I think I have a problem, but I'm not sure what it is or how to fix it.

nytoco
nytoco Posts: 18 Member
edited November 22 in Motivation and Support
I've been trying to lose weight for 4 years. I'm in my late teens, 5'1" and 125 lbs. I know I'm not obese or anything, but I'm all flabby and cellulitey and jiggly and I just want to look good in a damn bikini and not feel like crying when someone touches my stomach.

For some reason though, I just can't do it. I keep going on diets and doing a really good job, feeling fine etc for months, and then I end up with cravings so intense that I can't think about anything but ice cream and chips and pizza, and then I end up binging for a couple of weeks and not being able to go back to my diet because all I can think about is food and how much I want it and how much I hate it.

Today I ate an entire pint of Haagen Dasz. 1200 calories on top of the 900 I had already eaten. I wanted to just eat a few scoops, but once I start, I can't stop. I can't even have junk food in the house because I'll eat all of it in one sitting unless it's padlocked and hidden behind laser beams.

Why am I like this? Even after eating all the ice cream, I went for a walk and all I could think about was food and how much I wanted to shove the cupcakes from store windows into my mouth. I think about food almost every moment of the day, and even if I'm good during the day, I binge at night and then stare at my reflection and cry.

I know I need therapy or something, but I'm moving soon, so in the mean time...what can I do? And what's wrong with me?

Sorry if this isn't categorized correctly - I've only really started using the forum aspect of MFP very recently.

Replies

  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    Yep, speak to a professional.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,149 Member
    Yep, speak to a professional.
    +1

    You should look into a weight lifting program rather than trying to lose weight.
  • nytoco
    nytoco Posts: 18 Member
    zyxst wrote: »
    Yep, speak to a professional.
    +1

    You should look into a weight lifting program rather than trying to lose weight.

    Why is that?
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,590 Member
    You may possibly have Binge Eating Disorder. Treatment for compulsive eating is done by a therapist. My hubby is talking to his therapist about this problem as well because he has issues with late night bingeing. It's helping him a lot to see the therapist about it. As for the lifting, that is recommended because the more muscle you have, the more calories you burn, and the less jiggly and flabby your body will be. You get smaller and tighter by lifting heavy. It's a slow process but if you stick with it it works. Lift every other day or 3 times a week; leave nonlifting days in between, when your body will repair and build your muscles.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,744 Member
    Weight lifting will help shape your body and change your focus from food to what your body is capable of.

    I'd suggest looking into your food issues as well. Lots of people have them. Nothing to be ashamed of and the sooner you develop a healthy relationship with food the happier and healthier you'll be.

    Make sure you are eating enough calories to fuel your activity and focus on that instead.
  • worldofalice
    worldofalice Posts: 148 Member
    nytoco wrote: »
    I've been trying to lose weight for 4 years. I'm in my late teens, 5'1" and 125 lbs. I know I'm not obese or anything, but I'm all flabby and cellulitey and jiggly and I just want to look good in a damn bikini and not feel like crying when someone touches my stomach.

    For some reason though, I just can't do it. I keep going on diets and doing a really good job, feeling fine etc for months, and then I end up with cravings so intense that I can't think about anything but ice cream and chips and pizza, and then I end up binging for a couple of weeks and not being able to go back to my diet because all I can think about is food and how much I want it and how much I hate it.

    Today I ate an entire pint of Haagen Dasz. 1200 calories on top of the 900 I had already eaten. I wanted to just eat a few scoops, but once I start, I can't stop. I can't even have junk food in the house because I'll eat all of it in one sitting unless it's padlocked and hidden behind laser beams.

    Why am I like this? Even after eating all the ice cream, I went for a walk and all I could think about was food and how much I wanted to shove the cupcakes from store windows into my mouth. I think about food almost every moment of the day, and even if I'm good during the day, I binge at night and then stare at my reflection and cry.

    I know I need therapy or something, but I'm moving soon, so in the mean time...what can I do? And what's wrong with me?

    Sorry if this isn't categorized correctly - I've only really started using the forum aspect of MFP very recently.


