Time for Change

Renaud_M

Hi there,

My name's Renaud, I'm 27. Until recently I was quite happy in life: studies going well, a job, a lovely girlfriend with a lot of common with me and who accepts me despite my weight. I tried to take care of myself the best I could, even if I've never been very self-confident (mainly because of my weight),

Then things went a little wrong. Too much work (5days at university + weekends at work, non-stop during a whole year), causing stress, anxiety, etc... I started to let go, to neglect myself. My GF asked me to take the bull by the horns, tried to cheer me up, to encourage me. In vain. I couldn't pull myself together. I actually did a burnout, then a minor depression.
But things were all right. I still had a job, a girlfriend, and soon a B.Sc. in my pocket. I thought everything would get better after that. We were talking about moving in together, getting engaged.

She left me 4 weeks ago, after 3 years of relationship. She said she couldn't take it anymore, that my problems exhausted her and degraded her feelings. I don't know if I can trust her since she met another guy right before she dumped me and things seems to get serious between them...

anyway, I've been totaly apathetic for 3 weeks. I couldn't eat, sleep, think or stop crying. Everyday since, I wished I could be dead, I hated myself so much for letting things happen...

Now I'm starting to get "better" (not really, but I'm no longer apathetic). I finally decided to do the things I should have done long ago.
I have to lose weight, to get fit, to be happy of what I am and what I look like, to gain self-esteem...
I know it's too late to save my relationship. I'm not doing this for her, but for myself. I can't stand being a fat lazy guy anymore. I know that someday I'll forget her, find another girl, but I don't want this to happen again. never.

****
As you can imagine, I'm here to get advices and support (most of my friends have never been overweighted and can't understand what I'm feeling). I'm also a great listener and supporter

Renaud_M

Hullo? Anyone?

dhertling

Well you sound as if you are on the right track. Just keep in mind what you have accomplished and not what you have not. I tell myself everyday the one thing I have control over is what I put in my mouth. You can do it and do it for you!

kdv160

Hi! I totally relate to the depression and weight gain... You can DO this! Friend me if you want.. I'll b a listening ear and support on your NEW YOU journey! You can help me stay on track too! Welcome!!!

Kittyvicious1

Hey, what matters is you take care of yourself. Sorry to hear about your breakup. I have been married for 13yrs
and believe me it has not been easy. The right person would stick it out through thick and thin literaly and all the ups and downs.
Take the time and focus on yourself and try to be happy and look at life positive and all you have accomplished and are able to/will accomplish.

Good luck!

marysowter

hello and welcome ,you have taken the first step in realising you need to get back on track emotionally and health wise.I am a mum of two young adults and though I say so myself, I have not done a bad job! I am a good listener,do not judge and offer support! Please feel free to add me if you so wish.Take care ,smile and be happy:happy: xx

iEddaddy

I too was in a similar situation and my suggestion is to turn all that sadness and misery to hate. And use that hate to fuel your workouts. At least that's what worked for me. I pounded out a few hundred pushups and situps all fueled by anger. So that's a way to turn the negative into a positive and it worked for me.

naebee67

I am so sorry for the loss of your girlfriend. If she truly cared she would still be there. Let that go and focus on yourself. I am 45 years old and I think I am feeling much the same way as you are and I got that way from focusing on everyone but me. I feel I am so fat and I know if I am not happy with myself I want be happy about anything. It is really all about being healthy though. I can't write much right now, but I would really like to support each other in this journey. My advice right now is to get out there today and do something fun and peaceful, maybe something you have always wanted to but haven't. Friend me if you like

leebesstoad

Hi Renaud -- I saw your post very early this morning (well late last night) and started to answer but I needed some sleep so I said I'd do it today. I'm a bear without at least 3-4 hours of sleep.

Trust me, I've been where you are. The lack of self-confidence. The not liking yourself. The wishing you were dead. Been there, done that, have the t-shirt to show it. So what I'm about to tell you may not be easy to hear, it may not be what others will tell you, but I can tell you is the honest truth. Living with someone who constantly puts themselves down, who lacks confidence, who doesn't see anything good about themselves, is so emotionally draining on a partner it can drive them away. This is exactly what I told someone else here yesterday who was doing the same thing. I warned her she could eventually drive her bf away. I know, I did it and was driving friends and people who cared for me and loved me away from me. So the one thing you have to just do is STOP!!!!. Stop those negative voices in your head which tell you that you are fat, that say you aren't worthy, that belittle you and drive away any self-confidence. Don't listen to them. Shut them out of your mind. It's hard, I know. I have that t-shirt too. But you can do it. One step at a time.

You've taken the first step here, and that is huge, that is tremendous and should be celebrated. So congratulations.. You can do this and with MFP and the people here to help and support you.

If you want someone who will always tell you like I see it, someone who has been there, please feel free to add me as a friend. I don't sugar coat things, and I will kick you in the but when needed, but I also make sure that you take time to celebrate the little victories and pick yourself up WHEN you stumble. And you will stumble because we all do. Every last one of us. It's picking yourself up and having people to help you back up that makes all the difference. But too many people also don't celebrate the small wins, the NSVs. And those are what can keep us going. So celebrate every small win, too.

There's a story that Leo McGarry told on the West Wing TV show a few years ago that I think may apply to me:

"This guy's walking down a street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep, he can't get out. A doctor passes by, and the guy shouts up, "Hey you, can you help me out?" The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a priest comes along, and the guy shouts up "Father, I'm down in this hole, can you help me out?" The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a friend walks by. "Hey Joe, it's me, can you help me out?" And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, "Are you stupid? Now we're both down here." The friend says, "Yeah, but I've been down here before, and I know the way out." "

Good luck. You can do it.

marciebrian

Hi! I totally relate to the depression and weight gain... You can DO this! Friend me if you want.. I'll b a listening ear and support on your NEW YOU journey! You can help me stay on track too! Welcome!!!

what she said :flowerforyou: I'm here and check in every day. If you need to share or I can help, we're all here for you. Congratulations on taking control and you'll do this because you'll want to! Good luck to you and welcome to MFP

Renaud_M

Thanks a lot for your answers (and sorry for coming back so late, I couldn't find the topic...)