Hate compliments on your weight loss?

becknomad

I just started MFP and so far loving it. I'm dreading the comments from my coworkers though when I lose weight. In the past when I have lost weight, I literally hear from 10 people a day how great I look. Does anyone hate hearing this? I get so mad, and feel like I am the same person, why does it matter what I look like? I try to reframe it in my mind that they are congratulating me on taking time to take care of my self. But some people are looking me up and down and it feels so gross...

Meganthedogmom

I guess you could wear ugly dumpy clothes to look unappealing if you're that worried about it.

MrsCaitlinBeltran

I could be mistaken, but it sounds like you just hate compliments about your weight loss because it confirms that other people noticed that you were overweight. In general, I'd say people who compliment others on their weight loss are simply trying to be nice. Since when did it become a bad thing to congratulate someone on their hardwork? Just say thank you and move on--no need to get mad over the fact that people are going to notice a healthier appearance.

becknomad

Thanks for your imaginative suggestion meganridenour!! I'm going to go to the clearance rack of Walmart right now since I obviously hate myself!!! WOO HOO!!!
LOL. I just wrote this to see if anyone is out there who doesn't like to get attention regarding how their body looks ~ whether healthy weighted or not. I am raising a daughter and read a great article about how so much of a woman's worth is tied up in her looks, and why we feel the need to tell girls they are pretty all the time/compliment them on their clothes. I really try to tell my daughter that her body is strong, healthy, powerful, amazing, flexible rather than pretty. So little of life has to do with our looks and so much more on our inner confidence. I think because I am trying hard to focus on inner qualities - it jars me when so many people are hung up on looks.

madammags

I've been working on not hating it, but used to absolutely hate it, too.
I grew up with constant nagging about my weight from my mum (even though I was at BMI 27 or so, varely overweight) and it, combined with other factors, has given me a really screwed up relationship with my body and weight.

When I started losing weight about a year and half ago, it wasn't because I was desperately unhappy with my body, in fact, I had finally made mostly peace with it. I actually started losing weight because the alternative was buying a very expensive new wardrobe (internet order plus-size :S).
I live far from my family and when I went home to visit for christmas, the first thing anyone and everyone did was comment on my weight, and I felt miserable. It felt like they were re-inforcing the very unhealthy message that I grew up with: It doesn't matter what else is going on, as long as you're not fat.

During this year, I've acknowledged that it really *is* a big change in my appearance (I've lost almost 1/3 of my body weight), and that those comments generally are from people just trying to be nice and positive. They don't know what's going on inside my head.
It sucks, but if you can't re-frame it, it can cause so much anxiety and depression, and that sucks even worse.

Sometimes, I'm ok with talking about it, and in those cases I do, but try to emphasise that losing weight hasn't changed me as a person. Sometimes, I mention that I'd prefer they didn't focus on it so much (particularly when people bring it up repeatedly), because I have a really difficult relationship with body image and weight, and most people accept this, apologise, and move on. Sometimes, I just smile and say thank you and change the topic.

Superpook

If you had really long hair, 10 people a day would probably say something too. People notice big changes when we make them. When people say something nice to you they're probably just being nice. It's no secret that people all over the place want to be thinner, healthier. So they're just saying nice things about what they think is a positive change you wanted. Now, if you lost the weight because you had cancer, THAT would suck
Stop talking to your daughter about her body. Period. Unless she does something like dance, then compliment her skills, not her flexibility or strength. Even if you focus positively on her body, you're STILL talking about her body. People don't do this to boys. Just let her be and talk about eating healthy food and exercise. Even then, don't talk about it too much so that these things become obsessive. Kids really don't like adults talking about their bodies in any context if you think about it. It feels creepy. Be appropriate and address things as needed but don't try to fix your body image issues through your daughter.

steponebyone

Yeah I can kind of understand it. Weight seems to and always has been a huge topic in my family. It gets frustrating at times because I think with several people in my family it's become an obsession. Fitness and a healthy lifestyle isn't nearly brought up as much as body image and how everyone always looks. I just want to talk about other things like school, sports, etc. Anything else would be GREAT actually! Guess I've sorta just learned to change the subject, or not mention certain things around them. Also losing weight is a big topic whenever that happens.. (sigh). I guess we can't change our family even if we want to. Let them be opinionated and observe all they want. I'm just gonna keep going and leading with that inner confidence like you mentioned, no matter what size or shape.

