Needing to vent.. disappointed in myself.

HockeyWifey

Hey there everyone.. I just need to get this off my chest.

I am always KNOWINGLY failing at this journey. I once lost 65 pounds on Weight Watchers. After some very dark years I gained this weight back. It's too expensive for me to do WW at this point in my life, so I wanted to try out MyFitness Pal.

I will do so well all day. Eating well, eating small meals, chugging water, trying to get my steps in.. then I get home and all I want to do is stuff my face with everything in my way. Veggies, fruit, chips, ice cream, lunch meat.. ANYTHING! While I am doing it, I literally am fighting with myself. "self what are you doing? You did so good all day!" - "Too bad, this taste good, it's fine." I narrowed it down to the fact that I feel comfort in feeling full. I have stress in my personal life, on top of trying to be healthy as well. I am just so mad at myself. I have started this journey more times that I can remember.. and I never stay on track.

I guess some encouragement that others have been through this, and overcame it would be nice. Just feeling almost like I won't ever get out of this slump. I want to lose this weight, feel healthy, tone up and be finally happy with myself again.

Nessiechickie

I'm horrible for this. I'm the worst for having no appetite or I get to busy at work and I don't eat during day but then just eat everything after 4PM. I'm focusing on little snacks every 2ish hours. It helps. When I get home I make sure to have glass of water to sip on so I'm not munching. If I have to eat because I'm starving my favorite is pickles, olives (low calories)

PrincessWarior

Hi
I understand you 100%. I'm the same way, doing so good all day and once I enter my house I go directly to the fridge.

999tigger

If and when you wnat it enough you will do it. You dont sound committed enough in that you really want it, understand what it takes and are prepared to follow the required course of action.

• Take responsibility for what you consume. Dont make excuses.
• Find different ways of dealing with stress, both exercise and the feeling you are making progress will give you postives that could be stress reducing.
• If you feel comfort in feeling full then find foods that satiate you but without th calorie hit.
• If you are an emotional eater hen find a strategy to deal with it, which will probably need you to tackle the underlying reasons as as well as develop a strategy to do soemthing other than eat your feelings at times of stress and upset.

Just get smart, break it down into its component parts, understand weight loss by reading up and then put in place a plan thats simple to follow but will give you success. Follow the plan and lose weight by being consistent one day and one lb at a time.

amya72

Huh - nice to know I'm not alone in this!

jemhh

What is your daily calorie goal? Many times people see the 2 pound a week option and choose it automatically because they want to get the weight off ASAP. The problem with that is, especially with women, your daily calorie goal is going to be quite low (often 1200 calories.) This can be very restrictive and lead to you going off plan due to a lot of hunger.

My suggestion to most women with less than 75 pounds to lose is to choose a goal of .5 or 1 pound per week. That will give you a base calorie goal that should be filling enough that you don't end up feeling extremely hungry. Eat within that calorie goal. Aim for a well rounded diet, with plenty of nutritious foods, but also allow yourself treat-type foods. And keep in mind that there are plenty of crossover foods that can be seen as treats but also provide good nutrition. This is one reason why a lot of MFPers urge posters not to look at foods as healthy vs non-healthy and instead to look at your diet as a whole and realize that there is room for ice cream, pizza, etc.

I'll also suggest that you might do better by eating more calories earlier in the day. Eating a larger breakfast or lunch, or fitting in a snack or two before you get home, will help you not to feel as hungry later in the day. Different people like to set up their meals differently but it does sound like fewer calories early in the day is not working for you.

knitapeace

SO normal!! Things that have helped me are making sure to be busy after work (kids help! LOL!) and making sure I portion out things I eat when I get home just like when I'm packing my lunch and snacks for the workday. If I'm hungry while making dinner I measure out one serving of Popchips into a bowl and eat them slowly. The only way you fail is if you fall down and don't get back up again, so please don't give up!

