The weight/fat gain with Parenthood dilema

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Replies

  • tigerblue
    tigerblue Posts: 1,526 Member
    Parenting is hard. Having a healthy lifestyle is hard. It definitely is a matter of making better choices in every situation, but the situation is different for different families, and at different stages, and even for different kids.

    I have one kid for whom school is a breeze. His way of learning just fits "the system", and parenting him has for the most part been fairly easy. Our second son has mild learning disabilities. Every night involves me tutoring him in math, and sometimes other subjects. I'd love to hire someone so I could do something else, but that is not in our budget. I'd also love for him to be more independent, but that is also not the reality. So, one more job for mom. (And we raised both of them in mostly the same way, so you can't say, "if you had just. . . . ". As a teacher, I know that these issues are real for lots of kids.)

    My point is that we should be careful when pointing the finger at a parent and saying that they are making excuses. Every situation is different. In my city, the public schools are pitiful, so everyone who can is working two jobs and driving across town to get their kids in private schools. Is that our preference? No. But it is our reality. (I'm lucky, we don't have to work extra jobs and have managed to afford a house near our schools, but I know what my co workers struggle with).

    Once your kids get school age you completely lose total control of your schedule, unless you are fortunate enough to be able to pay someone to carry your kids to all their schools and activities. And really, are you going to just not attend those activities? Or not be involved at their schools, etc?

    Yes, exercise can be squeezed in (in my earlier post I mentioned keeping shoes and clothes in the car or at work for quick unexpected workouts anywhere), and healthy meals can be cooked ahead, etc. it is definitely all about choices and priorities.

    So, no, I am not into making excuses.

    But let's just agree that it is hard, and that all situations are not equal. One family, because of where they live, the amount of support they have, their income level, the abilities of their kids, their spouses work schedule, etc, may be able to easily adopt a healthier lifestyle. For another family it might not be so easy.

    Hang in there everyone and make small changes, better choices, etc. every day.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    tigerblue wrote: »
    Parenting is hard. Having a healthy lifestyle is hard. It definitely is a matter of making better choices in every situation, but the situation is different for different families, and at different stages, and even for different kids.

    I have one kid for whom school is a breeze. His way of learning just fits "the system", and parenting him has for the most part been fairly easy. Our second son has mild learning disabilities. Every night involves me tutoring him in math, and sometimes other subjects. I'd love to hire someone so I could do something else, but that is not in our budget. I'd also love for him to be more independent, but that is also not the reality. So, one more job for mom. (And we raised both of them in mostly the same way, so you can't say, "if you had just. . . . ". As a teacher, I know that these issues are real for lots of kids.)

    My point is that we should be careful when pointing the finger at a parent and saying that they are making excuses. Every situation is different. In my city, the public schools are pitiful, so everyone who can is working two jobs and driving across town to get their kids in private schools. Is that our preference? No. But it is our reality. (I'm lucky, we don't have to work extra jobs and have managed to afford a house near our schools, but I know what my co workers struggle with).

    Once your kids get school age you completely lose total control of your schedule, unless you are fortunate enough to be able to pay someone to carry your kids to all their schools and activities. And really, are you going to just not attend those activities? Or not be involved at their schools, etc?

    Yes, exercise can be squeezed in (in my earlier post I mentioned keeping shoes and clothes in the car or at work for quick unexpected workouts anywhere), and healthy meals can be cooked ahead, etc. it is definitely all about choices and priorities.

    So, no, I am not into making excuses.

    But let's just agree that it is hard, and that all situations are not equal. One family, because of where they live, the amount of support they have, their income level, the abilities of their kids, their spouses work schedule, etc, may be able to easily adopt a healthier lifestyle. For another family it might not be so easy.

    Hang in there everyone and make small changes, better choices, etc. every day.

    Yep.

    Homework is a hard one. I have to help my daughter, and it's either that or cooking dinner some nights. And after school activities are starting in our house as well and my husband's first reaction was... getting pizza on the way home. And by then you're starving and good luck stopping at one or two slices.

    Bottom line, you have to REALLY want it to stay on track. And a lot of people just don't. I don't blame them.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,972 Member
    Being a parent and trying to efficient with your time is challenging. The reality is that many parents will give up on their physical fitness and health first before giving up on their children's activities and needs due to time constraints and lack of rest. Obviously keep a job is a priority too, so many focus more on making sure that they are able to fit kids, job, and family first. The last thing on the list is usually what they do for themselves. There's time, it just has to be strategically figured out even if it's just 15-20 minutes a day of physical activity. And eating is more about willingness to control portions and calories to not gain a lot of weight.
    Lots of parents do it everyday and I'm sure a lot do it here too. If one is struggling for balance, I'm sure they can get good advice from many here who deal with it day in and day out.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,972 Member
    bump
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    All the participants in my weight loss group had supportive children that were very happy that their parents were taking care of their health (as long as it did not get down to specifics, like throwing out all the junk food in the house). My daughter was not happy with my decision to go through with surgery, but she has celebrated my return to mobility and health. My two adult children continue to cheer me on even as I tell them I'm too busy some evenings, I'm going to the fitness club, or I've got to get my run in.

