Not good enough because I don't run?

Options
2

Replies

  • jocruzn14
    jocruzn14 Posts: 2
    Options
    :grumble: Wow not running a 4 min mile isn't a good enough reason for them to think your not good enough, maybe you can squate 20 lbs more then him, wth, don't let anyone mess with your self esteem and make you feel unworthy, your 10 minute mile is your accomplishment. Remember the turtoise and hare when they imply this to you. Good luck hon.
  • LadyWolf66
    LadyWolf66 Posts: 24 Member
    Options
    Did they actually come out and say that? Just wondering because I don't think that would be why they want their son to end the relationship with you. I would think the distance and age would be a bigger reason why than the fact that you can't run as fast as him.

    Yes, their exact words to him were "You should find someone who can run and keep up with you. She's a nice girl but you should find someone you share running with."

    This is not something stable, mature adults would say nor prioritize. If you didnt hear this straight from the parent's mouth then I would suggest your boyfriend is either taking their words of context or full of bull & trying to manipulate you. I also doubt his 4.40 pace.

    "Yes, their exact words to HIM were ....."

    Okay, this sends up a red flag for me - did YOU actually hear his parents say that or did your boyfriend TELL you that's what they said? I agree with the others that said something's not right. I totally agree with the above poster who said that he's either taking their words out of context, full of bull, or trying to manipulate you.

    As a parent to adult children, I can promise you that how fast their girlfriends/boyfriends ran, walked, swam, biked, whatever had absolutely NOTHING to do with whether I thought they were a good match for each other. I've never, ever met anyone who judged their children's boyfriends/girlfriends by this standard.

    Now assuming that they did actually say that and feel that way (or your boyfriend does), do you really and truly want to deal with that kind of shallowness and harsh judgement?
  • Amberlynnek
    Amberlynnek Posts: 405 Member
    Options
    4.40 pace is insane even if you are a runner

    Have you ever followed Olympic sprint times? Marathon elites? They run paces quicker than that. This is actually quite normal in the competitive running community, including HS track, cross country and college level.
  • Espressocycle
    Espressocycle Posts: 2,245 Member
    Options
    So they don't like you because they think you lack a certain fortitude, drive, self discipline that enables someone to undertake a commitment to serious athletic training. I think what's really going on is that they see you as below them in social class.
  • RobynLB83
    RobynLB83 Posts: 626 Member
    Options
    Was it the mother or father or both who said this? Sounds like they are jerks. The kind of family that thinks they are a family of "winners." I think their real issue with you is your size. They want to see their perfect track star son with a blonde 120 lb cheerleader type. It's shallow and vain, and I think it's horrible that adults would project this crap onto kids. Just ignore them. They have big character problems that they will probably never get over.
  • highervibes
    highervibes Posts: 2,219 Member
    Options
    I have a hard time believing that's their actual reason for wanting their son to move on. If you're really worried just get pregnant. That'll teach 'em for meddling. lol
  • selina884
    selina884 Posts: 826 Member
    Options
    Did they actually come out and say that? Just wondering because I don't think that would be why they want their son to end the relationship with you. I would think the distance and age would be a bigger reason why than the fact that you can't run as fast as him.

    Yes, their exact words to him were "You should find someone who can run and keep up with you. She's a nice girl but you should find someone you share running with."

    No offense but I think they are calling you fat indirectly.
  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member
    Options
    Is your bf wearing a jetpack when he runs? :huh:

    I'm hoping this is BS. Because, well it's BS.
  • So_Much_Fab
    So_Much_Fab Posts: 1,146 Member
    Options
    You're 18 years old. You're not even going to remember this guy's name in a few years. Have fun with other people while you're young. These years will be gone before you know it. Live a little!

    Pretty much this. Sorry, OP.
  • highervibes
    highervibes Posts: 2,219 Member
    Options
    Is your bf wearing a jetpack when he runs? :huh:

    I'm hoping this is BS. Because, well it's BS.

    it is.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Options
    That has got to be the oddest criterion I've ever heard for earning an SO's parents' approval.
  • NoelleS85
    NoelleS85 Posts: 89
    Options
    :huh:

    ^^
  • kevinjb1
    kevinjb1 Posts: 233 Member
    Options
    So they don't like you because they think you lack a certain fortitude, drive, self discipline that enables someone to undertake a commitment to serious athletic training. I think what's really going on is that they see you as below them in social class.

    I agree with this. It may not be a social class issue, but since their son is very talented in one area they probably think he's incredibly special and deserves someone as special as he is. AKA someone as athletic and who they deem attractive enough for someone so special. They don't think that's you. They also don't want to come out and say that to their son so they beat around the bush by pointing out what they see are your "differences" and "flaws." Being healthy is a great goal to have, but doing so in order to win the approval of people who have most likely alredy decided what they think of you is pointless and in the end will fail.

    What they can't see is how supportive you are, and that is a shame. Not many people will take up someone else interest in order to connect with them.

