Mean Girls
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shrinkingletters wrote: »What was the compliment?
What was the response to the compliment that you felt was condescending?
This is really vague.shrinkingletters wrote: »What was the compliment?
What was the response to the compliment that you felt was condescending?
This is really vague.
Because it's not about her or the incident. It's about LIFE. About coming to a place of self-acceptance, then bucking up into those who want to tear down the confidence that took a lot to attain.0 -
I didn't read the article, I don't care to. But I did read the highlighted part and felt I could add the following - someone that I have known all 26 years on this planet was a mean girl. All through school, until she was 17 years old. Then when she was 17 a family member died. After he died it came out that she has been enduring his sexual abuse since she was a toddler. Her being a *kitten*, was her lashing out and taking that angry out on everyone around her. It was like she just looked for things to be a *kitten* about. After she died she felt free, and she's a completely different person. It's been almost 10 years and she has gotten help and is like a completely different person.
Personally, I went through a terrible time after my sons died. I lashed out at people badly. I made everyone hate me because I could not let things go. I also feel like I was just looking for things to attack people about. I ended up developing a terrible drug and alcohol problem and of course that didn't really help the situation at all. I'm currently 17 months sober but at the beginning of my sobriety I was so mean to everyone around me. Like I had to go back and delete my Facebook and make a new one because I was so ashamed to go back and look at my timeline and just see things that I posted and things that I had said to people.
Me and the girl that I know we both got over mean girl stage and now that I'm older and past that I realize there was no excuse for it but it still happened and we can't take it back.
However, I do have a mother that I would consider to be a mean girl and as much as I tried to figure out why she such a bully I can't. some people are just that way..some people are just mean. Something that I've learned with dealing with this woman is just it's all in how you react to it. it's not even about how they treat you it's just about how you react to it.
Ok that's all.
Wow. Congrats on your sobriety. Can I give you a hug? (And btw I'm not a hugger but you seem like an effing warrior!)0 -
sunn_lighter wrote: »jmho but the idea of 'mean girls' is just another way of women putting each other down. There are mean people altogether, no need to add gender into the label.
And most of the time people you think are mean are having a hard time. Try turning the other cheek.
I did. Hence the "chalk it up to projecting."
I appreciate your response! and you're right about the gender - mean comes in both.0 -
I think mean PEOPLE could be projecting lashing out you never know. Most of the time when people are truly mean it is because they either want to take power/control or feel a loss of power/control. I'm terminally nice, so don't quite understand it. Just don't take it personally because everyone is dealing with his/her own *kitten* that we couldn't begin to understand.0
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sunn_lighter wrote: »jmho but the idea of 'mean girls' is just another way of women putting each other down. There are mean people altogether, no need to add gender into the label.
And most of the time people you think are mean are having a hard time. Try turning the other cheek.
I completely agree.
Also, the fact that the OP doesn't give any detail on what exactly was said by either party raises some red flags for me. I know she states it is because that isn't the point of the thread...but it is in the original post so it is fair game for discussion as it was used as an example (albeit a VERY vague one in which we were apparently all supposed to rally around her and offer condolences).
That is just my opinion as a self-appointed "mean girl".0 -
I believe that people just take things too personally. Any objection or disagreed response usually puts the other person on the defensive.
You have choices: engage or walk away.
What/how others are (unless they are close to me or are family) don't have a direct effect on my life or how I live it unless viewed that way.
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Yeah! Very well!
I think this sums up your POV:
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No one knows anyone else's story, as evidenced above. Taking someone's behavior, in one moment, is a reflection of yourself, as well. Be the bigger person, and be kind, even when someone else is not.0
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as the gorgeous and incomparable great RuPaul said or his mother said to her, "what other people think of you is none of your business."0
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You are who you associate with on a regular basis. Dont surround yourself with people like her.
Life really is to short to be dealing with people who add no value to your life.
Let them take their miserable path in life . Some people will never change their ways.
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No one knows anyone else's story, as evidenced above. Taking someone's behavior, in one moment, is a reflection of yourself, as well. Be the bigger person, and be kind, even when someone else is not.
You don't know what or how she said what she did. Or how I reacted to her. You only know I've chosen to protect her through anonymity and lack of specificity. And that the question was not about her, but generally speaking, when you buck up into people that want to tear you down for no reason.
Yet, in your estimation, that reflects on me.0 -
finny11122 wrote: »You are who you associate with on a regular basis. Dont surround yourself with people like her.
Life really is to short to be dealing with people who add no value to your life.
Let them take their miserable path in life . Some people will never change their ways.
Hug!0 -
ldrosophila wrote: »as the gorgeous and incomparable great RuPaul said or his mother said to her, "what other people think of you is none of your business."
Yup!0 -
CJisinShape wrote: »No one knows anyone else's story, as evidenced above. Taking someone's behavior, in one moment, is a reflection of yourself, as well. Be the bigger person, and be kind, even when someone else is not.
You don't know what or how she said what she did. Or how I reacted to her. You only know I've chosen to protect her through anonymity and lack of specificity. And that the question was not about her, but generally speaking, when you buck up into people that want to tear you down for no reason.
Yet, in your estimation, that reflects on me.
