Honest thought. Am I wrong?

SamanthaPeake

I've been overweight all of my adult life. I have always loved the plus size bloggers and follow what they wear and wish I had their confidence. To clarify I'm talking about the very large bloggers 250lb plus. But since I've started this weight lose journey I've started to look at them differently. I've been on diets all my life loosing a stone here and there and then always putting it back on and more within a few months. This time its so different. I'm weighing myself which I've never done before, I'm changing everything about how I eat, buy food, move, think about food. I'm cooking, I'm using MFP religiously and I'm truly starting a real journey of being fitter and thinner. Now I look at these bloggers with sympathy and I'm feeling so guilty. I suppose deep down I don't believe that they really are as happy and healthy as their blogs and photos make them out to be. I've got so much weight still to loose but now I've made the choice to change and it's really working I can finally admit to myself that I was unhealthy, unfit and unattractive and making myself ill. Am I wrong for feeling this way toward these women that have inspired me for so long. Am I projecting my negative thoughts onto them. Can you truly look and feel attractive and happy when you are obese?

Crochet180

I think (and this is my opinion only) that you're starting to realise that you're not happy being over-weight. You're enjoying the journey so far and this does have an effect on the way we see other people. However, we can never really know what someone else is thinking/feeling so I would be thinking solely about how you feel, surrounding yourself with positive, healthy images and role models and reaching out for support when you need it. How others feel is their business, how you feel is yours.

JustMissTracy

You are getting healthy...don't worry about your changing role models....when they are ready, they may also get healthy just like you...it sounds like you are doing everything right, don't stress over the little things. (The bloggers wont even know you aren't following them anymore anyways, right?)...take care, and keep up the amazing work!!

SamanthaPeake

Lovely replys. Thank you girls. You are absolutely right x

oh_happy_day

SamanthaPeake wrote: »

I've been overweight all of my adult life. I have always loved the plus size bloggers and follow what they wear and wish I had their confidence. To clarify I'm talking about the very large bloggers 250lb plus. But since I've started this weight lose journey I've started to look at them differently. I've been on diets all my life loosing a stone here and there and then always putting it back on and more within a few months. This time its so different. I'm weighing myself which I've never done before, I'm changing everything about how I eat, buy food, move, think about food. I'm cooking, I'm using MFP religiously and I'm truly starting a real journey of being fitter and thinner. Now I look at these bloggers with sympathy and I'm feeling so guilty. I suppose deep down I don't believe that they really are as happy and healthy as their blogs and photos make them out to be. I've got so much weight still to loose but now I've made the choice to change and it's really working I can finally admit to myself that I was unhealthy, unfit and unattractive and making myself ill. Am I wrong for feeling this way toward these women that have inspired me for so long. Am I projecting my negative thoughts onto them. Can you truly look and feel attractive and happy when you are obese?

Yes, you are projecting your thoughts about yourself onto them. Don't pity them, that's patronizing. I don't believe that anyone is as happy as their blog/instagram/facebook makes them out to be. That's partly social media and partly how some people earn money and create a brand. Just because you follow them on social media doesn't mean you know their internal experience. They may well be genuinely happy with themselves. I don't believe that self-confidence, self-love and happiness are dependent on your weight. For many people there may be a correlation, but just as there many thin people who profoundly lack in self-love/happiness/confidence, there are also larger people who feel truly beautiful and confident. And that's not for you to judge. Furthermore, you can love yourself and feel good about yourself and still decide at some point that you want to improve your fitness or make lifestyle changes. Whether people look attractive or not is purely subjective to whoever is looking at them. Sure there are culturally accepted standards of beauty but that varies according to the time and place. It also doesn't account for individual preferences.

snowflake930

You can only know for yourself for sure. No one can really speak for anyone else.
I am sure that there are people who love who they are and are content with their body image. Who can say they would be happier as a "normal" sized person?

Acceptance of others as they are, would make this a better world. We can only change ourselves if we are not happy with our self.

They have not changed. You are trying to change and make your life better for you, and that is great for you. No need to feel bad about changing your role models. They helped you at a time when you needed their perspective. Now you have a different view point and goal, and that is ok.

LKArgh

For health, for sure no, objectively and on the long run (not just in your teens or 20s) no one who is obese is going to be as healthy as he/she would be if he/she were thin. Of course someone obese might be healthier than someone who is much thinner, but weight adds a risk factor, so the same person by losing weight would eliminate one health risk factor from the equation.
For confidence/appearance/happiness, does it matter? Beauty and happiness are so subjective, that there is no way two people feel the same. One might find attractive someone who is morbidly obese, someone else might feel a couple of kilos above ideal is a huge turn off. Someone might be feel weight has no impact at all in happiness, someone else might believe it is something negatively affecting quality of life. What is important in life for one person might seem like an irrelevant detail to someone else.