    The reason it's not working is because you're dieting. You have a restrictive mentality, and deprivation leads to binges. You need to change to a balanced, healthy lifestyle including bits of everything you enjoy. If you can't see yourself keeping a certain lifestyle up for the rest of your life, then don't do it. Diets fail, the diet industry thrives on failure -it's how they make their money. Sustainable lifestyles work!

    And you'd only eaten 900 calories today?? That's not far off what I used to live on as a 77lb anorexic and it was not pretty...no wonder you overdid it! You're setting yourself up for yo-yo dieting and binge eating. So in total, today you've eaten 2100 calories... that's the exact amount I eat every single day, and I only weigh 103lb so you should maintain on much more.

    There is nothing wrong with you - you have a fixation with food that has resulted from excessive dieting. It is the natural result of restriction, and it sucks that society does this to beautiful, healthy women. Add me if you want any help finding your balance - I've been there and I've come out the other side.
  • nytoco
    nytoco Posts: 18 Member
    Binge eating disorder...I mean, that could be it, but I go months being just fine without any binging and then it hits me like a wall of bricks, it's not a constant thing. That's how I got to 125 in the first place. The natural weight of my body before I gained so much weight is around 105-110 I think, because I'm pretty small framed too.
    As for weight lifting, it sounds good but I don't know where to start. I had a friend try to help me with squats (the kind where you use the weights on your back) and I was too weak to even support the bar on my back. Plus every time I go to the gym it's full of super bulky guys who know what they're doing which is really intimidating, and I don't have the money or space to get my own lifting supplies.
    The reason it's not working is because you're dieting. You have a restrictive mentality, and deprivation leads to binges. You need to change to a balanced, healthy lifestyle including bits of everything you enjoy. If you can't see yourself keeping a certain lifestyle up for the rest of your life, then don't do it. Diets fail, the diet industry thrives on failure -it's how they make their money. Sustainable lifestyles work!

    And you'd only eaten 900 calories today?? That's not far off what I used to live on as a 77lb anorexic and it was not pretty...no wonder you overdid it! You're setting yourself up for yo-yo dieting and binge eating. So in total, today you've eaten 2100 calories... that's the exact amount I eat every single day, and I only weigh 103lb so you should maintain on much more.

    There is nothing wrong with you - you have a fixation with food that has resulted from excessive dieting. It is the natural result of restriction, and it sucks that society does this to beautiful, healthy women. Add me if you want any help finding your balance - I've been there and I've come out the other side.

    But I still indulge on my diets, I just make sure I stay under a certain number of calories.
    I had eaten 900 calories by 5 pm, which is when the binge happened. That's more than I usually eat by that time, too, since I had a higher calorie breakfast than usual. And I've eaten more than 2100 calories today because I also had an apple and some dried mango for dinner, since I can't bring myself to eat a full meal after how much I pigged out today. I'm also not particularly active (I don't work out much anymore, but I've started walking pretty much everywhere) so I have low maintenance calories.

    Thank you for the support though. It's nice to hear from someone who's been to that extreme and come out strong from it.
  • Shells918
    Shells918 Posts: 1,070 Member
    I think maybe the way you treat yourself and the food might need an overhaul. Instead of beating yourself up for eating whatever it is you're eating, you should look at all food is good food, but some food should be for special occasions rather than for every day. Renew that we can't eat an entire tub of Häagen-Dazs on a regular basis, but you want don't want to make it forbidden, because that's what made it so awful after you eat it. If you can add Häagen-Dazs into your diet, and maybe eat a part of a container, how much is going to be up to you, and then you're not going to have these binge attacks because you know it's there you know you can have it and you know that it is OK to eat it. If you were able to have these weeks and months of successful dieting, don't let a tub of ice cream derail you. It's just ice cream, it was there before and it will be there tomorrow. Allow yourself to have a little bit and don't get mad at yourself when you eat it because it will still be there.
  • kk_inprogress
    kk_inprogress Posts: 3,077 Member
    If you're in your late teens, you should check out Spark Teens. MFP is only for people over 18 because its designed for adult requirements. Also, see a professional.
  • dianahaynes925
    dianahaynes925 Posts: 22 Member
    Binge eating is a serious thing! It's very possible you are under eating. A mistake a large amount of people make. Including myself. You should look into educating yourself about training and nutrition. I wish I had when I was a teen!!
  • nytoco
    nytoco Posts: 18 Member
    kkenseth wrote: »
    If you're in your late teens, you should check out Spark Teens. MFP is only for people over 18 because its designed for adult requirements. Also, see a professional.

