Lifting and Grief

sistrsprkl

I was about 3 months into SL 5x5 when my husband passed away 3 weeks ago. I haven't worked out since then but think I'm almost ready. I'm emotional and a bit weak from not eating or sleeping enough. Does anyone have experience lifting after serious trauma? I want to get back into it but am afraid of injuring myself, I have 2 small kids. TIA.

sappy42

I have no advice but I'm so sorry for your loss.

Bonny132

No advice either, so sorry for your loss, a bump for your post in the hope of some of the lifters spotting it, to give you the advice you need.

BeckyD1105

Another one with no advice, but I am really sorry for your loss.

Sued0nim

sistrsprkl wrote: »

I was about 3 months into SL 5x5 when my husband passed away 3 weeks ago. I haven't worked out since then but think I'm almost ready. I'm emotional and a bit weak from not eating or sleeping enough. Does anyone have experience lifting after serious trauma? I want to get back into it but am afraid of injuring myself, I have 2 small kids. TIA.

I am sorry for your loss

If you want to get back into it, go with a friend who knows and who lifts if possible. If not get someone to spot you and tell them, or work with a trainer and tell them too.

Grief has stages, do not be surprised if you feel ready for this, then not ready or you cope really well or not at all...grief is personal and there is no one way

Lots of love and strength

Mezzie1024

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss.

I don't have specific experience with lifting after trauma, but I do have experience with exercise after trauma, and I had to ease my way back into it. I felt better once I started. The grief was still there, but with exercise and better sleep, I felt like I was escaping a fog that had consumed me; I started to feel more like myself again.

A lifter will hopefully come by with specific advice, but here's what I can offer: Don't try to lift the same amount you left off with. As you said, you're weak from not eating enough, and lack of sleep does a number on your body, too. The good thing is, once you start being active again, you might be able to sleep better, and that's important for your overall ability to move forward and take care of yourself and your kids. Just do yourself a favor when you get back to lifting and choose lighter weights than you're used to until you've had several good nights' sleep and have been able to eat enough for a week or so.

I wish you the best. I can't imagine how hard this must be.

middlehaitch

Just have to say my heart goes out to you and your children.
No good advice, but Mezzie sounds pretty solid.

h.

kallemann67

My mother in law just passed away suddenly three days ago. The sadness in my heart watching my wife and her family grieve is so heavy. My body feels heavy and achy each day that passes. She was a light in this family and now dearly missed. I lost my own father a year ago and it knocked me out for six months so I vowed that this time I would not employ the same routine which led me to lose my triathlon trained body I had previous.

I too have to look to going to the gym in the next couple of weeks. At my current state of mind and what I can physically do is based on small goals and a hierarchy of health components. They consist of:

1. Eat nutritious foods with room made for comfort food but hold within my calorie ceiling of 2058 per day.
2. Sleep until I feel rested. If that's 4 hours or twelve hours or naps during the day sleep is valuable.
3. Motion. 60 minutes or more of motion. I have a schedule for s/b/r but right now any movement is better than no movement. The plan may be going into a laxed mode but to get movement into my body is important.
4. Research. I use this time to read about new equipment I may purchase or techniques I may try. I read ALOT of MFP enteries especially the success pages as they give me inspiration.
5. Plan. I like planning and vision/ goal making as this gives me something to strive towards. There is a lot of sad energy around and I know it is up to me to create positive loop options once we pass through this grief stage. None of the plans can possibly engage now, but in time this low hanging fruit work will pay off.

My condolences to you and sorry for your loss. Hang in there, use exercise to give yourself a much needed reprieve from the otherwise daunting experience of grieving and if going to the gym is what helps in the process it's better than watching garbage TV eating garbage foods.

As for the lifting part of my training - I will return when I know or feel I can afford the willpower required to go to the gym consistently three days per week. S/b/r comes first though - so i won't go to the gym until I have my routine return there. As I said right now it's about eat/ motion/sleep. That's all I can afford to do. That's as much structure I can give. Anything more detailed is setting myself up for pressure and failure and the resulting negative feelings of being non-productive based on a designed program. I want to care for myself through this period. My two cents worth would be do what allows you to get stronger through love and care for yourself. Even pro athletes return to maintenance programs in times of grief.

sistrsprkl

Thank you so much for the advice. Exercise has been a big part of my life and lifting really empowered me through these last tough months. I do agree that exercise will help me sleep and improve my mental state so I may start with just moving rather than jump back into the lifting program.

