I was happy as a fat kid...

jokoh92

Looking back at old pictures, I see a significant difference in my weight then and my weight now.

Even though I am still far from the spitting image of health, I am much closer to being at my ideal weight than when I was a kid.

But what's funny is that I was more happy then than I am as an adult. I never really paid much attention to how big I was or cared. My grandmother even kind of hinted at the fact that I seemed much more happy in my pictures than now.

And I have to admit its true. I feel depressed more often than happy and even on my good days, I always have body image issues that I just wasn't aware of when I was 10 years old.

I wish I could be that little girl again, that doesn't give a rats *kitten* what anyone thinks or doesn't care but that time is gone now.

Does anyone have similar issues?

kat_princess12

You know, one of the differences between my mindset as a little girl and my mindset as a big girl is that when I was little, I felt pretty because I was wearing a pretty dress, or because my mom had French braided my hair. Now, I (as with lots of our peers) judge my prettiness by my weight or, at the least, how I feel about my weight on any given day.

Buy something lovely in your current size. Wear it. Don't worry about whether your body is "worthy". Let yourself wear the pretty dress.

dubird

I always wanted to look like the 'cool' kids in our school. Even in college, I ended up tailoring my tastes to what I thought would be cool and show that I was a cool person. It was never about my weight then, but how I looked overall. It took me a lot of years to settle into what I like, rather than what I think other people like, and develop my own look that wasn't based on others. There's not really a magic way of doing it, either. Eventually, I got tired of trying to look like others and started picking what I liked. I started going on what my mental image of myself was and considered that normal for me. Even now, while I am paying attention to the scale, it's not for someone else's idea of what I should look like. When I look in the mirror, I want to look like myself, like someone I recognize. I didn't recognize myself at 200lbs, and after I got married, I decided to change that. But I did it for me, not for what society thinks I should look like. I'm very close to my target, I look like myself again, but society would still say I'm overweight. I say *kitten* 'em. As long as I don't have health issues, I'm happy with where I'm at right now.

Part of the problem growing up is learning that others judge you based on what you look like and having to deal with it. It tends to be more of a problem for girls, but guys struggle with it as well. Most go the route of tailoring themselves based on what society says is the norm. That's a hard one to break out of. The only advice I could give is to look at yourself in the mirror and ask 'if no one gave me any comments on my appearance, would I be honestly happy with how I looked right now?' If the answer is no, you have the power to do something about it for yourself, not anyone else. If the answer is yes, screw it. No one can make you uncomfortable about your looks unless you LET them. Life gets easier once you can actually accept this.

MistyBlue9

I was happy (ish) until i went to high school where i put on weight and was bullied. Suffered from depression on and off ever since. You sound like you may be suffering from depression too. Talk to your doctor, good luck x

Lizzy622

I was happy at 10 also but not because I was fat or skinny but because I was loved and cared for. I had great support from my family which included grandparents and extended to aunts and uncles. I had no responsibility other than school and my summers were filled with sunshine and playing with friends and cousins. Weight should not be the deciding factor of whether you are happy or not.
I always loved watching "Pollyanna". Even when things seem bad it could be worse so be happy for what you have. Why were you happy as a child? I don't believe you were happy because you were fat but because you had a zillion other things that mattered more and made you happy. Find what makes you happy and dwell on that.

jokoh92

kat_princess12 wrote: »

You know, one of the differences between my mindset as a little girl and my mindset as a big girl is that when I was little, I felt pretty because I was wearing a pretty dress, or because my mom had French braided my hair. Now, I (as with lots of our peers) judge my prettiness by my weight or, at the least, how I feel about my weight on any given day.

Buy something lovely in your current size. Wear it. Don't worry about whether your body is "worthy". Let yourself wear the pretty dress.

Thanks. I haven't really worn anything remotely cute in a long time, so that is probably part of the problem. I just don't feel comfortable in my skin anymore and even when I try to dress up every now and then, it comes off fake and awkward somehow. Like I don't belong in the dressing up club.

Idk but I will try to give it one more whirl.

jokoh92

dubird wrote: »

I always wanted to look like the 'cool' kids in our school. Even in college, I ended up tailoring my tastes to what I thought would be cool and show that I was a cool person. It was never about my weight then, but how I looked overall. It took me a lot of years to settle into what I like, rather than what I think other people like, and develop my own look that wasn't based on others. There's not really a magic way of doing it, either. Eventually, I got tired of trying to look like others and started picking what I liked. I started going on what my mental image of myself was and considered that normal for me. Even now, while I am paying attention to the scale, it's not for someone else's idea of what I should look like. When I look in the mirror, I want to look like myself, like someone I recognize. I didn't recognize myself at 200lbs, and after I got married, I decided to change that. But I did it for me, not for what society thinks I should look like. I'm very close to my target, I look like myself again, but society would still say I'm overweight. I say *kitten* 'em. As long as I don't have health issues, I'm happy with where I'm at right now.