MrsCaitlinBeltran

One thing that has helped me become successful has been to forget the idea that I have to be motivated a hundred percent of the time. It's just not going to happen, lol. Motivation will come and go, so in order to be successful and stay on track, it takes determination, self-control and consistency. I obviously don't have all the answers, but my advice to you would be to first: stop blaming and being negative about yourself--it certainly doesn't help you achieve anything, right? Lol. Second: Reevaluate the path to your goal-maybe you're trying to do too much all at once. Third: Make a budget friendly meal plan and stick to it for one week and go from there-Anyone can do anything for 7 days. Fourth: If you mess up and end up eating the whole kitchen, big flippin' deal, do better the next day and get over the guilt. Five: Really work on gaining more confidence--you absolutely need to be more positive. Also, try not to associate being happy in life with your weight--lol I know, harder than it sounds, but it's important that you learn to value yourself regardless of what the scale says. It sounds like you're sweet, smart and wonderful person so you should be happy with yourself for those reasons. I sincerely wish you all the best and hope you accomplish everything you set your mind to!

blb85

jemhh wrote: »

What is your daily calorie goal? Many times people see the 2 pound a week option and choose it automatically because they want to get the weight off ASAP. The problem with that is, especially with women, your daily calorie goal is going to be quite low (often 1200 calories.) This can be very restrictive and lead to you going off plan due to a lot of hunger.

My suggestion to most women with less than 75 pounds to lose is to choose a goal of .5 or 1 pound per week. That will give you a base calorie goal that should be filling enough that you don't end up feeling extremely hungry. Eat within that calorie goal. Aim for a well rounded diet, with plenty of nutritious foods, but also allow yourself treat-type foods. And keep in mind that there are plenty of crossover foods that can be seen as treats but also provide good nutrition. This is one reason why a lot of MFPers urge posters not to look at foods as healthy vs non-healthy and instead to look at your diet as a whole and realize that there is room for ice cream, pizza, etc.

I'll also suggest that you might do better by eating more calories earlier in the day. Eating a larger breakfast or lunch, or fitting in a snack or two before you get home, will help you not to feel as hungry later in the day. Different people like to set up their meals differently but it does sound like fewer calories early in the day is not working for you.

^^ This completely. You just need to be more honest with yourself. Make sure to log EVERYTHING, even the indulgents. This way you can realistically see where your calorie intake is at. I agree too, that maybe you should look up the TDEE method, if you haven't already. Try and eat every 2 hours a small meal/snack so you are not starving and looking to binge when you get home. Get rid of the food you indulge in at home so it's not there to binge on, ask your husband to supportive of your goals and stop you from overeating, etc.

Remember, you are doing this for you. Remind yourself of your goals.

alpine1994

This was definitely how I gained weight in the first place. I would do the same thing as you: stand there shoveling food into my mouth thinking "what are you doing!?". I also take comfort in feeling full. I lost the weight (slowly but surely) and kept it off for 3.5 years, but every day I have to renew my motivation to succeed. Motivation doesn't just exist. Every day (and throughout the day) I have to make a conscious decision that I am going to eat well today because it makes me feel better mentally and physically, it makes me perform better in my workouts/training, and makes me feel like I am in control of my life. Of course I fall off track every now and then but I make sure to pick it right back up when I start feeling crappy and out of control. Force yourself to stay away from the fridge after work for one day. Tell yourself YOU are in control, not the fridge! The next morning, pat yourself on the back because you are the bomb, and do it again. One day at a time. You got this!

dubird

First off, check your calorie goal, make sure it's not too low. A lot of people set it really low to start, and then are always hungry. Use an online calculator to double check MFP.

Second, try spreading out your calories over the course of the day. Some people do better with many small meals than a few large meals. You might be one. Decide how you want to divide them up and plan your meals around that. The meals may be smaller, but eating more times might be what you need to keep from being as hungry.

