Unwanted Attention
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I would also say trust your gut. Get your boyfriend to come with you occasionally, especially if you go at night or in the evenings. Hopefully just seeing you with another guy will make him back off. I also like Bear00's idea of being proactive. Talk about your boyfriend and mention that you live together.
He may be a well meaning guy that's just nervous/creepy, he may have asperger's, he may be a REAL creep- ya never know. So, be cautious but don't let him ruin your work outs
I think often guys don't realize what women have to deal with- from unwanted advances to sexual comments from strangers.0 -
Another reason why I am loving a female only gym....no weirdness or creepiness
Me too!!0 -
I'll be the 3rd to agree and I'm a girl:laugh: Plus the fact that it could be he wants to have the place to himself to workout, that might be a possiblity as well, just a thought:flowerforyou: Sounds like maybe you should stick to working out before 7pm and ignoring anyone that comes up to you. I think it's important to consider your safety but not every guy or girl that comes up to say hello is a killer or rapist.Wow. A guy looks in your direction at the gym then comes over to say hi and you're all talking about macing him. Glad I don't go to your gym, I'd be terrified for my safety.
You know, if you really aren't interested in meeting the people in your building, it is possible to turn someone away without freaking out or resorting to violence.
I was thinking the same thing, but wanted someone else to say it first.. haha0 -
:laugh: I'm sorry but this cracked me up, it seems a bit harsh and I'm not a guy, can't even imagine how a male would view a comment like this!:ohwell:MOST guys are creepy and not cute.
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WHATEVS.
Its not harsh. Its harsh to TELL someone that they are creepy and NOT cute.
You can't tell me that you think more than 50% of the population is appealing to YOU. This girl is 23, so most of the population is NOT in her "target dating pool demographic". Every guy over 30 who hits on her will seem "creepy" and "not cute" to her. Most guys are over 30.0 -
Have a friend, or your boyfriend go to the gym with you. It isn't a good idea to be alone in a room that anyone can access. Especially that time of night. Good luck0
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As a female, going out for a walk alone or to the gym alone can be a sort of scary event. Having had strange men pull up to me alongside a vacant stretch of road now twice while I was out for a walk, it's hard not to think the worst. Why else would a stranger do that? I would definitely say go with your gut instincts on this one girl and just stay alert. You shouldn't let this discourage you though. Just go at different times to make yourself feel comfortable. It's difficult to know others intentions. :flowerforyou:0
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I agree with the guys... and Becca. Imagine that, Becca! I'm not naive in the least... and I do give people the benefit of the doubt. I'm very non-judgemental of people until they give me a reason either way.
I'm sorry that you felt threatened, but you really didn't have a reason other than a gut feeling. Sure, female intuition and so on... but to the point where you were considering violence? Just be careful of the aura you put out there hon.0 -
I’m amazed at all the supportive comments and equally amazed by the negative ones. I wish that my boyfriend could come to the gym with me but he lives an hour away from me and I don’t go to the gym when he visits. My sister and I go together sometimes but not all the time. I’ll just play around with my schedule and see if I can go during more crowded times. In retrospect I wish I had asked the guy why he was asking. Hopefully I won’t get the chance… I really liked your post BrattyLori and it made me giggle. There’s a guy at my local Fridays that flirts with me (even in front of my boyfriend :noway: ) and yes it bothers me that he does that but he doesn’t give me those bad vibes like the guy at the gym did. In that case I’m able to just take the compliment and move on.
Dom_m’s comment of “is it possible to turn someone away without freaking out or resorting to violence” really baffles me. When did I ever say that I was mean to the guy? I was perfectly polite to him and the part about macing him was only an option if he tried to grab me which he would have deserved. There is nothing wrong with being prepared for the worst.0 -
See, I don't think that checking to know where your mace is in case you need it is "considering" or "resorting to" violence. It's being prepared for the unexpected. If someone is making you uncomfortable or creeping you out, you need to respect your intuition. It's not like they were best friends and her snubbing his advances, for lack of a better term, was going to break anyone's heart or cause great emotional damage. However, if she ignores her instincts and he does turn out to be freak? Yeah, I'll take rude over that any day.I agree with the guys... and Becca. Imagine that, Becca! I'm not naive in the least... and I do give people the benefit of the doubt. I'm very non-judgemental of people until they give me a reason either way.
I'm sorry that you felt threatened, but you really didn't have a reason other than a gut feeling. Sure, female intuition and so on... but to the point where you were considering violence? Just be careful of the aura you put out there hon.