    Not to be rude, but you do realize that late teens goes up to 20, right? I'm old enough to be on here, I just want to keep some privacy.
    darlswife wrote: »
    I think maybe the way you treat yourself and the food might need an overhaul. Instead of beating yourself up for eating whatever it is you're eating, you should look at all food is good food, but some food should be for special occasions rather than for every day. Renew that we can't eat an entire tub of Häagen-Dazs on a regular basis, but you want don't want to make it forbidden, because that's what made it so awful after you eat it. If you can add Häagen-Dazs into your diet, and maybe eat a part of a container, how much is going to be up to you, and then you're not going to have these binge attacks because you know it's there you know you can have it and you know that it is OK to eat it. If you were able to have these weeks and months of successful dieting, don't let a tub of ice cream derail you. It's just ice cream, it was there before and it will be there tomorrow. Allow yourself to have a little bit and don't get mad at yourself when you eat it because it will still be there.

    That's the problem, though...I can't even have certain things in the house anymore because I can't keep myself away. I'm afraid to buy myself ice cream and treat myself with it because I know it'll end up with me binging.
  • nytoco
    nytoco Posts: 18 Member
    A little update a couple of days after that big binge: so, I decided it would be best for my mental and physical health to make my daily calorie intake around 1450, and I installed Fitbit to help keep track of how much I'm walking so I can estimate how many calories I need to maintain and to lose. My average walking per day is apparently 9,300 steps, I walk pretty much everywhere these days as I'm staying in a pedestrian-friendly city. However, for some reason my appetite has been way bigger than it usually is. I'm starting to think that how much I've been walking is the reason why. Back when I was eating 1100-1200 calories a day and going to the gym a few times a week, I was pretty sedentary otherwise and wouldn't move much. Now, I move a lot, and I guess my BMR has adjusted which is why I feel the need to eat more, right?

    But what I'm trying to figure out is how much I should be eating. My hunger levels point towards 1700-1900 calories a day, but I feel like that's too much if I want to be losing - or is that what I should be eating to lose since I'm walking so much anyways?
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    nytoco wrote: »
    A little update a couple of days after that big binge: so, I decided it would be best for my mental and physical health to make my daily calorie intake around 1450, and I installed Fitbit to help keep track of how much I'm walking so I can estimate how many calories I need to maintain and to lose. My average walking per day is apparently 9,300 steps, I walk pretty much everywhere these days as I'm staying in a pedestrian-friendly city. However, for some reason my appetite has been way bigger than it usually is. I'm starting to think that how much I've been walking is the reason why. Back when I was eating 1100-1200 calories a day and going to the gym a few times a week, I was pretty sedentary otherwise and wouldn't move much. Now, I move a lot, and I guess my BMR has adjusted which is why I feel the need to eat more, right?

    But what I'm trying to figure out is how much I should be eating. My hunger levels point towards 1700-1900 calories a day, but I feel like that's too much if I want to be losing - or is that what I should be eating to lose since I'm walking so much anyways?

    What calorie goal does MFP give you?
  • nytoco
    nytoco Posts: 18 Member
    What calorie goal does MFP give you?

    Sedentary: 1200
    Lightly Active: 1290
    Active: 1550
    (Set to 1 lb/week)
    I don't know what category I fit into though...
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    edited August 2015
    nytoco wrote: »
    What calorie goal does MFP give you?

    Sedentary: 1200
    Lightly Active: 1290
    Active: 1550
    (Set to 1 lb/week)
    I don't know what category I fit into though...

