How do you deal with unsolicited workout advice?
whee1234
Posts: 26 Member
So, I've made a couple new friends at work (yay!). When the three of us had coffee the other day, I confided in them about my recent 50 lb weight loss. I still need to lose another 75-100 lbs, as I'm a 5'7" female who weighs 230 lb.
They both immediately offered to work out with me. They're both super fit and one said that she was 'almost' certified as a personal
trainer.
I thanked them and smiled, but never intend to take either of them up on it. I hate the idea of working out with other people. My workout is my personal time. I want to listen to music and run on the treadmill and then use whatever weight machine I feel like using at the time.
The other girl (not almost a personal trainer) works out at my 24-hour gym. She saw me on the hip-addiction/abducction machine and came over to say hello. Then she said that the machine I was on only worked a very small muscle group and that she could show me what to do if I ever wanted her to. I gave her a cold-eyed smile and thanked her. Then I stopped talking in a way that made it obvious I was waiting for her to leave. I don't want to workout with her.
I really don't. How do I say "Back off, *kitten*" without using the words 'back,' 'off,' or '*kitten*?'
I like having coffee with these girls, and talking about work, and one of them hosts really awesome after-work parties on Fridays.
Also, I pick a different weight machine to do every day. And I workout 6 days a week. So not hitting the right muscle groups isn't a huge concern. Just saying.
They both immediately offered to work out with me. They're both super fit and one said that she was 'almost' certified as a personal
trainer.
I thanked them and smiled, but never intend to take either of them up on it. I hate the idea of working out with other people. My workout is my personal time. I want to listen to music and run on the treadmill and then use whatever weight machine I feel like using at the time.
The other girl (not almost a personal trainer) works out at my 24-hour gym. She saw me on the hip-addiction/abducction machine and came over to say hello. Then she said that the machine I was on only worked a very small muscle group and that she could show me what to do if I ever wanted her to. I gave her a cold-eyed smile and thanked her. Then I stopped talking in a way that made it obvious I was waiting for her to leave. I don't want to workout with her.
I really don't. How do I say "Back off, *kitten*" without using the words 'back,' 'off,' or '*kitten*?'
I like having coffee with these girls, and talking about work, and one of them hosts really awesome after-work parties on Fridays.
Also, I pick a different weight machine to do every day. And I workout 6 days a week. So not hitting the right muscle groups isn't a huge concern. Just saying.
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Replies
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"I'm ok doing my own thing, thanks"
Or any other reasonable and polite phrase you'd use to a friend.0 -
Not sure why you are having such a "how dare you" reaction to these incidents. Just explain that it is your personal time. You know, like you just did here...0
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Okay, I know they're annoying you but what does it hurt to listen to what they're saying? What you're doing has obviously worked for you, which is great, but what if you find something that works even better?
It seems like they're genuinely trying to help. And working out is so personal for everyone I'd like to believe they would understand if you just told them that working out is a private thing for you but you appreciate their advice and you'll try it next time or something. When I first started working out I wanted to share it with everyone, but after a while it became clear that everyone has their own method. I love working out with other people in certain situations, but other times I just want to go at my own pace. This should be something they can relate to if they really do work out so much they feel comfortable giving others advice about it. If you think you can be blunt without being ... uh... that word you don't want to say, just tell them your workouts are personal for you and you're not ready to change up your routine yet but when you are, they'll be the first ones you ask. Or maybe fitness news can be a subject of coffee conversation and you can tactfully drop the hints that you've got a routine you like for now and that you are a private gym person. That way you don't have to give anyone the cold shoulder when they corner you on your machine when you just want to burn some calories.
But try to keep an open mind, too - you might pick up some good things to mix in when you are ready for a routine change.0 -
I don't think you can expect your work friends to ignore you at the gym and you would be rude if you ignored them. They are not mind readers, they are just being friendly and trying to be helpful. I agree with cityruss - thank them for their offers of help but say you'd rather do your own workouts for the time being. Smile!0
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They don't sound too pushy to me, just pleased to have a found a shared interest with you and trying to be helpful. I think you saying thank you and then just not taking them up on their offers is fine, or you could just explain that at the moment you prefer working out alone.0
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I don't think your friends meant any malice - probably enjoyed acting like 'know-alls' for 5 minutes, but not meaning anything in a nasty way. I'd echo what other commenters have said "Thanks but I've got my routine worked out". I've noticed since being a gym member for almost a year - people feel it's their right to offer you advice on what you are doing and how you are doing it. I'm not sure if it's just gym etiquette that says you are supposed to 'lend a hand' but I too like to have a quiet focused work-out doing my own thing. Carry on as you are, don't take any of this 'advice' to heart and just be secure in what you are doing! :)_0
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These girls sound like (1) they want to be friends and (2) want to help. Why you are offended, I have no idea, but it is your right of course. Just tell them you prefer working out alone.
