Unwanted Attention

nikki91950

That reminds me so much of this one guy that hit on me a while back at the gym I go to. I was quite obviously a fresh piece of jail bait for him. I think he told me that he liked my style (whatever that meant), would always smile and say hi to me every time he came near me, check me out from across the room, he told me I looked like I had lost weight, and he even expressed his feelings of sorrow and self-pity after finding out that I was engaged. He was every bit of a creeper if I've ever known one. He was only a few inches taller than I am (and I'm short), very stocky, and he was maybe Indian or something and didn't speak very good English. He wasn't even attractive. I would purposely avoid going near him at all costs. He freaked me out, even being around him in a busy gym during the day. I wish men would realize that we don't go to gyms to meet guys. I would love to meet guy friends, but for some reason I only attract the ones that wanna "hit that".

I agree that having a guy ask you your workout schedule in a small gym late at night when it's just the two of you can be creepy, and I agree with the other posters who say trust your instincts without being paranoid.

But saying that someone is creepy because he is only slightly taller than you and doesn't speak good English is kind of unfair. Yes, women need to pay attention and be aware of their safety. But just because a guy looks at you, smiles at you, and/or dares to talk to you in broken English in a busy gym during the day does not make him creepy. Give him a break! Did you ever think how hard it must be for guys to have to always be the ones to approach women? Many think the gym is a "friendly" place where they can meet like-minded people who are also interested in working out.

Sorry to be harsh but I would hate to walk around in life thinking that every guy who talks to me is out to get me. If you're not interested, say so nicely and move on with life.

You do make a good point, but in my defense:

I wouldn't have been creeped out if he wasn't at least double my age. This was back during the summer before I started college, so I was only 18 at the time. On top of that, he didn't have any normal conversations with me. He pretty much jumped right to the point and made it quite clear to me that he was interested in dating me. If he had been closer to my age, and he tried carrying on a decent conversation with me that didn't involve my appearance or relationship status, I probably would've made friends with him. And I do believe I made it clear to him that I wasn't interested when I told him point blank that I was engaged.

selbyhutch

I agree with the guys... and Becca. Imagine that, Becca! I'm not naive in the least... and I do give people the benefit of the doubt. I'm very non-judgemental of people until they give me a reason either way.

I'm sorry that you felt threatened, but you really didn't have a reason other than a gut feeling. Sure, female intuition and so on... but to the point where you were considering violence? Just be careful of the aura you put out there hon.

See, I don't think that checking to know where your mace is in case you need it is "considering" or "resorting to" violence. It's being prepared for the unexpected. If someone is making you uncomfortable or creeping you out, you need to respect your intuition. It's not like they were best friends and her snubbing his advances, for lack of a better term, was going to break anyone's heart or cause great emotional damage. However, if she ignores her instincts and he does turn out to be freak? Yeah, I'll take rude over that any day.

No, most guys aren't stalkers or serial rapists/killers in waiting. But perhaps it's better not to wait until it's dark and you're alone in the gym with the woman before approaching. It's also possible to catch her attention and ask those questions outside her personal space. And since the OP admitted to having a somewhat paranoid personality, I'm sure her personal space is much broader than most.

It's a difficult, difficult situation. But if he makes her that uncomfortable, then the chances for any kind of friendship coming out of this is pretty slim. Better safe than sorry.

/ stepping off my soapbox...

I just do not assume the worst in people. In my opinion there is no reason to. Trust me, I completely support being prepared for the bad things in life. But again... I just do not automatically "go there" and play out the worst in my head. I cannot live my life like that. I am a very friendly & outgoing person and have to believe there is good in this world. In my opinion... and yes, my opinion only (no soap box necessary)... I think assuming the worst is dangerous, especially if you have a reactive personality... such as preparing to grab your mace when someone (a man) smiles at you. Man... woman... old... young... another race or religion? Republican... democrat? :laugh:

Again, I am truely sorry that she felt her personal safety was in jeopardy. I just wish she didn't feel that way. There is no hate here... please don't turn it into that. However, she posted on a public forum to tell of her situation and possibly receive validation of her feelings... which she got... but of course there are going to be people in life that have a different perspective.

sandara

If you can't get a workout buddy then at the very least have someone you can check in with when you return to your apartment. Let them know you are leaving and will call back at whatever time you agree on. It will also give you an out with the creepy guy. Just say sorry gotta run my boyfriend is calling me at 10:15. But the workout buddy is definitely best.

david1956

I think his questioning about the times you go to the gym is a bit creepy. Most sane people with reasonably adequate social skills can make polite conversation without causing apprehension, but it wouldn't typically be by way of quizzing someone about when at night they train.

