Enablers.....

kevc1986

So I don't know if any of you have enablers in your life but I certainly do. My husband! He's pretty fit so he doesn't see what he's doing. For example, he know I stopped drinking soda, and he brings one home for me! I was addicted to caffeine at one point but now I'm not, but it was still just sitting there tempting me to drink it. He says he just wants me to be happy. Also his mother, she says I starve myself, but she overweight and eats a lot and I stick to my 1200 calorie diet, so if I don't eat as much as she does, then automatically I'm starving myself. It's hard to keep pushing through when I feel like I don't have any support. My husband has also said that I obsess about my new lifestyle and I don't, I just count calories and workout 5 days a week. That's why I come here for support and motivation. I was just wondering if anybody else has enablers in their lives and how you deal with them.

And rant over!

amyl0uis3

You're not on your own! My mum is very much like your husband. Now I've stressed to her that this is important to me, she's backed off a little but she still acts as if I'm doing something silly & thinks I don't need to do it. I'd say part of it boils down to a bit of jealousy as she's also trying to lose weight & has been struggling to commit to it as well as I have. Maybe this is how your husband's mum feels? I've been there myself too. Sat eating a greasy fry-up at work, then someone comes along that's stuck to a diet & is doing really well. You get your back up - it's annoying. You wish YOU could be like that. See what I mean?

I don't believe for a moment that you're obsessing over your new lifestyle. You're just on the ball! Stick at it, you're doing really well & deserve to reap the rewards. Sticking to a low calorie diet is exciting me & I feel so healthy. I'm literally buzzing day in, day out. If you feel the same, then roll with that emotion & don't listen to anyone else's judgements. It's took some time to stop the people that enabled me, but I've finally got there (I hope!). It's little things, like people offering you a brownie at work or your husband giving you a bag of crisps he's brought back home for you as they're your favourites; but once you firmly but fairly stress that you're very appreciative but you don't want them, I think the message is received loud & clear. Just keep saying no! If it's making you happy, your husband will realise that & stop enabling you once he's used to the idea.

Well done you for taking care of your body.

rdtalon

My wife does the same. Just yesterday she brought me a double whataburger with cheese and bacon, fries and a coke. Then she says, "If you want to diet just don't eat the bread." *sigh*

ninerbuff

Read this:

http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10134341/you-arent-always-going-to-get-support/p1

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

looneymom

My hubby mentioned yesterday when we went out well there is a soda when we went grocery shopping I have given up sugary drinks all tea, koolaid, soda and such he knows this. Men drive you crazy I made a cake for the grandkids he asked me if I was gonna eat it. Grrr

Zombella

Just explain that while the soda may give you momentary happiness, losing weight and being healthy will make you a happier person. Plus, you may feel unhappy with yourself after drinking it because you know you want to stay away from it.

999tigger

Looks like niner has given you a link on it. Imo the only person to rely on is yourself and the rest is wasted energy. If they are getting in the way then ask them not to do things, but thats basic communication, but your diet is your diet and you shouldnt expect other people to change their lifestyles just to fit in. that said a little negotiated consideration is ok. talk to them if its that big a deal.

RodaRose

Stop explaining stuff to them. They are not listening. Keep doing what is working for you.
Re the soda: Throw the soda down the drain.

kevc1986

Thanks for all the support everybody! That link was very helpful as well @ninerbuff ! I think I will just talk to them and try to explain how much this means to me.

rosebarnalice

Here are some of the scripts I used to retrain my saboteurs:

His Mom: "that looks AMAZING! I'm so sorry I ate before I came over!"
My Mom: "that looks AMAZING! Too bad I inherited your fat butt genes and can't eat that way any more!"
Both Moms: "Dinner next Saturday? Sounds great! Tell you what: I'll cook so you can have a day off!"

Him: "you love me and you want me to be happy? Then listen to what I'm saying to you and support--don't sabotage --my efforts. It hurts my feelings when I tell you what I want and you do the opposite. LISTEN. THAT's how you can love me well"

KeepGood

I apologise on behalf of our gender, we are a pain in the *kitten* lol

WellingTX

I'll share that just as habits are hard for me to break, they are for my lovely wife as well. For years, or decades, she would bring home cookies or some other treat to make me happy. The opposite was also true, if she didn't support my food issues, I'd reward her by pouting. Those ingrained behaviors are just as hard for her to break as she still wants to see me happy.

I'm making changes and so is she. Takes time for both of us.

If the change is hard for her, and she lives with me, imagine the surprise from other well meaning people in our lives who are used to our previous well ingrained behaviors. The fact that I was always up for pizza and beer contradicts my current desire. Just because I'm attempting change doesn't mean others will always recognize or support the change.

There is some great advice on this thread for dealing with those individuals. I'd reinforce to keep yourself focused, recognize that you're in it for the long haul and be kind to yourself if there is a set back.

Carrrrla

I used to get so angry with my boyfriend when he did things like that. After ages feeling bad about it i realized he didn't take my diet as seriously because he thought I was beautiful and didn't understand why I wanted to lose weight so badly. I started to wonder how it must have felt to have the person he was attracted to tell him all the time how ugly they felt.

rebbylicious

another thing- if you are invited to dinner, you have control over what you put on your plate. And if somebody dishes out a plate for you, then you don't have to finish it.