Third, you don't mention exercise. I don't know if you do, but if you don't, you don't have to exercise to lose weight. I lost most of mine with just watching my calories in. Exercise is good for a lot of other reasons, but is not necessary for weight loss. So if your schedule is full, don't stress about not being able to fit in any exercise. Watch your calories in and go from there.

Fourth, you need to discover your OWN motivation. This is something I see a lot of people struggle with, me included. You can spout out things that people have told you, like you need to be healthier, but unless it's a reason that comes from a good, honest look at yourself, it's not going to sustain you. Example: I knew I needed to lose weight. My doctor told me to lose weight. I tried a couple of times, but just gave up. It wasn't until we got our wedding pictures back that it hit me: I was fat in them. That bothered me a lot, (still does to be honest) and I decided I didn't want that for myself. I wanted to be able to look in the mirror and recognize myself, and I really didn't with that extra weight. That was my reason and motivation. All it took when I wanted to give up was thinking of our wedding pictures to keep me on track. So you need to find YOUR OWN reason for weight loss, be it getting healthy or something simpler. That will help a lot more than just going with what others are saying.

Basically, keep in mind this is not a diet. You are working to change your eating habits to sustain you for the rest of your life. It's long, slow process, but effective. Over time, I've been able to relax my logging to mostly estimates because I've gotten better at seeing what a serving should be, as well as my body willing to be full after eating a smaller portion. By changing my eating habits and retraining my brain and body to what a portion actually is, I've gotten to a comfortable position in my weight range, and that was done without cutting out ANYTHING I was eating before. I eat less overall, but if I want a cookie, I eat the damn cookie and log it! XD

That's not to say the journey will be sunshine and roses. You will make mistakes: going over by accident, unexpected dinners out, etc. That doesn't make you a failure, it makes you human. Learn to forgive yourself, log it, and start fresh the next day. It will only sabotage you if you let it. I've had days where I'm sick or just don't feel good all over. Sometimes on those days, I basically say *kitten* it and eat what I want. But I log it and start over the next day. Once I learned this, things became a LOT easier!

HockeyWifey

Oh my.. you guys are amazing! The advice that I am getting from this post is so heartfelt. Thank you for taking the time to help and your kind words of encouragement.

I have my MFP set at losing 1 pound a week. The calories for my height and weight are set at 1630 a day, which is not the issue. The issue is mindless eating. Whether I am hungry or not. I need to take more responsibility for what I am doing and not make excuses, y'all are absolutely right.

I always say I need to stop being so lazy.. and I really just need to. It comes down to that. There is no one else to blame but myself. I think having others talk to me about it helps. My husband God bless him, will tell me every single day I am fine the way I am, he loves me no matter what size. Which (obviously) is a blessing for him to love me for the way I am. But in that case, I never hear stop being lazy, don't make excuses... because I never hear it. And I say to myself well if hes happy then you can just settle.

I am done settling.. I am done! I can do this! Thanks guys

urloved33

self sabotaging sucks and I know it so well. forgiveness of self

dubird

HockeyWifey wrote: »

Oh my.. you guys are amazing! The advice that I am getting from this post is so heartfelt. Thank you for taking the time to help and your kind words of encouragement.

I have my MFP set at losing 1 pound a week. The calories for my height and weight are set at 1630 a day, which is not the issue. The issue is mindless eating. Whether I am hungry or not. I need to take more responsibility for what I am doing and not make excuses, y'all are absolutely right.

I always say I need to stop being so lazy.. and I really just need to. It comes down to that. There is no one else to blame but myself. I think having others talk to me about it helps. My husband God bless him, will tell me every single day I am fine the way I am, he loves me no matter what size. Which (obviously) is a blessing for him to love me for the way I am. But in that case, I never hear stop being lazy, don't make excuses... because I never hear it. And I say to myself well if hes happy then you can just settle.

