how do i save myself from my self?

myrregan

it never fails.

every august.

every year.

about a month before my birthday, i try to pump myself up and convince myself that as a birthday gift to myself, i should lose 10 lbs. some years, the day dreams get really passionate and they turn in to these epic internal speeches where i convince myself that i deserve a better life...that i should give myself the gift of living a guilt-free and weigh-less, life. the speeches continue, claiming that i know better and should do better. and why do i deserve life if i'm not to take it seriously?

the day dream persists, claiming that i know that there are people who wish they could go for a walk, but can't. i don't have any physical limitations that don't allow me to get up, but my biggest limitation is myself. my mind.

how do i save myself from my self?

my thinking is so backwards...
my family is concerned about my recent weight gain, and what is my first reaction? eat more and exercise less because how dare they comment on my weight? i am eating and lazying around out of spite.

my husband believes in me and reassures me that i shouldn't listen to them and what is my first reaction? eat more and exercise less because he supports me no matter what and therefore i should celebrate with by adding more food to my plate. i am finding comfort in my plate.

my husband and i discuss having babies soon, and what is my first reaction? "omg, yay! but omg! you're going to give up your body/life for the next XX years" which sends me into a panic eating mode. i am frantically eating and drinking anything i can get my hands on because soon, i won't be able to. or so that's what i think...

it is extremely difficult to actively change my mind and realize that all these epic day dreams shouldn't be so hard to translate in real life. i feel like i am at the mercy of food, my emotional eating, and my thought processes. i get anxious just thinking about trying... i keep thinking, "when i restrict myself, i go insane. when i don't restrict myself, i go insane on the food"

why can't i take myself seriously enough to realize that i am damaging my young body?

why am i making this so hard?

i know the answer is me, but i am numb. there is literally nothing in the world (that's how it feels), that hits home, and motivates me to change. what's it going to take?

mplswhovian

My husband and I are having the same baby discussion, and apparently knowing that it's going to happen soon is my motivation. Everything I have been reading is telling me the more I weigh the harder it'll be to conceive and the harder the pregnancy would be. So every time I feel like going crazy, I remind myself of that next milestone in my life that is coming up soon and even just losing some weight will help. I don;t have to be perfect, but i have to do it.

myrregan

thank you for this! it is really good practice for sure...perhaps your comment will help change things around for me! rather than panicking, i should really see it as a positive thing. thank you!!

Dustinsteven22

The first step in starting your fitness journey is to dig deep on the inside. Fitness is much deeper then losing weight. Your heart has to match your desire to lose weight. To do this you have to figure out your "why." Your why is bigger than motivation and a self talk. Some people find their why when the doctor tells them they are killing themselves and have a few years to live. Whys can also be a wedding, having kids, completing a race, etc. You are worth it, you just have to believe in yourself. Stick to the 3 keys of fitness: Nutrition, Exercise, and Support. Feel free to add me.

natajane

I found a book which really helps mind set when it comes to food. Its called the Beck Diet Solution. Its so to the point, and quite funny sometimes. I think it could help? x

Mr_Knight

myrregan wrote: »

there is literally nothing in the world (that's how it feels), that hits home, and motivates me to change. what's it going to take?

You've already answered your question - there isn't anything. Nothing will work.

If you believe that's the truth, accept who you are, and move on.

What you're doing is the same as beating yourself up for only having one thumb on each hand.

myrregan

thanks @Dustinsteven22! i have dug deep many times, for some reason, this time feels different. hopefully, if i just keep thinking it will all make sense eventually!

myrregan

i will check it out @natajane. thank you!

myrregan

thanks @Mr_Knight . you're absolutely right!

neldacastillo45

myrregan wrote: »

it never fails.

every august.

every year.

about a month before my birthday, i try to pump myself up and convince myself that as a birthday gift to myself, i should lose 10 lbs. some years, the day dreams get really passionate and they turn in to these epic internal speeches where i convince myself that i deserve a better life...that i should give myself the gift of living a guilt-free and weigh-less, life. the speeches continue, claiming that i know better and should do better. and why do i deserve life if i'm not to take it seriously?

the day dream persists, claiming that i know that there are people who wish they could go for a walk, but can't. i don't have any physical limitations that don't allow me to get up, but my biggest limitation is myself. my mind.

how do i save myself from my self?

my thinking is so backwards...
my family is concerned about my recent weight gain, and what is my first reaction? eat more and exercise less because how dare they comment on my weight? i am eating and lazying around out of spite.

my husband believes in me and reassures me that i shouldn't listen to them and what is my first reaction? eat more and exercise less because he supports me no matter what and therefore i should celebrate with by adding more food to my plate. i am finding comfort in my plate.

my husband and i discuss having babies soon, and what is my first reaction? "omg, yay! but omg! you're going to give up your body/life for the next XX years" which sends me into a panic eating mode. i am frantically eating and drinking anything i can get my hands on because soon, i won't be able to. or so that's what i think...

it is extremely difficult to actively change my mind and realize that all these epic day dreams shouldn't be so hard to translate in real life. i feel like i am at the mercy of food, my emotional eating, and my thought processes. i get anxious just thinking about trying... i keep thinking, "when i restrict myself, i go insane. when i don't restrict myself, i go insane on the food"

why can't i take myself seriously enough to realize that i am damaging my young body?

why am i making this so hard?

i know the answer is me, but i am numb. there is literally nothing in the world (that's how it feels), that hits home, and motivates me to change. what's it going to take?

neldacastillo45

Hi My name is Nelda and if you need motivation and support I can help you out.