MaryM1024

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I would start back slowly, ease back into it.

ElleBelleLiptak

I started running when my mom passed away when I was in high school. I'm sorry for your loss, you can add me if you ever need to talk, I hope I could be of service to you!

But in regards to working out, it took me some time to get myself to move forward, I felt really "lost" in my life. However it doesn't mean you will be the same way! I think you ought to go to a gym during a slow, non busy time to orientate yourself, or do a couple fitness classes so you can be in a group setting (You'll find there will be other people who will be just like you ) Or if none of these seem to be options, try and run/walk outside. It's an easy to get moving for your body and relatively free! I was never much of lifter- I don't have a lot of advice there-.

whatatime2befit

I am so so sorry for your loss. As someone with 3 young children I can imagine your grief.

Please ease into it and don't lift too heavy. As lifting has such a mental component, please use safeties for bench, squats, etc, or any lifts over your body.

sistrsprkl

Yeah I am very concerned about safety, as much as I miss the barbell, I think I'll start with bodyweight exercises and dumbells.

AnnPT77

Based on what others have said, this is a minority report: I would get back into a "normal" routine as soon as you can find the emotional strength to do it, even if you are initially kind of sleep-walking through it.

I think the sooner you get back into a "going on with life" mode, it will help you, and perhaps also be reassuring to your children that you-all can get through this. It sounds like you loved the lifting program and found many benefits in it, so I'd say go back to that if/when you can - perhaps back off substantially in amount of weight until you see how it's going.

I'm saying this as someone who was widowed at 43 (no children, though), lost both parents and both parents-in-law, and survived breast cancer, all within a short span of years. I'm a believer in the "fake it til you make it", go- through-the-motions method of grief recovery.

I'm sorry for your loss, and wish you strength and healing.

sistrsprkl

I just wanted to write an update to this post. Thank you for all of the feedback. I finally started lifting again today and it felt so good! I started with an empty bar and added weights slowly. I felt a lot stronger than I thought I would but not close to the weights I was at 2 months ago. I'm looking forward to getting stronger and continuing to follow SL for the time being.

piperdown44

sistrsprkl wrote: »

I just wanted to write an update to this post. Thank you for all of the feedback. I finally started lifting again today and it felt so good! I started with an empty bar and added weights slowly. I felt a lot stronger than I thought I would but not close to the weights I was at 2 months ago. I'm looking forward to getting stronger and continuing to follow SL for the time being.

Atta girl!

CasperNaegle

Wow no words, You are in my thoughts.

LeanButNotMean44

sistrsprkl wrote: »

I just wanted to write an update to this post. Thank you for all of the feedback. I finally started lifting again today and it felt so good! I started with an empty bar and added weights slowly. I felt a lot stronger than I thought I would but not close to the weights I was at 2 months ago. I'm looking forward to getting stronger and continuing to follow SL for the time being.

Way to go!!!!!

urloved33

My kids were under 6 and I was in my mid thirties and in a moment we were alone. I used the gym to break up the dinner hour bc that is when I was lonliest and that is when I began to build myself and family strong...i took my two girls w me and trained hard. So sorry for your loss...good luck to you and your children.

CarlydogsMom

I'm glad you wrote your update, and you are in my thoughts. Best wishes.

kshama2001

sistrsprkl wrote: »

I just wanted to write an update to this post. Thank you for all of the feedback. I finally started lifting again today and it felt so good! I started with an empty bar and added weights slowly. I felt a lot stronger than I thought I would but not close to the weights I was at 2 months ago. I'm looking forward to getting stronger and continuing to follow SL for the time being.

Thanks for the update. So sorry for your loss.

Did grief move through you as you exercised? My dad passed away last year, and I would randomly get teary while gardening, walking, or doing yoga. I was alone at these times and just let it happen. Not sure what I would have done had this happened at the gym.