I am done settling.. I am done! I can do this! Thanks guys

Habit snacking is the worst! What I did was to identify when it happened. For me, it was when I was on the computer or watching tv. So I did a couple of things. One was to not keep any snack foods in those areas. It's in the kitchen put away, so if I want something, I gotta stop what I'm doing and go get it. I've found that if I'm not really hungry, I let myself be lazy and don't get it. XD Another thing is to find something to do with your hands. If I'm sketching, like at game or something, I don't get hungry. My hands and brain are occupied at a task that requires at least some concentration, so the habit doesn't strike then. It's not a perfect system, but I find ways to make my laziness a positive thing, and not wanting to go downstairs for a snack if I'm not actually hungry does work. ^_^

Also, you need to get your husband onboard. Not joining what you do, but if a certain junk food always triggers habit snacking, banish it from the house. Even if it's something he likes too. He can go get it somewhere and eat it however he wants, but if it's not in the house, it'll be easier to tame your habit down. But don't force him to follow what you're doing if he doesn't want to. Just limit your portions, try and cook healthier meals, and let him eat how he wants to. Make sure he knows that you don't expect him to change his eating habits if he doesn't want to! While it's easier to do if your SO joins you, forcing them to can cause friction.

ashleesaid

Try planning all of your dinners. That way when you get home from work you know exactly what you're going to cook and there will hopefully be less temptation to eat. Also, I go to the gym right after work and it honestly keeps me from snacking because I get home, shower and basically start cooking right then. No opportunity to snack!

alcsr830

Planning your meals and discipline your self is the key,i go to the gym in the a.m and work mid afternoon till the evening,and my snacks are low calorie with plenty of water,being active is the key that way if you have a solid routine by time it's time to go to bed maybe a light snack 30-1hr before and you should do fine.

wrabbit007

This is EXACTLY what I do! I kick butt all day long and instead of relaxing in the evening and being proud of my accomplishments, I just focus on how I feel hungry. Its okay to feel a little hungry, but I can't seem to wrap my brain around it. I know what I have to do - drink some water, have a bath, just go to bed, brush my teeth - but instead I self-sabotage. And once I start, I get mad at myself and adopt a "Well, I don't care" attitude (but deep down I DO care, a lot!). I frustrate myself! But I am not giving up! Anyone in the mountain time zone (North America) and willing to be my evening 'coach' and yell at me if I have the urge to start snacking mindlessly?

shadowfax_c11

It is a good start to know what you are doing. Now you need to get to the why are you doing it.

Why do you feel the urge to eat, when you know you are not hungry or that it is bad for you? What are you getting out of it? Is it comfort? Trying to fill a need for physical comfort? How is your living situation? Do you have a tidy home?How are your relationships? Your life in general? Are you really hungry or are you lonely? Bored? Suffering from depression, anxiety, stress?

Over eating has a psychological component. stop. It could mean that you have to face up to some things that could be difficult to admit to yourself. But until you figure out why you eat, you can't find out how to stop.

This is a very personal and individual thing. No one here is going to be able to tell you what you personally need to work on.

arlshar

I too have been binging after losing 5 lbs at the beginning of the month, now I'm afraid I'm probably gaining it back, I have a lot to lose, and have such trouble doing the right things day after day. I'm stressed depressed, tense etc.

vanessalillian82

Just realised how long this comment is, so sorry about that!

That used to be me. I feel for you. Not just the stuff that was in the house, either - I'd go to the supermarket with that burning desire to buy all this crap and eat it, and I was definitely fighting myself and losing. I don't have the magic bullet for you that will let you win the fight, because it has to come from inside of you, but things that have worked for me as a general rule include:

- ditch the guilt associated with eating "bad" foods or snacking. Food is not inherently evil, it's just food. The only thing that makes it "bad" is that it doesn't fit in with our goals. A little bit, sometimes, is okay, as long as it fits in with your goals

