I've been fat and I've been thin

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  • Mouse_Potato
    Mouse_Potato Posts: 1,495 Member
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    Interesting. I've not had this experience. If anything, it has been the opposite. I found that women in particular were much friendlier when I was heavier. Men were always friendly, but seemed more... respectful? Also, no one ever commented on my eating habits or my body, but now everything is fair game. I politely declined a slice of cake and was told I needed to put "a little meat" on my bones. If I linger at the vending machine, someone will make some comment about how I shouldn't eat anything in there. It's like my thinner body has become public property to be scrutinized and judged freely.
  • saraherren
    saraherren Posts: 59 Member
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    My highest weight was 200 or higher, and I got down to 122. My mom treats me so differently now that I'm in the 120s as opposed to when I was around 200. I stay in the lower 120s and refuse to let myself to get above 125 because I never want to hear my mom *kitten* and complain at me about my weight.
  • juggernaut1974
    juggernaut1974 Posts: 6,212 Member
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    And now I have James Taylor in my head...

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  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,459 Member
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    The world isn't fair, ppl are biased, so it goes

    Also there s a self fulfilling prophecy (lose weight, feel/dress better, project different things).

    But yes much better reception from strangers when thin & well groomed & open/positive vs overweight & more casually dressed & self conscious, in my experience
  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,459 Member
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    Mouse_Potato wrote: »
    Interesting. I've not had this experience. If anything, it has been the opposite. I found that women in particular were much friendlier when I was heavier. Men were always friendly, but seemed more... respectful? Also, no one ever commented on my eating habits or my body, but now everything is fair game. I politely declined a slice of cake and was told I needed to put "a little meat" on my bones. If I linger at the vending machine, someone will make some comment about how I shouldn't eat anything in there. It's like my thinner body has become public property to be scrutinized and judged freely.

    Oh - yup to all this, actually. Much more sexualized attention from men, some grumpiness from women, more visibility as a certain kind of public object
  • SuggaD
    SuggaD Posts: 1,369 Member
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    I've noticed it too. Part of it is weight, but a big part of it is self-confidence. I have much more self-confidence now that I'm thin again. With the weight loss also came a change in attitude and life view. I have been told I seemed unapproachable when I was obese, and now people who don't know me well assume I'm an extrovert (which is so far from the truth!).
  • azulvioleta6
    azulvioleta6 Posts: 4,196 Member
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    Yep.

    It's expected from strangers, but disheartening how much better friends and family members also treat you when you are thinner.

    I was only very large for a couple of years (due to illness) and noticing this was the only negative part of the experience of getting healthy again.
  • AlexanderAmelia
    AlexanderAmelia Posts: 29 Member
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    I act happier, more confident, and friendlier now than I did when I was fatter. I'm not gonna blame other people for reflecting that back to me. YMMV.
  • PonyTailedLoser
    PonyTailedLoser Posts: 315 Member
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    I noticed that when I lost weight before people were much friendlier. People that I'd known a while and strangers on the street. Since I've regained the weight I had lost (plus a bit more) I've felt very invisible. In most cases I am doing the same things that I did when I was thinner (going on walks, wandering around stores looking lost, etc) but there is much less interactions going on now.
  • dinosaurparty
    dinosaurparty Posts: 185 Member
    edited August 2015
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    I find that the sort of attention I get from men has changed a lot between 190 and 130lbs. Back when I was bigger, I got much more negative attention - like dudes honking or shouting from cars. Cat calls and other bull****. Since losing weight, men seem to treat me with more respect. Like they'll make conversation or complement me if they want to flirt. I don't think that I've had a demeaning comment shouted at me from a car in like 6+ months.


    It's like I'm not a target anymore, so that's nice I guess.
  • beverlyjlarson
    beverlyjlarson Posts: 104 Member
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    sarahlifts wrote: »
    Sales people are always at the ready when I shop. When I was 220lbs it almost felt as if I were in the store alone looking for someone to help me.