No, most guys aren't stalkers or serial rapists/killers in waiting. But perhaps it's better not to wait until it's dark and you're alone in the gym with the woman before approaching. It's also possible to catch her attention and ask those questions outside her personal space. And since the OP admitted to having a somewhat paranoid personality, I'm sure her personal space is much broader than most.
It's a difficult, difficult situation. But if he makes her that uncomfortable, then the chances for any kind of friendship coming out of this is pretty slim. Better safe than sorry.
/ stepping off my soapbox...0 -
That reminds me so much of this one guy that hit on me a while back at the gym I go to. I was quite obviously a fresh piece of jail bait for him. I think he told me that he liked my style (whatever that meant), would always smile and say hi to me every time he came near me, check me out from across the room, he told me I looked like I had lost weight, and he even expressed his feelings of sorrow and self-pity after finding out that I was engaged. He was every bit of a creeper if I've ever known one. He was only a few inches taller than I am (and I'm short), very stocky, and he was maybe Indian or something and didn't speak very good English. He wasn't even attractive. I would purposely avoid going near him at all costs. He freaked me out, even being around him in a busy gym during the day. I wish men would realize that we don't go to gyms to meet guys. I would love to meet guy friends, but for some reason I only attract the ones that wanna "hit that".
I agree that having a guy ask you your workout schedule in a small gym late at night when it's just the two of you can be creepy, and I agree with the other posters who say trust your instincts without being paranoid.
But saying that someone is creepy because he is only slightly taller than you and doesn't speak good English is kind of unfair. Yes, women need to pay attention and be aware of their safety. But just because a guy looks at you, smiles at you, and/or dares to talk to you in broken English in a busy gym during the day does not make him creepy. Give him a break! Did you ever think how hard it must be for guys to have to always be the ones to approach women? Many think the gym is a "friendly" place where they can meet like-minded people who are also interested in working out.
Sorry to be harsh but I would hate to walk around in life thinking that every guy who talks to me is out to get me. If you're not interested, say so nicely and move on with life.
You do make a good point, but in my defense:
I wouldn't have been creeped out if he wasn't at least double my age. This was back during the summer before I started college, so I was only 18 at the time. On top of that, he didn't have any normal conversations with me. He pretty much jumped right to the point and made it quite clear to me that he was interested in dating me. If he had been closer to my age, and he tried carrying on a decent conversation with me that didn't involve my appearance or relationship status, I probably would've made friends with him. And I do believe I made it clear to him that I wasn't interested when I told him point blank that I was engaged.0 -
See, I don't think that checking to know where your mace is in case you need it is "considering" or "resorting to" violence. It's being prepared for the unexpected. If someone is making you uncomfortable or creeping you out, you need to respect your intuition. It's not like they were best friends and her snubbing his advances, for lack of a better term, was going to break anyone's heart or cause great emotional damage. However, if she ignores her instincts and he does turn out to be freak? Yeah, I'll take rude over that any day.I agree with the guys... and Becca. Imagine that, Becca! I'm not naive in the least... and I do give people the benefit of the doubt. I'm very non-judgemental of people until they give me a reason either way.
I'm sorry that you felt threatened, but you really didn't have a reason other than a gut feeling. Sure, female intuition and so on... but to the point where you were considering violence? Just be careful of the aura you put out there hon.
No, most guys aren't stalkers or serial rapists/killers in waiting. But perhaps it's better not to wait until it's dark and you're alone in the gym with the woman before approaching. It's also possible to catch her attention and ask those questions outside her personal space. And since the OP admitted to having a somewhat paranoid personality, I'm sure her personal space is much broader than most.
It's a difficult, difficult situation. But if he makes her that uncomfortable, then the chances for any kind of friendship coming out of this is pretty slim. Better safe than sorry.
/ stepping off my soapbox...
I just do not assume the worst in people. In my opinion there is no reason to. Trust me, I completely support being prepared for the bad things in life. But again... I just do not automatically "go there" and play out the worst in my head. I cannot live my life like that. I am a very friendly & outgoing person and have to believe there is good in this world. In my opinion... and yes, my opinion only (no soap box necessary)... I think assuming the worst is dangerous, especially if you have a reactive personality... such as preparing to grab your mace when someone (a man) smiles at you. Man... woman... old... young... another race or religion? Republican... democrat? :laugh:
Again, I am truely sorry that she felt her personal safety was in jeopardy. I just wish she didn't feel that way. There is no hate here... please don't turn it into that. However, she posted on a public forum to tell of her situation and possibly receive validation of her feelings... which she got... but of course there are going to be people in life that have a different perspective.0 -
If you can't get a workout buddy then at the very least have someone you can check in with when you return to your apartment. Let them know you are leaving and will call back at whatever time you agree on. It will also give you an out with the creepy guy. Just say sorry gotta run my boyfriend is calling me at 10:15. But the workout buddy is definitely best.0
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I think his questioning about the times you go to the gym is a bit creepy. Most sane people with reasonably adequate social skills can make polite conversation without causing apprehension, but it wouldn't typically be by way of quizzing someone about when at night they train.
