Second Child..I don't get it

KCookN

Coming back to this app is my last resort, I am at a loss. My first child I weighed 162lbs, gained 35, and lost it in 3 monthe on top of a few extra pounds lost. My second child who is 20months I started at 172 and gained 60+ pounds. I worked my butt off to lose the weight and managed to get down to 194 from 206 after birth. That was a 3 month time span. At that point I got frustrated and reverted back to purging because when in doubt that has always helped in the past. Well...I ballooned back up to 204 in 2 months. So for the past month I have been trying to kick my purge to the curb, eat 1200 calories, and exercise at least 4 to 5 times a week. The result? A maintain. I'm so upset I am almost in tears. I don't know if I ruined my body through the years of anorexia, bulimia but I do know I'm almost 27 and obese when I've been doing everything not to be. What can I do? No matter which route I take the scale hardly budges!! A part of me wants to revert back to bulimia because it's worked before but the other side wants to be healthy and now bulimia proved it doesn't work. So here are some things about me and maybe you can offer support or guide me:
204 lbs 5'9 recovering eating disorder and active in sports and exercise. Even when I am trying to eat healthy or not binge sometimes I mess up and do have at least a once a week purge. I try to count what I ate during the binge into my next day incase it all didn't come up. Then I exercise like a fiend to burn that off so I have normal calories to start my day.

Please help.

IsaackGMOON

Why restrict carbs? Obviously, 1200 calories and carbohydrate restriction isn't working out for you. Eat more calories (but in a deficit of course) and eat carbohydrates. They're not the devil.

You could have been inaccurately logging... were you using a food scale?

I can hear alarm bells ringing in my lizard brain... perhaps you should seek professional help?

ColinsMommaOC

http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1392905/updated-eating-disorder-resources

JeffArmstrong112

Weight loss is a slow process and it is easily frustrating. The best way I have done it is

- eat healthy (veggies, lean meat of mostly fish or chicken, grains and dark rice -- brown rice for example, no sweets, no ice cream, and cut back on the cheese -- my personal vice)
- 30 mins of cardio exercise per day

IsaackGMOON

JeffArmstrong112 wrote: »

Weight loss is a slow process and it is easily frustrating. The best way I have done it is

- eat healthy (veggies, lean meat of mostly fish or chicken, grains and dark rice -- brown rice for example, no sweets, no ice cream, and cut back on the cheese -- my personal vice)
- 30 mins of cardio exercise per day

That's not great advice for the OP's situation... no sweets / no ice cream does not mean you'll lose weight.
You lose weight by creating a caloric deficit.

Cardio is not needed for weight loss... granted, it has health benefits so it's a good idea.

LKArgh

First, get help. Both for your sake and your kids. I mean professional help. You need to talk to a therapist.
Second, your logging is very off. I seriously doubt the average bakery cupcake with frosting has 120ish calories or that a fried shrimp has less than 10 calories, to give some examples. You need to set realistic goals, like losing 1 lb per week, not try to go below the recommended calories and use a food scale, so you can get an idea of how much you are eating. And avoid generic entries from the database, they can be very off.

Jennloella

second child has nothing to do with it. I'm a mom of four. If you're "active in sports and exercise" you're likely not eating enough at 1200 calories. Without the energy to sustain that you could just be spinning your wheels. I'd suggest looking into the tdee method to determine calories and give it some time. log accurately, as in weighing everything. even when you purge you're still getting some calories. don't waste you time. Log what you've eaten, eat enough, log your exercise calories accurately (get a hrm maybe don't trust the burns on a treadmill screen)

KCookN

For the cupcake, it was a minature one which in my old times I would of eaten probably 10 of them and then threw it up. I would say that was a success and probably around the calories listed.

It might just be me, but I think a lot of the replies are condescending and not very supportive. Get help for the sake of my children? I have seeked professional help in the past, that is why I am recovering. I'm not perfect but I am a damn good mother and my eating disorder isn't even known to them.

My post is for support and guidance. I have been sick this last week so eating anything healthy or enough has been hard, but I'm managing. Not going off of my log the last 3 days of me coming back I have been eating salads for lunch and sometimes dinner, no croutons and a light dressing, with protein. I never use to eat breakfast but I got into shakes recently and they have been my go to breakfast by force.

