How to diet when your SO is not???
ogmilner
Posts: 11 Member
I have been living with my partner for a while and have really focused in on losing weight over the last month.
However, I'm finding it really difficult to diet and stick to low GI and minimal saturated fats during the evening when he comes home from work and at weekends.
Where I am overweight and uncomfortable in myself, he is considered underweight but struggles to gain anything, leaving him stuck at 8.5-9 stone.
At weekends I buy myself a bag of fruit juice gummy drops and a small bag of unsalted nuts from a health food shop, whereas he stocks up on sweets and crisps and gorges on them whilst we watch films/programmes together.
It doesn't bother me that he's eating them, I just find myself overly tempted to join him, and have occasionally broke my meal plan and felt guilty for sharing a pizza when it's too late to cook or having a triple chocolate cookie.
Our best weekend was when I made a bowl of Graze Pepper Popcorn and a minimal calorie Hot Chocolate for us to share as it was much healthier than me craving crisps and chocolate and we could share this as a treat.
How does everyone else deal with this?
Do you have recipes or certain snacks/meals to share with one another? Do you sit in seperate rooms? Do you go exercise whilst they munch ahead?
However, I'm finding it really difficult to diet and stick to low GI and minimal saturated fats during the evening when he comes home from work and at weekends.
Where I am overweight and uncomfortable in myself, he is considered underweight but struggles to gain anything, leaving him stuck at 8.5-9 stone.
At weekends I buy myself a bag of fruit juice gummy drops and a small bag of unsalted nuts from a health food shop, whereas he stocks up on sweets and crisps and gorges on them whilst we watch films/programmes together.
It doesn't bother me that he's eating them, I just find myself overly tempted to join him, and have occasionally broke my meal plan and felt guilty for sharing a pizza when it's too late to cook or having a triple chocolate cookie.
Our best weekend was when I made a bowl of Graze Pepper Popcorn and a minimal calorie Hot Chocolate for us to share as it was much healthier than me craving crisps and chocolate and we could share this as a treat.
How does everyone else deal with this?
Do you have recipes or certain snacks/meals to share with one another? Do you sit in seperate rooms? Do you go exercise whilst they munch ahead?
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Replies
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I eat what I eat and she eats what she eats. I cook and eat the portions I want. She eats the portions she wants.0
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Fill up on a huge healthy meal right before he gets home. Might help you stay out of his food. And don't put yourself in the 'too late to cook let's order out' position again.0
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My SO is the one who encouraged me to lose weight. He has been talking about "dieting" for sometime now but has been insisting we do something drastic like paleo or eat noting but salad and chicken, which I know I would fail at because I need variety. I basically told him if he wants to prepare / cook, go ahead, but otherwise we'll eat what I prepare since I do all the cooking. He's been pretty good about being supportive, but often eggs me on to eat unhealthy things - like when I worked out specifically so I could have a deep fried snickers at the fair and he was all lets have ice cream and this giant elephant ear too.It doesn't bother me that he's eating them, I just find myself overly tempted to join him, and have occasionally broke my meal plan and felt guilty for sharing a pizza when it's too late to cook or having a triple chocolate cookie.
I understand this. I caved and bought a pizza for lunch, ate two slices and brought the rest home to eat gradually over the weekend, and instead he ate 5 slices after we had a good dinner while talking about how delicious it was I needed to order from them more often. It was delicious. Thanks for reminding me. I'd appreciate it if you stopped eating it directly if front of me where I can smell it. I wound up having one as well, after I had told myself I wouldn't.
It's all about will power. It'll get easier as it goes along. At least I hope so!0 -
We don't eat the same thing or even eat together, or at the same time- never have. Food is no big deal to me- its fuel. Sure, we used to watch DVD's and have a big bag of doritos each, or munch a block of chocolate each- he still does but i just sit and watch. If I do get tempted I might have 1 or 2 doritos and a sip of his beer. If I'm hungry for junk- I might have a 4 cal fruit jelly/jello.
To be honest the main temption is during ovulation for me- then I'm like a bottomless carb pit- and have no time to sit about as I'm doing extra cardio to make up for the excess cals.0 -
You have to make the decision to stick to your guns... but there's no reason why you can't have a piece of pizza or a cookie too.
My husband is obese and hasn't done much to change his diet at all in the 2.5 years I've been on MFP (ok he tried for a few months, lost 10 pounds, gained it all back). He snacks on ice cream, cheese, crackers, cookies, chocolate, basically anything, at night when he watches TV. But I don't have to eat that stuff, and he doesn't have to eat my snacks. We don't share snacks anyway because I log everything I eat, so I get my own.
