The downside of being fit and in shape...
dedicatedfitness3244
Posts: 4 Member
After a year I have went from 165lbs to 135lbs. I am 24 years old. This is the smallest I've been in my adult life and I feel great. I look better in all of my clothes, post photos of myself online and enjoy the increased energy. However there is a major downside to being slim which is I am often slut shamed by my mother and others in my community. She has been calling me a *kitten* and a slut. I have worn casual dresses that were form fitted but came below the knee and have had my mother show absolute disapproval. Even though I'm slim, I'm still curvy and my body itself just doesn't seem appropriate to her. There's not much I can do and I don't think I should compromise my feminity and wear a potato bag. I'm also young and I don't want to dress like a church marm but at the same time I do realize I need to keep things classy which I do. But just the disapproval I get from her when I wear a knee or slightly above knee length skirt is hurtful. Even my father has called me a prostitute. The clothes I'm wearing is rather on the conservative side, a denim mini skirt with a blouse. I guess the only way a woman can come across as chaste is to be fat and overweight? Because that is the impression I'm getting..
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Replies
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Your parents sound horrible.0
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Meh, wear what you want.
Who cares what anyone else thinks about what you wear? You're a grown woman.0 -
Time to stop talking to the parents then.0
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That's certainly not normal where I live (or even in the more conservative areas where I grew up and have relatives). Just try to ignore it, and I'm sorry you have parents who would speak that way to you.0
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Umm...I'm trying to think of advice for you. Hold on...
But congrats on your loss!0 -
It's hard to change social values, And frankly, those people are probably all adults. If they haven't learned manners by now, it's probably not gonna happen anymore.
Not much to do other than move away to somewhere people keep their opinion to themselves.0 -
I'm honestly amazed losing 30lbs makes people feel they can call you a slut. You think you've heard everything.
Well done OP for working hard and feeling proud of your achievement. Carry on wearing clothes you like and expressing yourself how you want to.0 -
dedicatedfitness3244 wrote: »After a year I have went from 165lbs to 135lbs. I am 24 years old. This is the smallest I've been in my adult life and I feel great. I look better in all of my clothes, post photos of myself online and enjoy the increased energy. However there is a major downside to being slim which is I am often slut shamed by my mother and others in my community. She has been calling me a *kitten* and a slut. I have worn casual dresses that were form fitted but came below the knee and have had my mother show absolute disapproval. Even though I'm slim, I'm still curvy and my body itself just doesn't seem appropriate to her. There's not much I can do and I don't think I should compromise my feminity and wear a potato bag. I'm also young and I don't want to dress like a church marm but at the same time I do realize I need to keep things classy which I do. But just the disapproval I get from her when I wear a knee or slightly above knee length skirt is hurtful. Even my father has called me a prostitute. The clothes I'm wearing is rather on the conservative side, a denim mini skirt with a blouse. I guess the only way a woman can come across as chaste is to be fat and overweight? Because that is the impression I'm getting..
The bad news are your parents are abusive. The good news are you are an adult and can move away from them - and if you cannot financially, then start saving. And if it is normal for people to act this way where you live, seriously consider moving in a different city.0 -
That's not normal parent behavior. Your parents have issues. (Mine do too, it's no fun). They should be happy that their child is healthy, not try to stop it.0
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I live in a conservative town in a conservative state. I have two kids. I'm supposed to be (according to various folks) too old for:
1. Red lipstick and/or winged eyeliner
2. Nail art
3. Short shorts/mini skirts
4. Cursing
I don't give a feck what anyone thinks. I will wear and say whatever I want.
That's the beauty of being an adult.
You do you and stop worrying about worthless slut-shamers.
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Is everyone where you live a horrible person? I vote for moving.0
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dedicatedfitness3244 wrote: »After a year I have went from 165lbs to 135lbs. I am 24 years old. This is the smallest I've been in my adult life and I feel great. I look better in all of my clothes, post photos of myself online and enjoy the increased energy. However there is a major downside to being slim which is I am often slut shamed by my mother and others in my community. She has been calling me a *kitten* and a slut. I have worn casual dresses that were form fitted but came below the knee and have had my mother show absolute disapproval. Even though I'm slim, I'm still curvy and my body itself just doesn't seem appropriate to her. There's not much I can do and I don't think I should compromise my feminity and wear a potato bag. I'm also young and I don't want to dress like a church marm but at the same time I do realize I need to keep things classy which I do. But just the disapproval I get from her when I wear a knee or slightly above knee length skirt is hurtful. Even my father has called me a prostitute. The clothes I'm wearing is rather on the conservative side, a denim mini skirt with a blouse. I guess the only way a woman can come across as chaste is to be fat and overweight? Because that is the impression I'm getting..
