I've been fat and I've been thin

beverlyjlarson

sarahlifts wrote: »

Sales people are always at the ready when I shop. When I was 220lbs it almost felt as if I were in the store alone looking for someone to help me.

I've noticed the same thing. I've been in stores looking at clothing and no sales people ask if I need assistance. A thin person walks in and they're all over her.
I usually end up walking out without purchasing anything.

Vune

I've been 4 lbs underweight and almost 20 lbs overweight, according to bmi charts. When I was 4 lbs underweight, my nephrologist threatened to hospitalize me for anorexia if I lost anymore weight. I went home with a prescription for ensure bars, which I happily ate (I lost weight due to illness and a renal diet, not anorexia, nervosa or not). I was told I had that sexy, skinny heroin chic, and that I should be an underwear model.

My doctors said nothing both times my weight has shot up into overweight territory. They've barely even worried that my blood pressure inched right up with the weight! After I lost 20 lbs this spring, I mentioned it to my nephrologist. He said, and I kid you not, that he thought it would be rude to comment on someone's weight!

The top two causes of kidney failure are high blood pressure and diabetes! When your doctor doesn't feel comfortable telling you that your weight could cost you your kidney transplant (or your kidney, if you're a normal person), I guess that's good for the dialysis industry. But your doctor shouldn't be embarrassed to talk about your weight. It's effing dangerous.

There's a place between "thin privilege" and "fat acceptance," but we Americans love conflict and polarizing ideas. I'd like to find that happy are where we can have a dialogue about health issues again, but I don't want to hurt and alienate people. I really worry about some of my overweight friends. I want to scream, "You had a stroke at 16! You're amazing, but some of that excess fat you're carrying is living on your brain!" I can't and I don't because I'm not a doctor and I have a filter. But if your doctor can't, either?

Not the story you were looking for about being treated differently. Socially, I felt I got more positive attention as a blonde. My social problems have always stemmed from never learning how to care about myself. That was more difficult as a person who couldn't fit into my clothes and couldn't afford new ones, which turned me into a raging witch. I never considered myself discriminated against for my size.

AriesGal329

lemurcat12 wrote: »

I feel like I get treated better when I'm thinner -- not that I was treated badly before, but much more the feeling invisible thing -- but it's really hard to separate out how much is me presenting differently or seeming more confident or less awkward.

For example, I recall being quite heavy and interacting with a woman in my career around the same weight and being really impressed with how she seemed so confident and carried herself well and dressed well, all things I know I was not great at when fat (in particular I should have dressed better -- I never even learned where to buy decent clothes in my size because I was intent on punishing myself by refusing to buy clothes until I lost the weight).

On my way down I felt good and started treating myself better, so when I was 5'3 and, say, 160 -- a weight I'd felt terrible at on the way up -- I felt good and confident and already noticed the better treatment. I wouldn't say I've noticed it being much different between then and now (at 125).

GREAT point. Sometimes it is probably the vibes I'm giving off as not being confident.

AriesGal329

LOL James Taylor.....

WBB55

One thing I've noticed is that people are more confused/put off by my shyness. Now it gets misinterpreted as me being disinterested or a b1tch. I tell people sometimes to imagine me 100 lbs heavier, then it'll be clearer that I'm just a nerdy, shy introvert who escaped into books for years and years to avoid scrutiny and negative comments and never really built up self esteem regarding looks.

MsJulesRenee

WBB55 wrote: »

One thing I've noticed is that people are more confused/put off by my shyness. Now it gets misinterpreted as me being disinterested or a b1tch. I tell people sometimes to imagine me 100 lbs heavier, then it'll be clearer that I'm just a nerdy, shy introvert who escaped into books for years and years to avoid scrutiny and negative comments and never really built up self esteem regarding looks.

Oh yes, same here!!
I was considerably heavier than even now when I was in high school. I notice that obese people actually treat me worse now because they probably think I'm some stuck up, blonde bimbo. In reality I was the same weight as them at one time and am still a huge bookworm. I don't judge them at all. I wish I can mention that to them, on the side, but I wouldn't know how to without looking rude...

