Spousal Abuse...or Just A Good Coach?

Hanfordrose

It is so hard for me to believe that last week, I got my first swimsuit in the mail...after avoiding them for 50 years. Only one week ago, I entered the pool at our senior club house for the first time. Last week, I struggled to do 8 laps of the pool on Tuesday, then 10 laps on Wednesday, and 15 laps on Thursday. By Friday morning, I was sore and sun burned; but I knew that I have found the perfect exercise for this old girl.

Now, we come to the subject at hand. My self-appointed coach and hubbie, lovingly known as Pastor Special Ed, turned into Coach Curry today. I told him that I was only going to do 10 laps today...maybe 12. I am a 68 year old lady with 2 bad knees and still weigh over 217 pounds. That is a lot of fat to paddle from one end of a long pool to the other.

'The Coach' smiled and told me to go swim a few laps. He didn't tell me how many that his fiendish mind was contempting. He got in the spa, while I did those first 6 easy laps. At the wall as I finished lap 6, there he was...waiting in the shallow end...with a big grin and bad news.

I said, "That makes 6 laps in 15 minutes.", proud of my time and thinking that he would give me an 'atta girl'.

No. His response was, "Only 14 more to go." I wanted to drown him, but I just spashed him with water and let him know that I was only going to do 10 or perhaps 12 laps today. He just smiled and said, "One at a time...one lap at a time." Then, he drifted along beside me, held up by one of those styrofoam noodles for next few laps, teasing me about how cute he thinks I look in a swimsuit. He also said that I should have got right back into the water on Friday, sore and sunburned or not. "It would have been good for you. The best thing for sore muscles is more exercise...not rest.

It wasn't long, before I reached lap 10...then 12. "Okay", I thought, "I can at least do 15 laps. I did that many on Thursday, even though I did feel exhausted and sore on Friday."

As I finished lap 15, Coach Curry held up his hand with his fingers spread wide and said, "20." Then, he pointed his index finger to the sky. "Just one lap at a time." Was I really going to do this? Yes. I finished lap 16 and headed into lap 17. Just as I was heading back to the shallow end to finish lap 17, I kicked and felt something shift in my right knee. That hurt, but I used my arms and left leg to finish the lap.

I told the Coach that I hurt my knee. At first, he thought I was making it up and said, "You're just like a football player, faking an injury. I'm not buying it." Then, he saw the pain on my face and knew I wasn't kidding. Coach Curry was immediately replaced by my sweet hubbie, and he came quickly to my side to help me out of the pool and into my wheelchair. Then, off we went to the spa. Once in that warm water, my sore knee felt much better. The Coach was now my Special Ed again, fussing over me as we relaxed in the comforting water of the spa.

Now that we are home, my knee feels okay; but I really wish that I could have done those 20 laps today. It's still hard to believe that I actually did 17...well call it 16 and a half. Last week, I could barely do 10 laps. 15 laps on Thursday felt like a swimming marathon. If I hadn't tweeked my knee today, I know that I could have done it. I could have made Coach Curry's 20 lap goal.

Here are a couple of photos that my housekeeper took of Coach and I this morning.



Just call him Coach Curry, and call me Team Sue.



I learned some things about myself this week. I can change, and I don't mean just getting a bit tanner. I am growing stronger and able to do more physical activity than I had thought. I can push myself to do difficult things...things that seemed impossible even last week. I can set bigger, tougher goals for myself...especially with the encouragement of my coach. He sees in me what I can't always see...my own potential.

I guess, that isn't spousal abuse. It is just my sweet hubbie trying to help me reach for my goals and my future...without a wheelchair and walker.

sweetsarahj

Great story! ANd it sounds like you have a great hubby too

LeahBelcastro

I'm glad that you see that he is just trying to help you out. Its always nice to know that you can have someone on your side that will continue to push you when youneed it. As for your knee I hope that it feels better tomorrow so that you can push and do those 20 laps! And just think before you know it you can be doing that as a warm up! :laugh:

JustJennie1

Definitely trying to help you attain your goals.

When my husband and I are at the gym I wonder what people are thinking when he's standing over me saying loudly "COME ON! COME ON JENNIE ONE MORE! YOU GOT IT! NO, NO NO! DON'T YOU FAIL NOW! PICK THAT WEIGHT UP! IT'S ALL YOU! ALLLLLLLL YOU!" And me yelling that I can't do it so he takes a weight off then goes back to spotting and says "NO EXCUSES! I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!"

And if it weren't for him I would quit and I wouldn't be able to lift as much as I do now.

The more he is there to push you the more you will do and the more improvements and results you will see.

Go Coach Curry!

jessready

Love it! You are getting a very nice tan too! Might have to tell the hubby to catch up a bit:)

pastryari

Adorable. :flowerforyou:

Mustang_Susie

He sounds excited about the changes and progress you are making.
I would say he's encouraging you in his own way.
My hubby has a similar "encouragement" mode

Good job! :flowerforyou:

Jennms85

I would've pulled the noodle out from under him and smacked him with it then carried on with my laps. :laugh:

elleloch

This is awesome

MelsAuntie

You rock, babe! Yeah, you do!