I've had my thyroid checked and it's normal, so my only thought is trying to eat 1200 woth exercise as "normal" inducing weightloss.

Thank you.

kshama2001

We can help you with things like accurate logging, but help for disordered thinking around eating is the job for a professional. With purging weekly, you are not in recovery.

While you are looking for a therapist, maybe try yoga:

How Yoga Can Help End Binge Eating

One breath at a time, end the suffering of binge-eating

...According to Juliano, yoga gives people the skills to stay with what they are feeling, rather than turning to food to escape. People who are obese or suffering from eating disorders have a tendency to dissociate from their bodies -- to choose not to feel what they are feeling when they are angry, anxious, or sad. Often, they turn to food to numb themselves. "There's this sense that I have to feel better right now, " Juliano says. "There is a complete intolerance of what is happening right now." This need to escape unpleasant feelings triggers a binge.

When you eat to escape what you are feeling, you lose touch with the experience of eating, as well. This is one reason binges can spiral out of control. "You have no understanding that you are full, way past full, into uncomfortable, because you're so out of it," Juliano explains. "You have no connection to what you're eating. You're eating a pint of ice cream and can't even taste it. Or you go to make yourself some toast and before you know it, half the loaf is gone."

Mindful yoga directly challenges the habit of dissociating from your body and your present-moment experience. "The whole point of yoga is to stay connected to your body. You learn it through practice, through breathing, and through breathing through the sensations."

Read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-willpower/201007/how-yoga-can-help-end-binge-eating

I_Will_End_You

KCookN wrote: »

For the cupcake, it was a minature one which in my old times I would of eaten probably 10 of them and then threw it up. I would say that was a success and probably around the calories listed.

It might just be me, but I think a lot of the replies are condescending and not very supportive. Get help for the sake of my children? I have seeked professional help in the past, that is why I am recovering. I'm not perfect but I am a damn good mother and my eating disorder isn't even known to them.

My post is for support and guidance. I have been sick this last week so eating anything healthy or enough has been hard, but I'm managing. Not going off of my log the last 3 days of me coming back I have been eating salads for lunch and sometimes dinner, no croutons and a light dressing, with protein. I never use to eat breakfast but I got into shakes recently and they have been my go to breakfast by force.

I've had my thyroid checked and it's normal, so my only thought is trying to eat 1200 woth exercise as "normal" inducing weightloss.

Thank you.

How is that even remotely condescending? All of the replies have been honest and supportive, not sure what else you want people to say.

csuhar

KCookN wrote: »

It might just be me, but I think a lot of the replies are condescending and not very supportive. Get help for the sake of my children? I have seeked professional help in the past, that is why I am recovering. I'm not perfect but I am a damn good mother and my eating disorder isn't even known to them.

I see you've sought help in the past, but have you sought professional assistance after your second child?

The reason I ask is that I had one individual who used to work for me who had two kids and was able to bounce back after both of them. But after her third pregnancy, she simply couldn't get her body back to what it had been (at least, not with the same methods). I didn't press her for more details, so I can't tell you why that happened, but I do know that there was some form of physiological change that happened during / after that particular pregnancy.

juliegilburd

Full disclosure: I'm not a doctor, nutritionist, or psychologist. However, your post moved me to reply with my opinion. Take it as you will.

If you're eating 1200 *net* calories, that's (probably) fine, but if you're eating 1200 and exercising on top of that, you're (likely) not giving yourself enough energy to work with. I would recommend promising yourself that you'll put away the scale for a period of time (say, one month, to start out with), pledge to log accurately and consistently, and then see where you're really at weight-wise one month later. As some people have or will point out, it's incredibly easy to miscalculate what your food intake is. Don't forget liquid calories; make sure you're really eating "one" serving of foods that come out of a larger container - things like that. It's good that you recognize that bulimia isn't the answer, but make sure that you really believe it. I would suggest to work on the mental aspect before worrying any more about the number on the scale. You can make progress! Find support where you can and (not to sound cheesy, but...) believe in yourself! One step at a time.

Serah87

OP you say you recovering, but yet still purge. Get help OP, see link above.