I chat to women half my age at the gym, but I'm talking in the context of gradually recognising the people around one day to day, at some point smiling at each other, and eventually having pretty normal conversations in passing. Sometimes a bit of humour as we each recognise the shared sweat and pain, even encouragement. But to walk up to someone minding their own business and asking them when they train would seem weird to me.

My personal hopefully sane male mind... do I notice nice bods or attractive women at the gym? Yes, I think it's human nature. Do I then perv? Nope. I'm too into my own zone to care about it. And it gets back to normal communication not being about approaching people minding their own business, or who worse still look plain apprehensive. Generally I assume a gym is somewhere that people are doing their own thing.

One gets a slightly different perspective as a parent. My 20 yo daughter who is now at uni in our capital (OK, not exactly a big city, but with its share of violence) recently told me she walks home from the gym at night alone, often late when she has taken a break from study. I spent ages simply imploring her, making her promise me, that she'd make better arrangements. Whether perceived threats are real or not, better safe than sorry. I can't imagine how my life would change if something bad happened to her.

LoveMy4Kids

Wow I can't imagine living a paranoid life ilke that, it must suck! I would have just assumed that he was hitting on me or looking for a gym buddy as someone else said! If I wanted him to get the hint that I wasn't interested I personally would have said back to him "no I don't have a time set in stone, it depends on what my boyfriend and I have planned for the evening!"

diet45

Go with your gut girl!!!!

deeann1459

Mace is highly overrated... great in theory, but unless you are really lucky, you will get a good amount of the crap in your own eyes, especially if indoors.

Just saying, if you are going to carry something for personal protection, don't make it mace... Mace screams "scared victim" from a mile away. Too bulky, not always the easiest to fire, and no handy grips to keep your would be assailant from ripping it out of your sweaty palms and turning it on you.


That being said, you are in a gym... not running around in the middle of the night. Is there a desk person on duty? were there other people there? Maybe he just wanted a workout partner or someone to hold him accountable....

But trust me on the mace... get a boot knife or something with a large blade. It looks more intimidating than a can of overpriced cooking spice.

HealthyChanges2010

Mace is highly overrated... great in theory, but unless you are really lucky, you will get a good amount of the crap in your own eyes, especially if indoors.

Just saying, if you are going to carry something for personal protection, don't make it mace... Mace screams "scared victim" from a mile away. Too bulky, not always the easiest to fire, and no handy grips to keep your would be assailant from ripping it out of your sweaty palms and turning it on you.


That being said, you are in a gym... not running around in the middle of the night. Is there a desk person on duty? were there other people there? Maybe he just wanted a workout partner or someone to hold him accountable....

But trust me on the mace... get a boot knife or something with a large blade. It looks more intimidating than a can of overpriced cooking spice.

good points,

hm, how about carrying a taser with your water bottle as that would be quite intimidating and definitely get the point across that you aren't interested in meeting anyone, working out with anyone or even saying hello!:glasses:
Or better yet, swap over to early morning workouts while the so called 'creepy' guy is still sleeping.:huh: :smokin:

Even simpler still, put some headphones on and rockout to the music and ignore anyone that comes up to you, that's not rude if it makes you feel unsafe. Another trick some use for a number of reasons is their cell phone. Have a friend call you a time or two while you're working out or simply pick it up when someone approaches you as if you have a call. Ppl do that all the time when they don't want to speak to the person coming up to them. Might give that try, probably be easier on 'so called creepy guy' than using a taser on him!:noway:

RoadDog

Could have been harmless, but you should always trust your instincts.

Better to snub 9 out of 10 people, based on your gut feeling, than being attacked by the 10th because you don't want to hurt someone's feelings.

Get a buddy to work out with.

CasperO

You say the guy is twice your age,,, which means he's pretty close to my age (42). You're working out in a gym in a metro area, late at night, and alone. Hmmm...

I'm a pretty normal guy. When I see a girl your age I don't think "Hottie", "I wanna hit that",,, none of that stuff. I think "She's my daughter's age. What's she doing in this dangerous situation all alone? I'm a big nasty dude, and I can protect her. Nobody will mess with her if I'm here."

