Dating after weight loss
FrenchCanuck
Posts: 60 Member
After losing weight, don't you feel mad @ the sex you're attracted to that used to ignore your existence and down right treat you like crud just because of how you looked now suddently showering you with attention because you're not fat anymore?
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Eventually, you will get over being mad and focus on being joyful and having fun.0
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Now that you have you lost weight are you out there showering overweight and obese men/women with attention? Somehow I'm guessing not lol...0
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No, I don't. I suggest not wasting your energy.
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I get you. I was picked on in high school for being chubby. Then when I dropped 6 stone at 20yr old all of a sudden one of said guys wanted to add me on Facebook and ask me out. I was like is this dude for real? What an arsehole lol0
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In all honesty, I thought I was going to be battling the same thing. Guys giving me attention that when I was fatter wouldn't have known I existed. I've been really surprised.
After loosing about 103 lbs (about 60ish with MFP); I have managed to somehow still be invisible to the opposite sex.
Not what I wanted. 0 -
I've barely lost weight yet but people are treating me differently. I don't really think it's what you weight but how you come across to other people. When I fall off plan I'm unhappy and that's not attractive, but when I'm in control I feel good about myself regardless of the weight and that must show as guys and people in general are a lot nicer to me.0
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I did at first.
Then I realised the only person I was really hurting was myself and I let it go.
Let it go.
I am one with the wind and sky...0 -
In all honesty, I thought I was going to be battling the same thing. Guys giving me attention that when I was fatter wouldn't have known I existed. I've been really surprised.
After loosing about 103 lbs (about 60ish with MFP); I have managed to somehow still be invisible to the opposite sex. Not what I wanted.
As Barbsus1991 mentioned, it's more about how you come across than anything else. Sure people will often treat others differently because of weight, but most of the time that's not the only reason. Guys will approach girls who seem "approachable". My mother always says a single girl who doesn't want to remain so should always have a smile on her face (she's from a different generation, but it works!)
Some guys are so used to getting snubbed by girls that they will often avoid talking to you if you don't seem friendly.
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I know guys are superficial and mostly driven to pick a girl on looks. Even fat guys don't look at me because I'm overweight - talk about double standards!
Why do I know that he likes a skinny chick better than a fat one and not because I'm not smiling or something? Well, I often got pushed off aside because a skinny chick walked by, even if she's cold as ice and rude as hell to him; she talks, he follows. Those guys did not behave the same with me as with her, even though we are both confident, smiling, beautiful ladies. You can see it in his eyes and body language.
All men disrespect overweight ladies and give more attention and respect to skinny chicks, and it's not because skinny chicks smile more.
The few exceptions are men who were raised with women that learned to respect us and to love us for our personalities or men who prefer thick ladies.
If I lose weight and become athletic, will I give a chubby guy my time of day? Hard to say, because the way they treat me at the time being as a thick lady, but I have good judge of character though and can spot someone that speaks through his heart; and him, yes, I would give him my time of day.
But you all speak the truth though; if I keep thinking like this, I'll forever be spiteful towards the male species and will never find love.0 -
FrenchCanuck wrote: »I know guys are superficial and mostly driven to pick a girl on looks. Even fat guys don't look at me because I'm overweight - talk about double standards!
Why do I know that he likes a skinny chick better than a fat one and not because I'm not smiling or something? Well, I often got pushed off aside because a skinny chick walked by, even if she's cold as ice and rude as hell to him; she talks, he follows. Those guys did not behave the same with me as with her, even though we are both confident, smiling, beautiful ladies. You can see it in his eyes and body language.
All men disrespect overweight ladies and give more attention and respect to skinny chicks, and it's not because skinny chicks smile more.
The few exceptions are men who were raised with women that learned to respect us and to love us for our personalities or men who prefer thick ladies.
If I lose weight and become athletic, will I give a chubby guy my time of day? Hard to say, because the way they treat me at the time being as a thick lady, but I have good judge of character though and can spot someone that speaks through his heart; and him, yes, I would give him my time of day.
But you all speak the truth though; if I keep thinking like this, I'll forever be spiteful towards the male species and will never find love.
Wow... what a sweeping generalization about half of the species...
If you truly have that kind of anger living in your heart then you're probably blinded to the way you treat men since you're have such negative preconceived notions about them before they even speak a word to you. You might not realize it but you likely treat them with the same 'cold as ice' and 'rude as hell' attitude that 'skinny chicks' supposedly do. Just having that kind of aura about you will make you much more unapproachable.
I think you should work on dissipating that anger you have towards the other sex before considering getting involved with another person.0 -
As others have said... life is lived better letting go of angers past... If you want others to be nice to you, how about dishing out the same treatment?0
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We all have our preferences but it is normal to find people of average size more attractive than obese people. Even when I was obese I thought that. And I'm a woman.0
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FrenchCanuck wrote: »I know guys are superficial and mostly driven to pick a girl on looks. Even fat guys don't look at me because I'm overweight - talk about double standards!