Your thread title refers to 'Mean Girls' and your story is about this particular girl, and you refer to her speaking to you from 'her tall horse'. Those are your mental reactions to those five minutes of your interaction with her, as you are posting them here, to share with the forum readers. I'm simply saying you don't know why she reacted the way she did (without any details, I can only go off of your judgmental comments). That's what is a reflection of you. Your judgement of her reaction, as posted here, is what comes across as unkind, as you don't know why she reacted that way. Now reread my comment to which you responded.0 -
Neversettle78 wrote: »sunn_lighter wrote: »jmho but the idea of 'mean girls' is just another way of women putting each other down. There are mean people altogether, no need to add gender into the label.
And most of the time people you think are mean are having a hard time. Try turning the other cheek.
I completely agree.
Also, the fact that the OP doesn't give any detail on what exactly was said by either party raises some red flags for me. I know she states it is because that isn't the point of the thread...but it is in the original post so it is fair game for discussion as it was used as an example (albeit a VERY vague one in which we were apparently all supposed to rally around her and offer condolences).
That is just my opinion as a self-appointed "mean girl".
It's just the way I am. I can be more specific about myself, but when discussing others, I tend to be a lot more vague.0 -
CJisinShape wrote: »No one knows anyone else's story, as evidenced above. Taking someone's behavior, in one moment, is a reflection of yourself, as well. Be the bigger person, and be kind, even when someone else is not.
You don't know what or how she said what she did. Or how I reacted to her. You only know I've chosen to protect her through anonymity and lack of specificity. And that the question was not about her, but generally speaking, when you buck up into people that want to tear you down for no reason.
Yet, in your estimation, that reflects on me.
Your thread title refers to 'Mean Girls' and your story is about this particular girl, and you refer to her speaking to you from 'her tall horse'. Those are your mental reactions to those five minutes of your interaction with her, as you are posting them here, to share with the forum readers. I'm simply saying you don't know why she reacted the way she did (without any details, I can only go off of your judgmental comments). That's what is a reflection of you. Your judgement of her reaction, as posted here, is what comes across as unkind, as you don't know why she reacted that way. Now reread my comment to which you responded.
It is not.
About her.
5th time:
The question was about:
The article.
Reminded me.
Of an incident.
The question was generally.
How you react.
When people.
Verbally put you down.
You do not know anything other than I said she was mean to me. Your judgement of our interaction reflects on you. Sounds like you had a rush to judgement. Because it wasn't and isn't about her OR me. It is a question about life in general. Hence the generalities.0 -
CJisinShape wrote: »No one knows anyone else's story, as evidenced above. Taking someone's behavior, in one moment, is a reflection of yourself, as well. Be the bigger person, and be kind, even when someone else is not.
You don't know what or how she said what she did. Or how I reacted to her. You only know I've chosen to protect her through anonymity and lack of specificity. And that the question was not about her, but generally speaking, when you buck up into people that want to tear you down for no reason.
Yet, in your estimation, that reflects on me.
Your thread title refers to 'Mean Girls' and your story is about this particular girl, and you refer to her speaking to you from 'her tall horse'. Those are your mental reactions to those five minutes of your interaction with her, as you are posting them here, to share with the forum readers. I'm simply saying you don't know why she reacted the way she did (without any details, I can only go off of your judgmental comments). That's what is a reflection of you. Your judgement of her reaction, as posted here, is what comes across as unkind, as you don't know why she reacted that way. Now reread my comment to which you responded.
And.....
I'd love to continue defending myself for asking how YOU react to people that verbally attack you BUT
I have better things to do.
http://nytimes.com/2015/08/09/fashion/im-too-old-for-this.html?referrer=&_r=0
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CJisinShape wrote: »CJisinShape wrote: »No one knows anyone else's story, as evidenced above. Taking someone's behavior, in one moment, is a reflection of yourself, as well. Be the bigger person, and be kind, even when someone else is not.
You don't know what or how she said what she did. Or how I reacted to her. You only know I've chosen to protect her through anonymity and lack of specificity. And that the question was not about her, but generally speaking, when you buck up into people that want to tear you down for no reason.
Yet, in your estimation, that reflects on me.
Your thread title refers to 'Mean Girls' and your story is about this particular girl, and you refer to her speaking to you from 'her tall horse'. Those are your mental reactions to those five minutes of your interaction with her, as you are posting them here, to share with the forum readers. I'm simply saying you don't know why she reacted the way she did (without any details, I can only go off of your judgmental comments). That's what is a reflection of you. Your judgement of her reaction, as posted here, is what comes across as unkind, as you don't know why she reacted that way. Now reread my comment to which you responded.
It is not.
About her.
5th time:
The question was about:
The article.
Reminded me.
Of an incident.
The question was generally.
How you react.
When people.
Verbally put you down.
You do not know anything other than I said she was mean to me. Your judgement of our interaction reflects on you. Sounds like you had a rush to judgement. Because it wasn't and isn't about her OR me. It is a question about life in general. Hence the generalities.
Huh. I think we all can see where you get your tendency to overreact and see the people around you as the mean ones? My original comment was really intended to be a nice comment about seeing behind how people might react in general to something, and just a reminder to be nice. And yet, you've taken that original nice comment and attacked me over it. I wasn't 'judging' your interaction, I was responding to your report of it. I'm sorry that you see things so harshly. How sad.0 -
This will be done in a few in anyone wants some..
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Curiosity is killing me....PLEASE tell us what your "compliment" was to her at the very least!!0
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