Friendzoned

9chimera11

There are so many absolutely great people coming in to the life...and then they friendzone you... because despite their niceness they still can't look at you and see a girl.... what they see is a person who is great to hangout and share stuff but not essentially romantically... who can think romantically of a fat girl eh? In the meanwhile, our hearts ache, break and then resign to be grateful at least to be friendzoned with a nice guy...

One day, I shall reach the target weight and hopefully will look better..... sigh

<sorry for the rant people...no where else to say what I want to say>

alisonlynn1976

The deal with "friendzoning" is that people who use the term think that they are owed sex/a relationship as a reward for being nice to someone (or pretending to be nice to someone), and that isn't so. Think about it. Do you *really* want to be with someone who isn't attracted to you but feels obligated because you whined them into it? Wouldn't you rather hold out for someone who is attracted to you and is enthusiastic about being with you, no whining required? Quit thinking of real-life relationships like rom coms. They aren't.

9chimera11

You guys are right.... I don't usually think like this... it was a particularly low day... I chatted through Whatsapp with someone I though I had a spark [a friend of a friend] and as soon as he saw my fb profile pic he remembered to tell me he is in a long distance relationship....

Argh

Ok I shall stop now because I know I am better than this hehe... hugz

kuger4119

The world can be a harsh place (even when it is nice). A couple of comments above show a misunderstanding of the situation.

A lot of people who aren't necessarily bad people "discriminate" against people based on appearances when it comes to being in a relationship. I used to have to deal with that because of my height. I'm relatively short and I'd get shot down by women all the time because of my height. There were plenty of women that didn't find it to be an issue, but there were plenty that did. I would have been insulted by sympathy dates, but it was just as insulting to be shot down just because I wasn't 5'10".

There is a significant part of the population that will stick an overweight person into the "friend zone" automatically because it isn't their thing. It's a bit shortsighted to assume that the OP was saying that she feels that every person that she runs into should want to date her and wants someone to go on a date with her because they feel sorry for her. Frankly, it's a bit insulting for you to suggest that. What's insulting is when some guy (or girl) sticks an overweight person in the friend zone but gets more interested in them once they lose weight. That kind of shallow stupidity happens all the time. Heck, I'm guilty of it. I went to college with a super nice girl that was about 50 lbs overweight that wanted to date me. I couldn't get past the weight thing. After college, she dropped about 40 lbs and when I saw her, I thought, "Damn, missed out on that one".

My sister-in-law weighed 180 lbs when she was 15 years old and never had a boyfriend. Lots of friends though. She dropped to 130 lbs and guys hit on her like crazy. The good news for the OP is that with the proper amount of effort, she can make a dramatic difference in her appearance, get healthier and get past the whole weight discrimination thing at the same time. This site has the potential to change her life in a positive fashion.

A final caveat though. There are undoubtedly many guys out there that would be interested in the OP as she is today. The irony of it is that she has probably been ignoring them because they are too short, too fat, or not attractive enough in some superficial way that she hasn't decided to pursue it. We are all hypocrites to some degree in that area. You can't be too angry about that part of relationships if you are guilty of it yourself. So, even though I was always a bit annoyed when I found out that my height was an insurmountable obstacle, I realized that I wasn't really in a position to be too mad about it.

berriboobear

Unfortunately, a lot in the world revolves around appearances. Harsh but true. Whether we like it or not, appearance is what is "seen" first from afar.

I would say that if you meet a person who is stuck on your appearance as a deciding factor, than you don't need him. Don't settle for someone who doesn't like you for you, but someone who will stick with you through your journey, from before to after!

xxcatyxx555

Things change, I friendzoned my current boyfriend and now I couldn't imagine my life without him being right by my side AS my boyfriend. Keep fighting, he did, and made it out of the friendzone

sam308lbs

Dont get demoralized Op.So what if one guy turned you down,i am pretty sure there are many who admire you from afar who you are not even considering.Not all people are shallow, some are very genuine just like berriboobear over here.Yesterday on one of those silly flirty threads,she chose me over a ripped dude for drinks.Even though it was all in good humour,It made this fat guy very happy.Maybe she has a brother she could fix u up with:flowerforyou:

berriboobear

Dont get demoralized Op.So what if one guy turned you down,i am pretty sure there are many who admire you from afar who you are not even considering.Not all people are shallow, some are very genuine just like berriboobear over here.Yesterday on one of those silly flirty threads,she chose me over a ripped dude for drinks.Even though it was all in good humour,It made this fat guy very happy.Maybe she has a brother she could fix u up with:flowerforyou:

And you just made my afternoon
The threads are definitely silly, and most often are appearance based... but there are the odd times when I see an answer (can be sarcastic/funny/witty/whatever) that makes me smile or laugh, which is something valuable in my eyes. The offer for drinks is still up by the way


And... so I'm not hijacking the thread...

OP: I still have trouble dealing with the woes of my outer shell, but I think that my journey has already made me stronger and feel even the slightest bit more comfortable with myself. One thing I am always trying to keep in mind, is not to let others dictate how I feel about myself. It sucks, but just because one person doesn't want to stick around and spend time to know me past my appearance, than you know what? Maybe that person wasn't the one - not boyfriend material or friend material. Keep at it girl, plenty of fish in the sea, patience is key!

alisonlynn1976

I don't believe that people who insult other people for being "shallow" literally have no appearance-related partner preferences. Many people (myself included!) have a wider ranger for which types they consider attractive than conventionally attractive types, but if you're trying to claim that you literally don't care what a prospective romantic/sexual partner looks like at all, I don't believe you.

berriboobear

I don't believe that people who insult other people for being "shallow" literally have no appearance-related partner preferences. Many people (myself included!) have a wider ranger for which types they consider attractive than conventionally attractive types, but if you're trying to claim that you literally don't care what a prospective romantic/sexual partner looks like at all, I don't believe you.

I definitely understand and see that too. I think that probably sometimes we each of natural even subconscious attractions to different traits, which makes us all inherently "shallow". I think it's more hurtful when people are blatant or bring up specific traits that we are not proud of or are more sensitive about, a major one being weight.