- redefine your goals, and make sure they are tangible, measurable and realistic. Weight is certainly an indicator of progress but it's not my personal holy grail anymore. My goal is for a long, healthy and happy life, not quick weight loss. Feeling healthier and more energetic is tangible. Making better choices most of the time is realistic. My measurables are success or failure at things like "don't eat deep fried foods when I go out for dinner" (I know I will go out for dinner because I’m not a hermit, and that I will probably eat more than my calorie limit, but I can still make better choices within that space), or "go to the gym three times per week and do something a little bit better than last time" (because just showing up can be a fight, but once you’re there you can make it count). I still weigh in, but I care more about the higher weight I can lift this week or that my clothes look better on me than I do about my weight

- your words - "trying to be healthy" - it's not all or nothing, sink or swim. It sounds like “trying” to be healthy could be stressing you out, which may contribute to you to snacking uncontrollably. Change the way you define success or failure, and be kind to yourself. Healthier choices, most of the time

- stress in your personal life – I speak from a LOT of experience when I say that if your mental health is out of whack (from stress) then it is harder to keep your physical health in check. Either remove yourself from the stressful factors, or change your patterns of responding to them. Ignoring them or repressing them won't make it go away. A counsellor helped for me – I went there to talk about my eating, and I came away learning more about myself and why I behave or respond the way I do within relationships (including those with my family). Having awareness around that has put me in control

- it sounds like it might help if you didn’t keep snack foods in the house. If you feed your binge urges with carrots not lunch meat or ice cream, sooner or later the association with the “reward” (sugar/fat) component will fade, and those foods will become less appealing. Hard to believe but it’s true – we’re so wired in this society to associate fatty or sugary food with reward, but now that I’ve broken that association a big piece of cake makes me feel all weird and buzzy instead of blissed out, and chips make me feel quite ill if I have more than a couple.

Good luck, and go easy on yourself!

fiddletime

I keep a bag of plain (boring) almonds in the cupboard and eat 5 for a snack. I log my 5. I ignore my husband's chips, because we all know nobody can eat just one! I get home from work and eat dinner right away. That's a really big help to what you're describing. If I had to wait, though, I'd make a salad and fill myself up on that. If you log and look at the calories in most fast and yummy foods, it just isn't worth it to eat them.

kallemann67

There is a book I read a while back called Willpower. It's the science behind it - the chemistry and physiology that makes it last longer for some over others. Obviously if you have the ability to maintain a longer willpower that results in a better discipline which affects emotional motivation and of course successful output. Once one begins to change the chemistry of the energy source - reduce fats and sugars, amend calorie intake and expenditure that tax on your system will challenge your willpower 'fuel'. Don't forget that the other life challenges you face are already chipping away at your willpower reserves.

You sound very hard on yourself OP. Understand that you may be working at full capacity right now. Eating yourself out of house and home by the end of the day is a tell tale sign that your willpower has completely depleted and in order to rebuild it you require the food intake. The science of willpower is extremely interesting and unfortunately overlooked too often by people trying to make a life change and feeling they are missing the mark.

You may have to reduce the demand on your system. Change your caloric reduction to more midest change levels. Exercise not so much in an athletic manner but simply in a movement manner.

Cold turkey actions may be a set up for failure and disappointment. Small goals, even really small goals might save your willpower to succeed another day.

chickiechickie

I do this myself, I don't know why. I've always kind of been a binge eater. I do it when I'm stressed but I've also realized that I do it as a reward. It's totally counter-intuitive. "Yay, I was healthy today! Eat all the things!"

LokiDokiArtichoki

I feel you. That's why I'm in OA (it's kind of a last resort and I'm not religious/spiritual by any means but it's helping. there are people in the groups that know how broken and hopeless I've felt and that helps me not feel so alone in my struggles).

124valerie

I am Weight Watchers too, I lost 50 13 years ago and I am up 21pounds. I used to binge after work too, I would be tired and overwhelmed from working all day but also immediate bored and un- stimulated. Sometimes I would also be angry from not being able to speak my mind at work with a boss or client, and I would seak justification in food somehow.

