When does my self esteem catch up?
MrsG2
Posts: 56 Member
There are days/times/hours when I feel really, really proud about my progress....40 lbs is equivalent to a small child and I feel great about losing this (halfway to my ultimate goal). I've gone from a size 22-24 into a 16 and I'm almost out of the 200's with my weight, which almost makes me cry with joy.
My husband is super supportive and always complimentary...even my MOM (who's comments I've spent a lifetime ignoring) is complimentary.
Why do I sometimes feel like I haven't lost anything? I'm working on firming the flab, but sometimes I look at myself and I don't see any changes. I keep telling myself that I need to work harder, do more...something. When do my brain and self esteem catch up to reality?
My husband is super supportive and always complimentary...even my MOM (who's comments I've spent a lifetime ignoring) is complimentary.
Why do I sometimes feel like I haven't lost anything? I'm working on firming the flab, but sometimes I look at myself and I don't see any changes. I keep telling myself that I need to work harder, do more...something. When do my brain and self esteem catch up to reality?
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Replies
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I'm in the same boat as you. I have went from a size 26 to a size 18 (so far) and I feel more self concious now then I did then. Maybe I am just more self aware? I don't know. I am interested to see what other people have to say........0
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Weight loss, fitness, and self esteem don't necessarily go hand in hand; they are separate issues. There are healthy and fit people with low self esteem and fat and out of shape people with very high levels of self esteem.
I can only speak for myself, but lifting weights has really boosted my confidence and self esteem, as has training and participating in competitive events; I don't win, but that's not the issue really...I'm out there, and I'm actually competing...this also give my training more meaning and purpose. I've always found healthy competition to be a breeding ground for confidence and self esteem.0 -
I totally feel your pain. My dad is from a family full of wonderful but obese people, so he has spent most of my life telling me when I eat to much, if I look like I need to lose weight, etc. I remember being a size 6 and thinking I was fat because I could "pinch an inch." I'm now a size 10 and 170 lbs (6 months ago, before I started MFP, I was 183 and a size 12-14), and although I'm really fit and strong, although I've dropped 1.5-2 pant sizes, I constantly focus on those things my dad said that I always tried to ignore. I can pinch a lot of inches.
Then I also have days like Tuesday. I went out with a friend for a drink (only one glass of wine!) and she told me that she thought I looked about the same size as another girl in our roller derby league. I was shocked! That girl seems so much smaller to me than I do! It's made me wonder if all of those things I've heard about my weight and my body have distorted the way that I see myself. Maybe the world sees me as cute and fit and sexy, even when I feel bloated and pudgy and not sexy at all.
I don't really have an answer to your question of when your brain will catch up, but I hope it happens for both of us soon. Losing 40 lbs is SO AWESOME! You are doing amazing things for your health and your self esteem. I think all of those compliments you're getting will eventually help your brain get there. Good luck, and congrats on so much awesomeness thus far!0 -
something i've noticed...
people will invest in their bodies. exercise, fuel, nurture.
then do nothing for their minds, yet still expect results.0 -
Honestly? I don't think ever...at least for me.
I'm trying to work on having other outlets besides my weight for me to be proud of. Things I can do with my body like complete races or lift heavy things. I will never feel good about my body all the time. But knowing what it can accomplish helps.0 -
They are separate issues but one of the best ways to deal with it is "fake it til you make it".
If you act more confident, you will BE more confident.0 -
something i've noticed...
people will invest in their bodies. exercise, fuel, nurture.
then do nothing for their minds, yet still expect results.
Yes, you hit the nail on the head yourself. You said that mom's been giving you a lifetime of comments that you have been ignoring. But these comments can become incorperated into our personal scripts about ourselves. It took time to develop those scripts. It takes time to rewrite them.