    Even if parenthood comes with weight gain from stress, reduced activity, and more snacking, I can guarantee our children want us to be healthy and strong so we will be around for many years to come. And I agree with you, that our example speaks volumes to our children about the importance of healthy choices.
  • jontucc
    jontucc Posts: 142 Member
    I haven't read all the replies but I think it there is a lot of pressure for women in particular to get back to their pre pregnancy weight not long after they have kids. If the weight gain is only about 7 pounds per child as per the original post I don't really see that to be an issue. Once the kids are older and don't require so much attention then you have more time and energy to focus on your weight. I don't have help aside from my husband and it's only when the kids were around 3 and 5 yo have I felt that I am now able to focus on exercise. Before that the kids were fussy, still waking through the night, we were Co sleeping etc etc

    So many factors need to be considered.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,972 Member
    jontucc wrote: »
    I haven't read all the replies but I think it there is a lot of pressure for women in particular to get back to their pre pregnancy weight not long after they have kids. If the weight gain is only about 7 pounds per child as per the original post I don't really see that to be an issue. Once the kids are older and don't require so much attention then you have more time and energy to focus on your weight. I don't have help aside from my husband and it's only when the kids were around 3 and 5 yo have I felt that I am now able to focus on exercise. Before that the kids were fussy, still waking through the night, we were Co sleeping etc etc

    So many factors need to be considered.
    The AVERAGE weight gain is about 5-7 for females. Some gain way more than that with just one child. I've had many females who gained more than 50lbs on a pregnancy due to "eating for two". Many just didn't understand you just add 300 calories a day and not 3000. It's a tough road to get back into pre pregnancy with that much to lose for some and many wait years before attempting.
    Hopefully females today are getting better info on calorie intake once they do get pregnant.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png


  • Purplebunnysarah
    Purplebunnysarah Posts: 3,252 Member
    ninerbuff wrote: »
    jontucc wrote: »
    I haven't read all the replies but I think it there is a lot of pressure for women in particular to get back to their pre pregnancy weight not long after they have kids. If the weight gain is only about 7 pounds per child as per the original post I don't really see that to be an issue. Once the kids are older and don't require so much attention then you have more time and energy to focus on your weight. I don't have help aside from my husband and it's only when the kids were around 3 and 5 yo have I felt that I am now able to focus on exercise. Before that the kids were fussy, still waking through the night, we were Co sleeping etc etc

    So many factors need to be considered.
    The AVERAGE weight gain is about 5-7 for females. Some gain way more than that with just one child. I've had many females who gained more than 50lbs on a pregnancy due to "eating for two". Many just didn't understand you just add 300 calories a day and not 3000. It's a tough road to get back into pre pregnancy with that much to lose for some and many wait years before attempting.
    Hopefully females today are getting better info on calorie intake once they do get pregnant.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png


    I gained 67 lbs with my first. I knew how to eat. But for the first trimester the only thing that would settle my stomach was candy (tootsie pops). After that I felt better I just kept going with the bad habits I'd fallen into.

    With my second, I did a lot better but part of that was due to having gestational diabetes. I actually didn't gain anything in the third trimester due to strictly following the diabetic diet I was put on.

    Now my doctor says I need to get my waist <38" to avoid type 2 diabetes. So I'm taking off the pregnancy weight first, then working on the rest I need to lose.
  • andylllI
    andylllI Posts: 379 Member
    I also don't think it's that big a deal. 7 pounds. I'm getting pretty tired of overselling fitness in terms of health. Some new studies correlate increased survival with a BMI around 30, the cusp between overweight and obese. Walking briskly 30 min a day 5 times a week is all you need for reduction in your risk of cardiovascular disease.

    Parents don't have the same leisure time as childless people. You know, those little humans don't look after themselves. We have to make priorities and as far as I'm concerned as long as your BMI is between 18 and 30 and you get a bit (2.5 hrs) of heart elevating cardio a week you are doing just fine.

    I don't think this is a big deal. Parents can't get a break.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,972 Member
    andylllI wrote: »
    I also don't think it's that big a deal. 7 pounds.
    That's 5-7 lbs average per child.
    I don't think this is a big deal. Parents can't get a break.
    So 2/3 of people being overweight/obese in the US isn't a big deal? With at least half of them being parents?
    Also, fitness and exercise aren't as important to someone's weight as how much they are consuming. That's more of the issue.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png

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