I challenge you to explore the cause behind the binges and the self defeating nature of it. Perhaps you do just love being full but perhaps it's something else, and maybe it changes. You may need to simply be more realistic in your goals and eating regimen. Good luck! And-- you can do this.

shaddowstorm

I do the same thing go so well all day and then I go see my bf after work and he keeps wanting to go out for tea of get take away and on top of that junk food.

when I met him I was 60kgs now I'm 67kgs can't blame him he's not forcing food down my throat.

I surprise myself how much I can eat.

In 1 night I had KFC (zinger burger, 2 wicked wings, popcorn chicken, chips and potato and gravy plus a drink) after all that I had ice cream and a 170g packet of salt and vinegar chips and then some chocolate.

I still can't believe I ate all that, I did feel sick by the end of the night but it doesn't turn me off from eating junk food another night which it should. I had stomach pains all the next day and didn't eat until 3pm.

Weighed myself to scare myself back into being healthy

RoadtotheRAN

You also need to remember why are on this journey and what you want to achieve. If you really want to achieve your goals that you've set, you'll stay on track no matter what.

tomatoey

If you're finding yourself grabbing whatever's around (veggies, fruit, chips, ice cream, lunch meat, whatever), it does sound like the planning piece isn't totally there, and I totally agree that that will make a real difference. No judgement, it's all a learning process.

Drop the deficit down to -0.5/lb a week, and consider planning your meals this way: eat more protein (at least 6-8 oz/meal, of meat, if you eat it), fat, and fiber (at least 22 grams a day). If you like beans and legumes, they are a really filling source of fiber (& they have protein, too). Have things you love that don't meet those criteria so you don't feel deprived, but fit them around that kind of plan.

Some people just have good appetites. The only way I can net 1600 is if I burn 300 off 1900 gross, and if I plan my meals so that I'm full. I've still lost over 50 pounds. There's no race you have to win, steady losing is fine.

HockeyWifey

You guys are all giving such great advice! I do need to plan my dinners. That's a problem that I have. i need to become more organized in this journey. This is really important to me.. I want this. I am getting my head back in the game and quiet honestly all of your responses helped a lot! It gave me some good ideas, and kicked the negativity out of my head. My husband also said he agrees, he needs to do a little more on his part. He could definitely eat healthier and he said that himself.

Thank you all for your encouragement. It has helped me see the light so to speak lol I am looking forward to sharing results

kthompson601

I totally hear you! Part of my problem, and maybe yours, is eating out of HABIT. It was always my habit to start snacking as soon as I got home. I would meander into the kitchen, get some crackers or chips, and munch munch munch all night long.

It has taken some time for me to develop a new habit of immediately going to exercise. Now when I get home, I immediately change into my work out clothes and grab my iPod. My habit is not to grab food anymore, it is to go to the gym and workout. After working out, I'm gross and need a shower, and after a shower I always have a sit down regular meal, not just snacks out of the cupboards. Now being active is my habit over sitting down and munching right from the box.

Maybe trying a new habit would work for you. If for example you find you always eat popcorn while watching TV, try a different habit. You could sub in gum or a glass of water. Or get physical, and walk in place or do crunches during commercials. If you find you always crave something sweet at 8 pm, try eating some grapes or a piece of dark chocolate instead of ice cream or cookies. These small habit changes can make a big difference!

scyian

We all develop habits. The comfort of feeling full may have originally stemmed from something years ago, even from childhood, and you now have to try and create new habits. For me when PMT kicks in it's into the gym and attack the punchbag rather than attack the biscuit tin. It's hard work but if you keep doing things more and more they become ingrained and become your new habits.

Meal planning helps me a lot (and my shopping bill), I know exactly what's I'm eating and I won't pick up offers and food I don't need.

Lastly if you're stressed you do need to work on the weight on your shoulders too. Stress will hamper weight loss and you need to look at what's causing your stress and do your best to remove it. Make sure you're getting enough sleep too as that will make a great difference. I was in a bad job and use to eat out or frustration, stress, boredom but I changed jobs and I'm now slowly making changes and new habits.

Good luck!