What do you do when you get triggered?

AtLeastOnceMore

Hi MFP pals.

I have made a huge mistake. Yesterday, in a fit of totally misplaced optimism about the internet, I watched a video entitled 'Dear Fat People' thinking there was no way it could be as bad as people were making it out to be. I have literally not felt so triggered in years. Memories from my childhood, all the bullies who ever made me feel worthless, the day I told my mum it would be kinder to shoot me (after a gain of 2kg after 2 months of strict dieting and exercise at the age of 13 - and man, was THAT a memory I would've preferred stayed repressed!), the guys (plural) who would ask me out just so they could then laugh at me and say that no-one could ever love a fat girl like me.... I don't think I've cried this much in years - and I've lost my nan and my aunt in the last 12 months.

My question is: What do you do when you have a experience that triggers your self worth issues like that?

Annie_01

You can't change the past...only the future.

spacelump

Let me just say how sorry I am that your life has been full of such pain and hate. As beautifully loving as humans can be, they can equally be cud spewing.

That video was made by a terrible person. Bottom line. She may have conventional beauty (according to some), but she's absolutely filth inside.

Karen_can_do_this

Oh hunni, that movie made me sad too.
I'm sorry you grew up with buttheads around you. Kids actually humans can be so mean!

I had a sh!tty childhood full of crap I'm not going to spout all over your thread. Just know that you're certainly not alone.

Anyway, I've found lately that if I get triggered (which happens relatively regularly) I either go for a run or go to the gym and really really smash out a great lifting session.

Running for me works so well because it feels like I'm outrunning my past.
Lifting works really well for me. It makes me feel strong and powerful. It makes me feel like NOBODY else can ever hurt me again.

You'll find your trigger fighter. You can do this!

Karen_can_do_this

Ps the only mistake is one you don't learn from. Think of mistakes as lessons instead. Think of that stupid stuck up bimbo (youtube lady) as a lesson in learning how to deal with buttheads

A_New_Creation

Man people can be so unkind. Just remember that you are, indeed, beautiful, yes, even in a physical way. The people who make you feel like crap about yourself and your appearance do not define what is beautiful. You are beautiful, and in a way that only you can be.

OneHundredToLose

You have to move past that stuff. In life you will come across people who want nothing more than to hurt you and be rude to you. You can't let yourself be turned into an emotional cripple every time that happens. At the end of the day, the only person truly looking out for you is yourself, so you need to be able to handle anything you might come across.

The world is a cold, unforgiving place for the most part. You can't let the mere words of another person destroy you like that. Rise above it and show them why they're wrong. We all have things in our past that cause us pain when we remember them, but life is about gleaning what lessons we can from the past and applying them towards bettering ourselves in the future.

RodaRose

I hope that you do something kind for yourself Sunday. I am very very particular about what I watch on t.v./social media/whatever so that I can surround myself with helpful thoughts.

OneHundredToLose

RodaRose wrote: »

I hope that you do something kind for yourself Sunday. I am very very particular about what I watch on t.v./social media/whatever so that I can surround myself with helpful thoughts.

Just remember that it's important to hear opposing views if you want to be able to combat them. Don't put yourself in an echo chamber.

RodaRose

OneHundredToLose wrote: »

RodaRose wrote: »

I hope that you do something kind for yourself Sunday. I am very very particular about what I watch on t.v./social media/whatever so that I can surround myself with helpful thoughts.

Just remember that it's important to hear opposing views if you want to be able to combat them. Don't put yourself in an echo chamber.

I practice yoga and mindfulness. 'Not aware of any opposing "sides."

tomatoey

spacelump wrote: »

Let me just say how sorry I am that your life has been full of such pain and hate. As beautifully loving as humans can be, they can equally be cud spewing.

That video was made by a terrible person. Bottom line. She may have conventional beauty (according to some), but she's absolutely filth inside.

+1 so much.

coolchick207 wrote: »

My question is: What do you do when you have a experience that triggers your self worth issues like that?

I've had moments where some experience will touch a particular nerve and all I can do is feel hurt and shaken, because that kind of psychological assault just shakes you.

In this case - it's designed to. Her brand of "comedy" (it isn't really comedy, it's just another form of bullying) is based on dehumanizing people. She takes away the subjective experience of the people she's targeting, and focuses on details to turn them into objects. That way it's easier to for her say those cruel things. Same thing happened with those bullies you faced (and I am so sorry you had to deal with that.) One way of coping with it is to analyze it a bit. That can help takes the sting out of it.

The things she and other bullies have said have nothing to do with you as a particular, real person. If they thought that way, they couldn't do it as easily.

When I'm strongly affected by some experience, I analyze it. Not right away, of course, but after a while, trying to see what is really happening helps me make sense of it and helps me take my emotions out of it. Maybe doing some reading about stereotypes and bullying would help?

But right after an experience that's hurtful in that kick you in the gut way, I feel lousy. Then I try to distract myself. I go for a walk or talk to a friend. When I'm a little less clouded by emotions, I pick it apart and that makes it less powerful.

