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MyFitnessPal Community

Motivation: Looking Good in Dresses...for Guys

Gretchen_To_Be

Hi Everyone

I'm struggling with how to lose male bulk in order to look better in women's dresses, and fit into cute sleeveless styles of tops and blouses. My lower body looks fairly feminine, but so many years in the military and lifting weights (trying to be "buff") has left me with heavily muscled shoulders and arms. All the advice I read says that I should combine cardio with weight training to lose weight, but won't the weights make me keep the muscle? I'm also getting conflicting guidance on whether or not to eat protein.

Help! Is anyone else in this situation? Also, if there are fellow crossdressers or transgender women here that can give me some motivation about transitioning, I'd appreciate it! Replies from sympathetic genetic women also welcome.

Thanks!

Shibumi

Replies

editorgrrl

Cis woman here. Fit arms are attractive! I never go sleeveless because of my flabby "bingo wings," so I'm jealous. But if your arms make you self-conscious, get some cute cropped sweaters, shrugs, pashminas, etc.

You lose weight by eating fewer calories than you burn, and lifting helps you preserve lean body mass. I don't think there's any way (other than time) to lose definition, though. (Well, there's hiding it under a layer of fat—but I doubt you want to do that.)

Eating protein won't make you bulky. And not eating protein won't make your arms any smaller.

dubird

I know someone that was pretty ripped, but stopped weight lifting and ended up with saggy arms and that's probably not the direction you want to go! If you just focus on weight loss, you will lose some muscle, and it probably won't be pretty depending on how much muscle you have. So you'll want to keep working with weights some, but you can probably lower the weights you're using and go for more reps instead. I'm not sure how much, is there a trainer at a gym you can ask about it? Someone who's opinion you trust, because you're going to get different advice depending on who you talk to. I do know my walking teacher last semester was trained to teach and uses Optimum Performance Training, which uses lighter weights, so that might be a direction to investigate.

Besides, there's plenty of women that are ripped that still look good in a strappy dress, so I think as long as you looked balanced, you'd be fine. ^_^

Gretchen_To_Be

Thanks, editorgrrl. I especially appreciate your use of the term "Cis woman." I agree, fit arms are attractive, but from the waist up I look like a cage fighter in a dress, LOL! I'm not lifting any weights, but even just body mass exercises--burpees, etc--seem to make my triceps stand out.

I'm guess I'm resigned to a long, drawn-out calorie reduction and exercise program. I'd love to do more swimming but I'm not close to a pool. I'm wondering if HRT can help change the weight loss pattern. I have read that it can...though I'm not ready for that yet.

The shrug / shawl / pashmina idea is a good one, thank you!

Shibumi

momoharuno

Here's a suggestion fashion wise that might help you while you work on losing definition

I think a nice summer dress that has a stretchy band coming in right under the breast line would be great for adding some femininity without being uncomfortable in a more defined muscular chest, as for the arms I would say maybe a cute pull over that has sleeves to the elbow and length goes about 1-2 inches past the band of the dress would make you feel more comfortable while still looking stylish, and in the fall just add leggings and boots! Not lifting is the best way I can think of to lose arm definition but it is going to take awhile unfortunately, I really hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck, I know you can do it!!

Jennloella

muscles won't grow without a surplus, the direction I would go is continue to lift to stay shapely, but either go at a deficit for a while or start at maintenance. I agree losing the muscle tone is not what you're going to want. Also, check out other styles of dresses, I have broad shoulders and there are certain dresses and shirts that just make me look like a damn line backer.

Gretchen_To_Be

Dubird, thanks so much for your reply. I'm not out in public yet, so it would be a bit embarrassing to discuss this with a trainer--though it's a good suggestion. Balance is exactly what I am looking for...I'm "top heavy" right now, unfortunately. If I add some hip pads, it does help with the illusion!

