The uphill battle at home.

TamLam99

There will always be tempting food available, it's up to you to choose what will fit into your daily calories.

Paschen81

I completely understand your struggle... What has helped me is to separate the groceries. I have one shelf in the fridge for my healthy foods and two shelves in the cupboard for my healthy foods. It's hard to take away family dinner time due to needing to eat in a separate room but instead of eating dinner together for family quality time... Have family game time and have those discussions that use to take place at the dinner table at the "game" table instead. Try to be flexible with your time so that you still get the discussion time in at times when their health choices won't lose such a temptation to you. Once your cravings for the junk foods have subsided (give yourself at least 30 days) and you find yourself satisfied fully with your healthy foods reintroduce family meal times. Good luck! It's not easy by no means but it is also by no means impossible. Once the weight starts to drop and your energy increase and your family sees positive change in you... They may be more accommodating of trying some of these new habits for themselves... But if not you can still set a better example of healthy diet by continuing to work on your weight and maintaining the Pitstone health changes you've adopted.

RebeccaJ0405

You are worth the effort. You can do this.

LKArgh

cwms3rd wrote: »

Ok ok I get I am lazy and worthless. This is all my fault.

I hope you are not like this at home, and only venting here. Because being married to an overweight person is fine. Listening to him/her constantly whine about not losing weight and blaming others, that is definitely NOT attractive.

gothchiq

Why does your wife control what or when you eat? You go ahead and prepare what you want to eat, and eat it when you please. If she doesn't like that, tough noogies, she can either get on board or eat her fattening junk by herself. Same goes for the old folks. They can bring all the crap they want but you have the right to refuse to eat it. And once they're gone for the day I would probably throw away any that was left. You aren't a storage facility for other ppl's junk food. I know it's harder to do without the support of those around you, but... we're adults and we make our own choices. You do it your way and they can either adjust or whine, lol who cares.

jaga13

Point of clarification: when you say your wife drags her feet with dinner....are you saying you're waiting for her to COOK dinner, or you're simply waiting for her to JOIN you at the dinner table? If it's the first, yeah, you just need to start cooking. If it's the latter....when you eat is totally up to you. Sure, I understand it's preferable to eat together as a family, but if you know that waiting will cause you to overeat (if that's your personality), then just don't wait. I tend to eat dinner with my kids around 5pm when we get home. We're hungry, and if I wait a couple hours until my husband gets home I'll be too ravenous and overeat. That's my personality. We eat together over the weekend when it's a more relaxed atmosphere.

jaga13

Another thought: clear off a shelf or two in the fridge/pantry for your parents' food. Tell them that's where they should keep their food. Then you need to just stay clear of it.

asgentr

I went down this path yesterday when I lamented that my husband brought ice cream into the house when I had asked him not to. Ultimately, though, it is my responsibility to avoid the ice cream. It's harder knowing it's in the fridge when I'm stressed, but that is just the price of living with another person. It's also forcing me to notice my emotional eating triggers (when I have the desire to open the freezer) and address them head-on.

mrron2u

seska422 wrote: »

The timing of meals doesn't really matter for weight loss. However, if you don't want to eat after 7PM, then don't eat after 7PM. Your wife can eat whenever she pleases. There's no rule that you both have to eat at the same time. Also, if you eat separately, you don't have to watch her eat things you've decided not to eat. Win-Win.

Your parents are providing free child care for you in your home. You don't even need to cart your offspring over to their house. They can bring whatever they like. You may want to empty out a cupboard for them to store items so that they are out of your line-of-sight.

Supporting you is different from changing themselves around to suit you. They are having to deal with your changes and you need to deal with their non-changes.

Part of being able to sustain weight loss long term is learning how to be surrounded with temptation without surrendering. You can do it!

All great advice - I couldn't have said it better!

mrron2u

cwms3rd wrote: »

Ok ok I get I am lazy and worthless. This is all my fault.

You are probably half right. We all get lazy, but we are all far from worthless. Stop calling yourself that or you will make it come true. The other part of your statement "This is all my fault" is probably the most helpful. You are realizing that you need to fix you. You can't change anyone else, just yourself. Realizing you got where you were by your own devices is the first step towards working on the things you can control. If more people would own blame instead of trying to give it to someone else I think this world would be a better place.

You got the power inside of you. Take a few small steps each day and in a week or two you will be a changed (for the better) person who might just inspire changes in those around you that you love.

Guns_N_Buns

You have clearly sabotaged yourself over the years and by the way you're portraying yourself in this thread, I can see that you'll be sabotaging your relationships, as well. That lack of accountability and finger-pointing at everyone else, but you, is going to fester a bacteria known as resentment and ultimately make you push your loved ones out of your life. So, then you'll really be alone and -- presumably -- still be overweight and miserable.