He just might have been asking when you're coming so he can come in too and watch your back. It's entirely possible,,, I would do it. Any signs he's a family guy? Wedding band?

rolandhulme

I think it's always a good idea to play it safe - but to defend my own gender, there are a lot of guys out there who simply don't have a clue. They don't get that they're 'creepy' and don't respond to social cues that would be bloomin' obvious to the rest of us.

In all honesty, it's the non-creepy ones you've got to watch for. Ted Bundy got away with his crimes because he was charming, sincere and appeared utterly trustworthy.

loseitmama

At least you have mace just in case!!

whyflysouth

I think it's always a good idea to play it safe - but to defend my own gender, there are a lot of guys out there who simply don't have a clue. They don't get that they're 'creepy' and don't respond to social cues that would be bloomin' obvious to the rest of us.

In all honesty, it's the non-creepy ones you've got to watch for. Ted Bundy got away with his crimes because he was charming, sincere and appeared utterly trustworthy.

Ironic isn't it? The one's you feel comfortable around are the ones you should be worried about.

I think the key is to be pro-active and gather enough information upfront so you can properly assess your situation. There's no harm in asking him why he wants to know whether you consistently come to the gym at 10. If he's staring allot, you could be upfront and ask him, "Pardon me, but I notice you staring at me, is there something I'm doing wrong? Is my form off in this exercise or something?"

As it was mentioned before, most guys are creepy I guess, b/c they don't go over and over in their heads the right way they should present themselves to everyone around them. The ones who do that are either terribly self-conscious to the point where it drives them crazy inside, or do it intentionally to gain a person's trust and disarm them. Really, the only real "creepy" thing he did was ask you that one question, and if someone asks you something like that, before politely replying, you have a right to ask them why they want to know.

The more you show strength and confidence towards creepy people, the more you get them to put a check on their creepiness and make your life a little easier.

HealthyChanges2010

I think it's always a good idea to play it safe - but to defend my own gender, there are a lot of guys out there who simply don't have a clue. They don't get that they're 'creepy' and don't respond to social cues that would be bloomin' obvious to the rest of us.

In all honesty, it's the non-creepy ones you've got to watch for. Ted Bundy got away with his crimes because he was charming, sincere and appeared utterly trustworthy.

ha, how very true indeed! Same thing with pedophiles, you can't pick one out in a crowd (ok, so there are som EXTRA creepy looking ones) but you make a very good point, it is the nice guy at times that you would never suspect because he gains your trust.

Dang sometimes it seems you men don't have a chance do you? I feel bad for you all, we can judge you pretty harshly at times, um, glad I'm a girl, though it comes with a set of it's own issues but nonetheless.

Becca:flowerforyou:

Jennili7

I'm really bad at guessing ages Casper and if I had to guess I'd put him in his late 20's and I'm creeping up on mid-20's so that's not a very big gap. It gets exhausting being paranoid about my safety all of the time but I wouldn't want to be any other way. As far as changing my schedule I've gone at 9:00 and today I went around 7:30 after I got home from work and he was there...:noway: I guess he wanted to change his schedule too. All I can really do is keep doing what I'm doing and try not to worry about it. If I want to go after dinner then I'll drag my sister along and if I got before dinner then there will be people there. I've only entertained the thought of getting up extra early to workout before going into work......:sad: We'll see......

CasperO

So what % of the male pop do you figure has a murder/rape hobby? Ya' think it's half? 15%?... It's more like 0.001% or something. And the 'creepy' thing? He has no idea. He's just a guy, a harmless little D'bag who doesn't see himself as the villain a lot of folks here seem to think he is. The creepy is completely your perception.

I'm a little senstitive about this,,, 'cause I'm a really nice guy. Family man, grandpa, teacher. I shave my head 'cause bald looks better than balding, and I'm kind'a muscular cause I take care of myself. I give a lot of people the creeps, I've been called "scary", "intimidating",, all that stuff. No reason at all. I pick up spiders and carry them outside, I cry at movies, I'm a $*%in' Teddy Bear.

Be on your guard,,, but the odds are really really good that he's just a guy who thought you were cute. Have your BF join you for one workout, and let him see him, and the odds are good he'll never glance at you again.