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I've lost 140lbs. What I have found is that eating was coping mechanism for emotional issues. As I lost my weight, I still had the emotional issues I hadn't/haven't dealt with. Since my eating crutch has been taken away, I've had to focus more energy on healing the emotional me. I struggle with my insecurities but I'm slowly putting each one of my demons in a box and putting it on a mental shelf in my brain closet. I don't think they will ever truely go away but I'm putting them in their place.0
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i think a lot of us that have lost so much weight still look at ourselves in the mirror sometimes and see the old overweight us. i know that when i get done with my workout though, that i feel freakin good about myself! i love the way i look and the way i feel. New clothes help me out a lot too, now that i can actually look good in my clothes. just tell yourself you look awesome and be confident in yourself, and your mind will come around.0
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I'm still waiting for mine. Size 22(UK) to size 12. Some days I feel pretty good, others not so much.
I've been purposely pushing my comfort zone boundaries recently to try and shake it up a bit. Seems to be working as the feel good days are a lot more common now. Things I've been doing (I'm a photographer for pleasure) so heading out and meeting other photographers, doing shoots in old places, modelling (!) for the other 'togs. Getting out more and meeting new people and socialising - honestly, my life was pretty much hermit like before, I NEVER went out.
Next step - dating... hopefully.
Edited to add - the 'fake it 'til you make it' statement in an above post - that's what I'm doing under the guise of 'do one thing each day that scares you', and it does work. Scary to start with but it gets easier.0 -
I think we all have these days every once in awhile. For me, exercising actually helps. My energy level increases and my mood is lifted almost immediately. I might still be overweight...BUT I FEEL LIKE THE SEXIEST PERSON ALIVE AFTER A WORKOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This also reminds me of a conversation that i had with one of my friends who had gastric bypass. I lived with her right after her surgery and saw a few of her crying spells. She has told me before...'they work on your stomach, not your mind."
Changes in our lives affect us in all sorts of ways, not just our physical bodies.0 -
I think that weight is just a part of the issue. i have met a lot of obese people with all kinds of self esteem. You need to find the root of your issues. I recently, finally understand that the root of my self esteem issues stem from an abusive father it actually has very little to do with my weight.
I found that feeling strong is what made my self esteem go up. I feel amazing when I lift it has become my therapy. Not to say that you shouldn't seek therapy to find the root of your issues because I think that is VERY important I did that first.0 -
You literally took my thoughts out of my head. I'm happy I'm not the only one that feels like this, I defiantly think it's because we become more aware of the areas we need to work on? I know for me I was in denial about what I really look like and instead of adding 10 pounds the damn camera adds about 75 lol. When all the denial is gone I'm just left with all my "rolls" ugh! Hang in there and 40 pounds is amazing!!! Congrats!0
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I think it probably varies from person to person, but it took me a very long time to realize I wasn't fat anymore. I started out as an 18/20, and even when I was wearing 4/6 jeans, I could not see it. Sure, over the course of losing the weight, I knew I was getting smaller, and there would be days when I thought I was super hot, and then the next day, I was back to thinking I was chubby.
Heavy lifting was probably the big turning point for me. It changed my body so rapidly that it actually made me really paranoid about people looking at me because my self-perception could not keep up with what was happening physically. But I slowly grew out of that and began to realize I was not the same person anymore. One mistake I made was not taking real progress photos. I think if you have photographic evidence of the transformation, it might make it easier for you to process mentally.0 -
Thanks. I think this finally convinced me to do progress photos at least for my own use.I think it probably varies from person to person, but it took me a very long time to realize I wasn't fat anymore. I started out as an 18/20, and even when I was wearing 4/6 jeans, I could not see it. Sure, over the course of losing the weight, I knew I was getting smaller, and there would be days when I thought I was super hot, and then the next day, I was back to thinking I was chubby.
Heavy lifting was probably the big turning point for me. It changed my body so rapidly that it actually made me really paranoid about people looking at me because my self-perception could not keep up with what was happening physically. But I slowly grew out of that and began to realize I was not the same person anymore. One mistake I made was not taking real progress photos. I think if you have photographic evidence of the transformation, it might make it easier for you to process mentally.0 -
I know what you mean!! I went from 199 to 155 and looking at myself the same way!! (Then I lost hope and gained it back..). All I suggest is self love! No matter your body shape at this MOMENT learn to love what ya got!0
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Congratulations on 40 pounds!
