What do you do when you've lost all motivation?

NiqueKristan

Hi, all.
Three years ago, I lost 50 pounds. I slowly but surely gained it all back.
Since January of this year, I have lost 35 pounds.... Only to gain 10 back in the past couple of months.
I know the whole "I've come too far to give up" etc but I have NO motivation. I just don't want to work out, I have work and school and I feel tired. I feel sad and I want to eat. I will buy frozen yogurt, candy and cookies for the weekend with Netflix and it'll be a good time.
When I'm even feeling happy, I eat. I recently got into a relationship and we cook and bake together.
I've had to talk to him and tell him he has to help me make better decisions. He can't say "hey, let's make cookies". He has to say "hey, let's cook some fish and veggies".
The point I'm trying to make is that I've realized my situation, and I am trying to make changes but I feel like it's nearly impossible to resist my cookie/candy/frozen yogurt temptations. Now, I'll eat well in front of people but secretly eat poorly.
When I'm bored, I eat. It feels exciting and irresistible.
Also, It is horribly hard to force myself to work out.
I don't want all this hard work to go to waste, and I'm not where I want to be. But I'm REALLY STRUGGLING. Please, please help.

crosbylee

Sit down and write out what I want and how I intend to get it. Then I get on MFP and start logging and pushing myself to workout again. You have to find out what works for you. What will drive you to make this commitment to a way of life that will keep the weight gone. It is all up to you, no one else. Do not count on someone else to be your motivation.

SueInAz

The thing is, motivation has to come from within, no one can give it to you. We can give you reasons to be motivated but it is eventually up to you, not us or your SO, to provide it. What I've found is that motivation can't be what drives you; it simply comes and goes too often. One day you're fired up and the next all you want to do is be lazy and overeat. Instead, what you need is commitment. It also helps to make the things you're doing a habit, one that is as immune to compromise as brushing your teeth or showering. I get up in the morning before work every other day and I run. I don't allow myself to sleep in or that I'll do it later, I get up, I put on my running clothes and I run.

You say you want to lose weight, but it doesn't sound like you're really committed to the idea. Until you are you're going to stay in the same place you are now, wanting it but not willing to do what you know needs to be done to achieve it. Keep in mind, though, that it doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can make small changes (taking walk breaks at work, side salad instead of fries, unsweetened tea instead of a Coke), incorporate them into your life so that they are habit. I've found that they inevitably lead to another change. Most of my current routine was made slowly over time.

If you don't like to exercise, don't. Just make food changes. You don't need exercise to lose weight. Don't let that be an excuse.

What you need to do is make a decision. Do you want it or don't you? If you do, then you know what needs to be done. If you don't, then make a conscious decision that it's not the right time and stop feeling guilty about it. At some point, hopefully before you gain all of it back, you'll be ready to make that commitment.

Kalikel

You're struggling because you're giving a half-hearted attempt. The reason you're giving a half-hearted attempt is because you don't really want to do it.

So don't. Lose weight some other time. When you're motivated, do it.

It's just crazy to kinda try to do something you don't want to do and then get all mad at yourself for not doing the thing you never really wanted to do in the first place.

You might benefit from some therapy. See someone who specializes in eating disorders. I don't say that because I think you have one, but because they deal with the kinds of things you discuss here.

Take it easy on yourself and be true to what you honestly want.

UltimateEscape

NiqueKristan

You said, "I recently got into a relationship and we cook and bake together." Are you cooking and baking sweet treats? Do you know that sugar is the trigger food that leads lots of people down the road to losing self control. Would your BF love you if you didn't let him eat sweet treats in your house? It's kind of like a BF that smokes around you and your loved ones. Over 55,000 people every year die from second hand smoke. Are you willing to risk the chances of developing bad health to please another person? All good questions that only you can answer.

vivmom2014

UltimateEscape wrote: »

NiqueKristan

You said, "I recently got into a relationship and we cook and bake together." Are you cooking and baking sweet treats? Do you know that sugar is the trigger food that leads lots of people down the road to losing self control. Would your BF love you if you didn't let him eat sweet treats in your house? It's kind of like a BF that smokes around you and your loved ones. Over 55,000 people every year die from second hand smoke. Are you willing to risk the chances of developing bad health to please another person? All good questions that only you can answer.

There's nothing wrong with baking sweet treats. It's not comparable to smoking!!

pstegman888

Will you be happy this time next year if you are 30 or 40 pounds heavier? Do you feel tired because you are not eating nutritious foods to fuel the energy you need for school and work? Can you & your new honey make a commitment to take a short, invigorating walk 2 or 3 days a week, or before you settle in for your Netflix? Can you substitute popcorn and fruit for candy and cookies? Just a few small changes may help. If you're not willing to make the effort, you probably won't do it, but you then have to realize you'll have to deal with the consequences down the road.

petitehealth

have you been to iifym.com? I am doing a lot better tracking my calories and macros and planning out my meals a day in advance and purposely fitting in a small treat. For example, yesterday, I saved/planned enough calories and macros to enjoy two double stuff oreos and a glass of almond milk after dinner. I had my fiancé hide the rest of the oreos so I wouldn't be tempted. Perhaps you can try to fit in a small, reasonable treat each day and stay on track?