    I've noticed the same thing. I've been in stores looking at clothing and no sales people ask if I need assistance. A thin person walks in and they're all over her.
    I usually end up walking out without purchasing anything.
  • Vune
    Vune Posts: 672 Member
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    I've been 4 lbs underweight and almost 20 lbs overweight, according to bmi charts. When I was 4 lbs underweight, my nephrologist threatened to hospitalize me for anorexia if I lost anymore weight. I went home with a prescription for ensure bars, which I happily ate (I lost weight due to illness and a renal diet, not anorexia, nervosa or not). I was told I had that sexy, skinny heroin chic, and that I should be an underwear model.

    My doctors said nothing both times my weight has shot up into overweight territory. They've barely even worried that my blood pressure inched right up with the weight! After I lost 20 lbs this spring, I mentioned it to my nephrologist. He said, and I kid you not, that he thought it would be rude to comment on someone's weight!

    The top two causes of kidney failure are high blood pressure and diabetes! When your doctor doesn't feel comfortable telling you that your weight could cost you your kidney transplant (or your kidney, if you're a normal person), I guess that's good for the dialysis industry. But your doctor shouldn't be embarrassed to talk about your weight. It's effing dangerous.

    There's a place between "thin privilege" and "fat acceptance," but we Americans love conflict and polarizing ideas. I'd like to find that happy are where we can have a dialogue about health issues again, but I don't want to hurt and alienate people. I really worry about some of my overweight friends. I want to scream, "You had a stroke at 16! You're amazing, but some of that excess fat you're carrying is living on your brain!" I can't and I don't because I'm not a doctor and I have a filter. But if your doctor can't, either?

    Not the story you were looking for about being treated differently. Socially, I felt I got more positive attention as a blonde. My social problems have always stemmed from never learning how to care about myself. That was more difficult as a person who couldn't fit into my clothes and couldn't afford new ones, which turned me into a raging witch. I never considered myself discriminated against for my size.
  • AriesGal329
    AriesGal329 Posts: 236 Member
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    lemurcat12 wrote: »
    I feel like I get treated better when I'm thinner -- not that I was treated badly before, but much more the feeling invisible thing -- but it's really hard to separate out how much is me presenting differently or seeming more confident or less awkward.

    For example, I recall being quite heavy and interacting with a woman in my career around the same weight and being really impressed with how she seemed so confident and carried herself well and dressed well, all things I know I was not great at when fat (in particular I should have dressed better -- I never even learned where to buy decent clothes in my size because I was intent on punishing myself by refusing to buy clothes until I lost the weight).

    On my way down I felt good and started treating myself better, so when I was 5'3 and, say, 160 -- a weight I'd felt terrible at on the way up -- I felt good and confident and already noticed the better treatment. I wouldn't say I've noticed it being much different between then and now (at 125).

    GREAT point. Sometimes it is probably the vibes I'm giving off as not being confident.

  • AriesGal329
    AriesGal329 Posts: 236 Member
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    LOL James Taylor..... :)
  • WBB55
    WBB55 Posts: 4,131 Member
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    One thing I've noticed is that people are more confused/put off by my shyness. Now it gets misinterpreted as me being disinterested or a b1tch. I tell people sometimes to imagine me 100 lbs heavier, then it'll be clearer that I'm just a nerdy, shy introvert who escaped into books for years and years to avoid scrutiny and negative comments and never really built up self esteem regarding looks.
  • MsJulesRenee
    MsJulesRenee Posts: 1,180 Member
    edited August 2015
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    WBB55 wrote: »
    One thing I've noticed is that people are more confused/put off by my shyness. Now it gets misinterpreted as me being disinterested or a b1tch. I tell people sometimes to imagine me 100 lbs heavier, then it'll be clearer that I'm just a nerdy, shy introvert who escaped into books for years and years to avoid scrutiny and negative comments and never really built up self esteem regarding looks.

