41 yr old who's horrible at self-care

blessedbyjol8

Hi all! I would love some tips from people who were once horrible at self care but have made a 180 and turned their life around and are taking care of themselves. I've tried to get in shape..but everyone else's needs always seem to creep in and once again I put myself on the bottom of my list. I also find that being a busy mom..after the munchkins are in bed, I am to tired to then exercise. That is also the time I reach for some sugary snack. I know it's all about a life style change but how do you do that when you are so tired from day to day life? Any tips are appreciated. Oh and this is my first time ever writing in a public forum..so hopefully this gets posted..lol

Ming777

Wow I do hear you. I could have written this a few years back! Not sure about advice, everyone is different. For me, it was finding exercise that I actually love to do, with a social component (I play soccer with a great group of people, just signed up with a random city league three years ago!) For food cravings, tracking my calories relentlessly helps, but also eating more protein and fewer carbs turned out to be key. For energy, well my kiddo is 18, maybe I just had to wait till he grew up to get my headspace back. Parenting is such heavy lifting. Stay strong and you'll make it through!

aRsenicBleu

Hi, Blessed.While I'm not in the same boat as you,ie I don't have any kids but I do struggle with not reaching for that pack of donuts when I get off of work. Personally, I find that eating healthy snacks throughout the day helps curb my appetite.Don't get me wrong, it doesn't always work.Sometimes I need those cookies but I find that it helps the majority of the time..And if you can,baggy your snacks to their respective serving size. Both the healthy ones and the unheathy ones.This will help you stay conscious of how much you're actually spending on your calorie budget. Also try exercising earlier in the morning. It doesn't have to be for 30 minutes. It can be just 5 or 10.Then tack on a few more minutes each week. Also above all else you have to make time. Sit down and write out your plans for the week and keep your promise to yourself. If you said you're going to eat a salad for lunch every Monday through Friday for that week and work out for ten minutes before the kiddos wake up, then prep your salads,set your alarm for those extra ten minutes and do it.Then do it over the next week.The trick is to stay conscious of developing new habits.Sorry for the essay.Hope I helped a bit.

blessedbyjol8

Thank you! Yes those tips are great! I definitely have to keep the promises to myself..I think that is key! Even just putting myself on my own radar is a good start. And I agree with you..about preparing your snacks and only have a certain amt each time. I think so much of change is planning..planning on what to eat..making sure you have those things in the house..making sure you drink your water..etc.

Thank you again..I really appreciate your support and your tips! Have you found this app really helped you stay healthy?

blessedbyjol8

Ming777 wrote: »

Wow I do hear you. I could have written this a few years back! Not sure about advice, everyone is different. For me, it was finding exercise that I actually love to do, with a social component (I play soccer with a great group of people, just signed up with a random city league three years ago!) For food cravings, tracking my calories relentlessly helps, but also eating more protein and fewer carbs turned out to be key. For energy, well my kiddo is 18, maybe I just had to wait till he grew up to get my headspace back. Parenting is such heavy lifting. Stay strong and you'll make it through!

Thanks Ming! I really appreciate your support and encouragement! I will be using your tips..finding an exercise I love..then finding time for it. And I definitely got to get use to tracking those calories instead of sho

jennifer_417

The only thing you can do is make it a priority. In general, people find ways to do what really matters to them. If you need more energy to work out, figure out where you can conerve it elsewheee. Or workout tired. Ibe done that many, many times, and I've never regretted it.

blessedbyjol8

Agreed Jen! It's a mind-set. Have to shift my mind to believing I'm a priority as much as all the others I take care of. Then of course..Take action. Thanks for the encouragement!

jennifer_417

Also, think about it this way: If you don't take the time to care for yourself, you really aren't doing anyone else any favors. They deserve the best of you, and if you don't take the time to take care of yourself, they're only getting the dregs.

Tabby1980

I know exactly what you're saying, my 2 year old has just gone up to bed and I'm exhausted! I try to get my exercise doing family stuff like chasing her around the garden, going swimming together, etc but it's always tempting to reach for the sugary snacks come evening. I try to substitute or have naughty things in tiny portions x

ellie0213

Being a mom is tough. It's hard to put yourself first. Trust me your family will get used to "mommy's workout time." I get mine out of the way first thing in the morning. Challenging but I feel better all day. Add me if you'd like.

blessedbyjol8

jennifer_417 wrote: »

Also, think about it this way: If you don't take the time to care for yourself, you really aren't doing anyone else any favors. They deserve the best of you, and if you don't take the time to take care of yourself, they're only getting the dregs.