I chat to women half my age at the gym, but I'm talking in the context of gradually recognising the people around one day to day, at some point smiling at each other, and eventually having pretty normal conversations in passing. Sometimes a bit of humour as we each recognise the shared sweat and pain, even encouragement. But to walk up to someone minding their own business and asking them when they train would seem weird to me.
My personal hopefully sane male mind... do I notice nice bods or attractive women at the gym? Yes, I think it's human nature. Do I then perv? Nope. I'm too into my own zone to care about it. And it gets back to normal communication not being about approaching people minding their own business, or who worse still look plain apprehensive. Generally I assume a gym is somewhere that people are doing their own thing.
One gets a slightly different perspective as a parent. My 20 yo daughter who is now at uni in our capital (OK, not exactly a big city, but with its share of violence) recently told me she walks home from the gym at night alone, often late when she has taken a break from study. I spent ages simply imploring her, making her promise me, that she'd make better arrangements. Whether perceived threats are real or not, better safe than sorry. I can't imagine how my life would change if something bad happened to her.0 -
Wow I can't imagine living a paranoid life ilke that, it must suck! I would have just assumed that he was hitting on me or looking for a gym buddy as someone else said! If I wanted him to get the hint that I wasn't interested I personally would have said back to him "no I don't have a time set in stone, it depends on what my boyfriend and I have planned for the evening!"0
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Go with your gut girl!!!!0
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Mace is highly overrated... great in theory, but unless you are really lucky, you will get a good amount of the crap in your own eyes, especially if indoors.
Just saying, if you are going to carry something for personal protection, don't make it mace... Mace screams "scared victim" from a mile away. Too bulky, not always the easiest to fire, and no handy grips to keep your would be assailant from ripping it out of your sweaty palms and turning it on you.
That being said, you are in a gym... not running around in the middle of the night. Is there a desk person on duty? were there other people there? Maybe he just wanted a workout partner or someone to hold him accountable....
But trust me on the mace... get a boot knife or something with a large blade. It looks more intimidating than a can of overpriced cooking spice.0 -
good points,Mace is highly overrated... great in theory, but unless you are really lucky, you will get a good amount of the crap in your own eyes, especially if indoors.
Just saying, if you are going to carry something for personal protection, don't make it mace... Mace screams "scared victim" from a mile away. Too bulky, not always the easiest to fire, and no handy grips to keep your would be assailant from ripping it out of your sweaty palms and turning it on you.
That being said, you are in a gym... not running around in the middle of the night. Is there a desk person on duty? were there other people there? Maybe he just wanted a workout partner or someone to hold him accountable....
But trust me on the mace... get a boot knife or something with a large blade. It looks more intimidating than a can of overpriced cooking spice.
hm, how about carrying a taser with your water bottle as that would be quite intimidating and definitely get the point across that you aren't interested in meeting anyone, working out with anyone or even saying hello!:glasses:
Or better yet, swap over to early morning workouts while the so called 'creepy' guy is still sleeping.:huh: :smokin:
Even simpler still, put some headphones on and rockout to the music and ignore anyone that comes up to you, that's not rude if it makes you feel unsafe. Another trick some use for a number of reasons is their cell phone. Have a friend call you a time or two while you're working out or simply pick it up when someone approaches you as if you have a call. Ppl do that all the time when they don't want to speak to the person coming up to them. Might give that try, probably be easier on 'so called creepy guy' than using a taser on him!:noway: 0 -
Could have been harmless, but you should always trust your instincts.
Better to snub 9 out of 10 people, based on your gut feeling, than being attacked by the 10th because you don't want to hurt someone's feelings.
Get a buddy to work out with.0 -
You say the guy is twice your age,,, which means he's pretty close to my age (42). You're working out in a gym in a metro area, late at night, and alone. Hmmm...
I'm a pretty normal guy. When I see a girl your age I don't think "Hottie", "I wanna hit that",,, none of that stuff. I think "She's my daughter's age. What's she doing in this dangerous situation all alone? I'm a big nasty dude, and I can protect her. Nobody will mess with her if I'm here."
He just might have been asking when you're coming so he can come in too and watch your back. It's entirely possible,,, I would do it. Any signs he's a family guy? Wedding band?0
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