Why do I know that he likes a skinny chick better than a fat one and not because I'm not smiling or something? Well, I often got pushed off aside because a skinny chick walked by, even if she's cold as ice and rude as hell to him; she talks, he follows. Those guys did not behave the same with me as with her, even though we are both confident, smiling, beautiful ladies. You can see it in his eyes and body language.
All men disrespect overweight ladies and give more attention and respect to skinny chicks, and it's not because skinny chicks smile more.
That is not true, I have quite a few gorgeous guy friends that love girls with some curves! Pick the guys who like you for you and ignore the rest. No need to be spiteful towards them because they have different tastes. I'm sure you have a type of guy that you go after, right?0 -
When people ask these questions, I remember a really hilarious (now, not then) thing that happened to me shortly after high school, after some disordered eating caused me to lose 20lbs. I felt pretty good about it, you know? So when a guy who I'd been hanging out with, who I was attracted to and who seemed friendly and interested asked me out, I was like "yay!"
Then when we went out, he was sullen, quiet, no longer appeared interested and was rude and curt. I was confused and upset, so I didn't call him back. A few weeks later he called to apologize for being rude and giving me mixed signals. He'd been goaded into asking me out by his concerned bros because he's specifically attracted to very large, overweight women, and they wanted him go out with someone "normal", and he just wasn't attracted to me.
A few years later I spotted him on a date with a very large woman (at least 300lbs), he looked happy. At least I know he wasn't totally full of *kitten*?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you have no freaking idea who you're going to attract. I have major ugly duckling/fat kid syndrome so I have a hard time reading the signals. Personally, I'm attracted to less muscular guys, I tend to be into 'soft' skinny dudes. Go figure. Life's funny like that.0 -
Wow... what a sweeping generalization about half of the species...
If you truly have that kind of anger living in your heart then you're probably blinded to the way you treat men since you're have such negative preconceived notions about them before they even speak a word to you. You might not realize it but you likely treat them with the same 'cold as ice' and 'rude as hell' attitude that 'skinny chicks' supposedly do. Just having that kind of aura about you will make you much more unapproachable.
I think you should work on dissipating that anger you have towards the other sex before considering getting involved with another person.
Well if guys wouldnt of treated me like the crud underneath a shoe all my life maybe I would of had a more positive outlook on men.
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I feel you MiniChefKriss.People dont understand. It's hard for an ugly duckling. No matter what you do, even if you smile or try to think positive thoughts, guys still treat you the same. Hopefully, we'll change into beautiful swans! I'm 31 and dating men isnt easy... 0 -
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MiniChefKriss wrote: »you could have a nice personality and a pretty face but body fat is a huge no no and you are no longer a person if you have any. I've been honked at while crossing the street and told i should go back inside, that their eyes hurt and they shouldn't have to see "that". I've had guys lie to me about wanting to meet for a date only to show up to call me a fat heifer with their friends and leave. I've been told i am the fattest thing theyve ever seen. I've never been good enough to be in any guys life unless he's just looking for a fvck and chuck and he never has to tell anyone he was with me or contact me a second time. As far as men are concerned i am an embarrassment. Which is a shame because i am still nice to them anyway and it still doesn't get me anymore bonus points towards being a person.
Those guys are d*cks. Who cares what a d*ck things. An idiot who thinks it's completely fine to honk at strangers on the street is not a valid source of any kind of judgement. Although I don't blame you for feeling they might be, if you're surrounded by them.
Guys who would go to the trouble of setting up a date to insult you are behaving like psychopaths. Maybe they were brought up to act like psychopaths, that's possible too. And - some areas (neighbourhoods, cities) seem to bring up more jerks who act like psychopaths, for a variety of reasons. (Are you in a small town, by any chance? No offense to people from small towns, some of them are great, some of them create animals like that.)