Yes..I know..I always think of the airplane scenario when a plane is crashing..you need to put your mask on before your child's. The trouble is I know all this stuff..and just feel more guilty not doing what I have to do. It's that bridge btw knowing it and doing it..that's the struggle

blessedbyjol8

ellie0213 wrote: »

Being a mom is tough. It's hard to put yourself first. Trust me your family will get used to "mommy's workout time." I get mine out of the way first thing in the morning. Challenging but I feel better all day. Add me if you'd like.

Thank you..I'm totally new to this..how do I add ppl?

blessedbyjol8

Tabby1980 wrote: »

I know exactly what you're saying, my 2 year old has just gone up to bed and I'm exhausted! I try to get my exercise doing family stuff like chasing her around the garden, going swimming together, etc but it's always tempting to reach for the sugary snacks come evening. I try to substitute or have naughty things in tiny portions x

Yes they are exhausting! On so many levels!!

LeslieB042812

I also recommend exercising first thing in the morning. It will help energize you and there really isn't any excuse except sleep at that point in the day. I think it's great to recommend getting up just a little bit earlier each day and making yourself do it, even if it's only 5 minutes it will help build the habit. Good luck!

jangaard

Even you asking for help here is a step in the right direction! Don't worry about adding too much new exercise to your routine right away, there are other ways to make small changes that will have a great impact. Enjoy the exercise you get with your children! The most important thing is to get your diet under control - think about the reasons WHY you want to binge on sweet treats and the triggers / time that you do so. Try to predict when those are going to happen and make a small change - an apple or some grapes, a granola bar, hummus and crackers instead. I find counting calories really helps me be aware of what I'm putting into my body. It also helps make sure you eat enough through out the day so you aren't crashing at 8pm and craving a sugary treat - make sure your dinners are well balanced with fat, protein, and complex carbohydrates. That being said, you don't have to cut anything out of your diet entirely. Pay close attention to serving sizes and find out what fits in your daily food plan. MyFitnessPal is a life saver for that! And finally, make sure you get enough sleep and that it's good quality sleep (easier said than done I know!). Spend an hour or two a week focusing on yourself and your wellbeing - that could be having a spa bath, going for a walk, getting a coffee with a friend.

blessedbyjol8

LeslieB042812 wrote: »

I also recommend exercising first thing in the morning. It will help energize you and there really isn't any excuse except sleep at that point in the day. I think it's great to recommend getting up just a little bit earlier each day and making yourself do it, even if it's only 5 minutes it will help build the habit. Good luck!

You are so right! I use to get up with a neighbor and go walking at 6:00am and felt great! But then I started having foot issues and went off the rails..but thank you for reminding me..you do feel great with that boost of energy in the morning!

Debmal77

jennifer_417 wrote: »

Also, think about it this way: If you don't take the time to care for yourself, you really aren't doing anyone else any favors. They deserve the best of you, and if you don't take the time to take care of yourself, they're only getting the dregs.

This.

blessedbyjol8

jangaard wrote: »

Even you asking for help here is a step in the right direction! Don't worry about adding too much new exercise to your routine right away, there are other ways to make small changes that will have a great impact. Enjoy the exercise you get with your children! The most important thing is to get your diet under control - think about the reasons WHY you want to binge on sweet treats and the triggers / time that you do so. Try to predict when those are going to happen and make a small change - an apple or some grapes, a granola bar, hummus and crackers instead. I find counting calories really helps me be aware of what I'm putting into my body. It also helps make sure you eat enough through out the day so you aren't crashing at 8pm and craving a sugary treat - make sure your dinners are well balanced with fat, protein, and complex carbohydrates. That being said, you don't have to cut anything out of your diet entirely. Pay close attention to serving sizes and find out what fits in your daily food plan. MyFitnessPal is a life saver for that! And finally, make sure you get enough sleep and that it's good quality sleep (easier said than done I know!). Spend an hour or two a week focusing on yourself and your wellbeing - that could be having a spa bath, going for a walk, getting a coffee with a friend.

Awww..Thank you so much for all the great tips! Totally agree..about the food. I saw a meme once that said the hard part of getting in shape is not the working out as much as it's the food preparation and planning. And I loved what you said about spending an hour and or two a week on my own well-being.

Thanks again for your encouragement and support!

justrollme

You've won half the battle already, just by recognizing the problem. And wow do I understand, completely! You know how, on airplanes, the flight attendants always tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself before assisting others? This is kinda the same thing. It's difficult to care for those around you like you really want to and mean to, when you're not caring for yourself. The other thing that I have come to learn is that even when you care for your kid(s) in a way that feels thorough, they notice and emulate the way you care for yourself...at least, that's what I began to notice was happening with my kiddo. That was my real wake-up call.

trina1049

Totally agree with the airplane analogy -- you have to take care of yourself first in order to take care of others. You love your children and think of what a good role model you'll be for them when they see you taking care of yourself. They need to see that health and well-being are important components in life.

