Falling off the wagon :( Losing confidence - need a boost!

Bellchick91

Hey Everyone!

Hope you're all doing great. I've been having a difficult few weeks in my "mini" bulk (my first bulk - very gradual BUT I'm a recovering anorexic so this calorie surplus thing is a serious challenge in itself - but I know it's TOTALLY worth it!).

I havent been making up the calories I should be taking in to actually gain weight. My excuses are "But Im not going to the gym today" (If Im working all day, for example) or "I ate enough!" when I ate enough to maintain but not really gain. Im losing confidence in myself, and motivation that I can actually do it. I feel that if I dont work out every day, I dont NEED to increase calories every day. But I need consistency. I also feel that I'm the "exception" - that bulking for me will result in just weight gain - not muscle, just fat. I know fat and muscle are gained about 1:1 when even doing a mini bulk but for some reason (most likely, in my head) I think I wont gain it as muscle. I think this is a confidence thing - and an anorexia thing that Im REALLY trying to challenge but I dont want it to hinder my chance to gain some good muscle, and maybe even really help with the recovery process itself.

Has anybody any advice on how to get out of this confidence/bulk hole? I get to work out about 3 times a week at the gym - but I try and make sure I get a home workout done at least 2 other days of the week (If im working for example - and my gym closes on the weekends at 7.30pm which is seriously crap).

I WANT to get strong, and lean and BETTER. I wish I found bulking easy - I could be enjoying extra calories with more food - and NOT feel "guilty" about it. I should have this attitude. I WISH I did. It comes and goes - but thats not good enough. I need to get out of this hole and get serious and do it without fear! But it's a bit scary for me.

Any advice, or anything would be really appreciated.
And as always - stay safe, and be strong!

x

ndj1979

EmmaRichards91 wrote: »

Hey Everyone!

Hope you're all doing great. I've been having a difficult few weeks in my "mini" bulk (my first bulk - very gradual BUT I'm a recovering anorexic so this calorie surplus thing is a serious challenge in itself - but I know it's TOTALLY worth it!).

I havent been making up the calories I should be taking in to actually gain weight. My excuses are "But Im not going to the gym today" (If Im working all day, for example) or "I ate enough!" when I ate enough to maintain but not really gain. Im losing confidence in myself, and motivation that I can actually do it. I feel that if I dont work out every day, I dont NEED to increase calories every day. But I need consistency. I also feel that I'm the "exception" - that bulking for me will result in just weight gain - not muscle, just fat. I know fat and muscle are gained about 1:1 when even doing a mini bulk but for some reason (most likely, in my head) I think I wont gain it as muscle. I think this is a confidence thing - and an anorexia thing that Im REALLY trying to challenge but I dont want it to hinder my chance to gain some good muscle, and maybe even really help with the recovery process itself.

Has anybody any advice on how to get out of this confidence/bulk hole? I get to work out about 3 times a week at the gym - but I try and make sure I get a home workout done at least 2 other days of the week (If im working for example - and my gym closes on the weekends at 7.30pm which is seriously crap).

I WANT to get strong, and lean and BETTER. I wish I found bulking easy - I could be enjoying extra calories with more food - and NOT feel "guilty" about it. I should have this attitude. I WISH I did. It comes and goes - but thats not good enough. I need to get out of this hole and get serious and do it without fear! But it's a bit scary for me.

Any advice, or anything would be really appreciated.
And as always - stay safe, and be strong!

x

given the fact that you are recovering from an ED, I would highly suggest discussing this with your treatment team.

If you are having a trouble consistently eating and are worried that the weight gain is going to result in fat gain, then it sounds like you are not fully recovered and need to talk to a professional.

honestly, my advice would be to just eat an extra serving of ice cream or something calorie dense that puts you into a surplus.

can you define what you mean by "mini bulk"?

Bellchick91

Hey! I have spoken with my treatment team and honestly they can only help via encouragement or saying 'you just need to do it'. No im not recovered yet, that might take years but Im proud of myself so far. I do actually get into the mentality of wanting to gain it sometimes, but it goes away and thats when things just go *kitten* ways!

By mini bulk I mean Im supposed to be eating in surplus of 300 cals a day, slow weight gain. Can anyone offer any advice to maybe calm me down about being consistent with it? I remember from when I was on my first weight gain diet for anorexia treatment that eventually (even though I was taking in 4000+ cals a day) the weight eventually stopped going up - and I had to increase again.

Does this still happen with a small surplus? If so, it might make it easier to stick to if I know its not going to JUMP up every week, you know?

