter your weight. From your profile picture you look very attractive, and i think your husband needs a bit of a wake up call to appreciate just what he has, whether you are 200lbs or 100lbs. I like what @ChloeRaay said; it may sound a bit petty, but if he continue like that, i would point out to him that he could do with beefing up and getting some biceps and a six pack, as all women love men with bulging muscles (i mean, i personally don't), just to make a point as to how ridiculous his behaviour is. Whatever you decide, good luck, and don't let him get you down!

Yep, was with someone destructive for 5 years... didn't see this until we split and I found my most amazing husband.

OP - You can do this! I believe in you! You are an amazing person for -wanting- and -working-!!!!

jeffpettis

I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way, but you have far more serious issues than weight loss right now.

I have been married to my beautiful wife for almost twenty years. She has always been a small petite woman but after our second child she stayed a little bigger than she has ever been in her life. She has about 10 or 15 pounds to lose but I could never imagine a world where I would criticize her for her weight. Hell I can't imagine ever demeaning her in any way. Why would I try to hurt someone that I have invested so much time and effort into loving for so many years? Of course in the past twenty years is hasn't all been sunshine and roses. We have our fights and dis agreements. But even when we are mad at one another I still know that she has my back and I have hers. She could make me fuming mad but you can bet your *kitten* I still love her and cherish her even in those moments.

Wow. Sorry for all of that. But my point is... Why the hell are you still in this "relationship"?

angelexperiment

Bc she loves him! If you are in this type relationship you suck it up and grow thick skin or learn to dish it out or speak up and set boundaries. or leave. My relationship change when I would no longer accept cruel words or taunts period. Boundaries are so important!

skinnyinnotime

Tell him how his bedroom efforts do nothing for you...he'll soon understand why words can be so hurtful.

Alternatively tell him to feck off, you're not willing to listen to his crap anymore

dakotababy

I would recommend focusing on standing up for yourself. I do not understand why females in this day and age still put up with crap like this. If my partner said something negative/deliberately hurtful about my weight to me - I would be gone in a heartbeat.

47Jacqueline

You're hardly fat. And there's certainly no call for someone to be putting you down regardless. I would suggest professional help for your self esteem, which is clearly more of a problem than your weight.

Why women put up with abusive treatment from men is beyond me. Please protect yourself.