SamanthaPeake

It's says a lot more about me than the women whose blogs I follow. I am trying to understand why I see them and myself as a victim rather than the strong confident women we are. It's a lot more than weight loss. It's about self esteem and body image. This is all so new to me. I'm trying to get me head around it.

FitMomOK

ronisweigh.com is a good blogger who used to be about weight loss but is also about self acceptance and choosing to be healthy. i also like her food/meal ideas site greenlitebites . you might enjoy her as a new positive & healthy role model.

Crochet180

SamanthaPeake wrote: »

It's says a lot more about me than the women whose blogs I follow. I am trying to understand why I see them and myself as a victim rather than the strong confident women we are. It's a lot more than weight loss. It's about self esteem and body image. This is all so new to me. I'm trying to get me head around it.

You may want to talk to someone professionally about how you percieve yourself if you feel this might be an issue. It IS a lot to get your head around and, yes, it's more than just weightloss. Don't be afraid to approach a life coach/counsellor or trusted friend who will support and guide you. You're dong a great job, keep your chin up and your eyes on the prize.

acorsaut89

Crochet180 wrote: »

I think (and this is my opinion only) that you're starting to realise that you're not happy being over-weight. You're enjoying the journey so far and this does have an effect on the way we see other people. However, we can never really know what someone else is thinking/feeling so I would be thinking solely about how you feel, surrounding yourself with positive, healthy images and role models and reaching out for support when you need it. How others feel is their business, how you feel is yours.

I agree with this. Some women may really, totally, completely, without hesitation be happy being 250+ lbs. Some might be. I can't judge them but I know for me I wasn't. Sure, I'd have a day here or there where I was like I feel great today, I have a partner who loves me and supports me, I have a great job, etc etc. But it was definitely an image I was trying to uphold. Once I started to lose weight I felt sooooo much better and I knew I was working for me.

What's more for me - and this is JUST me - I started working with a registered dietitian. I cannot say enough about her! She also works with the varsity athletes from the university here in my city and the first time I met with her she said to me "I can tell you're an athlete - the way you approach things, think about things, talk things through, explain things. You think like an athlete." And she proposed that she structure my plan in an eat to perform kind of way - I'm still losing weight buuuuut she really encouraged me to become more competitive and she was right - getting out there and running road races, boxing, cross fit, training for that goal race . . . all of brings out the athlete in me and it makes me feel better. So my point to this is maybe they do believe they're happy, but if they tried something else they might realize something else makes them waaaaay happier than "accepting" being over weight. I'm very much in favour of loving yourself and being the best version of you that you can be but at the same time, they know it's not healthy, we know it's not healthy and at some point they will probably have to do something about it. Until that time, if they're happy let them be - you don't have to feel bad for them or pity them, but don't follow them anymore. Find blogs that inspire the person you've realized you want to become. We're allowed to change - that's part of being human. Do what's best for you and let them do what's best for them.

ETA: As I went through my journey (and I'm still very much on the journey) . . . and I've lost 80lbs so far . . . I just wanted give you a heads up from my experience that your emotions will take for one crazy roller coaster of a ride. I've had days where I just want to cry and others where every single little thing annoys the crap out of me. Your emotions will sometimes get the best of you . . . it's not easy and it sucks because it's like your hormones haven't caught up to knowing how much you weigh now so they're still way over producing.

Azuriaz

I think a lot of them are happy. I hope so. A world where you have to be thin to enjoy life and feel beautiful would be a sad world.

But as far as health goes: A lot of them are young. When we're young we get away with murder as far as our eating, smoking, drinking, sleep habits, and everything else is concerned. I think that as many of them get into their 30s and especially 40s they'll have to make different choices to live long healthy lives. Which is no different from what thin people who live on pizza and vending machine fare have to do as well.

RolemodelmomT

This is an amazing thread, so insightful and honest. Thank you for opening up. I am just into my weight loss journey and from someone who is almost 300lbs I cannot even fathom what it is going to be like or feel like even 50lbs lighter, never mind 100lbs. Knowing how my brain perceives myself, I can foresee having a hard time adjusting to the weight loss and how I accept myself.

leannems

oh_happy_day wrote: »

Yes, you are projecting your thoughts about yourself onto them. Don't pity them, that's patronizing...

I didn't quote the entire thing because I didn't want to take up space, but YES YES YES. Thanks for your post. It was perfection.

SamanthaPeake

Thank you to those who have replied in the spirit this post was intended. I was not trying to patronise or shame anybody. I was simply sharing an internal dialogue I was having with myself about my own body image and was hoping others may have felt the same. I have a daughter and a younger sister. I would never EVER shame a woman due to any aspect of her appearance. Thank you for your support!

Timshel_

I think people mentally align being content with being happy. I don't ever assume to tell them otherwise or think that my happiness is better though.