As for the girl who also works in the gym, not only she was trying to be friendly, but it is also part of her job. If a gym member who supervises the room sees you using one different machine each day and does not point out how you could improve your routine, then they are not doing their job. Sure, you have every right to do things your way, but it is still their job to at least offer to help you build up a routine that works. If she were pushing you and making fun, it would be very unprofessional, but offering to help you become more efficient sounds like part of her job description. She offers, you have a right to decline, and life goes on
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Just say to them that you appreciate their offer but that you prefer to do your own thing, then smile
They aren't trying to steal your me time they are just trying to support you. A lot of people would love the offer of a work out buddy but it isn't compulsory.0 -
Smile, thank them for the offer and do your thing. You're coming across very offended about this.0
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I'm with you my workout time is my personal time. It's how I unwind after a day of dealing with people. It's my time to clear my head and reduce stress and not have to deal with the problems of the world. I don't like to be bothered if i want advice or help I'll ask. Just politely smile say thanks not right now and go about your workout. Eventually they'll get the idea and stop bothering you but iknow it's annoying in the meantime.0
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They sound nice and supportive not pushy. Just say thanks but no thanks as you are in the groove and get more done on your own. Think you are making a big deal out of someone being positive.0
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ignore it0
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Meh. Just tell them you prefer to work out alone, and that what you're doing is working for you. That's what I do, trying to keep it as light as I can, of course. I prefer working out alone.0
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It sounds like they just love working out and are happy to have found a shared interest with you. They sound like they're genuinely trying to be helpful. Just say "thanks, I have my own routine for the moment". You sound like you're being very defensive and taking it very personally.So, I've made a couple new friends at work (yay!). When the three of us had coffee the other day, I confided in them about my recent 50 lb weight loss. I still need to lose another 75-100 lbs, as I'm a 5'7" female who weighs 230 lb.
They both immediately offered to work out with me. They're both super fit and one said that she was 'almost' certified as a personal
trainer.
I thanked them and smiled, but never intend to take either of them up on it. I hate the idea of working out with other people. My workout is my personal time. I want to listen to music and run on the treadmill and then use whatever weight machine I feel like using at the time.
The other girl (not almost a personal trainer) works out at my 24-hour gym. She saw me on the hip-addiction/abducction machine and came over to say hello. Then she said that the machine I was on only worked a very small muscle group and that she could show me what to do if I ever wanted her to. I gave her a cold-eyed smile and thanked her. Then I stopped talking in a way that made it obvious I was waiting for her to leave. I don't want to workout with her.
I really don't. How do I say "Back off, *kitten*" without using the words 'back,' 'off,' or '*kitten*?'
I like having coffee with these girls, and talking about work, and one of them hosts really awesome after-work parties on Fridays.
Also, I pick a different weight machine to do every day. And I workout 6 days a week. So not hitting the right muscle groups isn't a huge concern. Just saying.
So really she just said something factual and offered to show you some other stuff if you're interested at some point? The way you're reacting makes it sound like she was rude or mean.
Weight machines don't hit every muscle group, nor are they particularly functional for every day movement. It also sounds like you don't have a program that you follow. Which is fine and gym is your chill time, but don't act like she's a raging b*tch for offering some advice.0 -
just say thanks and keep doing your own thing.
im a solo worker outer too. for me, its a lot of stress relief and i cant do that if im worried about someone yapping next to me or wanting me to be joined at the hip at the gym... 0 -
Sounds like you have a pretty ineffective strength routine to me. You should probably take them up on the offer and see what program they do.
If you don't want to, then just so no thanks, you prefer working out by yourself and listening to music.0 -
Just don't. If they aren't paying your bills, their opinion really doesn't matter unless you let it.0
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oh_happy_day wrote: »It sounds like they just love working out and are happy to have found a shared interest with you. They sound like they're genuinely trying to be helpful. Just say "thanks, I have my own routine for the moment". You sound like you're being very defensive and taking it very personally.So, I've made a couple new friends at work (yay!). When the three of us had coffee the other day, I confided in them about my recent 50 lb weight loss. I still need to lose another 75-100 lbs, as I'm a 5'7" female who weighs 230 lb.
They both immediately offered to work out with me. They're both super fit and one said that she was 'almost' certified as a personal
trainer.
I thanked them and smiled, but never intend to take either of them up on it. I hate the idea of working out with other people. My workout is my personal time. I want to listen to music and run on the treadmill and then use whatever weight machine I feel like using at the time.
The other girl (not almost a personal trainer) works out at my 24-hour gym. She saw me on the hip-addiction/abducction machine and came over to say hello. Then she said that the machine I was on only worked a very small muscle group and that she could show me what to do if I ever wanted her to. I gave her a cold-eyed smile and thanked her. Then I stopped talking in a way that made it obvious I was waiting for her to leave. I don't want to workout with her.
