Social manners

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Melanie_23
Melanie_23 Posts: 1
in Chit-Chat
Okay guys I've been having a debate with my boyfriend about the following : I get invited to go tubing, ask my friend if she minds if he comes along ( perfectly normal ) but then later on he somehow thinks it's okay to invite others to this event. I try to explain that it's not my event so I don't think its okay to invite people. He thinks why not the more the merrier. I think hey make your own event invite whoever you want, but this one is not yours to invite people to. If she made it clear anyone was invited and it was an open thing sure but just a few friends seemed inappropriate. What do u think?
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Replies

  • mustang289
    mustang289 Posts: 299 Member
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    Third hand invites are rude.

    You were the first hand invite, your significant other was second hand. That's where it should stop.
  • BigBrunette
    BigBrunette Posts: 1,543 Member
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    I think it's rude for a guest to invite additional guests.
  • Laces_0ut
    Laces_0ut Posts: 3,750 Member
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    its just tubing right? its not like a dinner with limited seating or a house party where you have to plan...

    i dont think its a big deal for them to come along. if i had planned something i certainly wouldnt care if others came. unless its a special event like birthday or something.


    if your friend is giong to be weird about it then just have your 3rd party plan their own event that just so happens to occur at the same place and time as your friends. :)
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
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    It's rude of your boyfriend to invite others to your friend's event without clearing it with the friend first.
  • pudadough
    pudadough Posts: 1,271 Member
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    I agree with you. I think it's ok that you asked if he could tag along (I think your friend would say no if it was an issue!) But him bringing all of his buds along is rude. I can see how that many extra guests could throw off the logistics.
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
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    It is very poor etiquette. If he does this, he's not showing respect to you or to the person inviting you.

    It doesn't matter whether it is a simple back yard barbecue, tubing, or a walk in the park. If you are invited and bring a guest, your guest does not bring others along. He's NOT the invited guest. He's the "plus 1."
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    I personally think its rude. I have witnessed it happened to me once. I used to cook for my friends back in US like once every quarter and we'd have a blast and they liked my cooking and company. One time when I invited them, they asked if they can bring friends along. They knew my answer already (I love sharing food) but they were still polite enough to ask.

    But just going ahead and inviting is very rude and awkward imo
  • Nina1007
    Nina1007 Posts: 150
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    It is very poor etiquette. If he does this, he's not showing respect to you or to the person inviting you.

    It doesn't matter whether it is a simple back yard barbecue, tubing, or a walk in the park. If you are invited and bring a guest, your guest does not bring others along. He's NOT the invited guest. He's the "plus 1."

    Exactly what I think as well!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    If it's on her property or she's paying or otherwise supplying equipment, rude.

    If it's a place anyone can pretty much go, anyway, I don't see the big deal.
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
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    I think you should invite me. There are a ton of people going anyways.
  • Jerrypeoples
    Jerrypeoples Posts: 1,541 Member
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    I think it's rude for a guest to invite additional guests.
  • garryt1980
    garryt1980 Posts: 44 Member
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    Yeah, he shouldn't be inviting others when he's technically YOUR guest... Why wouldn't he know this? Seems basic.
  • Laces_0ut
    Laces_0ut Posts: 3,750 Member
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    If it's on her property or she's paying or otherwise supplying equipment, rude.

    If it's a place anyone can pretty much go, anyway, I don't see the big deal.

    thats what i was saying. this is tubing. extra guests shouldnt matter. she should just call her friend and say "hey i hope you dont mind but my bf invited a few extra friends." the most likely response will be "great!".
  • brower47
    brower47 Posts: 16,356 Member
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    It's rude of your boyfriend to invite others to your friend's event without clearing it with the friend first.

    This.
  • BrainyBurro
    BrainyBurro Posts: 6,129 Member
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    Okay guys I've been having a debate with my boyfriend about the following : I get invited to go tubing, ask my friend if she minds if he comes along ( perfectly normal ) but then later on he somehow thinks it's okay to invite others to this event. I try to explain that it's not my event so I don't think its okay to invite people. He thinks why not the more the merrier. I think hey make your own event invite whoever you want, but this one is not yours to invite people to. If she made it clear anyone was invited and it was an open thing sure but just a few friends seemed inappropriate. What do u think?

    just break up.™
  • Mustang_Susie
    Mustang_Susie Posts: 7,045 Member
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    Yeah, he shouldn't be inviting others when he's technically YOUR guest... Why wouldn't he know this? Seems basic.

    This
  • PlayerHatinDogooder
    PlayerHatinDogooder Posts: 1,018 Member
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    It is very poor etiquette. If he does this, he's not showing respect to you or to the person inviting you.

    It doesn't matter whether it is a simple back yard barbecue, tubing, or a walk in the park. If you are invited and bring a guest, your guest does not bring others along. He's NOT the invited guest. He's the "plus 1."

    This.

    Unless his guests are extremely attractive with loose morals and handle bottles of vodka.
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
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    You're right, it is rude.

    There are certain situations where you know it is "the more the merrier" such as where you each pay your own way, reservations are not necessary, it doesn't involve a specific group activity, and it is either understood or been cleared. Showing up with the "hey gyuiz!!" approach screams "clueless."
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
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    It's impolite.
  • trailtripper
    trailtripper Posts: 71
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    It is very poor etiquette. If he does this, he's not showing respect to you or to the person inviting you.

    It doesn't matter whether it is a simple back yard barbecue, tubing, or a walk in the park. If you are invited and bring a guest, your guest does not bring others along. He's NOT the invited guest. He's the "plus 1."

    Especially (like in my case) the 'tubing is done behind a boat. Then there all kinds of consideration. I had once invited 2 folks to go tubing with myself and my wife.11 Folks showed at at the dock. Told them that I did not have a ferry boat and that due to the boats restriction, I could not take all of them (awkward). They agued for awhile, so I wished them a nice day and I left with just my wife and we had a nice relaxing day on the water instead of me ferry some meatheads around burning up $175 OF FUEL.

    Never offered the two original invitees again, although dropped numerous hint about nothing to do for a weekend.

    Moral of the story: If invite you it is you and not the darn football team. or whatever hanger ons you have accumulated.

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