I make the same dinner for everyone (most nights), but that includes anything from meatloaf to burgers to pizza sometimes. I ask him what he wants, and if he actually wants something, I'll make it, I'll just make a lighter version of it, and I'll have a smaller portion. I just weigh my portion and make sure it fits in my calories and try to have something delicious at every meal so I'm less tempted to eat 'junk' after. I very rarely have snacks after dinner and no, we don't sit in different rooms. He eats right next to me while we watch TV.
I usually don't exercise when he's home, but I'd just hop on the exercise bike while we watch TV and he snacks... not a problem at all.
Bottom line is that you have to make the choice for yourself to lose weight and be healthier. I've lost 80 pounds, and I have kids too and a lot of snacks and treats and 'junk' food in the house at all times. You just got to want it hard enough.0 -
I not only eat different most of the time, my son and daughter eat other stuff too, It's no big deal and works for us. I start with a "normal" dinner and add carbs for the husband and son that I don't want to use my calories for and then my daughter eats maybe some of it or something she makes on her own. I truly don't feel tempted because I'm working for a goal and when I'm in maintenance maybe I will have something extra, but I do not even feel tempted by their sweets or extra and I don't buy anything I can't "handle", I did that once with ice cream LOL0
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I live with a DH and two lean, very active teenage boys who consume any food that gets in their path. If I ate whenever anyone else in this house was eating I'd very quickly be so huge I'd be unable to move. So I just don't do it. Period. I know the biology/science of it -- they're all men and they can eat much more than I can. That's just the way it is. So I've had to learn to be ok with them eating when I don't. When I cook we all eat the same things, I just eat a lot less than they do. They snack a LOT and I don't. Such is life.0
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My husband and I have always eaten different things (I'm vegan and he's not, he's a picky eater and I'm not), so when I began counting calories it wasn't really a big deal. If he does have something that looks good, then I'll just figure out if it will fit into my calories for the day.0
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It doesn't sound like you have a particular reason you are limiting yourself to particular kinds of foods. Find foods that you both enjoy; you should eat at a calorie deficit, he should eat at a calorie surplus. If you have trouble feeling full on smaller portions, try adding some low calorie, high volume foods to your diet. If he is having problems getting enough calories in, he should add some low volume, high calorie snacks.
Problem solved.0 -
Eating in front of the TV is a no-no for me. I find that doing something with my hands reduces the urge, a little bit of distraction goes a long ways. Greasy (salty) hands and crochet.....not good.
For meals I always have a low calorie side (ready). Typically veggies (or extra veggies) that I can add to my plate. That makes the plate more full. As for pizza, a salad starter is what I do. That reduces the urge for seconds. I can have pizza, but I normally choose 1 meat, veggies and a thin crust.0 -
I still eat the same stuff I used to before deciding to lose weight, including pizza, chips, chocolate, etc. So there's no difference on what we eat. The difference now is that my portions are smaller, while his stay at whatever he wants to eat. Also, I've learned to change my recipes a little, by using less oil when I cook... or sometimes baking the food instead of frying. I use less salt, if he feels like it's not salty enough, hey there's the salt shaker and he can add it to his plate. Small tweaks here and there. As long as I can fit all these foods into my daily calories, I'm losing weight.0
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Eating in front of the TV is a no-no for me. I find that doing something with my hands reduces the urge, a little bit of distraction goes a long ways. Greasy (salty) hands and crochet.....not good.
For meals I always have a low calorie side (ready). Typically veggies (or extra veggies) that I can add to my plate. That makes the plate more full. As for pizza, a salad starter is what I do. That reduces the urge for seconds. I can have pizza, but I normally choose 1 meat, veggies and a thin crust.
I only have plain pizza at this point, lol.
I don't get all the TV snacking, personally. It kills me inside when I buy some ice cream, and my husband scarfs it down in front of the TV... IMO you just can't really enjoy food properly if you eat while watching TV (or playing video games, or basically doing something else at the same time). The only time I still do it is when I'm really hungry and we're watching something and I know my husband would be annoyed if I took a snack break. Food it made to be enjoyed, not eaten mindlessly.0 -
I plan for pizza. I make sure I've exercised that day. He gets 5 pieces and I get 3, which I eat slowly. We have a salad with the pizza.
We share meals, but he takes more carbs and I take more non-starchy veggies. I have smaller portions of dessert as well, and we don't have dessert every night. TV snacks are small - like one Ghiradelli square, eaten slowly and mindfully.