Not all men are like that. And not all men would be happy to be lumped in with those idiots. They bring shame to their gender.0 -
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This is a touchy subject for sure but I figure I might as well give a bit of in site as to how this issue is viewed threw my eyes, I have been a big guy my entire life, when it comes to women I am absolutely not attracted to a women of my size and the women I was attracted to wasn't attracted to me which I didn't blame them because they viewed me as I would a lady my size and myself. I never was mean to big girls just never acted interested in the nicest possible way I could without being obvious about it, if I felt a lady I wasn't attracted to was hitting on me I would play with my phone or change the subject, but I also didn't care for a pretty girl who was a diva with a rude temperament. A lot of what I have been reading on here and have noticed in real life is women are really quick to judge guys just because there not into a bigger girl and then when they get skinnier and attractive than all the sudden they get more attention and get mad. Well as a big guy I can say the same about women, I have a buddy that is around my age and skinny, on paper he doesn't stand a chance against me, I have a better job, own a house where he is living in his parents house and I could go on and on, we both joined multiple and the same dating sites to meet women, he got floods of responses and dates where I would get like one or two responses total than even the ones who did respond wouldn't want to meet in person ext. so it goes both ways, I don't get mad at them because they would rather date a better looking guy, in a way I just stopped looking for now until I'm further along with my journey. I expect dating for a women is similar to the way a man dates, first is a physical attraction which is what any species is driven towards (reproduction), than if there is a attraction your more interested in meeting and getting to know that person, it doesn't have as much to do with being spiteful or malicious it's just genetics. Instead of getting mad at the women I was attracted to I found a way to fix myself to better attract the women I was attracted to. A bunch of women say weight shouldn't matter and to some guys it doesn't either because there attracted to it or aren't driven as much by reproduction but for most people women included there has to be that attraction or the fear of hurting there feelings or being with a person your not attracted to sets in and move on to someone you are. I don't mean to generalize an entire sex or offend anyone by saying what I have just felt I needed to shine some light on the subject from another perspective.0
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Well I want to look sexy to men after I finish losing weight... I definitely don't want to date the douches who laughed at me when I was fat, but definitely someone I'm attracted to who finds me attractive. Right now though that's hard for me to achieve and that's part of the reason I'm losing weight.0
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I'm happily married now but I've been following this thread and I'm honestly shocked, I believe everyone of course, but I've seriously never seen anything like this! I'm 5'11" and have never been under 200 in my adult life but I've never been treated badly by a man and I'm horrified that this has happened to people. I'm an extremely confident woman and actually had more of a problem with too many guys trying to date me, especially if I was in a relationship at the time, even at 250lbs I married a very attractive and fit man. I just can't even imagine being treated so badly it's terrible, I hope everyone who has suffered learns to forgive and move past these terrible things and find what they truly want. You deserve it
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All absolutes are false.
I met my wife in her 250's. We have been losing weight together, and she's now south of 300. I love her irrespective of, not in spite of, her weight.0 -
Darton,
" I expect dating for a women is similar to the way a man dates, first is a physical attraction which is what any species is driven towards (reproduction)"
May I remind you that, in the Victorian age, women that were "chunky" were more in demand by men and were seen as more attractive than skinny girls? Every era has it's "fad". This era, it's about skinny women. That kind of attraction is not about reproduction, it's influenced by media; we see skinny women everywhere, movies, banners, ads, magazines, all photoshopped, models are obligated to be thin as twigs... women are pressured into being thin and being regarded shamefully for being normal or just a little overweight. Men have no pressure to be at a fake photoshopped high social standard. I hear the "dad bod" was a fad now... see, men are allowed to be fat, not women. Fat women are regarded as shameful. However, if you want to talk about reproduction, it's women that has a bigger pelvis that sollicits a sense of reproduction, like science stated, because it promotes childbearing.0 -
FrenchCanuck wrote: »Darton,
" I expect dating for a women is similar to the way a man dates, first is a physical attraction which is what any species is driven towards (reproduction)"
May I remind you that, in the Victorian age, women that were "chunky" were more in demand by men and were seen as more attractive than skinny girls? Every era has it's "fad". This era, it's about skinny women. That kind of attraction is not about reproduction, it's influenced by media; we see skinny women everywhere, movies, banners, ads, magazines, all photoshopped, models are obligated to be thin as twigs... women are pressured into being thin and being regarded shamefully for being normal or just a little overweight. Men have no pressure to be at a fake photoshopped high social standard. I hear the "dad bod" was a fad now... see, men are allowed to be fat, not women. Fat women are regarded as shameful. However, if you want to talk about reproduction, it's women that has a bigger pelvis that sollicits a sense of reproduction, like science stated, because it promotes childbearing.
So as that's the case, as you claim, what are you going to do about it?0 -
Wow, I am shocked at the experiences Krissy and Canook have suffered! That is just senseless psychological abuse, and the scarring obviously runs deep. i do agree that attraction has a lot to do with charisma and confidence. I was only attracted to my own husband after he chased me for a few years, and he did some modeling at the time. So nothing wrong with his physique, but he was such a quiet person, which did not appeal to me at the time. I believe you should take care of yourself, become happy and confident for yourself. Build your own perfect life regardless of any men. And love might still come to you.0
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Hugs to you Krissy and FrenchCanuck! I think that your expierences a young age left a deep cut. I, too, have encountered some cruelness from the opposite sex. It has taken me a while to get over it, and to get myself out there. I am in my 40's and am just finally feeling good about my appearance; I consider myself a late bloomer. Maybe it comes with age and wisdom?0
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A couple of things jumped out at me:
I think people are entitled to go out with someone they are physically attracted to - and no one needs to make excuses for what they find attarctive - be that any size, gender, hair colour, skin colour etc. I don't think it's shallow. If I'm dating someone (as opposed to just being thier freind) I'm not gonna want to be intimate with them unless I'm physically atrracted to them. The great thing is that everyone has different tastes, the bad thing is that you might not be to the taste of the guy you like at the time - but that's life!
The second thing is that I've been at the other end- the very skinny underweight girl at school who was invisible to the guys and would always get passed up for her heavier freinds with fuller busts. But i realised that those guys were perfectly entitled to like girls with fuller busts- thats okay.
I still feel like the 'last puuppy in the basket' to be honest- but i don't harbour any resentment.0
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