Part of the problem growing up is learning that others judge you based on what you look like and having to deal with it. It tends to be more of a problem for girls, but guys struggle with it as well. Most go the route of tailoring themselves based on what society says is the norm. That's a hard one to break out of. The only advice I could give is to look at yourself in the mirror and ask 'if no one gave me any comments on my appearance, would I be honestly happy with how I looked right now?' If the answer is no, you have the power to do something about it for yourself, not anyone else. If the answer is yes, screw it. No one can make you uncomfortable about your looks unless you LET them. Life gets easier once you can actually accept this.

Wise words and I am so trying to get to that point in my life but its so incredibly easier said than done. Before I was rejected, it would have been easier but now its like something is always telling me that I can't do it. Its like this huge wall blocking my way to the other side...to happiness and acceptance. I want to not give a damn but I'm afraid I will fall on my face again if I do let go.

lejoie

A lot of it has to do with life experience and fully developing emotionally. As children, most of us (not all) are happy, regardless of size, color or orientation. Our mental scope is more narrow. As we age, we develop many new (or well-hidden) insecurities that just weren't there before because life taught us to be more aware of what people think of us, what they expect, and what we begin to expect of ourselves. I, too, was totally happy as the young fat kid because society wasn't out to get me and life was to be enjoyed.

We become our own worst enemies, but I believe we can reverse that. Depression is common among adults - it comes in various forms. I live with terrible anxiety now as a moderately overweight adult but in adolescence, I was one of the happiest and most outgoing chubby kids you'd ever meet.

Long story short: I think this is totally normal and I understand completely. I hope you find your peace and reconnect with that free spirit you know is in there somewhere. I know I'm waiting to reconnect with mine.

jokoh92

MistyBlue9 wrote: »

I was happy (ish) until i went to high school where i put on weight and was bullied. Suffered from depression on and off ever since. You sound like you may be suffering from depression too. Talk to your doctor, good luck x

Yeah I am doing that now and it has helped tons but the acceptance thing and learning to look pass what people think, is something I have to face on my own and its hard. I am trying but its not as easy as some make it out to be. Especially when you've been harboring it for years.

I'm sorry you went through that btw. Believe me when I say, I know your pain. Its part of the reason why I am depressed but a majority of it is because I rely so heavily on the outside world instead of within myself. I think that is why most people are depressed, because they rely on what will make people happy instead of themselves.

jokoh92

Lizzy622 wrote: »

I was happy at 10 also but not because I was fat or skinny but because I was loved and cared for. I had great support from my family which included grandparents and extended to aunts and uncles. I had no responsibility other than school and my summers were filled with sunshine and playing with friends and cousins. Weight should not be the deciding factor of whether you are happy or not.
I always loved watching "Pollyanna". Even when things seem bad it could be worse so be happy for what you have. Why were you happy as a child? I don't believe you were happy because you were fat but because you had a zillion other things that mattered more and made you happy. Find what makes you happy and dwell on that.

Well I guess I should say I was happy despite my weight and as a child, no one really gives you hell about it until you start getting into the preteens. Whereas now I am depressed because I am aware of my weight and I am blaming it for all my other problems which I know is wrong but some of my problems do stem from weight. And not to mention in the adult world being the "ideal" weight is constantly being thrust down our throats.

jokoh92

jaynesje wrote: »

A lot of it has to do with life experience and fully developing emotionally. As children, most of us (not all) are happy, regardless of size, color or orientation. Our mental scope is more narrow. As we age, we develop many new (or well-hidden) insecurities that just weren't there before because life taught us to be more aware of what people think of us, what they expect, and what we begin to expect of ourselves. I, too, was totally happy as the young fat kid because society wasn't out to get me and life was to be enjoyed.

We become our own worst enemies, but I believe we can reverse that. Depression is common among adults - it comes in various forms. I live with terrible anxiety now as a moderately overweight adult but in adolescence, I was one of the happiest and most outgoing chubby kids you'd ever meet.

Long story short: I think this is totally normal and I understand completely. I hope you find your peace and reconnect with that free spirit you know is in there somewhere. I know I'm waiting to reconnect with mine.

Thanks! I hope so too and I hope you do as well! I believe that it will come one day.

But its like a switch went off or something somewhere between adolescence and young adulthood. And you are so right. We can become our own worst enemies. At the end of the day I can blame the bullies, society, the boy who didn't give me a chance but at the end of the day I am the only one who can live in this body and I am the only one that can control how I feel about it. No one else.

Its a process but I am trying to get to that point where I can say f*%k it! And just be happy.