We don't live together yet - I see him around 4 times per week. I exercise beforehand so I can give him my undivided attention.0 -
When we eat together, we each take however much we want. If he wants snacks I don't want, then I don't have them, and vice versa. We are two separate people and responsible for our own weight management and what we choose to eat.
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My OH doesn't need to lose weight. We eat the same meal in the evening (which I cook) but he has a much bigger portion than me. He will also have things like chocolate, ice cream, cheese and biscuits and hot chocolate from dinner to bedtime, whereas I have a piece of fruit, a black coffee with a splash of skimmed milk & sometimes 15g of dark chocolate for a treat.
There are always cakes, biscuits and crisps (chips) in the cupboard because he eats them as well as my 'healthy' homemade dinners. It doesn't worry me that there is 'junk' staring me in the face. It was my decision to lose weight so the onus is firmly on me to get on with it.
He's out all day so I like spending time together in the evenings. I have all day to exercise (if I want to lol).
I find the SMELL coming from a burger van when I'm out shopping far more of a temptation than 'junk' at home.0 -
My hubby is skinny and very sedentary. He is also very supportive, and knows that at this stage, I know what I'm doing and whatever food choices I make are ones I'm happy with making. I typically make dinner, and just give him a larger portion. We both make our own breakfast and lunch. He is happy eating healthier foods, so long as they are foods that he likes in general. I'll often add extra veggies to my plate, or include some spinach on the side.
As for snacks, I have my shelf, and he has his. We sometimes share, but after asking, which has helped me establish that those aren't mine to have whenever I want. He rarely eats my stuff as it's either something he doesn't like (usually the healthier stuff), or he has his own so doesn't need to sneak into my stash (no one touches my chocolate! lol). Having my own stuff too has helped me keep better track of what I'm eating and gives me lots of options to go to when I need a snack.
I agree with the above, that it really is down to you making your own choices, owning them, and doing what you need to do.0 -
DeguelloTex wrote: »I eat what I eat and she eats what she eats. I cook and eat the portions I want. She eats the portions she wants.
Same for me and my husband. I do my thing and he does his. He knows how to lose weight and wants to, but doesn't have "my willpower". It's not willpower; it's habit.
When we share a meal, either at home or take-out, we split some things like desserts and appetizers. It does suck to only be able to eat a slice of pizza because one will fit in my goal but I would be satiated with 3.0 -
For the most part, I am much like one of the above posters, I eat what I want in the portions that I want, he eats what he wants in the portions he wants. Sometimes I indulge in the same things he is eating, but most of the time I don't. When I do indulge, it is because I can fit it into my calorie goals for the day and I track it and move on.
I do experiment a lot with recipes and have discovered many that we both like and enjoy and meet my goals while still being satisfying to him.
Basically, you can't force him to eat as you do so you will have to learn to pass on the extra snacks when they don't fit into your daily goals.0 -
DeguelloTex wrote: »I eat what I eat and she eats what she eats. I cook and eat the portions I want. She eats the portions she wants.
Same for me and my husband. I do my thing and he does his. He knows how to lose weight and wants to, but doesn't have "my willpower". It's not willpower; it's habit.
When we share a meal, either at home or take-out, we split some things like desserts and appetizers. It does suck to only be able to eat a slice of pizza because one will fit in my goal but I would be satiated with 3.
This is my home as well.
We all eat the same things, but I eat less of them. I eat what fits into my goals. We make one dinner, I just measure my portion and log my food. When we watch television together we eat different things because we generally enjoy different snacks.0 -
DeguelloTex wrote: »I eat what I eat and she eats what she eats. I cook and eat the portions I want. She eats the portions she wants.
^^+1
You and your SO are two separate people. You do not both have to be "dieting."
Just eat less food than your SO does.
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You do you.0
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If you want the snacks he's having while you two are watching TV why don't you skip your fruit juice gummies and unsalted nuts and snack on what he is having? You could just pre portion it out for yourself to make sure you stat within your calories. Nuts are calorie bombs and even fruit juice gummies from the health food store are just little balls of sugar so you probably have a decent amount of calories to play with. (Note that I'm not saying either of those things are bad for you, but if you're choosing to snack on them when you really want to snack on something else I feel like you might be better served just eating the equivalent calories of what he has instead)
In the end, as you say, he has trouble putting on weight whereas you're trying to lose it. You two are going to eat differently. Just focus on your goals and do what you need to do!0 -
I went through that. It was hard. But I was determined.