    You don't need to lose 1lb per week. Set it to 0.5 at the most. I don't know your activity level so I can't comment on that, but you need to be eating back a portion of your exercise cals.
  • madhatter2013
    madhatter2013 Posts: 1,547 Member
    No offense, and I'm not trying to be rude, but it sounds to me like you've got it figured out what you need to do and it's all coming down to will power and discipline.
  • nytoco
    nytoco Posts: 18 Member
    Then at .5 lbs:
    Sedentary: 1350
    Lightly Active: 1540
    Active: 1800
    Again, I don't work out, but I walk on average 9,300 steps a day.
    No offense, and I'm not trying to be rude, but it sounds to me like you've got it figured out what you need to do and it's all coming down to will power and discipline.

    I have no idea what I need to do besides fix my relationship with food. I don't know how I should be working out and I especially don't know how much I should be eating.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    nytoco wrote: »
    Then at .5 lbs:
    Sedentary: 1350
    Lightly Active: 1540
    Active: 1800
    Again, I don't work out, but I walk on average 9,300 steps a day.
    No offense, and I'm not trying to be rude, but it sounds to me like you've got it figured out what you need to do and it's all coming down to will power and discipline.

    I have no idea what I need to do besides fix my relationship with food. I don't know how I should be working out and I especially don't know how much I should be eating.

    I'd go light active then for 9000 steps, but you can always tweak it depending on what the scales say.

    You could ask your therapist about exercise?
  • nytoco
    nytoco Posts: 18 Member
    According to MFP via Fitbit, I've burned 450 calories today, but all the exercise I did was walk about a mile and then walk up 6 floors to get to my apartment. That seems like a very generous guess, doesn't it? People say I should be eating back my exercise calories, but that strikes me as a bit much to eat back.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    nytoco wrote: »
    According to MFP via Fitbit, I've burned 450 calories today, but all the exercise I did was walk about a mile and then walk up 6 floors to get to my apartment. That seems like a very generous guess, doesn't it? People say I should be eating back my exercise calories, but that strikes me as a bit much to eat back.

    That's totally wrong. A mile probably took you 20 minutes? And burnt 80-100 cals max. And the stairs to your apartment is just daily activity.
  • nytoco
    nytoco Posts: 18 Member
    Yeah. Yesterday I walked maybe 5 or 6 miles and it said I burned 800 calories o_O
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    nytoco wrote: »
    Yeah. Yesterday I walked maybe 5 or 6 miles and it said I burned 800 calories o_O

    Doubtful, I don't get that running 6 miles!
  • editorgrrl
    editorgrrl Posts: 7,060 Member
    nytoco wrote: »
    According to MFP via Fitbit, I've burned 450 calories today, but all the exercise I did was walk about a mile and then walk up 6 floors to get to my apartment. That seems like a very generous guess, doesn't it? People say I should be eating back my exercise calories, but that strikes me as a bit much to eat back.

    Your Fitbit burn is TDEE (total daily energy expenditure), the calories necessary to maintain your current weight. If you eat at a reasonable deficit from that, you will lose weight.

    If (and only if) you enable negative calorie adjustments, eating back your Fitbit adjustments means you're eating TDEE minus deficit: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/account/diary_settings

    You can learn more in the Fitbit Users group: http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/1290-fitbit-users
  • Wytcher9
    Wytcher9 Posts: 40 Member
    After talking to a professional, start focusing on healthy lifestyle not restrictive diets. Helps to develop healthy fitness habits that can be maintained over life time. Many of us understand how hard it was as teen with food or weight issues. Extreme diet/fitness is usually bad for you and unsustainable. And, don't beat yourself up too much. Sometimes, you have to be your own cheerleader. You can do this. Stay strong!
  • fiddletime
    fiddletime Posts: 1,868 Member
    I haven't had ice cream, or cake, or candy, or cookies in my house for decades. I can walk by them in an aisle at the grocery store, but sitting in my kitchen at home? No way! I think you're pretty normal on that score.

    As for the calories, I started with what MFP said. I added exercise from the most conservative source I could find as I think the Fitbit way over does it (probably TDEE). If I wasn't losing in a month I cut my calories by 100 a day and kept it there for s few weeks to see what would happen.