Good luck OP.

vivmom2014

I don't think that anyone is denigrating your mothering skills. It's just that kids pick up on stress signals, and tend to know a lot more about a situation than we think. And you're really stressed about this.

KCookN

Maybe I misconstrued the mother comment, but I took it as condescending. As for the recent posts minus one in particular, thank you it has been very helpful!

Purging once a week is recovery. I went years without it. Then it hiccups every now and again. The psychologist and specialist I saw for the eating disorder assured me it's all part of the mental, not physical, game. Each day with no purge IS RECOVERY. But thank you for you unintelligent comment serah.

I think I should measure myself as I do feel smaller and I feel more "fit" then I have ever been. A lot of people assume I weigh in the 170lb range, but are shocked when I tell them the true number. I will try upping my calorie intake, but I do try to track accurately. The fried shrimp wasn't actually suppose to be inputted, I was researching how many calories didn't notice it went in. I no longer drink soda, except for the gatorade when I felt dehydrated thanks to this bug I have. I have increased my water tremendously as I never use to drink plain water.

These last few posts have really been helpful. Thank you all

maidentl

vivmom2014 wrote: »

I don't think that anyone is denigrating your mothering skills. It's just that kids pick up on stress signals, and tend to know a lot more about a situation than we think. And you're really stressed about this.

I didn't take it as condescending either. I took it more as, if you don't take care of yourself and your health, then you won't be there for your children. Purging can be dangerous.

tomatoey

I think the thing is that not many people here are experienced with helping people with an ED past (and I guess, present - you said you purge at least once a week). Nobody wants to steer you wrong, know what I mean? Stuff we do might be a trigger for you or make things worse in other ways.

If you don't want to do therapy, maybe a support group would feel better for you?

http://www.anad.org/eating-disorders-get-help/eating-disorders-support-groups/

MireyGal76

At your height (5'9") age (26) and weight (206lbs) - your daily caloric expenditure is approximately 2100 calories, assuming a sedentary lifestyle.

You say that you are aiming for a 1200 cal a day goal - which in my opinion, is too restrictive - ESPECIALLY for someone recovering from an ED.

I am 6'1" and NEED to eat. My mom struggled her whole life with an eating disorder (binging, but not purging) and I watched her struggle from low calorie crash diet to low calorie crash diet. I watched her hide food when she thought no one was looking. I went with her to OA classes, HOW classes, and every other program she could think of. I have a disordered relationship with food, and look to it for emotional comfort.

When I restrict my calories, I get cranky, emotional, angry. The more I restrict them, the worse it gets, and I always end up going off the rails. It wasn't til I started adjusting my mindset that I started seeing success.

I am currently maintaining at around 2200 cals a day. This is a struggle for me at times, but it's enough to allow me to have treats, yummy foods etc.

AT YOUR HEIGHT, I strongly believe you NEED more food per day. Try increasing your calories - allow yourself more food each day - allow yourself some room for treats - and perhaps it will help you manage your need to binge and purge.

I have two kids - and I know they see me logging my food. I am doing my best to not teach them the unhealthy patterns I learned from my mom. I really hope you're able to kick this before they are too old, because they WILL know. They just will.

http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1343719/get-rich-quick/p1

MireyGal76

Further to the above... increasing your daily limit may cause your weight to spike at first. Don't freak out, give it time.

But please, please consider trying what I suggested - even for a few weeks. I cannot even imagine eating <1200 calories a day - ESPECIALLY when you are as active as you are. It would kill my energy, it would drive me into depression, and I would TOTALLY binge. I couldn't do it.

You are clearly determined, and for that I give you kudos, but I strongly request that you bump up your cals, reduce your focus on your weight and try for a few months to focus instead on healthy eating.

I know, as a kid... I'd have given anything to have a happy mom who was 50 pounds over weight, than my miserable, binge eating mom, whose weight fluctuated +- 75 pounds, depending on how badly she hated herself.

kshama2001

MireyGal76 wrote: »

At your height (5'9") age (26) and weight (206lbs) - your daily caloric expenditure is approximately 2100 calories, assuming a sedentary lifestyle.

You say that you are aiming for a 1200 cal a day goal - which in my opinion, is too restrictive - ESPECIALLY for someone recovering from an ED.