Time to move out?? you are 24 .... should of been gone 2 years ago IMO.
I'd speak with your parents about how you feel.0 -
Ironically I thought being a slut meant you had to sleep with a lot of people. I had *no* idea it had anything to do with losing weight! /eyeroll.
Seriously, what a vile place to live. I'd be tempted to make a few sniping comments as to their weight, but I don't think that's going to help any. I guess try to blank them out, consider moving the F away from that place and enjoy your new figure? Those people are a complete buzzkill and depressing after doing all that work to make yourself healthy - my sympathies.0 -
Ask trusted friends whose clothing you like. Go shopping with your friends. Your parents are probably just worried some creeper will come after you. News for them: creepers will go after anyone they see as an easy target.0
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Well, you're a big girl now and perfectly capable of choosing your own clothes. It's hard to hear a parents disapproval, but this sounds like they are having a hard time not being able to control what you do anymore....seeing as your grown. That's their issue. Not yours.
If I were you I would be setting up some boundaries with them now as far as what's appropriate to say and what they get to have opinions on. If you don't, what will they interject with when you want to get married (if you're not now) or you have children? You can do it respectfully, but still being firm.
As far as the neighbors go....screw them. Seriously. Who cares? If all they have going on is criticizing you, then let them have at it.
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Sounds kinda like my family. I spent my life doing things to please my mother, and longing to hear her praise, just once in a while, instead of the constant fault finding. When she died, I realized how much of my life had been spent ignoring my needs and trying to please her. I love her still, and I miss her a lot, but I had to learn to be me. Try to find something about your mother to love and respect. Hang on to that, and do your best to let the negative comments and attitudes go down the drain. Others in your community will learn who you are by your words and deeds, and will appreciate you. I know the negative comments hurt, but remember, they are not YOU.0
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Tedebearduff wrote: »dedicatedfitness3244 wrote: »After a year I have went from 165lbs to 135lbs. I am 24 years old. This is the smallest I've been in my adult life and I feel great. I look better in all of my clothes, post photos of myself online and enjoy the increased energy. However there is a major downside to being slim which is I am often slut shamed by my mother and others in my community. She has been calling me a *kitten* and a slut. I have worn casual dresses that were form fitted but came below the knee and have had my mother show absolute disapproval. Even though I'm slim, I'm still curvy and my body itself just doesn't seem appropriate to her. There's not much I can do and I don't think I should compromise my feminity and wear a potato bag. I'm also young and I don't want to dress like a church marm but at the same time I do realize I need to keep things classy which I do. But just the disapproval I get from her when I wear a knee or slightly above knee length skirt is hurtful. Even my father has called me a prostitute. The clothes I'm wearing is rather on the conservative side, a denim mini skirt with a blouse. I guess the only way a woman can come across as chaste is to be fat and overweight? Because that is the impression I'm getting..
Time to move out?? you are 24 .... should of been gone 2 years ago IMO.
I'd speak with your parents about how you feel.
I had moved out at that age, but if I stopped by, my dad would send me home "to change." In high school he complained that I wore clothes that were too baggy and no guy would like me, fashions changed and my clothes were too revealing.....
Yet after I gained some weight due to physical issues in the last 15 years I'd get lectured on how obesity is ruining our country.
My parents just have issues.0 -
I had moved out at that age, but if I stopped by, my dad would send me home "to change."
you are simply an idiot, the time to move out is 18-19. As for the girls the time to look up miniskirts is 18-78
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This is when I stop by and talk to her on the phoneTedebearduff wrote: »dedicatedfitness3244 wrote: »After a year I have went from 165lbs to 135lbs. I am 24 years old. This is the smallest I've been in my adult life and I feel great. I look better in all of my clothes, post photos of myself online and enjoy the increased energy. However there is a major downside to being slim which is I am often slut shamed by my mother and others in my community. She has been calling me a *kitten* and a slut. I have worn casual dresses that were form fitted but came below the knee and have had my mother show absolute disapproval. Even though I'm slim, I'm still curvy and my body itself just doesn't seem appropriate to her. There's not much I can do and I don't think I should compromise my feminity and wear a potato bag. I'm also young and I don't want to dress like a church marm but at the same time I do realize I need to keep things classy which I do. But just the disapproval I get from her when I wear a knee or slightly above knee length skirt is hurtful. Even my father has called me a prostitute. The clothes I'm wearing is rather on the conservative side, a denim mini skirt with a blouse. I guess the only way a woman can come across as chaste is to be fat and overweight? Because that is the impression I'm getting..
Time to move out?? you are 24 .... should of been gone 2 years ago IMO.
I'd speak with your parents about how you feel.