999tigger

MrsCaitlinBeltran wrote: »

I could be mistaken, but it sounds like you just hate compliments about your weight loss because it confirms that other people noticed that you were overweight. In general, I'd say people who compliment others on their weight loss are simply trying to be nice. Since when did it become a bad thing to congratulate someone on their hardwork? Just say thank you and move on--no need to get mad over the fact that people are going to notice a healthier appearance.

This +1.

To get mad because someone is saying something nice about you and trying to be encouraging isnt rational. If you are overweight or obese then its not healthy and when you lose, its just other people encouraging and complimenting you towards a better place, sometimes the place theyd like to be as well.

If you really dont wnat people to notice or say nice things about you then wear baggy clothes or move the conversation along quickly (as suggested above). It's ironic you say the problem is with other people being hung up on looks, but you are hardly indifferent about them.

Chezzie84

A couple of years ago I would have minded but now I don't mind them.
I used to be embarrassed and self conscious about being overweight.
I looked in the mirror and hated what I saw, no matter what I was wearing. I hated myself.
So compliments of any kind as I was losing weight sounded like nails on a blackboard, by telling me how good I was looking only confirmed I didn't before and anyway I didn't believe it.
I lost 32lb and started to like myself. As I started to like myself, the compliments were not so sour to my ears.
(Subsequently I put 33lb back on and now I have lost 11lb)

Somewhere along the way, I made peace with myself.
I don't accept I am fat, that's why I am losing weight but I accept myself at the stage I am at now.
I have bought a few, pretty tops and a pair of jeans in the size I am now (size uk 16)(see my picture for example)(stupidly I gave away all my too big clothes when I dropped a size) but not many because I want to get back into the 14s I bought last year, I have a wardrobe full. But I refuse to walk around clothes that don't really fit, are too tight even though I may only get a month or two use out of them.
I want to feel good about myself. Not look at myself in the mirror in baggy boring clothes and feel bad.

My aunt bought me an exercise DVD for my birthday to help me get the body I want for my wedding dress fitting. Did I cry and get offended because she thinks that I am fat? Nope, I hugged her, said thanks and took it as it was meant, a lovely gesture from someone who loves me and wants to help. Looking forward to having a Brazilian booty lol

I think I should get to the point now lol
Maybe your view of yourself is that negative, you are finding negative is where there is none.
People are noticing your hard work paying off.
Be proud, say thank you and smile. They are only trying to be nice and encouraging after all.

999tigger

That's a nice insightful post Chezzie84 .

GlutenFreeAussieGirl

I don't hate it, but I feel a little awkward. For ages, my weight has been something I have tried to hide, and I'm still not happy with it, so someone mentioning something that is private and a bit embarrassing for me does put me in a bit of a tail spin. But I'm working on it. Chezzie had a great point - the more comfortable you are with your body, the more you're okay with people noticing it (not in a pervy way... haha)

tiptoethruthetulips

Damned if they do, damned if they don't!

Altagracia220

I have been complimented on big weight losses in the past and it has helped on days where I look at myself and see the old fat me. I welcome compliments

misterdale67

tiptoethruthetulips wrote: »

Damned if they do, damned if they don't!

This!

zyxst

Yes, because I don't see my weight loss as a big deal. When someone says something about it, I agree and say thanks with the hope that they will move on to talk about anything else which doesn't happen so the questioning on how I did it starts.