I really don't. How do I say "Back off, *kitten*" without using the words 'back,' 'off,' or '*kitten*?'
I like having coffee with these girls, and talking about work, and one of them hosts really awesome after-work parties on Fridays.
Also, I pick a different weight machine to do every day. And I workout 6 days a week. So not hitting the right muscle groups isn't a huge concern. Just saying.
So really she just said something factual and offered to show you some other stuff if you're interested at some point? The way you're reacting makes it sound like she was rude or mean.
Weight machines don't hit every muscle group, nor are they particularly functional for every day movement. It also sounds like you don't have a program that you follow. Which is fine and gym is your chill time, but don't act like she's a raging b*tch for offering some advice.
This. She doesn't sound pushy. She was right and she offered help, as a friend, ONE TIME. It sounds like you may have given her a stink eye or cut the conversation short so you probably won't have to worry about it again.0 -
If they ask you to work out with them, tell the truth. "No, thanks, but I really like to work out alone with my earbuds in."
The truth is almost always the best and easiest way to go. 0 -
Be objective and not subjective. While you may not want to work out with them, she actually gave you correct information.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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As others have said, I'd just say (nicely) what you did here.
Personally, I'd say that you appreciate the advice/offer, but that for you part of the fun/motivation of working out is having private, low-stress, just for you time, and you prefer kind of muddling through and doing your own thing or figuring stuff out on your own currently and are really enjoying your own approach right now.0 -
Just to reiterate, having a structured strength training routine gets you real results, especially as a strength training beginner. In your position, isolating machines are wasting your time. Check out Stronglifts 5x5, you can do it solo and it will give you incredible strength and a better body composition than cardio and a random weight machine. Good luck!0
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If you don't want people to bother you at the gym, wear headphones. You don't even have to listen to music. For some reason, people are a lot less likely to interrupt you if you are wearing them.0
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Be objective and not subjective. While you may not want to work out with them, she actually gave you correct information.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
About the hip-adduction/abduction just working a small muscle group? Are you saying there are better machines to use for this or that you just don't get a good bang for your time buck?
A lot of what I do in the gym is to compliment my yoga practice (and swimming) so I do use these machines and am interested in hearing more.0 -
@whee1234 - I'm with you on not wanting to work out with other people. But I am always interested in learning new things. Then I decided whether I want to use this information or not.
Over the years, I've taken classes from hundreds of different yoga teachers. I've incorporated elements from about a dozen of them into my own yoga flow. You never know when you are going to pick up something useful.0 -
I would look at any advice they offer ( provided it's constructive) as a way to further my progress - use it to your advantage!0
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Honestly, you sound really whiny. Those girls neither sound rude, pushy, or out of line. And they are not some random bro at the gym giving you bad info. I had an experience like that once with a guy who would not leave a friend and me alone. After 45 minutes, he even pulled his shirt up to show me his abs. Finally I said dude, we're good here. He got really mad and decided to make a scene afterward and talk really loudly on his cell phone and keep giving me dirty looks.
Take good advice when you can from people you know and have the attitude you do when a bro bothers you.0 -
ValerieMartini2Olives wrote: »Honestly, you sound really whiny. Those girls neither sound rude, pushy, or out of line. And they are not some random bro at the gym giving you bad info. I had an experience like that once with a guy who would not leave a friend and me alone. After 45 minutes, he even pulled his shirt up to show me his abs. Finally I said dude, we're good here. He got really mad and decided to make a scene afterward and talk really loudly on his cell phone and keep giving me dirty looks.
Take good advice when you can from people you know and have the attitude you do when a bro bothers you.
Agreed. I thought it was going to be a thread about a time similar to when a man I don't know came up to me in the gym, looked me up and down, and said "you want to slim down your legs, right? You should stop lifting and try cycling."0 -
arditarose wrote: »ValerieMartini2Olives wrote: »Honestly, you sound really whiny. Those girls neither sound rude, pushy, or out of line. And they are not some random bro at the gym giving you bad info. I had an experience like that once with a guy who would not leave a friend and me alone. After 45 minutes, he even pulled his shirt up to show me his abs. Finally I said dude, we're good here. He got really mad and decided to make a scene afterward and talk really loudly on his cell phone and keep giving me dirty looks.
Take good advice when you can from people you know and have the attitude you do when a bro bothers you.
Agreed. I thought it was going to be a thread about a time similar to when a man I don't know came up to me in the gym, looked me up and down, and said "you want to slim down your legs, right? You should stop lifting and try cycling."
What a charming specimen.0 -
"No thanks. When I work out it's the only chance I get for me time."
Done.
You probably should have said something like that up front. By saying thanks without the "but I'm not interested" attached, they're probably under the impression you DO want to work out with them at some point. Icy smiles instead of direct communication isn't the best choice and is probably confusing to them since your actions and your words aren't matching up. I've found people respect my space when I make it clear what that space is.0
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