Thanks for the reply and support! I know I'll get there. I am kicking anorexia up the *kitten* with how Im doing... Just not fully there yet.
Thanks!!

AsISmile

In theory it should. Just not weekly. Probably not even monthly.
I have never bulked myself, but what I do know is that if you gain weight your bmr also increases. Especially if you increase muscle mass, because muscles require energy. Therefore the more you gain, the smaller your surplus will get while consuming the same number of calories.
I don't know how fast it happens. The best thing to do is keep checking how much you are gaining. 250 calorie surplus is a 0.5 lbs gain a week. Since it is such a slow gain the changes in your bmr will probably happen real slow too. As long as the scale keeps moving there is no need to adjust.
The TDEE calculator I use says recalculate TDEE for every 5 lbs change. So that's 2,5 months.

I hope this comforts you a bit. Just trying to be honest.

ndj1979

AsISmile wrote: »

In theory it should. Just not weekly. Probably not even monthly.
I have never bulked myself, but what I do know is that if you gain weight your bmr also increases. Especially if you increase muscle mass, because muscles require energy. Therefore the more you gain, the smaller your surplus will get while consuming the same number of calories.
I don't know how fast it happens. The best thing to do is keep checking how much you are gaining. 250 calorie surplus is a 0.5 lbs gain a week. Since it is such a slow gain the changes in your bmr will probably happen real slow too. As long as the scale keeps moving there is no need to adjust.
The TDEE calculator I use says recalculate TDEE for every 5 lbs change. So that's 2,5 months.

I hope this comforts you a bit. Just trying to be honest.

This is accurate

Are you on a structured lifting program op??

slideaway1

I'm not qualified to give advice to someone in recovery. But, I can offer a few words of encouragement to help put your mind at ease a bit. As long as you are only eating in a slight calorie surplus (250-500 cals a day over TDEE-even on days you don't lift) and keep lifting you will grow stronger and will not get "fat" in the way that your perceiving it in your head. The scale will slightly increase over time (but don't panic), however you will look and feel stronger and wont notice fat in the same way that someone who just overeats and does not lift gets fat. Because the improvements will be slow it will help you adjust phycologically over time at how different your looking/feeling and these results will be so good that you will be motivated to continue. Good luck.

slideaway1

Oh and just to add to try to help you trust the "bulking" process. You wont gain loads of muscle and look "manly" and if you just eat in a small surplus you will not get fat. You have to trust the process even though it probably goes against a lot of the things you have been taught to believe by the diet industry/media. You can enjoy your food and by lifting you will look and feel strong and healthy. Make sure your eating the correct amount of protein too.

JoRocka

AsISmile wrote: »

In theory it should. Just not weekly. Probably not even monthly.
I have never bulked myself, but what I do know is that if you gain weight your bmr also increases. Especially if you increase muscle mass, because muscles require energy. Therefore the more you gain, the smaller your surplus will get while consuming the same number of calories.
I don't know how fast it happens. The best thing to do is keep checking how much you are gaining. 250 calorie surplus is a 0.5 lbs gain a week. Since it is such a slow gain the changes in your bmr will probably happen real slow too. As long as the scale keeps moving there is no need to adjust.
The TDEE calculator I use says recalculate TDEE for every 5 lbs change. So that's 2,5 months.

I hope this comforts you a bit. Just trying to be honest.

indeed- the more you eat for the longer- at some point the two will meet and your surplus becomes a maintenance- and you have to up the calories.

slow and steady wins this race.

And yes- it's mentally taxing- it's mentally taxing for people who have relatively healthy relationships with food to- so don't feel like you're getting worked up over "nothing" it's totally a thing and it impacts LOTS of people. putting on weight is about consistency and self confidence. plain and simple.

losing weight is about pure stubborn LOL

Bellchick91

Thank you all so much! I feel a bit better - thank you. Reassurance is what I needed, Will I still gain the weight as (mostly) muscle even if I can only get a workout in 3-4 times a week? (Aim for at least 3 in the gym). I know overtraining is a big issue but when bulking do you need to lift more often in order for it to go on as muscle?

And yes I have a very good structured lifting programme, thank you! I have a PT who I see once a week.
And slideaway1 thank you but I don't think I'll get bulky! To be honest - I need to get a a bit bulky! I have been so skinny for so long Im LOVING the muscular shape Im getting. So proud - but, yes - calories, hard.
I WILL get there!!

I really love this site - you are all so helpful!