    The day will come when he can no longer run a sub 5 minute mile, athleticism will fade, and youth will gray as it always does. Then all you will have is your commitment to each other. He would be happy and lucky to have someone as supportive as you by his side. And you deserve someone just as committed and supportive.

    As an 18 year old HS Senior life should be easy for you. College is on the horizon and you will experience new things and meet new people. My advise to you for what it's worth would be to just enjoy your life and not get caught up in the drama and heartache that comes with relationships and family if you don't have to. You've got the rest of your life for that. Believe me!
  • kelsully
    kelsully Posts: 1,008 Member
    Options
    Did they actually come out and say that? Just wondering because I don't think that would be why they want their son to end the relationship with you. I would think the distance and age would be a bigger reason why than the fact that you can't run as fast as him.

    Yes, their exact words to him were "You should find someone who can run and keep up with you. She's a nice girl but you should find someone you share running with."

    This is not something stable, mature adults would say nor prioritize. If you didnt hear this straight from the parent's mouth then I would suggest your boyfriend is either taking their words of context or full of bull & trying to manipulate you. I also doubt his 4.40 pace.



    All of this. But, it is possible for the kid to have a 4:40 pace. If he does he is likely a serious runner. The parents might be seeing that their boy has college potential etc. Perhaps when the boy spends time with you his focus on running is less and that concerns the parents that college scholarships etc might be in jeopardy because of a girlfriend and they think that if dates another serious runner that the girl would understand and share in his dreams. It is less about your pace perhaps and more about how the kid behaves when he is with you that concerns the parents.

    FWIW...I think a lot of parents have college scholarship expectations for their kids and don't realize that the kid doesn't share the same hopes. I have neighbors that think their 9 year old will get swimming scholarships and have guided their daughter to being friends with the faster girls on the team and found reasons to discourage friendships with the "slow and lazy" so it is completely possible that these parents are nuts too...but they likely could not care less about a girlfriends mile pace if their kid stays dedicated to his sport.
  • LoraF83
    LoraF83 Posts: 15,694 Member
    Options
    Did they actually come out and say that? Just wondering because I don't think that would be why they want their son to end the relationship with you. I would think the distance and age would be a bigger reason why than the fact that you can't run as fast as him.

    Yes, their exact words to him were "You should find someone who can run and keep up with you. She's a nice girl but you should find someone you share running with."

    It sounds to me like they just want him to be with someone who shares his interests. But whether or not he wants that is his choice. You're 18. Don't stress too much about it.
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
    Options
    Op, you should concentrate on perfecting your ability to clean a house and make sandwiches if you want parental approval. Make a point to comment on your birthing hips to provide many grandchildren.
    sincerely,
    the 50s :flowerforyou:
  • cicisiam
    cicisiam Posts: 491 Member
    Options
    Do your own thing.. and see if they can keep up with you. If not..you move on. Life is too short to adjust to others goals. It is your life..live it to your standards or forever be miserable.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    Options
    Just run faster.
  • EvgeniZyntx
    EvgeniZyntx Posts: 24,208 Member
    Options
    Did they actually come out and say that? Just wondering because I don't think that would be why they want their son to end the relationship with you. I would think the distance and age would be a bigger reason why than the fact that you can't run as fast as him.

    Yes, their exact words to him were "You should find someone who can run and keep up with you. She's a nice girl but you should find someone you share running with."

    It sounds to me like they just want him to be with someone who shares his interests. But whether or not he wants that is his choice. You're 18. Don't stress too much about it.

    Bingo. Unless you live in some god-forsaken country where they marry you off at this age it shouldn't be a major issue unless the bf is possibly olympic material and the parents are trying to breed little gold medals for future generations.

    However, I have told my daughters that their boyfriends must be able to pass a fitness, culture and language test. That to fail said test would result in having to eat a meal with the grandfathers from both sides and to travel with small cousins and no diapers and canned meats. One boyfriend has been presented for the test. He passed the fitness test and is scheduled for a skydiving lesson with my daughter (he's afraid of heights - so I gave them that as a Christmas present), the culture thing he sort of failed - so they traveled to Japan. The only thing he got right was languages.

    We won't be eating him for dinner.

    One should not hesitate to eat one's own children or the pretendants to bring new harmony to the world.

    DA000826-1530-03_m.jpg
  • bluefox9er
    bluefox9er Posts: 2,917 Member
    Options
    There's a couple of things going on here.

    #1. I doubt if your mile pace has a lot to do with whatever his parents think. I'll bet it has way more to do with the fact that you two live hundreds of miles from each other, and are still in school, and carrying on a long distance relationship.

    #2. You're 18 years old. You're not even going to remember this guy's name in a few years. Have fun with other people while you're young. These years will be gone before you know it. Live a little!

    #3. Learn to self-motivate. Any motivation that helps people better themselves is a good thing in the short term, but if you're only running because you think that's the way to win over this guy and his parents then ultimately that motivation will go away and you'll have to find another source of motivation. Make that source of motivation a drive within you to always try to better yourself. You do that and you won't have a problem meeting and attracting all the guys you want.


    Game, set and match.

Categories