    Hang in there, keep the junk food out of your house, have a little once in awhile (you'll want it less and less over time for the hog it is on calories and because you know you could make healthier choices). This all takes lots of practice and patience.
  • bodymindmusic
    bodymindmusic Posts: 118 Member
    Yoga for the toning and get off processed foods, that's why you can't stop eating it, it's designed to do that to your brain. Good luck!
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,706 Member
    nytoco wrote: »
    Yeah. Yesterday I walked maybe 5 or 6 miles and it said I burned 800 calories o_O

    Not even close.

    Try 200 cal/hour walking at a brisk pace.

    6 miles might have taken you 2 hours ... so 400 cal.

  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,706 Member
    nytoco wrote: »
    I've been trying to lose weight for 4 years. I'm in my late teens, 5'1" and 125 lbs. I know I'm not obese or anything, but I'm all flabby and cellulitey and jiggly

    Join a gym ... a good one will give you a program and teach you how to use the equipment. Talk to several and see which one you feel most comfortable with.

    Walk more ... and briskly.

    Get a bicycle and start riding.

    Try out a whole variety of sports. :)

    Focus on the exercise aspect ... find something you like and pick a goal. Like maybe running in the local marathon, or hiking a certain mountain. Then work toward that by gradually increasing your activity and intensity and doing a variety of activity.


    Plus ... put your details into MFP, set yourself at sedentary, and select 0.5 lb/month. MFP will give you a number. Eat all that.

    If/when you exercise, estimate your calories burned low (walking briskly = 200 cal/hour, cycling = 100 cal/5 km, etc.), and eat half your exercise calories back.

    This means that if you go out for a brisk 2-hour walk and burn 400 cal, you can eat something worth 200 cal. :)
  • GaleHawkins
    GaleHawkins Posts: 8,159 Member
    nytoco wrote: »
    Binge eating disorder...I mean, that could be it, but I go months being just fine without any binging and then it hits me like a wall of bricks, it's not a constant thing. That's how I got to 125 in the first place. The natural weight of my body before I gained so much weight is around 105-110 I think, because I'm pretty small framed too.
    As for weight lifting, it sounds good but I don't know where to start. I had a friend try to help me with squats (the kind where you use the weights on your back) and I was too weak to even support the bar on my back. Plus every time I go to the gym it's full of super bulky guys who know what they're doing which is really intimidating, and I don't have the money or space to get my own lifting supplies.
    The reason it's not working is because you're dieting. You have a restrictive mentality, and deprivation leads to binges. You need to change to a balanced, healthy lifestyle including bits of everything you enjoy. If you can't see yourself keeping a certain lifestyle up for the rest of your life, then don't do it. Diets fail, the diet industry thrives on failure -it's how they make their money. Sustainable lifestyles work!

    And you'd only eaten 900 calories today?? That's not far off what I used to live on as a 77lb anorexic and it was not pretty...no wonder you overdid it! You're setting yourself up for yo-yo dieting and binge eating. So in total, today you've eaten 2100 calories... that's the exact amount I eat every single day, and I only weigh 103lb so you should maintain on much more.

    There is nothing wrong with you - you have a fixation with food that has resulted from excessive dieting. It is the natural result of restriction, and it sucks that society does this to beautiful, healthy women. Add me if you want any help finding your balance - I've been there and I've come out the other side.

    But I still indulge on my diets, I just make sure I stay under a certain number of calories.
    I had eaten 900 calories by 5 pm, which is when the binge happened. That's more than I usually eat by that time, too, since I had a higher calorie breakfast than usual. And I've eaten more than 2100 calories today because I also had an apple and some dried mango for dinner, since I can't bring myself to eat a full meal after how much I pigged out today. I'm also not particularly active (I don't work out much anymore, but I've started walking pretty much everywhere) so I have low maintenance calories.

    Thank you for the support though. It's nice to hear from someone who's been to that extreme and come out strong from it.

    If you are walking much 2000 calories a day may be what you use daily.

    I had to learn how to maintain and did it after I lost the first 30 pounds. I was surprised at how many calories I could eat and stay in a +/- 2 pound range for 90 days.

    If I find myself wanting to overeat I now reach for fats instead of carbs. On carbs I could eat 2000-3000 calories one evening at the computer. On Fats I get satisfied and stop wanting more much faster. Keep in mind I am 64 so my experiences may not relate to a teenager.
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