Losing weight and losing confidence

hillabeans23

If you look at my profile, you'll see it looks like I've only been actively on here for a couple weeks. But I rejoined MFP to help with my diet.

In January, I was 160-165 pounds. The most I ever weighed. I changed my diet then and lost 5-7 pounds. Then started doing Pilates and got down to the 150 range. In April/May, I really started noticing a difference in clothes and my muscles, not necessarily the scale. And I felt better like I knew I was slowly getting to my goal weight. And it felt good.

Fast forward to now (another 5 pounds lost), I've really hit the ground running. Calorie counting, intense cardio/strength training, walking etc. But somehow with the more intense workouts, the diet changes, I feel WORSE! I feel worse about my body now than I did in the 160s. I feel bigger than I did in May. I can't stand looking in the mirror. I used to workout in a sports bra because I liked seeing my muscles worked, and yes I saw the fat too but I didn't really care, now I have to wear a shirt because I can't stand looking at my body. I don't see the muscles I've gained, I see the fat I haven't lost.

I don't understand. I try to tell myself, look Hill, these shorts are looser on you, this shirt, this dress. But I'm not that motivating. I started buying bigger workout clothes or looser styles. I've started wearing all my 'fat' clothes again.

What is wrong with me? Does anyone else feel this way?

morkiemama

This happened to me the first time I lost weight in my life. At the time, I wasn't even trying to lose weight. It just kind of happened. After I noticed, that is when I became obsessed and ashamed of myself.

It is the way you are viewing yourself and your body. It is something you have to consciously work to turn around in your mind. If you cannot get over this negative view on your own, professional help may be required.

I ended up switching it around on my own. I switched my focus from a weight/appearance focus to activity focus. This got me away from obsessive/negative thoughts. I paid attention to my progress in the activity (e.g. I ran farther/faster, I danced better, I lifted more weight than I used to, etc.). Finding a physical hobby can be helpful (e.g. martial arts, hiking, dance club, etc.) rather than just straight working out.

Anyway, I hope you can turn it around and see the beauty in yourself again. Just know you aren't alone in this and there is no shame in getting help if you struggle to turn it around.

hillabeans23

I do enjoy working out, especially since I've started branching out from pilates and yoga. I do all of it at home since I can't really afford to pay for physical activity. I like hiking and being outdoors. I have noticed changes in my endurance and strength. I see what you mean shifting focus from appearance to what I'm capable of now vs. 8 months ago. But in the back of my mind during these activities, I'm like yeah, this is totally burning your stomach fat, tightening this, building your heart rate and then come the imaginary images of what I think I'll look like if I keep at it. I've lost weight before but the more I see those pictures, I'm like no, that's not what i want to look like. The number on the scale is the same but not the body composition. I used to not see areas that needed work before. It used to be simple, get a flat stomach. Now my physical goals are so much more complex.

I'm 23 too. And I feel like there's a lot of pressure in general, but especially on people my age, to look like they walked out of a magazine. Like it's expected when you're 23, you should look hot. And a lot of my friends are. And I'm like, I've lost 20 pounds now and no one has said anything, no one compliments me, it's not like I get hit on or anything. And I still can't wear a swimsuit.

God I'm whining. I'm sorry. Maybe I should just go back to my therapist that I can't afford haha.

jemhh

hillabeans23 wrote: »

I don't see the muscles I've gained, I see the fat I haven't lost.

I completely get this. Earlier this year I really got caught up in that thinking. It was much worse when I was eating in a deficit than when I was eating at maintenance. I had to step back from trying to lose for awhile and just focus on eating at maintenance and working out. When I was overweight, I didn't look in the mirror too much and I didn't really spend a lot of time thinking about my fat. And when I was younger and thinner, I had never felt bad about my body. It was very weird to be 38 and start having body issues. Anyway, I took a step back for awhile and just in the past couple of weeks have started really working on losing again.

morkiemama

hillabeans23 wrote: »

I do enjoy working out, especially since I've started branching out from pilates and yoga. I do all of it at home since I can't really afford to pay for physical activity. I like hiking and being outdoors. I have noticed changes in my endurance and strength. I see what you mean shifting focus from appearance to what I'm capable of now vs. 8 months ago. But in the back of my mind during these activities, I'm like yeah, this is totally burning your stomach fat, tightening this, building your heart rate and then come the imaginary images of what I think I'll look like if I keep at it. I've lost weight before but the more I see those pictures, I'm like no, that's not what i want to look like. The number on the scale is the same but not the body composition. I used to not see areas that needed work before. It used to be simple, get a flat stomach. Now my physical goals are so much more complex.

I'm 23 too. And I feel like there's a lot of pressure in general, but especially on people my age, to look like they walked out of a magazine. Like it's expected when you're 23, you should look hot. And a lot of my friends are. And I'm like, I've lost 20 pounds now and no one has said anything, no one compliments me, it's not like I get hit on or anything. And I still can't wear a swimsuit.

God I'm whining. I'm sorry. Maybe I should just go back to my therapist that I can't afford haha.

There is nothing wrong with working out at home. It is all I used to do! The back of the mind is what you need to try to shift. That's why I recommend turning the activities into hobby activities. Even going to free clubs/get togethers for running or hiking or dancing, can shift the focus off appearance to socializing/progress. Bonus, you get to meet new people, too! : D

I hear you on the social pressure, but studies of polled men/women show that, for the majority, truly their focus is not on model perfect. It can be hard when it comes easier to friends/family, but you can't compare yourself to them. When progress isn't being noticed (which can happen, especially with people you see literally all the time since things are so gradual to change), try casually bringing it up! Kinda like when you get a haircut no one notices lol.

I am pretty sure swimsuits were designed to rob us of hard earned money and make us feel like crap all at the same time! Ha ha.

Don't apologize. Venting is good for the soul.

dubird

hillabeans23 wrote: »

I'm 23 too. And I feel like there's a lot of pressure in general, but especially on people my age, to look like they walked out of a magazine. Like it's expected when you're 23, you should look hot. And a lot of my friends are. And I'm like, I've lost 20 pounds now and no one has said anything, no one compliments me, it's not like I get hit on or anything. And I still can't wear a swimsuit.

There is, really. It's a sad comment on society, but women (and men, in their own way) are expected to fall into what society as determined to be 'normal'. That causes a whole host of body image issues that most people fall pray to.

About all I can suggest is don't rely on other people's comments. Most aren't going to notice unless there's a drastic change, even if they are your friends. Actually, espically your friends because if you see them frequently, the loss is slow enough they don't notice it. I know pretty much all my friends haven't commented on it, but my mom did after not seeing me for 8 months! And while that feels good, if you're losing weight to fit in and get compliments from people, it's not going to work. You need to take a long, honest look at WHY you're losing weight, find out where you SHOULD be, and work towards accepting that. It's not an overnight process, it's something you'll have to think about a lot, but when you do, it all kinda 'clicks' and makes a lot more sense. Once I accepted that, I felt a lot better about myself and where I was going. And now, while I'm sad I'm fat in my wedding pictures and I can't redo those, at least I'm where I should be now (and i look much more like myself in our recent cruise pics!).

Also, while it is normal to look in the mirror and not see the progress you have made, you have to be careful not to obsess over it. I didn't see it in the mirror and it didn't really register to me until I tried on my wedding dress and realized I could fit another half of me in it! If you're really worried, take measurements, not just weight. Having hard data down on paper (or computer screen) might help when you're worried you're not getting anywhere. Seeing a graph of my weight going down was helpful in overriding what I was seeing in the mirror.