Momo, thanks for your reply too. I stick to 3/4 or long sleeve dresses and tops right now, not just for the muscles but because I'm not yet depilating my arms...though that is a goal! I love boots and will post some pics of my boots, though I like sheer hose under them, not leggings (hose is definitely a CD thing, LOL)

Jennloella, thanks to you as well. I've found wrap dresses are fairly flattering. Are there certain styles of dresses you have found to help you look daintier?

auddii

http://bretcontreras.com/how-to-attain-a-slender-look-like-jessica-alba-zoe-saldana/

ETA actual advice: The article above is aimed at women who want a slender but fit look and recommends they lift until they get "too big", and then alter their training per the suggestions. Since you're essentially already there, skip to the bottom and look at the advice for how to revise your training to help get the look you want.

And I agree about the cut of the dress; I hate shopping, but finding the right fit is important. There are tons of websites recommending different styles of clothes for women, so that's probably a good head start. If your shoulders are too big but you like how your bottom half is looking, maybe try looking at body types called "inverted triangles". Those usually try to balance out and minimize shoulders.

dubird

shibumicd wrote: »

Dubird, thanks so much for your reply. I'm not out in public yet, so it would be a bit embarrassing to discuss this with a trainer--though it's a good suggestion. Balance is exactly what I am looking for...I'm "top heavy" right now, unfortunately. If I add some hip pads, it does help with the illusion!

Momo, thanks for your reply too. I stick to 3/4 or long sleeve dresses and tops right now, not just for the muscles but because I'm not yet depilating my arms...though that is a goal! I love boots and will post some pics of my boots, though I like sheer hose under them, not leggings (hose is definitely a CD thing, LOL)

Jennloella, thanks to you as well. I've found wrap dresses are fairly flattering. Are there certain styles of dresses you have found to help you look daintier?

Gretchen_To_Be

You don't have to tell them why, just that you want to lose weight and don't want to keep the muscle bulk anymore. They don't need to know why, it's none of their business unless you choose to make it so.

I never thought of hip pads, and if it helps, no reason not to keep doing it until you get to where you want to be. I actually considered a corset for a while to help lessen the tummy bulk when I was heavier, but couldn't afford a good one at the time![/quote]

dubird, I definitely use a corset. You can see the effects in some of my pics. You can get a good one at a place called "Glamour Boutique" for about $99. I can send you their info if you want. Thanks for your reply!

dubird

Actually, I know exactly who I'm getting it from when I get the money. One of my bridesmaids' friends do costume and corsetry for a living and she made my wedding corset. Fantastic handiwork and she does some really awesome high-quality costuming as well! If you're curious, I can send you her link.

editorgrrl

I did a quick forum search, and found some ideas:

Twins2007 wrote: »

Check out Tracy Anderson online...She is super famous for creating "feminine muscles"...Whatever that means...lol

wackynunu wrote: »

Yoga might help.

bcattoes wrote: »

Stop doing heavy strength training for your arms?? Maybe just some light resistance bands to for tone and lots of stretches to length the muscle?

laz22girl wrote: »

Who cares how big they are? Michelle Obama wears her guns proud!

As for clothing, @auddii is right that you're probably an "inverted triangle." (Google it, and try to find a fashion blogger whose style you like.) V-necks, scoop necks & some cowls will draw attention away from your shoulders. Raglan & dolman sleeves will make you look softer. Wear wider straps. Try dark (or at least neutral) colored tops over lighter skirts.

Avoid shoulder pads, puffy sleeves, boatnecks, turtlenecks, clingy fabrics, and spaghetti straps. (I have really narrow shoulders, and I avoid them, too.)

Lizzles4Shizzles

editorgrrl wrote: »

I did a quick forum search, and found some ideas:

Twins2007 wrote: »

Check out Tracy Anderson online...She is super famous for creating "feminine muscles"...Whatever that means...lol

wackynunu wrote: »

Yoga might help.

bcattoes wrote: »

Stop doing heavy strength training for your arms?? Maybe just some light resistance bands to for tone and lots of stretches to length the muscle?

laz22girl wrote: »

Who cares how big they are? Michelle Obama wears her guns proud!

As for clothing, @auddii is right that you're probably an "inverted triangle." (Google it, and try to find a fashion blogger whose style you like.) V-necks, scoop necks & some cowls will draw attention away from your shoulders. Raglan & dolman sleeves will make you look softer. Wear wider straps. Try dark (or at least neutral) colored tops over lighter skirts.