Even if you don't have someone around, eating yummy foods that you can't eat, it's going to come up. The whole world isn't dieting and you're going to have to face situations where you have to say, "No, thank you" to a donut while a bunch of others eat them.
It's hard. But you can do it! And it gets easier to say No as you go along. A lot easier. 0 -
As I do all the cooking my SO eats what I eat, but just a larger portion. I weigh everything so this is made easy for us. Granted doing this he has managed to lose 14lb without trying since we moved in together a year ago, but he also still snacks. There is no unhealthy snack type food in our home, as I've struggled with binge eating in the past, except for items I dislike or am allergic to, so he will eat those in the evening or something healthy. My main advice is that you have to work out "your way" though as that is what is going to help you maintain a healthy lifestyle; I dont think of myself as "on a diet" or as "eating diet food", I eat what I want in moderation (under 1300cals 7 days a week, 1500 if I am socialising).
Pizza is a true love of mine. I always plan when I have it though, usually once in 2 weeks, often on a weekend and ALWAYS within my calories. I have taken to making my own using tortilla wraps, tom and garlic puree and whatever toppings I fancy. But I also found supermarket ones that are around 600 cals (I therefore eat the entire pizza) and just cut back on cals at breakfast/lunch/snack that day to make it work. Restricting food options when I started out this lifestyle change 2 years ago often made me more likely to binge/ fail so I dont do it now! But again I found a way that works for me.0 -
I live alone, but I've come to the hypothesis that diet foods are for (eternal) dieting.0
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I have been living with my partner for a while and have really focused in on losing weight over the last month.
However, I'm finding it really difficult to diet and stick to low GI and minimal saturated fats during the evening when he comes home from work and at weekends.
Where I am overweight and uncomfortable in myself, he is considered underweight but struggles to gain anything, leaving him stuck at 8.5-9 stone.
At weekends I buy myself a bag of fruit juice gummy drops and a small bag of unsalted nuts from a health food shop, whereas he stocks up on sweets and crisps and gorges on them whilst we watch films/programmes together.
It doesn't bother me that he's eating them, I just find myself overly tempted to join him, and have occasionally broke my meal plan and felt guilty for sharing a pizza when it's too late to cook or having a triple chocolate cookie.
Our best weekend was when I made a bowl of Graze Pepper Popcorn and a minimal calorie Hot Chocolate for us to share as it was much healthier than me craving crisps and chocolate and we could share this as a treat.
How does everyone else deal with this?
Do you have recipes or certain snacks/meals to share with one another? Do you sit in seperate rooms? Do you go exercise whilst they munch ahead?
Ordinarily, people who eat low GI eat more fats. When GI goes down, fat and protein go up. Also, check science because saturated fats are ok for us now because Science.0 -
DeguelloTex wrote: »I eat what I eat and she eats what she eats. I cook and eat the portions I want. She eats the portions she wants.
pretty much...0 -
I currently see my boyfriend on weekends, and I just eat less than he does. He has quite large dinner plates, so I usually opt to have my food (if it's a casserole type dish) in a smaller bowl - it looks like more food than it is. He usually fills the plate. I have bought some smaller plates for him for when we have chicken or steak or whatever. We also usually have ice cream at night, I have one scoop (in a small tea cup) and he has three in a bowl. I don't generally cook anything different, just take more veggies than he does.0
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But it is so unfair, isn't it? Only after coming to MFP I understood why my husband gets to stay skinny and I don't. If I ever reach my goal weight, I will only be allowed 1450 kcals at maintenance! So unfair! I do plan to let this go after my eightieth birthday though, so it is not 1450 kcals a day for life.I live with a DH and two lean, very active teenage boys who consume any food that gets in their path. If I ate whenever anyone else in this house was eating I'd very quickly be so huge I'd be unable to move. So I just don't do it. Period. I know the biology/science of it -- they're all men and they can eat much more than I can. That's just the way it is. So I've had to learn to be ok with them eating when I don't. When I cook we all eat the same things, I just eat a lot less than they do. They snack a LOT and I don't. Such is life.0 -
Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »DeguelloTex wrote: »I eat what I eat and she eats what she eats. I cook and eat the portions I want. She eats the portions she wants.
^^+1
You and your SO are two separate people. You do not both have to be "dieting."
Just eat less food than your SO does.
True. I'm 6'2" and my girlfriend is a foot shorter than me. Why would we eat the same? Unless you're trying to force him to diet then just stick to what you're supposed to eat. You can't eliminate calorie dense foods from the world. You just need to decide if this is important to you and do it.
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