Blueseraphchaos

jemhh wrote: »

I'm not sure if people treated me differently or not. I've never experienced the getting hit on thing, thin, fat, or thin again. I have been told that I look unapproachable, which I believe because I'm fairly introverted and tend not to want to talk to people unless I need to so I suppose I probably give off that vibe, but I am attempting to smile more, etc. People do seem to respond to that but it skews any comparison I can make about fat me vs nonfat me.

this describes me, although i don't bother making the attempt to smile more...yeah. haha

karyabc

try to be 300 lbs and almost your height ... before it was like me against the world, since I've being fat/obese my whole life I just build my personality around that to be quite honest--> AKA a very independent, self sufficient woman.

now it's like whoa people actually know the words 'miss do you need any help? or hey let me just hold the door for you, or whoa I don't know you but I'm going to make you a joke, or oh miss you seem to have less items than me, please take my spot in the line.

before I could pass with the stigma of I'm fat so I must be shy now the true is coming out, I'm just a b!tch ?

steponebyone

lauragreenbaum148 wrote: »

And I've realized that people DO treat you very differently. It's not a fair world because inside I am exactly the same person. I am 5ft 3inches, and currently weigh about 157 and am working to get back to my goal weight of 135 (I'm curvy, so for me that is a low enough weight!)

6 years ago I weighed 160 pounds- my highest. I joined WW and was very strict about it, plus worked out daily. I lost almost too much weight, and got down to 127 in 4 months. The difference in the way people treated me was remarkable. I went from a size 12 to a 6. Salespeople were friendlier; men took notice and smiled at me. Even though I was married, I got hit on a lot. Basically I was made to feel like a "better" person; people actually valued me more just because I was thin. My then husband was thrilled to show me off. Even he treated me differently.

I gained most of the weight back (I'm currently 157). Though it took a few years to gain the weight, I've been at a higher weight now for around 3 years. During this time I've felt somewhat invisible. Strangers will pass me like I'm not even there. Men rarely take notice. And again....I'm the same person. It's frustrating and sometimes I feel angry when I think about how differently we're treated just because of some extra pounds.

I'm sure others have had this experience, and I'd love to hear your stories!

Just a thought... Could it also be when you lost the extra lbs, you gained a bit more confidence in yourself, your stride was a little different, and people may have taken a notice to that? I'm just asking because I used to be 20lbs less and I felt more confident in my body and the way I saw myself. My whole self esteem improved, and I think the confidence was what people noticed and were drawn to. I definitely got asked out more before and was complimented for my figure. Since I gained 20lbs, I wear baggies clothes to hide the extra weight, and I think I lost a bit of that extra pep in my step. This was just my experience anyway. Striving to get that pep back, whether 20lbs less or not!

Lourdesong

karyabc wrote: »

try to be 300 lbs and almost your height ... before it was like me against the world, since I've being fat/obese my whole life I just build my personality around that to be quite honest--> AKA a very independent, self sufficient woman.

now it's like whoa people actually know the words 'miss do you need any help? or hey let me just hold the door for you, or whoa I don't know you but I'm going to make you a joke, or oh miss you seem to have less items than me, please take my spot in the line.

before I could pass with the stigma of I'm fat so I must be shy now the true is coming out, I'm just a b!tch ?

Unless you're encountering 2 different behaviors from the same set of strangers, all you are doing is faulting the friendlier strangers you've encountered for being friendly, as if they would have any earthly idea about your story or weight issues or as if you have any idea that these friendly strangers would treat you differently if you were 100 lbs heavier.

I think it's strange to raise an eyebrow at a friendly salesperson or other friendly strangers due to being ignored by an unfriendly salesperson or unfriendly strangers in your past. And then to infer your weight has anything to do with the behaviors of different sets of strangers sounds to me like allowing your imagination to go right to the negative and the trap of a victim mentality, neither is empowering.

lauracups

You can't change the world. You can change you. Life is full of unfairs, how you meet that is entirely up to you.

rjmudlax13

This is life. People judge you on your appearance. It's not just weight either. I've had to wear glasses since I was 3. I wore glasses when glasses were not "cool," "fashionable" or "hipstery". I got picked on and bullied all the time just for wearing glasses. It was assumed I was just a nerd, loser, etc. It was funny when people assumed I wasn't athletic, but then made the basketball team (despite being relatively short) and was a star on the lacrosse team. If people really got to know me they would say things like "wow I never thought you would be this 'cool' when I first met you."

Life isn't fair. A-holes are everywhere. Just focus on becoming the best self, both inside and outside, that you can become. Don't worry so much what others (especially a-holes) think.

P.S. On the flip side, if you had a perfect body and drop dead good looks there will be plenty of jealous a-holes being mean, etc. to you.

TL;DR: A-holes are everywhere.