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dedicatedfitness3244 wrote: »
This is when I stop by and talk to her on the phoneTedebearduff wrote: »dedicatedfitness3244 wrote: »After a year I have went from 165lbs to 135lbs. I am 24 years old. This is the smallest I've been in my adult life and I feel great. I look better in all of my clothes, post photos of myself online and enjoy the increased energy. However there is a major downside to being slim which is I am often slut shamed by my mother and others in my community. She has been calling me a *kitten* and a slut. I have worn casual dresses that were form fitted but came below the knee and have had my mother show absolute disapproval. Even though I'm slim, I'm still curvy and my body itself just doesn't seem appropriate to her. There's not much I can do and I don't think I should compromise my feminity and wear a potato bag. I'm also young and I don't want to dress like a church marm but at the same time I do realize I need to keep things classy which I do. But just the disapproval I get from her when I wear a knee or slightly above knee length skirt is hurtful. Even my father has called me a prostitute. The clothes I'm wearing is rather on the conservative side, a denim mini skirt with a blouse. I guess the only way a woman can come across as chaste is to be fat and overweight? Because that is the impression I'm getting..
Time to move out?? you are 24 .... should of been gone 2 years ago IMO.
I'd speak with your parents about how you feel.
I can tell you from experience, this will only get better when you stand up to them. How would you react if anyone else called you a *kitten*? Probably with anger and horror, right? Your parents deserve no less. They'll either cut it out or you may end up breaking ties indefinitely but you should not allow the behavior to continue.
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Who cares.
You're 24 and a woman and its time to stand up for yourself and make everyone respect you.
You earned that body.
And I know from my own experience that family does indeed get jealous when you become better than them.
Sorry to say but my Mom acted jealous even though she never once put me down.
So you have to ask yourself,
Are you going to let these negative influences put bugs into your head until you feel like you have no support system and sabotage yourself?
Or are you going to take a stand as a 24 year old woman and give your parents the choice of either respecting you and your decisions
Or take your space?
The choice is yours and I know you want your parents around.
But if your parents can't respect you,
How will you expect anyone else to?
Home is were the heart is.
And it may be time to pack your bags and put boundaries between you guys if they choose not to have some respect.
Take it from me. I'm 22 and live in Canada alone.
No headaches or disrespect. I'm close with my family, but its time for ME now and to make my own life.
So I hope that your family will choose to support you. Because disrespect just isn't worth damaging your spirit when you can finaaally feel beautiful. It's your time. xo0 -
Your title is wrong. It should be "The downside of having terrible people as parents."
OP, you are an adult. You don't have to associate with people who treat you poorly, family or not. I would suggest telling your parents that the next time they make negative remarks about your appearance, you will cut the conversation short and refrain from talking to them. It's up to you whether you want to put a time limit on the timeout but keep in mind that people your parents' age generally don't change their ways. Then, when they make a remark, which they definitely will, hang up or walk out and stand by the no contact rule. You will probably feel bad about it at first but after a few weeks you'll feel a lot better.0 -
I'm only saying this because you mentioned church. Ask your parents if Jesus would approve of their judgements and name calling......I'm sorry you have do deal with this from family. Congrats on your loss.0
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Just move out.0
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The impression I'm getting is that you are surrounded by horrible people and need to stop caring about what horrible people think of your appearance. You are 24. You can wear whatever you want.
What you wear or your weight does not reflect how much sex you are having or with whom.
If someone ever called me a *kitten*, slut or prostitute because of my clothing they would be out of my life that day. I don't care if I was wearing a bikini to church and they had given birth to me. It is not acceptable to talk to people that way.
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Your 24 years old. Live your life. Ignore them.. if you have to bring your sexy and slutty outfits in your purse to avoid their criticizing and confrontation do it. Your probably looking really sexy.. flaunt it. See ya.0
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There just jealous anyway because you look good. Your 24 do what is best for you.0
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kiittenforever wrote: »Your 24 years old. Live your life. Ignore them.. if you have to bring your sexy and slutty outfits in your purse to avoid their criticizing and confrontation do it. Your probably looking really sexy.. flaunt it. See ya.
What? :huh:0 -
Your title is wrong. It should be "The downside of having terrible people as parents."
OP, you are an adult. You don't have to associate with people who treat you poorly, family or not. I would suggest telling your parents that the next time they make negative remarks about your appearance, you will cut the conversation short and refrain from talking to them. It's up to you whether you want to put a time limit on the timeout but keep in mind that people your parents' age generally don't change their ways. Then, when they make a remark, which they definitely will, hang up or walk out and stand by the no contact rule. You will probably feel bad about it at first but after a few weeks you'll feel a lot better.
Cosigned.
I had a friend who succeeded setting boundaries with an abusive parent by ending the conversation whenever he got verbally abusive, and what you are experiencing qualifies as verbal abuse.
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