It's all in self awareness, I believe. I've lost 30 pounds and I feel like since I had to break down my wall of denial that I went ahead and acknowledged everything else that I saw wrong. Now my self esteem has tanked. I don't think it correlates with weight. Confidence comes from happiness!0 -
Like previous posts, it varies from person to person. there are days when i am happy with how I look but then there are days when i hate looking in the mirror. it will take a while before my self esteem fully catches up with me.0
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I am in the same boat. Sometimes i feel good and other times i start feeling like crap and start thinking i have huge belly.
When i had a personal trainer my co-worker said you need a psychiatrist not a personal trainer.0 -
something i've noticed...
people will invest in their bodies. exercise, fuel, nurture.
then do nothing for their minds, yet still expect results.
Yes, you hit the nail on the head yourself. You said that mom's been giving you a lifetime of comments that you have been ignoring. But these comments can become incorperated into our personal scripts about ourselves. It took time to develop those scripts. It takes time to rewrite them.
THIS!!!! I am in the same boat as you. As a matter of fact most of the time my low self esteem sabotages my weight loss. I have spent my life feeling like if I just lost the weight everything would be better, to include me. I'll be cuter, smarter, funnier, less awkward, and fit in with the "cool people". Thing is I lose the weight and start to get close to goal and then panic because I realize I'm not cuter, smarter, funnier, less awkward and the "cool" people still don't think I'm cool. This time around I have focused on my physical fitness and this has helped a great deal. I'm doing things I never thought I could do. I'm getting stronger in every sense of the word. I'm learning more about myself and my capabilities and this is changing how I view myself. The mental aspect of weight loss is even slower to change than the physical but if you keep at it it will change. Love and nurture yourself just like you would your loved ones! Good luck to you!
I've also learned that the "cool" people aren't really all that cool.0 -
I really appreciate the feedback. I can say that when I was heavier I always had great self esteem...and not in a "faking it" kind of way. Maybe it was the last heavier picture I saw that deflated that a little. I do like the idea of taking progress pictures, maybe that's just what I need to really see me because I just see the old me in the mirror. I have also been hanging on to the old clothes, until I get to my goal. I'm sure this doesn't help my perception.
I really like having the different points of view. THANK YOU!!!0 -
There are days/times/hours when I feel really, really proud about my progress....40 lbs is equivalent to a small child and I feel great about losing this (halfway to my ultimate goal). I've gone from a size 22-24 into a 16 and I'm almost out of the 200's with my weight, which almost makes me cry with joy.
My husband is super supportive and always complimentary...even my MOM (who's comments I've spent a lifetime ignoring) is complimentary.
Why do I sometimes feel like I haven't lost anything? I'm working on firming the flab, but sometimes I look at myself and I don't see any changes. I keep telling myself that I need to work harder, do more...something. When do my brain and self esteem catch up to reality?
Congrats on all your progress thus far!! WOW!
I think sometimes we get discouraged BECAUSE we've done so much...and still aren't "finished". Maintaining motivation or positive self-esteem is something a lot of us struggle with...may I suggest taking weekly measurements? The scale is not really our friend, and hardly reflects all the changes/progress you're making. Measurements are more telling. Progress pics maybe aren't a bad idea....but you gotta get rid of the "security blankets" (i.e. old clothes)!0 -
I lost a lot of weight around 10 years ago, and I still haven't caught up mentally. I think probably because kids stared at me at school so much because I was so overweight, and now people stare at me in the street still. My friends say it's for good reasons, but it still makes me feel like crap. I'd prefer people not to stare at all
As other people have said, I think it's probably a self-esteem thing.0 -
I think most people on here, especially us girls, will admit to feeling the same.