    Oh yes, same here!!
    I was considerably heavier than even now when I was in high school. I notice that obese people actually treat me worse now because they probably think I'm some stuck up, blonde bimbo. In reality I was the same weight as them at one time and am still a huge bookworm. I don't judge them at all. I wish I can mention that to them, on the side, but I wouldn't know how to without looking rude...
  • Blueseraphchaos
    Blueseraphchaos Posts: 843 Member
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    jemhh wrote: »
    I'm not sure if people treated me differently or not. I've never experienced the getting hit on thing, thin, fat, or thin again. I have been told that I look unapproachable, which I believe because I'm fairly introverted and tend not to want to talk to people unless I need to so I suppose I probably give off that vibe, but I am attempting to smile more, etc. People do seem to respond to that but it skews any comparison I can make about fat me vs nonfat me.

    this describes me, although i don't bother making the attempt to smile more...yeah. haha
  • karyabc
    karyabc Posts: 830 Member
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    try to be 300 lbs and almost your height :* ... before it was like me against the world, since I've being fat/obese my whole life I just build my personality around that to be quite honest--> AKA a very independent, self sufficient woman.

    now it's like whoa people actually know the words 'miss do you need any help? or hey let me just hold the door for you, or whoa I don't know you but I'm going to make you a joke, or oh miss you seem to have less items than me, please take my spot in the line.

    :D before I could pass with the stigma of I'm fat so I must be shy now the true is coming out, I'm just a b!tch ?

  • steponebyone
    steponebyone Posts: 123 Member
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    lauragreenbaum148 wrote: »
    And I've realized that people DO treat you very differently. It's not a fair world because inside I am exactly the same person. I am 5ft 3inches, and currently weigh about 157 and am working to get back to my goal weight of 135 (I'm curvy, so for me that is a low enough weight!)

    6 years ago I weighed 160 pounds- my highest. I joined WW and was very strict about it, plus worked out daily. I lost almost too much weight, and got down to 127 in 4 months. The difference in the way people treated me was remarkable. I went from a size 12 to a 6. Salespeople were friendlier; men took notice and smiled at me. Even though I was married, I got hit on a lot. Basically I was made to feel like a "better" person; people actually valued me more just because I was thin. My then husband was thrilled to show me off. Even he treated me differently.

    I gained most of the weight back (I'm currently 157). Though it took a few years to gain the weight, I've been at a higher weight now for around 3 years. During this time I've felt somewhat invisible. Strangers will pass me like I'm not even there. Men rarely take notice. And again....I'm the same person. It's frustrating and sometimes I feel angry when I think about how differently we're treated just because of some extra pounds.

    I'm sure others have had this experience, and I'd love to hear your stories!

    Just a thought... Could it also be when you lost the extra lbs, you gained a bit more confidence in yourself, your stride was a little different, and people may have taken a notice to that? I'm just asking because I used to be 20lbs less and I felt more confident in my body and the way I saw myself. My whole self esteem improved, and I think the confidence was what people noticed and were drawn to. I definitely got asked out more before and was complimented for my figure. Since I gained 20lbs, I wear baggies clothes to hide the extra weight, and I think I lost a bit of that extra pep in my step. This was just my experience anyway. Striving to get that pep back, whether 20lbs less or not!
  • Lourdesong
    Lourdesong Posts: 1,492 Member
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    karyabc wrote: »
    try to be 300 lbs and almost your height :* ... before it was like me against the world, since I've being fat/obese my whole life I just build my personality around that to be quite honest--> AKA a very independent, self sufficient woman.

    now it's like whoa people actually know the words 'miss do you need any help? or hey let me just hold the door for you, or whoa I don't know you but I'm going to make you a joke, or oh miss you seem to have less items than me, please take my spot in the line.

    :D before I could pass with the stigma of I'm fat so I must be shy now the true is coming out, I'm just a b!tch ?

    Unless you're encountering 2 different behaviors from the same set of strangers, all you are doing is faulting the friendlier strangers you've encountered for being friendly, as if they would have any earthly idea about your story or weight issues or as if you have any idea that these friendly strangers would treat you differently if you were 100 lbs heavier.

    I think it's strange to raise an eyebrow at a friendly salesperson or other friendly strangers due to being ignored by an unfriendly salesperson or unfriendly strangers in your past. And then to infer your weight has anything to do with the behaviors of different sets of strangers sounds to me like allowing your imagination to go right to the negative and the trap of a victim mentality, neither is empowering.

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