RuNaRoUnDaFiEld

Don't give that vile woman or anybody like her the power over you! She can't make you feel bad only you can allow yourself to. Take back the control.

A hug to you x

AtLeastOnceMore

Thanks, guys. I called a friend this arvo and let her self righteous fury validate that it was ok to not be ok for a while. Unfortunately, my own self regulation is really screwy due to the emotional abuse and manipulation I went through when I was younger - I rarely feel like it's ok to trust my own reactions and emotions because they were so devalued by my peers and some members of my family during my formative years. I'm working on that and normally do pretty ok, but this trigger was like taking 5 years worth of progress and temporarily freezing it. Still, slowly, I've started to feel better. I definitely feel like I should have gone for a walk today, but let old habits dictate what I actually did (watched TV and wrote). I am still really angry that she thought that was an ok thing to do and that she was so dehumanising towards those of us who have been fighting our whole lives against this. I watched a few videos today (notably Grace Helbig) where people reacted to the initial video and it made me feel better than other people were so angry and sad as well. Any other suggestions are still appreciated x

TinyTexn59

Tell yourself "I am a unique creation of the Universe. There has never been, nor ever shall be another me. Without me, the Universe would not be what it is in this moment. I exist because of this. Nothing or no one, can change this fact. My past has made my present, my future is up to me. I choose happiness over pain, joy over sorrow and peace over hate."

ghoti_fish

Use it as a learning/ growing opportunity. By all means reflect on memorable comments pr experiences from your past but please don't dwell on them if you're only makig yourself feel wretched. Being the receiver of hateful or unkind comments is hard but it speaks more about the people who feel its ok to talk like that about another human being than it does about you.
I Have struggled hugely with self-worth issues and still have to work really hard to bat away those negative thoughts. The biggest turning point I have ever had was the realisation that I can't change other people's opinions or actions (however hurtful they may be) but I CAN ONLY control my actions and responses towards those around me.
I haven't seen the video, I don't really feel the need to but I wish the woman in it all the luck in the world. Life must be unbearably hard to be so offended by people just because they are not the same as you....live and let live.


ETA - soz, issues with using bold - can't work out how to fix it either!

tomatoey

coolchick207 wrote: »

Thanks, guys. I called a friend this arvo and let her self righteous fury validate that it was ok to not be ok for a while. Unfortunately, my own self regulation is really screwy due to the emotional abuse and manipulation I went through when I was younger - I rarely feel like it's ok to trust my own reactions and emotions because they were so devalued by my peers and some members of my family during my formative years. I'm working on that and normally do pretty ok, but this trigger was like taking 5 years worth of progress and temporarily freezing it. Still, slowly, I've started to feel better. I definitely feel like I should have gone for a walk today, but let old habits dictate what I actually did (watched TV and wrote). I am still really angry that she thought that was an ok thing to do and that she was so dehumanising towards those of us who have been fighting our whole lives against this. I watched a few videos today (notably Grace Helbig) where people reacted to the initial video and it made me feel better than other people were so angry and sad as well. Any other suggestions are still appreciated x

Anger is great. I'm glad you talked to your friend, and I'm glad you feel better. Always good to process experience with trusted others, if you're not sure what to do with your own responses. If you're someone who tends to internalize things and self-blame, and something like this happens and you have a choice between getting sad and getting angry, get angry. Odds are you're right to be. (Double check with a friend if you're not sure if reality agrees that anger is an appropriate response, but I have a feeling it would, 9/10 times.)

Writing is an amazing way to cope with stuff, and numbing out in front of the TV (in limited doses) isn't the worst thing in the world if you feel overwhelmed.

steponebyone

coolchick207 wrote: »

Hi MFP pals.

I have made a huge mistake. Yesterday, in a fit of totally misplaced optimism about the internet, I watched a video entitled 'Dear Fat People' thinking there was no way it could be as bad as people were making it out to be. I have literally not felt so triggered in years. Memories from my childhood, all the bullies who ever made me feel worthless, the day I told my mum it would be kinder to shoot me (after a gain of 2kg after 2 months of strict dieting and exercise at the age of 13 - and man, was THAT a memory I would've preferred stayed repressed!), the guys (plural) who would ask me out just so they could then laugh at me and say that no-one could ever love a fat girl like me.... I don't think I've cried this much in years - and I've lost my nan and my aunt in the last 12 months.

My question is: What do you do when you have a experience that triggers your self worth issues like that?

I seek out good, positive loving people and surround myself with them. It's easy to find yourself around people who want to critique you, because this world is so full of opinionated people, but try and find those who will support and love you where your at. Also, it has to come from within. For me, I went through some hard things in my childhood, and I had to take a year to really be selfish and work on myself. I think it's so important for people to be mentally healthy first, and then strive to reach other goals. Even if it takes a year of healing, it's worth it! As for the haters, they will always be there, and always people who fat shame and bully. We can take it to heart or realize they're a bunch of insecure twats. Don't give them even a second of your energy. Best of luck!