I was actually thinking only last night, straight after my workout, that I felt totally dejected. I'm lifting at home at the moment, so of course going back and forth from the mirror the whole time. Sometimes I feel like a fitness Goddess, other times I look and say 'why am I bothering?'. I think with patience comes self-esteem. No one, NO ONE, wakes up every single day, punches the air and says 'YES, I LOOK GOOOOOD!' (well, maybe some).
I'd say focus on what you've achieved. You started your post with the right mental attitude. You've done a hell of a lot. I don't know you, and I admire you, I know how far I've come, and you've done more than that. Think about how proud you are to get to this point, and be excited that you're still doing it.
Add me if you like All the best! 0 -
There are days/times/hours when I feel really, really proud about my progress....40 lbs is equivalent to a small child and I feel great about losing this (halfway to my ultimate goal). I've gone from a size 22-24 into a 16 and I'm almost out of the 200's with my weight, which almost makes me cry with joy.
My husband is super supportive and always complimentary...even my MOM (who's comments I've spent a lifetime ignoring) is complimentary.
Why do I sometimes feel like I haven't lost anything? I'm working on firming the flab, but sometimes I look at myself and I don't see any changes. I keep telling myself that I need to work harder, do more...something. When do my brain and self esteem catch up to reality?
I would like to know this too. I went from a size 18 to an 8/10 and I still feel really fat. I could stand to lose 30 more pounds since I have a small frame and should really be around a 2/4 but I feel just as fat now as I did when I was a size 18. No one in my life seems to understand why I feel this way. How long until we stop feeling fat?0 -
I read somewhere that it can take up to a year for every ten pounds you lose for your emotional self to recognize or acclimate to the loss. I whole heartedly agree with the "fake it till you make it" notion. But sometimes it can be really hard. Especially if body dismorphia is involved. Example I knew I was overweight and needed to do something about it yet always felt like in the mirror I wasn't that bad. It isn't until I see the BIG picture in photographs
where I would be shocked and disgusted with myself. I've been dedicated to changing my way of life for the past three months and if anything my rose tinted glasses seem shattered. I am losing weight and looking better but I see my flaws more than ever. Is it just a byproduct of accepting the problem of my weight as something I can change and losing the buffer of denial? I don't know, but my confidence needs just as much work as my body. 0 -
Hi, I've only just started to try to lose weight again but have managed to lose alot of weight in the past. I remember feeling very low at times when I should have been over the moon with how well I had done. At the time, I thought this was because I was finally giving myself some attention and not focusing on other people all the time. I had spent years not looking in mirror etc and now I was having to confront and deal with all the reasons I was overweight. I made a real effort to get support from other people and have a more positive outlook. Although, I didn't manage to keep the weight off, I feel my head is in a much better place now. Wishing you loads of luck, you have done fantastic so far but you just need to keep reminding yourself.0
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do any of you ever think about therapy or counselling? or perhaps even medication? at the very least, self help books written by respected professionals?
if mental and emotional issues are stopping you from living happy & fulfilling lives then you shouldn't just ignore them in the hope they'll fix themselves.
the only regret i have ever had about investing in my mental and emotional health? leaving it so long before i sought help.0 -
My self esteem isn't so much the issue as my mind's eye. I feel good, I'm definitely proud, but there are times when I just don't "see" myself and it can bring me down just a bit....but I always pop back. I really think progress pictures are going to help!0
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I think most people on here, especially us girls, will admit to feeling the same.
I was actually thinking only last night, straight after my workout, that I felt totally dejected. I'm lifting at home at the moment, so of course going back and forth from the mirror the whole time. Sometimes I feel like a fitness Goddess, other times I look and say 'why am I bothering?'. I think with patience comes self-esteem. No one, NO ONE, wakes up every single day, punches the air and says 'YES, I LOOK GOOOOOD!' (well, maybe some).
I'd say focus on what you've achieved. You started your post with the right mental attitude. You've done a hell of a lot. I don't know you, and I admire you, I know how far I've come, and you've done more than that. Think about how proud you are to get to this point, and be excited that you're still doing it.
Add me if you like All the best!
ahh...good ol' patience. It's a virtue, right?0
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