Avoid shoulder pads, puffy sleeves, boatnecks, turtlenecks, clingy fabrics, and spaghetti straps. (I have really narrow shoulders, and I avoid them, too.)

I completely agree with this advice. I am the daughter of a former offensive lineman and I inherited his build to an extent - although I am hippy, my shoulders get big when I am overweight (like right now) and "the girls" are big too, so I'm top heavy in that sense, and v-necks & dolman sleeves are my favorites! They definitely create a more flattering effect. I would also suggest avoiding halter style dresses or shirts as they seem to accentuate broad shoulders IMO.

*Edit to fix typo

And also to add that I looked through your pics and I loooove all your shoes.

Gretchen_To_Be

You guys are awesome! I expected a fair amount of ridicule and hate, or at best no responses at all. I'm really touched by your understanding and acceptance. Thank you all so much!

All these tips and links are fabulous and very useful. @dubird, please do send me the link to your corset-making friend. I will need a new one after I lose a few waist inches, fingers crossed. Not sure about costumes as I am going for the career woman look, but you never know!

@editorgrrl, those are great links. I have thought about yoga and will incorporate that into my routine. I don't mind guns on a woman, but I'm not one yet so they do detract from the illusion.

. I had no idea what Dolman or raglan sleeves were so thanks to you and @Lizzles1986 for the fashion education. So much to learn if I become a woman!

@Lizzles1986, I definitely have the lineman shoulders, though mine aren't from football. I spent way too much time pretending to be a guy...drill sergeant, paratrooper...all a facade really, but now I have to undo all that. Thanks for your advice. I will stay away from the halter styles, though they are cute. One day when "the girls" develop and the shoulders diminish, I will wear them. Glad you like the shoes; I love heels. You can see my collection here: https://www.pinterest.com/nicolaihel/my-collection-of-heels/

You guys rock! Mmmuuuaaahhh!

Shibumi

editorgrrl

shibumicd wrote: »

Glad you like the shoes; I love heels. You can see my collection here: https://www.pinterest.com/nicolaihel/my-collection-of-heels/

You can find lots of clothes ideas on Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/search/pins/?q=inverted+triangle+fashion&rs=ac&len=2

Gretchen_To_Be

Thanks for the pin, @editorgrrl! There are some amazing outfits there, and now I have an idea of what styles will be more flattering, which is invaluable. Let me tell you, Pinterest is like crack cocaine for a crossdresser, LOL! Soooo many pretty clothes!!! How do you gals keep from going broke?

oh_happy_day

shibumicd wrote: »

Dubird, thanks so much for your reply. I'm not out in public yet, so it would be a bit embarrassing to discuss this with a trainer--though it's a good suggestion. Balance is exactly what I am looking for...I'm "top heavy" right now, unfortunately. If I add some hip pads, it does help with the illusion!

Momo, thanks for your reply too. I stick to 3/4 or long sleeve dresses and tops right now, not just for the muscles but because I'm not yet depilating my arms...though that is a goal! I love boots and will post some pics of my boots, though I like sheer hose under them, not leggings (hose is definitely a CD thing, LOL)

Jennloella, thanks to you as well. I've found wrap dresses are fairly flattering. Are there certain styles of dresses you have found to help you look daintier?

Hello! Another cis lady here. I like wrap dresses as well, generally in a jersey fabric and 3/4 sleeves. I find the v neck and the soft drape very flattering. I also like shift/wiggle dresses in a structured fabric with sleeves. I'm self-conscious about my arms as well. I generally wear cropped cardigans in light fabrics with anything sleeveless. Try searching for A-line dresses with sleeves to the elbow. It's a very ladylike silhouette and looks fabulous with heels. Skater dresses with scoop or V necks are also flattering for me - it's all about the legs!

Gretchen_To_Be

Hey @oh_happy_day ! Thanks for your reply! I love shift dresses, but I need to get my weight down for them to look better on me, I think. The cropped cardigan/shrug idea is great, and I will get some. I just bought a few A-line dresses and will post some pics of them soon. It is definitely all about the legs! They are my most feminine feature right now, so I absolutely want to accentuate them. Take care and thanks!