The last twenty pounds.

airwagn

So I signed up for this site last week but haven't introduced myself yet, so I guess I could be considered a "lurker." I am a recent college grad bound for grad school in the fall. I have always been slightly overweight, but I gained 30 pounds during my freshman year of college, and lost all of it during the following summer/early fall of my sophomore year. I maintained my loss, but my current weight is still more than I would like to be and I've finally decided to start the journey toward losing those last twenty pounds.

I don't need to do this for my health, I can run a 5k, like vegetables well enough, and have an acceptable waist size (though my BMI is still "overweight".) I need to do this for confidence. No, no one calls me fat (anymore) and for that I should be grateful. But at my current size I feel like I'm always looking over my shoulder, wondering if people secretly thinking "oh she would be so pretty if she lost a few pounds." I feel like being a size 10/12 is this weird netherworld where half the people think "I would LOVE to be that size/that size is fine" and the other half say "I would NEVER want to be that big." Depending on how you're feeling that day, you internalize one view or the other- in your mind on a "fat day" everyone that walks by sees you as overweight, though on a good day everyone, according to your mind, sees you as completely fine, great even. Anytime you dare to think you're conventionally attractive, five minutes later you remind yourself that you can't really be truly beautiful as long as you have those extra pounds hanging around. You're never quite sure where you stand with the world, and that kind of sucks. Or, maybe it's just me.

Either way, I want to lose the last twenty pounds. I am TIRED of having my weight distract me from all of the beautiful things a young person should be focusing on. More importantly, I recognize that my self esteem is warped from all of the weight changes I've gone through, and I plan to build my self-confidence while I am losing the weight. I want to free myself from the chains of body insecurity both aesthetically and mentally. If you would like to join me on my journey, feel free.

Seoul11

It's not just you! All too familiar with the "fat day" feelings, I'm in for self-confidence too.
Add me.