With that said, concentrate first on your diet. You don't have to exercise to lose weight, running around with the children keeps you active enough for now.

Try the following to ease into your new plan:

1. Use MFP to set up a moderate deficit. Don't starve yourself by too aggressive a deficit.

2. Track your current calorie intake for a week just to see how much over-eating you're actually doing. Be honest and log every bite, lick, taste. It will be an eye-opener! It was for me!

3. Then begin to adjust your calories-in to create the deficit you need to lose weight. Find healthy foods that keep you satisfied (protein, healthy carbs and fat for each meal/snack). There's nothing worse than feeling hungry all the time. The cravings for sugary treats will abate once you change the type of food you're eating. I've found that eating every 3 to 4 hours keeps the cravings away and my mind off of food.

4. Once you've lost a few pounds and have more energy, you can begin to add in more formal exercising. Find something you love. I'd recommend weight lifting and some cardio because the weight lifting really transforms your body and the cardio gives you more calories to eat. You might want to find some method to figure out your calorie burn (calories out). Think about an exercise tracker, I can't live without mine!

5. Be very, very, very, very, very patient. The whole process takes time. Did I mention be patient?

Good luck, and best wishes!

Trina

blessedbyjol8

Thanks Trina! You are so right about the kids seeing as an important component to life. We've been so out of balance the last few years..we really need to make nutrition and planning a priority.

Also agree about weight lifting. Back before kids..I had incorporated into my work out..I would run then next day weight lift..it was great!

And yes..being patient is key..a quality I'm not very good at. Thank you for the very necessary reminder!

blessedbyjol8

justrollme wrote: »

You've won half the battle already, just by recognizing the problem. And wow do I understand, completely! You know how, on airplanes, the flight attendants always tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself before assisting others? This is kinda the same thing. It's difficult to care for those around you like you really want to and mean to, when you're not caring for yourself. The other thing that I have come to learn is that even when you care for your kid(s) in a way that feels thorough, they notice and emulate the way you care for yourself...at least, that's what I began to notice was happening with my kiddo. That was my real wake-up call.

You are so right! It's like your intention is to love and care for them the best way you can..so you fool yourself in thinking that means only thinking of their needs and ignoring yours..but the true best way to take care of them..is being the example so they can learn from you..how to take care of themselves.

Now I just have to erase 41 years of bad habits..lol.

CSARdiver

Your children may not listen to you, but they will always follow your example. Let that be your motivator. Involve them in your fitness plan. I do calisthenics every morning with mine (7, 5, and 1) and we continually challenge each other to do more.

First of all - unless there's a medical emergency don't make drastic changes. Make small changes that will have impact over a long period of time. Make small goals, hit them, and make more small goals. Put up a chart to highlight your success. Celebrate those successes.

Don't eliminate any foods you love, just budget them into your plan.

Now at some point you may hit a plateau, but don't focus on the scale, focus on your positive gains - increased strength, stamina, etc.

Stay active on the forums and build up a good support network on and offline and most importantly - continue logging. If you go over one day, just make up for it the next, or spread it out over the week.

Welcome aboard!

suejabin2014

Hi I am a mum of two, and my tip is to wake up at 6 or 7 in the morning and do some exercise, it works for me. All the best x

KANGOOJUMPS

I start my workouts at 4am,,,,, its MY TIME,,,, gosh I love my mornings!

blessedbyjol8

CSARdiver wrote: »

Your children may not listen to you, but they will always follow your example. Let that be your motivator. Involve them in your fitness plan. I do calisthenics every morning with mine (7, 5, and 1) and we continually challenge each other to do more.

First of all - unless there's a medical emergency don't make drastic changes. Make small changes that will have impact over a long period of time. Make small goals, hit them, and make more small goals. Put up a chart to highlight your success. Celebrate those successes.

Don't eliminate any foods you love, just budget them into your plan.

Now at some point you may hit a plateau, but don't focus on the scale, focus on your positive gains - increased strength, stamina, etc.

Stay active on the forums and build up a good support network on and offline and most importantly - continue logging. If you go over one day, just make up for it the next, or spread it out over the week.

Welcome aboard!

Awesome advice! Thank you!!!!

blessedbyjol8

KANGOOJUMPS wrote: »

I start my workouts at 4am,,,,, its MY TIME,,,, gosh I love my mornings!

Wow..that's great!

What time do you go to sleep at night?

blessedbyjol8

suejabin2014 wrote: »

Hi I am a mum of two, and my tip is to wake up at 6 or 7 in the morning and do some exercise, it works for me. All the best x

Yes..that's my intent! Good on you for doing it and getting up to exercise!