Once you start being accountable for your own lack of discipline, low self-esteem and laziness, you'll be harder on yourself which will be the drive to get you off the couch. Family/friends shouldn't even be in the equation; this all falls on YOU. Once you start kicking your own *kitten*, you'll, ironically, feel a lot better about yourself and appreciate those in your life -- because you'll be a better you. Conquering that is an accomplishment all on it's own and really should be your first step.

glovepuppet

playtime with your young son is important. kids only get one childhood, and interactive play is important for his physical, social, emotional and intellectual development.

cwms3rd wrote: »

This is all my fault.

well... yes! my weight is my fault/accomplishment, the same as every adult who isn't starved, force fed or suffering from a medical condition. your unwillingness to take responsibility is also an inability to believe in your ability to make things happen for yourself.

the problem you have isn't how to get them to do what you want, it's how to get you to do what you want.

bigtone89

damn you guys are brutal....homeboy might be about to launch himself off the building any second now

CSARdiver

It doesn't matter what you eat - just eat less of it. Keep logging and do so accurately - use a scale. You also likely know which foods you find filling and which do not, so adjust accordingly. Sounds like you're trying some form of elimination diet, which will not work in the long term. Make small changes you know you can hold for the rest of your life and implement them slowly over time.

Get your wife and kids involved and set a goal that has health in mind. You are doing this to set a good example for your kids.

kawh707

i have not been successful either... but am determined this time. as someone with lots of 'will power' generally, but who sabotages herself if there is easy access to junkfood... can i suggest that you designate one small cupboard (or buy a box) for junk food being brought into the house. put a LOCK on it.. and give ONLY your parents the key. explain to your child that these are special snacks that the grandparents are allowed to hand out. (no mention of diet or willpower). thank your parents profusely for being so generous... and get their buy-in. if they leave any snack food in the 'fridge, quietly put it in the sink and spray it with water... as soon as they leave.

in our house, my hubbie is constantly bringing snacks in, but i've gotten him to put it somewhere in his closet... i have not yet sunk so low as to search his closet to see if there's anything there. it's just that if it's in my face at 11pm, i'm just going to eat it!! i have to watch him eat burgers and onion rings all the time... it's really a challenge... but i'm pretty good about it. it's just all the late night snacking on 'low calorie' foods that gets me... and i, too, do better if i can keep on track about not eating after 9pm. good luck!

edwardetr

mrron2u wrote: »

seska422 wrote: »

The timing of meals doesn't really matter for weight loss. However, if you don't want to eat after 7PM, then don't eat after 7PM. Your wife can eat whenever she pleases. There's no rule that you both have to eat at the same time. Also, if you eat separately, you don't have to watch her eat things you've decided not to eat. Win-Win.

Your parents are providing free child care for you in your home. You don't even need to cart your offspring over to their house. They can bring whatever they like. You may want to empty out a cupboard for them to store items so that they are out of your line-of-sight.

Supporting you is different from changing themselves around to suit you. They are having to deal with your changes and you need to deal with their non-changes.

Part of being able to sustain weight loss long term is learning how to be surrounded with temptation without surrendering. You can do it!

All great advice - I couldn't have said it better!

Sage advice, indeed. I bolded my favorite parts.

6502programmer

bigtone89 wrote: »

damn you guys are brutal....homeboy might be about to launch himself off the building any second now

I'm pretty sure he did the MFP analogue and torched his account. I'm all for "motivation and support", but when someone isn't ready to take responsibility for their actions, they're not ready to act responsibly.

/chiasmus ftw!

bigtone89

I hear you...but I do think people are motivated in different ways....some people especially nowadays can't handle the harsh words or what-have-you....anyway, I spent 4 years in the Marines so a verbal onslaught don't mean *kitten* to me. MFP is a great tool for me to track how I'm doing and progress etc. in my 50's now, soit's definitely tougher than a "few" years ago.

lejoie

This is a perfect example as to why people are so afraid to ask for help. I don't understand why everyone is being so rude toward OP. Even if you disagree with someone, have the decency to be respectful. He comes from a home where it sounds like the wife usually cooks dinner. It doesn't make him a jerk nor does it make his wife a "kitchen slave."

Chill. Realize you are speaking to a human being with feelings.

Furthermore, I agree that your parents SHOULDNT be feeding your child that crap. You have a right to be angry for the sake of your child's health - not for yours. Those foods contribute to the obesity epidemic in this country among children and adults and should be enjoyed sparingly.

Your wife is entitled to eat as she pleases and I for one know just how hard it is to see the person you love eat whatever they want in front of you. Its hard, despite how many people in this thread want you to feel bad and say you need self discipline. When my husband and I discuss this same issue, we agree that he will eat those things as he pleases, just not all the time right in my face. He respects my health and understands why I don't want certain food items around. You will have to respect her decision, however, if she decides she won't change her eating habits or cook differently for you.

bigtone89

Amen sister

Guns_N_Buns

After reading my post, I probably came off harsh, but really was trying to bestow words of wisdom and encouragement. I totally understand his frustrations and agree that if it's a matter of him not wanting his son to eat junk, then his parents should respect his wishes of not bringing "garbage" into the house. I also understand that sometimes sitting down and eating dinner as a family is very important to people, so I do understand his frustration at his wife, maybe, brushing that off. I was glimpsing over all that and was just trying to get to the base layer and address what his focus should be.

Good luck, OP, if you haven't already left.