Azuriaz

Chaelaz wrote: »

I think people mentally align being content with being happy. I don't ever assume to tell them otherwise or think that my happiness is better though.

I agree. But I think it takes a lot more than a nice body to be happy.

MsJulesRenee

Love them for their confidence and/or trying to be confident. Take that as your inspiration to love yourself while you're losing weight.

urloved33

I work in an office w many obese and morbidly obese people who say they are happy w ith their size...i just don';t happen to believe them.

Timshel_

Azuriaz wrote: »

Chaelaz wrote: »

I think people mentally align being content with being happy. I don't ever assume to tell them otherwise or think that my happiness is better though.

I agree. But I think it takes a lot more than a nice body to be happy.

To that end, you could say it doesn't take a nice body to be happy, which folds into the initial post of 250lbs bloggers being happy. And again, who are we to judge?

Debmal77

SamanthaPeake wrote: »

Thank you to those who have replied in the spirit this post was intended. I was not trying to patronise or shame anybody. I was simply sharing an internal dialogue I was having with myself about my own body image and was hoping others may have felt the same. I have a daughter and a younger sister. I would never EVER shame a woman due to any aspect of her appearance. Thank you for your support!

+1

arditarose

No. You can feel however you want to feel. You don't HAVE to feel sorry for them though.

Azuriaz

Chaelaz wrote: »

Azuriaz wrote: »

Chaelaz wrote: »

I think people mentally align being content with being happy. I don't ever assume to tell them otherwise or think that my happiness is better though.

I agree. But I think it takes a lot more than a nice body to be happy.

To that end, you could say it doesn't take a nice body to be happy, which folds into the initial post of 250lbs bloggers being happy. And again, who are we to judge?

And I agree with this, too. Definitely not judging!

SamanthaPeake

MsJulesRenee wrote: »

Love them for their confidence and/or trying to be confident. Take that as your inspiration to love yourself while you're losing weight.

Good advice x

sashayoung72

I am going to be honest, I had similar feelings about one blogger in particular. I don't know that I was projecting my feelings onto this individual but I felt she was not only lying about her true weight but also the healthy eating and working out she was claiming. And then I realized it wasn't really about her weight or size. I might not have met her, but I just don't think I liked her. And that's fine. she probably wouldn't like me. LOL and if we met in person and I saw the true her, not the internet/tv whatever the world wanted to show, we might be BFF's.

oh_happy_day

SamanthaPeake wrote: »

Thank you to those who have replied in the spirit this post was intended. I was not trying to patronise or shame anybody. I was simply sharing an internal dialogue I was having with myself about my own body image and was hoping others may have felt the same. I have a daughter and a younger sister. I would never EVER shame a woman due to any aspect of her appearance. Thank you for your support!

I didn't say that you were shaming them. I pointed out that feeling pity (you've since edited your post and put sympathy rather than pity) for them is kind of patronizing considering you don't know their internal experience. I appreciate that you have many conflicting feelings about this, it's a tough one!

SamanthaPeake

oh_happy_day wrote: »

SamanthaPeake wrote: »

Thank you to those who have replied in the spirit this post was intended. I was not trying to patronise or shame anybody. I was simply sharing an internal dialogue I was having with myself about my own body image and was hoping others may have felt the same. I have a daughter and a younger sister. I would never EVER shame a woman due to any aspect of her appearance. Thank you for your support!

I didn't say that you were shaming them. I pointed out that feeling pity (you've since edited your post and put sympathy rather than pity) for them is kind of patronizing considering you don't know their internal experience. I appreciate that you have many conflicting feelings about this, it's a tough one!

I did not edit my post! Not one word. You read it differently.

oh_happy_day

MsJulesRenee wrote: »

Love them for their confidence and/or trying to be confident. Take that as your inspiration to love yourself while you're losing weight.

I like that. And also, we have more than just our bodies. People can have confidence and self-love because of who they are, not just how they look.

SpleenThief

How you feel about someone is how you feel about someone. You should never feel guilty for that. You need to do what's right for you. Again, that's not something you should ever feel guilty about. Are these women TRULY happy as they are? It's impossible for us to say.

SCP0914

I understand what you're saying, I noticed I've sort of been the same way. While I still think plus size models look beautiful, I find myself thinking "you could be so much healthier and happier."
Trust me, I'm all about the mantra that women of all shapes and sizes are beautiful. But I also get irked when people sort of just accept an unhealthy lifestyle. There is a big difference between being comfortable with yourself/loving your body and accepting an unhealthy way of life just because it's easier than making healthy choices. Considering I've been technically morbidly obese most of my life, there's not an ounce of judgment. More of a "I wish you knew that you could do this too" sort of thing.

PennyVonDread

I think it's kind of gross personally to project your own internalized fat hate onto others. Don't discredit the happiness of anyone because of your own personal unhappiness.