I am 6'1" and NEED to eat. My mom struggled her whole life with an eating disorder (binging, but not purging) and I watched her struggle from low calorie crash diet to low calorie crash diet. I watched her hide food when she thought no one was looking. I went with her to OA classes, HOW classes, and every other program she could think of. I have a disordered relationship with food, and look to it for emotional comfort.

When I restrict my calories, I get cranky, emotional, angry. The more I restrict them, the worse it gets, and I always end up going off the rails. It wasn't til I started adjusting my mindset that I started seeing success.

I am currently maintaining at around 2200 cals a day. This is a struggle for me at times, but it's enough to allow me to have treats, yummy foods etc.

AT YOUR HEIGHT, I strongly believe you NEED more food per day. Try increasing your calories - allow yourself more food each day - allow yourself some room for treats - and perhaps it will help you manage your need to binge and purge.

I have two kids - and I know they see me logging my food. I am doing my best to not teach them the unhealthy patterns I learned from my mom. I really hope you're able to kick this before they are too old, because they WILL know. They just will.

http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1343719/get-rich-quick/p1

@KCookN I missed that you are more than two inches taller than me. I'm losing weight on 1500 calories per day before exercise, and I exercise. I set my goal to lose 1 pound per week, which creates a calorie deficit I can manage without suffering.

LKArgh

KCookN wrote: »

For the cupcake, it was a minature one which in my old times I would of eaten probably 10 of them and then threw it up. I would say that was a success and probably around the calories listed.

It might just be me, but I think a lot of the replies are condescending and not very supportive. Get help for the sake of my children? I have seeked professional help in the past, that is why I am recovering. I'm not perfect but I am a damn good mother and my eating disorder isn't even known to them.

My post is for support and guidance. I have been sick this last week so eating anything healthy or enough has been hard, but I'm managing. Not going off of my log the last 3 days of me coming back I have been eating salads for lunch and sometimes dinner, no croutons and a light dressing, with protein. I never use to eat breakfast but I got into shakes recently and they have been my go to breakfast by force.

I've had my thyroid checked and it's normal, so my only thought is trying to eat 1200 woth exercise as "normal" inducing weightloss.

Thank you.

Having a behavioural disorder (or an eating disorder in your case) and seeking help for it, is not something to be ashamed of. I have several autoimmune illnesses, and I seek help from an endocrinologist and a physician. I am dealing with extreme stress and anxiety, so I seek help from a therapist. I can see no difference between the two. You say you weekly purge and do not know how to return to a healthy weight with "normal" eating habits. So, a professional could help you deal with it. Same as I would suggest you seek a dentist if your tooth was in pain or a physical therapist if your back was troubling you. The word "therapy" is not an insult and definitely not a judgement to your parenting skills! I am always shocked when I realise that people see therapy as a "bad" word or a judgement, I am not implying you are "crazy" and unable to take care of yourself or your family. But realistically, having a child , and even "worse" more than one young kids, does add stress, and makes it harder to deal with preexisting issues, for all of us. A few sessions with a professional might be all the push in the right direction needed.
As for the rest: your average food intake is way higher than what you think it is. A food scale would help. I know you doubt this, but it really does help and it does not imply you do not know how to log or how to estimate portions in general. It happens at some point for most of the posters here. We all have at some point thought that e.g. we were eating what we thought was 1 serving of cereal and then a scale revealed it actually was 3. Or we all have thought at some point that the generic entry we found for e.g. one sandwich was close to what we planned for lunch, and then when weighting the ingredients we realised we were off by 300 calories. It happens to everyone. If you are not losing, you are eating at maintenance, so nowhere close to 1200 on average.

cafeaulait7

It might be the binge before the purge that is causing the lack of weight loss. But any binger is going to binge on 1200 calories!

You have to try to eat a higher number and maybe bank some of the higher calories ahead of time for a planned big treat or two once a week or something? It totally depends on how you are in recovery, how triggers go for you. But if you could eat one mini cupcake, maybe you could bank them That's more than hard!

Or eat at the higher number and fit in the smaller treats each day. I have a harder time doing that myself. I haven't binged and purged in over 20 years, but I still prefer a big dessert once a week to something too small and tempting once a day. Good luck!!