EvgeniZyntx

You two are great. I enjoyed your other thread a while back. Keep at it. Keep on swimming.

chubby_checkers

Your posts always make me smile. You'll get those 20 laps the next time! :flowerforyou:

tracytheta

He sounds tough, but helpful. I lost 100 pounds about 4 years ago. During this time, I actually was in an abusive relationship, and my boyfriend did actually use it against me, and it was nothing like this. It was making me feel like a bad person for not losing weight, and treating me like I was cheating on him if I cheated on my diet. Even if he is just being a good coach, just make sure that you don't go too far too fast and actually hurt yourself permanently. The body takes time to rebuild those muscles, and most experts actually recommend a day off between workouts to give your body time to recover (or at least doing a different type of exercise to target different muscles). Checking in with your doctor is a good idea. Also, if you get to the point where you are depending on him for motivation instead of yourself, that could be a setup for resentment, so be careful!

Good luck, and keep up the good work!

Mustang_Susie

I would've pulled the noodle out from under him and smacked him with it then carried on with my laps. :laugh:

I probably would have challenged him to swim with me too.
Get off your high noodle and put your money where mouth is :bigsmile:

mecsami

I completely understand where you're coming from! I also think that's a good hubby, no matter how frustrating

About 4-5 years ago I convinced my hubby to start running with me. He had closed his construction company and was working part time, feeling restless from being cooped up in the house. He's always been naturally thin, and a workaholic who moves non-stop, unlike me with a desk job & using running to release stress and maintain my weight. When we first started running together I jogged circles around him & joked that I finally had something I could do better. Well fast forward 4 years, 3 unexpected surgeries later for me, with my weight fluctuating up & down and using food more than exercise to relieve stress. So I just started getting serious again a few weeks ago about getting on a healthier diet & regular running schedule again. I begged my hubby to join me since he's kept it up himself all along. Well he decided it was a good time for a little payback and teasing, but he also kept telling me "just one more step" whenever I wanted to give up. Even though I was really resentful of how much easier it was for him and wanted to scream every time he said "almost there" I pushed myself to prove to us both that I could do it. I feel so much better after a few of these (frustrating) sessions, and it's great motivation to continue to improve and get to his level. I also learned how it feels knowing someone could so easily run circles around me but he stayed by my side because I needed it.

You should be incredibly proud of yourself & good luck continuing to improve!

skullshank

sounds to me like youve got the best of both worlds there!
great job! keep up the awesome progress! :drinker:

SiempreBella

Great, I am happy to hear that you have support.

sallydurkin

Awesome support... my mantra is "I can do hard thing." When I am going and want to give up I keep telling my self this over and over again.
Sounds like my husband as well drill sargents and biggest cheerleader.... someone to celebrate with. AND expects more from me than I do myself often!

Flab2fitfi

Well done on the swimming and you have a great hubby/coach. Hope that knee is ok so that you can hit 20 laps next time.

yo_andi

I think I just got a little dust in my eye... ahem.

:flowerforyou:

You're a lucky lady and he's a lucky fella!

Hanfordrose

He sounds tough, but helpful. I lost 100 pounds about 4 years ago. During this time, I actually was in an abusive relationship, and my boyfriend did actually use it against me, and it was nothing like this. It was making me feel like a bad person for not losing weight, and treating me like I was cheating on him if I cheated on my diet.

I was married 22 years to a man who made we feel ugly and a total failure. He was physically as well as mentally abusive to me. I know very well what that's like.

With Ed, I am blessed. He is the most loving and caring man that I have ever known. His coaching is more like teasing with a lot of love thrown in. He is very concerned about the wife that he calls 'Mama'.

Even if he is just being a good coach, just make sure that you don't go too far too fast and actually hurt yourself permanently. The body takes time to rebuild those muscles, and most experts actually recommend a day off between workouts to give your body time to recover (or at least doing a different type of exercise to target different muscles). Checking in with your doctor is a good idea. Also, if you get to the point where you are depending on him for motivation instead of yourself, that could be a setup for resentment, so be careful!

Good luck, and keep up the good work!

Ed actually was a high school wrestling coach and quite a good athlete 'in his day'. He would never let me do too much. In fact, he suggested that I alternate swimming with my Sit And Fit exercises that I do at home. That includes safe exercises for people in a wheelchair and even some small weight training. I just sent for another exercise DVD yesterday, geared to old ladies in chairs.

You're right about the doctor, and mine is in full agreement for what I am doing. However, I am NOT supposed to be standing, except when using my walker indoors. Standing for those photos would be the most risky thing that I did today; but Ed was there to hold me or catch me, if the knee gave way.

Stupid knees!!! I will be so glad, when I finally get on the list for my double knee replacement surgeries. Only 17 pounds more, and the surgeon will set me up for my surgery dates. As you might guess, my right knee will be the first surgery. It is the one that acts up the most...like today.