Will your BF or a friend work out with you? I am WAY more motivated to exercise when I have a friend counting on me! Good luck!

ahoy_m8

When I lose motivation, the thing that snaps me back is hitting a certain weight that I am committed not to exceed. As background, I have maintained the same weight for 30 years (excluding pregnancy). Maybe every 2 months, I lose motivation for a day or two, and in those cases I just acknowledge the slacking or "break" or whatever you want to call it and get back into the routine. Less frequently, perhaps once in 3-4 years, the break lasts a couple months. Maybe something else going on in life is getting all my attention or maybe I feel particularly worn out. Usually it's a gradual descent away from my stay-on-track habits--first I skip weighing myself daily, then maybe drop a mile on my running route once then twice then more often than not, then take a break from calorie counting, then start enjoying wine during the week in addition to weekends--and eventually it all adds up. I know it will. I know every day when I wake up, that can be the day I turn back to the good habits. But it's when I do step on the scale and its a number I've decided isn't ok that I kick it all back in gear. The last time that happened was in the spring 2013. I usually put on a couple pounds in the summer, and I didn't want to gain on top of that, or for that to become my "new normal."

I think it is perfectly ok, good even, to take breaks periodically. I agree with kalikel, though, that it boils down to commitment. Others on MFP say motivation is overrated. It comes and goes. What keeps you anchored is commitment. And I also agree that if you are not in a place to make a commitment to yourself, then don't. Maybe ask yourself why not.

mandykent111

What helped me was getting diagnosed with chronic disease. Now, I don't really think that my poor diet in the past really really contributed to early renal failure (I'm not hyper tensive), but I do wonder.

That just sucked getting that news. The kicker was that my doctor said that if i wanted to not wind up on dialysis, i had to get more active, lose weight and eat less. It was really hard to get motivated. What did it for me however, was when I started tracking my calories and learning how hard it is to sweat off a cookie or a donut.

I think that maybe you can start there. Start an exercise program and learn what calorie equivalents there are. Once you are forced to choose between a plate of cookies or 7 hours in the gym....lol easy.

Another poster hit the nail on the head re: sugar. sugar is a drug. like crack or something. the more you get, the more you need. You will be amazed at how your cravings subside once you stop eating sugar!

azulvioleta6

Could you be slightly depressed?

I agree--habit is more powerful than motivation. There are times when I only exercise because it has just become the thing that I do...and once I have done it, I can't ruin everything with a bad diet.

Orphia

Don't wait around for motivation. Just do it.

Motivation isn't some blinding flash of light that sorts you out forever. You will always have negative thoughts from the little sabotage devil on your shoulder. But they're just thoughts.

You might as well try, because the time will pass anyway.

Don't wait around for motivation. Just do it.

eileensofianmushinfine

"There's nothing wrong with baking sweet treats. It's not comparable to smoking!!"

while smoking is definitely "worse" here, the fact is that unless you can control portions, a tray of brownies will "disappear" - sometimes in one evening.

vivmom2014

eileensofianmushinfine wrote: »

"There's nothing wrong with baking sweet treats. It's not comparable to smoking!!"

while smoking is definitely "worse" here, the fact is that unless you can control portions, a tray of brownies will "disappear" - sometimes in one evening.

Yes. So you work on controlling portions. You don't demonize the food.

goldthistime

I know that feeling. Here's what I did recently. I took multivitamins for a couple days in case I was low in something given the poor diet choices I'd made recently. I set my diary to private so that I could avoid the situation where shame stops me from logging altogether. I didn't feel up to trying to function hungry, or at a calorie deficit at all, so I set my calorie goal to a maintenance level. Logging reminds me to eat healthier. I'm on day 6 back with MFP, and by day 3 I was already ready for a calorie deficit day. Day 4 and on I went back to maintenance but I suspect I will "spiral up" as time goes by. Good luck.

mantium999

shell1005 wrote: »

vivmom2014 wrote: »

eileensofianmushinfine wrote: »

"There's nothing wrong with baking sweet treats. It's not comparable to smoking!!"

while smoking is definitely "worse" here, the fact is that unless you can control portions, a tray of brownies will "disappear" - sometimes in one evening.

Yes. So you work on controlling portions. You don't demonize the food.

+1

+2

Pinnacle_IAO

Remember, nobody is a failure until they quit.
And I know plenty of folks who gave up on themselves and are fatter than ever. We do not have to be that person.

With all my failures and setbacks on this journey, I stayed motivated by forgiving myself for being weak from time to time. I gathered my energy, recommitted and moved forward having learned from the challenge.

If this was easy, nobody would be fat. It may be simple, but losing weight is hard!
And if that process was not challenging in itself, weight maintenance turns out to be just as daunting.
Good luck to you, and remember Winston Churchill who said...
"Never, never, never give up."

atypicalsmith

Until you really, really want to do it, it's not going to happen. There are always excuses. When you really, really, want to do it, you will find a way to make it happen. No matter what.